Yvettereplied:
\"Isawyou，mamma，lastnight。Youcannot——ifyouknew——wewillbothgoaway。Iwillloveyousomuchthatyouwillforget——\"
MadameObardisaidinatremblingvoice:\"Listen，my，daughter，therearesomethingswhichyoudonotyetunderstand。Well，don\'tforget——don\'tforget-thatIforbidyouevertospeaktomeaboutthosethings。\"
Buttheyounggirl，brusquelytakingtheroleofsaviorwhichshehadimposeduponherself，rejoined:
\"No，mamma，Iamnolongerachild，andIhavetherighttoknow。I
knowthatwereceivepersonsofbadrepute，adventurers，andIknowthat，onthataccount，peopledonotrespectus。Iknowmore。Well，itmustnotbe，anylonger，doyouhear？Idonotwishit。Wewillgoaway:youwillsellyourjewels；wewillwork，ifneedbe，andwewillliveashonestwomen，somewhereveryfaraway。AndifIcanmarry，somuchthebetter。\"
Sheanswered:\"Youarecrazy。Youwilldomethefavortoriseandcomedowntobreakfastwithalltherest。\"
\"No，mamma。ThereissomeonewhomIshallneverseeagain，youunderstandme。Iwanthimtoleave，orIshallleave。Youshallchoosebetweenhimandme。\"
Shewassittingupinbed，andsheraisedhervoice，speakingastheydoonthestage，playing，finally，thedramawhichshehaddreamed，almostforgettinghergriefintheefforttofulfillhermission。
TheMarquise，stupefied，againrepeated:\"Youarecrazy——\"notfindinganythingelsetosay。
Yvetterepliedwithatheatricalenergy:\"No，mamma，thatmanshallleavethehouse，orIshallgomyself，forIwillnotweaken。\"
\"Andwherewillyougo？Whatwillyoudo？\"
\"Idonotknow，itmatterslittle——Iwantyoutobeanhonestwoman。\"
Thesewordswhichrecurred，arousedintheMarquiseaperfectfury，andshecried:
\"Besilent。Idonotpermityoutotalktomelikethat。Iamasgoodasanybodyelse，doyouunderstand？Ileadacertainsortoflife，itistrue，andIamproudofit；the\'honestwomen\'arenotasgoodasIam。\"
Yvette，astonished，lookedather，andstammered:\"Oh！mammal\"
ButtheMarquise，carriedawaywithexcitement，continued:
\"Yes，Ileadacertainlife——whatofit？Otherwiseyouwouldbeacook，asIwasonce，andearnthirtysousaday。Youwouldbewashingdishes，andyourmistresswouldsendyoutomarket——doyouunderstand——andshewouldturnyououtifyouloitered，justasyouloiter，nowbecauseIam——becauseIleadthislife。Listen。Whenapersonisonlyanursemaid，apoorgirl，withfiftyfrancssavedup，shemustknowhowtomanage，ifshedoesnotwanttostarvetodeath；andtherearenottwowaysforus，therearenottwoways，doyouunderstand，whenweareservants。Wecannotmakeourfortunewithofficialpositions，norwithstockjobbingtricks。Wehaveonlyoneway——onlyoneway。\"
Shestruckherbreastasapenitentattheconfessional，andflushedandexcited，comingtowardthebed，shecontinued:\"Somuchtheworse。Aprettygirlmustliveorsuffer——shehasnochoice！\"Thenreturningtoherformeridea:\"Muchtheydenythemselves，your\'honestwomen。\'Theyareworse，becausenothingcompelsthem。Theyhavemoneytoliveonandamusethemselves，andtheychooseviciouslivesoftheirownaccord。Theyarethebadonesinreality。\"
ShewasstandingnearthebedofthedistractedYvette，whowantedtocryout\"Help，\"toescape。Yvetteweptaloud，likechildrenwhoarewhipped。TheMarquisewassilentandlookedatherdaughter，and，seeingheroverwhelmedwithdespair，felt，herself，thepangsofgrief，remorse，tenderness，andpity，andthrowingherselfuponthebedwithopenarms，shealsobegantosobandstammered:
\"Mypoorlittlegirl，mypoorlittlegirl，ifyouknew，howyouwerehurtingme。\"Andtheywepttogether，alongwhile。
ThentheMarquise，inwhomgriefcouldnotlongendure，softlyrose，andgentlysaid:
\"Come，darling，itisunavoidable；whatwouldyouhave？Nothingcanbechangednow。Wemusttakelifeasitcomestous。\"
Yvettecontinuedtoweep。Theblowhadbeentooharshandtoounexpectedtopermithertoreflectandtorecoveratonce。
Hermotherresumed:\"Now，getupandcomedowntobreakfast，sothatnoonewillnoticeanything。\"
Theyounggirlshookherheadasiftosay，\"No，\"withoutbeingabletospeak。Thenshesaid，withaslowvoicefullofsobs:
\"No，mamma，youknowwhatIsaid，Iwon\'taltermydetermination。I
shallnotleavemyroomtilltheyhavegone。Ineverwanttoseeoneofthosepeopleagain，never，never。Iftheycomeback，youwillseenomoreofme。\"
TheMarquisehaddriedhereyes，andweariedwithemotion，shemurmured:
\"Come，reflect，bereasonable。\"
Then，afteramoment\'ssilence:
\"Yes，youhadbetterrestthismorning。Iwillcomeuptoseeyouthisafternoon。\"Andhavingkissedherdaughterontheforehead，shewenttodressherself，alreadycalmed。
Yvette，assoonashermotherhaddisappeared，rose，andrantoboltthedoor，tobealone，allalone；thenshebegantothink。Thechambermaidknockedabouteleveno\'clock，andaskedthroughthedoor:\"MadametheMarquisewantstoknowifMademoisellewishesanything，andwhatshewilltakeforherbreakfast。\"
Yvetteanswered:\"Iamnothungry，Ionlyasknottobedisturbed。\"
Andsheremainedinbed，justasifshehadbeenill。Towardthreeo\'clock，someoneknockedagain。Sheasked:
\"Whoisthere？\"
Itwashermother\'svoicewhichreplied:\"ItisI，darling，Ihavecometoseehowyouare。\"
Shehesitatedwhatsheshoulddo。Sheopenedthedoor，andthenwentbacktobed。TheMarquiseapproached，and，speakinginlowtones，aspeopledotoaconvalescent，said:
\"Well，areyoubetter？Won\'tyoueatanegg？\"
\"No，thanks，nothingatall。\"
MadameObardisatdownnearthebed。Theyremainedwithoutsayinganything，then，finally，asherdaughterstayedquiet，withherhandsinertuponthebedclothes，sheasked:
\"Don\'tyouintendtogetup？\"
Yvetteanswered:\"Yes，prettysoon。\"
Theninagraveandslowtoneshesaid:\"Ihavethoughtagreatdeal，mamma，andthis——thisismyresolution。Thepastisthepast，letusspeaknomoreofit。ButthefutureshallbedifferentorI
knowwhatisleftformetodo。Now，letussaynomoreaboutit。\"
TheMarquise，whothoughttheexplanationfinished，feltherimpatiencegainingalittle。Itwastoomuch。Thisbiggooseofagirloughttohaveknownaboutthingslongago。Butshedidnotsayanythinginreply，onlyrepeating:
\"Youaregoingtogetup？\"
\"Yes，Iamready。\"
Thenhermotherbecamemaidforher，bringingherstockings，hercorset，andherskirts。Thenshekissedher。
\"Willyoutakeawalkbeforedinner？\"
\"Yes，mamma。\"
Andtheytookastrollalongthewater，speakingonlyofcommonplacethings。
CHAPTERIV。
FROMEMOTIONTOPHILOSOPHY
Thefollowingday，earlyinthemorning，YvettewentoutalonetotheplacewhereServignyhadreadherthehistoryoftheants。Shesaidtoherself:
\"Iamnotgoingawayfromthisspotwithouthavingformedaresolution。\"
Beforeher，atherfeet，thewaterflowedrapidly，filledwithlargebubbleswhichpassedinsilentflightwithdeepwhirlings。Shealreadyhadsummedupthepointsofthesituationandthemeansofextricatingherselffromit。Whatshouldshedoifhermotherwouldnotaccepttheconditionswhichshehadimposed，wouldnotrenounceherpresentwayofliving，hersetofvisitors——everythingandgoandhidewithherinadistantland？
Shemightgoalone，takeflight，butwhere，andhow？Whatwouldsheliveon？Byworking？Atwhat？Towhomshouldsheapplytofindwork？
And，then，thedullandhumblelifeofworking-women，daughtersofthepeople，seemedalittledisgraceful，unworthyofher。Shethoughtofbecomingagoverness，likeyounggirlsinnovels，andofbecominglovedbythesonofthehouse，andthenmarryinghim。Buttoaccomplishthatshemusthavebeenofgoodbirth，sothat，whentheexasperatedfathershouldapproachherwithhavingstolenhisson\'slove，shemightsayinaproudvoice:
\"MynameisYvetteObardi。\"
Shecouldnotdothis。Andthen，eventhatwouldhavebeenatriteandthreadbaremethod。
Theconventwasnotworthmuchmore。Besides，shefeltnovocationforareligiouslife，havingonlyanintermittentandfleetingpiety。Noonewouldsaveherbymarryingher，beingwhatshewas！Noaidwasacceptablefromaman，nopossibleissue，nodefiniteresource。
Andthenshewishedtodosomethingenergeticandreallygreatandstrong，whichshouldserveasanexample:sosheresolvedupondeath。
Shedecideduponthisstepsuddenly，buttranquilly，asifitwereajourney，withoutreflecting，withoutlookingatdeath，withoutunderstandingthatitistheendwithoutrecommencement，thedeparturewithoutreturn，theeternalfarewelltoearthandtothislife。
Sheimmediatelysettledonthisextrememeasure，withthelightnessofyoungandexcitedsouls，andshethoughtofthemeanswhichshewouldemploy。Buttheyallseemedtoherpainfulandhazardous，and，furthermore，requiredaviolenceofactionwhichrepelledher。
Shequicklyabandonedtheponiardandrevolver，whichmightwoundonly，blindherordisfigureher，andwhichdemandedapracticedandsteadyhand。Shedecidedagainsttherope；itwassocommon，thepoorman\'swayofsuicide，ridiculousandugly；andagainstwaterbecausesheknewhowtoswimSopoisonremained——butwhichkind？
Almostallofthemcausesufferingandincitevomitings。Shedidnotwanteitherofthesethings。
Thenshethoughtofchloroform，havingreadinanewspaperhowayoungwomanhadmanagedtoasphyxiateherselfbythisprocess。Andshefeltatonceasortofjoyinherresolution，aninnerpride，asensationofbravery。Peopleshouldseewhatshewas，andwhatshewasworth。
ShereturnedtoBougivalandwenttoadruggist，fromwhomsheaskedalittlechloroformforatoothwhichwasaching。Theman，whoknewher，gaveheratinybottleofthenarcotic。
ThenshesetoutonfootforCroissy，wheresheprocuredasecondphialofpoison。SheobtainedathirdatChaton，afourthatRuril，andgothomelateforbreakfast。
Asshewasveryhungryafterthislongwalk，sheateheartilywiththepleasurableappetiteofpeoplewhohavetakenexercise。
Hermother，happytoseehersohungry，andnowfeelingtranquilherself，saidtoherastheyleftthetable:
\"AllourfriendsarecomingtospendSundaywithus。IhaveinvitedthePrince，theChevalier，andMonsieurdeBelvigne。\"
Yvetteturnedalittlepale，butdidnotreply。Shewentoutalmostimmediately，reachedtherailwaystation，andtookaticketforParis。Andduringalltheafternoon，shewentfromdruggisttodruggist，buyingfromeachoneafewdropsofchloroform。Shecamebackintheeveningwithherpocketsfulloflittlebottles。
Shebeganthesamesystemonthefollowingday，andbychancefoundachemistwhogaveher，atonestroke，aquarterofaliter。ShedidnotgooutonSaturday；itwasaloweringandsultryday；shepasseditentirelyontheterrace，stretchedonalongwicker-chair。
Shethoughtofalmostnothing，veryresoluteandverycalm。Sheputonthenextmorning，abluecostumewhichwasverybecomingtoher，wishingtolookwell。Thenlookingatherselfintheglass，shesuddenlysaid:
\"To-morrow，Ishallbedead。\"Andapeculiarshudderpassedoverherbody。\"Dead！Ishallspeaknomore，thinknomore，noonewillseememore，andIshallneverseeanythingagain。\"
Andshegazedattentivelyathercountenance，asifshehadneverobservedit，examiningespeciallyhereyes，discoveringathousandthingsinherself，asecretcharacterinherphysiognomywhichshehadnotknownbefore，astonishedtoseeherself，asifshehadoppositeherastrangeperson，anewfriend。
Shesaidtoherself:\"ItisI，inthemirror，there。Howqueeritistolookatoneself。Butwithoutthemirrorwewouldneverknowourselves。Everybodyelsewouldknowhowwelook，andweourselveswouldknownothing。\"
Sheplacedtheheavybraidsofherthickhairoverherbreast，followingwithherglanceallhergestures，allherposes，andallhermovements。\"HowprettyIam！\"shethought。\"TomorrowIshallbedead，there，uponmybed。\"Shelookedatherbed，andseemedtoseeherselfstretchedout，whiteasthesheets。
Dead！Inaweekshewouldbenothingbutdust，todustreturned！A
horribleanguishoppressedherheart。Thebrightsunlightfellinfloodsuponthefields，andthesoftmorningaircameinatthewindow。
Shesatdownthinkingofit。Death！Itwasasiftheworldwasgoingtodisappearfromher；butno，sincenothingwouldbechangedintheworld，notevenherbedroom。Yes，herroomwouldremainjustthesame，withthesamebed，thesamechairs，thesametoilettearticles，butshewouldbeforevergone，andnoonewouldbesorry，excepthermother，perhaps。
Peoplewouldsay:\"Howprettyshewas！thatlittleYvette，\"andnothingmore。Andasshelookedatherarmleaningonthearmofherchair，shethoughtagain，ashestoashes，dusttodust。Andagainagreatshudderofhorrorranoverherwholebody，andshedidnotknowhowshecoulddisappearwithoutthewholeearthbeingblottedout，somuchitseemedtoherthatshewasapartofeverything，ofthefields，oftheair，ofthesunshine，oflifeitself。
Therewereburstsoflaughterinthegarden，agreatnoiseofvoicesandofcalls，thebustlinggaietyofcountryhouseparties，andsherecognizedthesonoroustonesofM。deBelvigne，singing:
\"Iamunderneaththywindow，Oh，deigntoshowthyface。\"Sherose，withoutreflecting，andlookedout。Theyallapplauded。Theywereallfivethere，withtwogentlemenwhomshedidnotknow。
Shebrusquelywithdrew，annoyedbythethoughtthatthesemenhadcometoamusethemselvesathermother\'shouse，asatapublicplace。
Thebellsoundedforbreakfast。\"Iwillshowthemhowtodie，\"shesaid。
Shewentdownstairswithafirmstep，withsomethingoftheresolutionoftheChristianmartyrsgoingintothecircus，wherethelionsawaitedthem。
Shepressedtheirhands，smilinginanaffablebutratherhaughtymanner。Servignyaskedher:
\"Areyoulesscrossto-day，Mam\'zelle？\"
Sheansweredinasevereandpeculiartone:\"Today，Iamgoingtocommitfollies。IaminmyParismood，lookout！\"
ThenturningtowardMonsieurdeBelvigne，shesaid:
\"Youshallbemyescort，mylittleMalmsey。IwilltakeyouallafterbreakfasttothefeteatMarly。\"
Therewas，infact，afeteatMarly。Theyintroducedthetwonewcomerstoher，theComtedeTamineandtheMarquisdeBriquetot。
Duringthemeal，shesaidnothingfurther，strengtheningherselftobegayintheafternoon，sothatnooneshouldguessanything，——sothattheyshouldbeallthemoreastonished，andshouldsay:\"Whowouldhavethoughtit？Sheseemedsohappy，socontented！Whatdoestakeplaceinthoseheads？\"
Sheforcedherselfnottothinkoftheevening，thechosenhour，whentheyshouldallbeupontheterrace。Shedrankasmuchwineasshecouldstand，tonerveherself，andtwolittleglassesofbrandy，andshewasflushedassheleftthetable，alittlebewildered，heatedinbodyandmind。Itseemedtoherthatshewasstrengthenednow，andresolvedforeverything。
\"Letusstart！\"shecried。ShetookMonsieurdeBelvigne\'sarmandsetthepacefortheothers。\"Come，youshallformmybattalion，Servigny。Ichooseyouassergeant；youwillkeepoutsidetheranks，ontheright。Youwillmaketheforeignguardmarchinfront——thetwoexotics，thePrince，andtheChevalier——andintherearthetworecruitswhohaveenlistedto-day。Come！\"
Theystarted。AndServignybegantoimitatethetrumpet，whilethetwonewcomersmadebelievetobeatthedrum。MonsieurdeBelvigne，alittleconfused，saidinalowtone:
\"MademoiselleYvette，bereasonable，youwillcompromiseyourself。\"
Sheanswered:\"ItisyouwhomIamcompromising，Raisine。Asforme，Idon\'tcaremuchaboutit。To-morrowitwillnotoccur。Somuchtheworseforyou:yououghtnottogooutwithgirlslikeme。\"
TheywentthroughBougivaltotheamazementofthepassers-by。Allturnedtolookatthem；thecitizenscametotheirdoors；thetravelersonthelittlerailwaywhichrunsfromRuriltoMarlyjeeredatthem。Themenontheplatformscried:
\"Tothewaterwiththem！\"
Yvettemarchedwithamilitarystep，holdingBelvignebythearm，asaprisonerisled。Shedidnotlaugh；uponherfeaturessatapaleseriousness，asortofsinistercalm。Servignyinterruptedhistrumpetblastsonlytoshoutorders。ThePrinceandtheChevalierweregreatlyamused，findingallthisveryfunnyandingoodtaste。
Thetworecruitsdrummedawaycontinually。
Whentheyarrivedatthefete，theymadeasensation。Girlsapplauded；youngmenjeered，andastoutgentlemanwithhiswifeonhisarmsaidenviously:\"Therearesomepeoplewhoarefulloffun。\"
YvettesawthewoodenhorsesandcompelledBelvignetomountatherright，whilehersquadscrambleduponthewhirlingbeastsbehind。
Whenthetimewasupsherefusedtodismount，constrainingherescorttotakeseveralmoreridesonthebackofthesechildren\'sanimals，tothegreatdelightofthepublic，whoshoutedjokesatthem。MonsieurdeBelvignewaslividanddizzywhenhegotoff。
Thenshebegantowanderamongthebooths。Sheforcedallhermentogetweighedamongacrowdofspectators。Shemadethembuyridiculoustoyswhichtheyhadtocarryintheirhands。ThePrinceandtheChevalierbegantothinkthejokewasbeingcarriedtoofar。
Servignyandthedrummers，alone，didnotseemtobediscouraged。
Theyfinallycametotheendoftheplace。Thenshegazedatherfollowersinapeculiarmanner，withashyandmischievousglance，andastrangefancycametohermind。Shedrewthemuponthebankoftheriver。
\"Lettheonewholovesmethemostjumpintothewater，\"shesaid。
Nobodyleaped。Amobgatheredbehindthem。Womeninwhiteapronslookedoninstupor。Twotroopers，inredbreeches，laughedloudly。
Sherepeated:\"Thenthereisnotoneofyoucapableofjumpingintothewateratmydesire？\"
Servignymurmured:\"Oh，yes，thereis，\"andleapedfeetforemostintotheriver。HisplungecastasplashoverasfarasYvette\'sfeet。Amurmurofastonishmentandgaietyaroseinthecrowd。
Thentheyounggirlpickedupfromthegroundalittlepieceofwood，andthrowingitintothestream:\"Fetchit，\"shecried。
Theyoungmanbegantoswim，andseizingthefloatingstickinhismouth，likeadog，hebroughtitashore，andthenclimbingthebankhekneeledononekneetopresentit。
Yvettetookit。\"Youarehandsome，\"saidshe，andwithafriendlystroke，shecaressedhishair。
Astoutwomanindignantlyexclaimed:\"Aresuchthingspossible！\"
Anotherwomansaid:\"Canpeopleamusethemselveslikethat！\"
Amanremarked:\"Iwouldnottakeaplungeforthatsortofagirl。\"
SheagaintookBelvigne\'sarm，exclaiminginhisface:\"Youareagoose，myfriend；youdon\'tknowwhatyoumissed。\"