[Refusingthecake。]’Grandmerci’，butforthemomentIhavenostomach——Ihavelostmystomachnowfortwodays。IfIcouldsmoke，Monsieur！[Hemakesthegestureofsmoking。]
WELLWYN。Rather！[Handinghistobaccopouch。]Rollyourselfone。
FERRAND。[Rapidlyrollingacigarette。]IfIhadnotfoundyou，Monsieur——Iwouldhavebeenalittleholeintheriverto—night——
Iwassodiscouraged。[Heinhalesandpuffsalongluxuriouswhifofsmoke。Verybitterly。]Life！[Hedispersesthepuffofsmokewithhisfinger，andstaresbeforehim。]AndtothinkthatinafewminutesHEwillbeborn！Monsieur！[HegazesintentlyatWELLWYN。]
Theworldwouldreproachyouforyourgoodnesstome。
WELLWYN。[Lookinguneasilyatthedoorintothehouse。]Youthinkso？Ah！
FERRAND。Monsieur，ifHEhimselfwereonearthnow，therewouldbealittleheapofgentlemenwritingtothejournalseverydaytocallHimsloppeesentimentalist！Andwhatisvereefunny，thesegentlementheywouldallbemoststrongChristians。[HeregardsWELLWYN
deeply。]Butthatwillnottroubleyou，Monsieur;IsawwellfromthefirstthatyouarenoChristian。Youhavesokindaface。
WELLWYN。Oh！Indeed！
FERRAND。YouhavenotenoughthePhariseeinyourcharacter。Youdonotjudge，andyouarejudged。
[Hestretcheshislimbsasifinpain。]
WELLWYN。Areyouinpain？
FERRAND。I’avealittletherheumatism。
WELLWYN。Wetthrough，ofcourse！[Glancingtowardsthehouse。]Waitabit！Iwonderifyou’dlikethesetrousers;they’ve——er——they’renotquite
[Hepassesthroughthedoorintothehouse。FERRANDstandsatthefire，withhislimbsspreadasitweretoembraceit，smokingwithabandonment。WELLWYNreturnsstealthily，dressedinaJaegerdressing—gown，andbearingapairofdrawers，histrousers，apairofslippers，andasweater。]
WELLWYN。[Speakinginalowvoice，forthedoorisstillopen。]Canyoumakethesedoforthemoment？
FERRAND。’Jevousremercie’，Monsieur。[Pointingtothescreen。]
MayIretire？
WELLWYN。Yes，yes。
[FERRANDgoesbehindthescreen。WELLWYNclosesthedoorintothehouse，thengoestothewindowtodrawthecurtains。Hesuddenlyrecoilsandstandspetrifiedwithdoubt。
WELLWYN。GoodLord！
[Thereisthesoundoftappingonglass。Againstthewindow—paneispressedthefaceofaman。WELLWYNmotionstohimtogoaway。Hedoesnotgo，butcontinuestapping。WELLWYN
opensthedoor。Thereentersasquareoldman，withared，pendulousjawed，shakingfaceunderasnowbesprinkledbowlerhat。Heisholdingoutavisitingcardwithtremuloushand。
WELLWYN。Who’sthat？Whoareyou？
TIMSON。[Inathick，hoarse，shakingvoice。]’Appytoseeyou，sir;
we’adatalkthismorning。Timson——Igiveyoumename。Youinvitedofme，ifyeremember。
WELLWYN。It’salittlelate，really。
TIMSON。Well，yesee，Ineverexpectedto’avetocallonyer。I
was’itchedupallrightwhenIspoketoyerthismornin’，butbein’
Christmas，things’avetookaturnwithmeto—day。[Hespeakswithincreasingthickness。]I’mreg’lardisgusted——notgotthepriceofabedabahtme。Thoughtyouwouldn’tlikemetobedelicate——notatmyage。
WELLWYN。[Withamechanicalanddistracteddiveofhishandsintohispockets。]Thefactis，itsohappensIhaven’tacopperonme。
TIMSON。[Evidentlytakingthisforprofessionalrefusal。]Wouldn’tarskyouifIcould’elpit。’Adtodowith’orsesallmelife。
It’sthis’erecoldI’mfrightenedof。I’mafraidI’llgotosleep。
WELLWYN。Well，really，I
TIMSON。Tobefrozetodeath——Imean——it’sawkward。
WELLWYN。[Puzzledandunhappy。]Well——comeinamoment，andlet’s——
thinkitout。Havesometea！
[Hepoursouttheremainsofthetea，andfindingthereisnotverymuch，addsrumratherliberally。TIMSON，whowalksalittlewideattheknees，steadyinghisgait，hasfollowed。
TIMSON。[Receivingthedrink。]Yer’ealth。’Ere’s——soberiety！
[Heappliesthedrinktohislipswithshakinghand。Agreeablysurprised。]Blimey！Thishyertea’sforeign，ain’tit？
FERRAND。[Reappearingfrombehindthescreeninhisnewclothesofwhichthetrousersstoptoosoon。]Withaneedle，Monsieur，Iwouldsoonhavewithwhattomakefaceagainsttheworld。
WELLWYN。Tooshort！Ah！
[HegoestothedaisonwhichstandsANN’sworkbasket，andtakesfromitaneedleandcotton。]
[WhileheissoengagedFERRANDissizingupoldTIMSON，asonedogwillanother。Theoldman，glassinhand，seemstohavelapsedintocoma。]
FERRAND。[IndicatingTIMSON]Monsieur！
[Hemakesthegestureofonedrinking，andshakeshishead。]
WELLWYN。[Handinghimtheneedleandcotton。]Um！Afraidso！
[TheyapproachTIMSON，whotakesnonotice。]
FERRAND。[Gently。]Itisanoldcabby，isitnot，Monsieur？’Ceuxsonttousdesbuveurs’。
WELLWYN。[Concernedattheoldman’sstupefaction。]Now，myoldfriend，sitdownamoment。[TheymanoeuvreTIMSONtothesettle。]
Willyousmoke？
TIMSON。[Inadrowsyvoice。]Thank’ee—smokepipeof’baccer。Old’orse——standin’abahtinth’cold。
[Herelapsesintocoma。]
FERRAND。[Withaclickofhistongue。]’Ilestparti’。
WELLWYN。[Doubtfully。]Hehasn’treallyleftahorseoutside，doyouthink？
FERRAND。Non，non，Monsieur——no’orse。Heisdreaming。Iknowverywellthatstateofhim——thatcatchesyousometimes。Itisthewarmthsuddenonthestomach。Hewillspeaknomoresenseto—night。Atthemost，drink，andflyalittleinhispast。
WELLWYN。Pooroldbuffer！
FERRAND。Touching，isitnot，Monsieur？Therearemanybravegentsamongtheoldcabbies——theyhavephilosophy——thatcomesfrom’orses，andfromsittingstill。
WELLWYN。[TouchingTIMSON’sshoulder。]Drenched！
FERRAND。Thatwilldo’imno’arm，Monsieur—no’armatall。Heiswellwetinside，remember——itisChristmasto—morrow。Puthimarug，ifyouwill，hewillsoonsteam。
[WELLWYNtakesupANN’slongredcloak，andwrapsitroundtheoldman。]
TIMSON。[Faintlyroused。]Tha’sright。Put——therugonth’old’orse。
[Hemakesastrangenoise，andworkshisheadandtongue。]
WELLWYN。[Alarmed。]What’sthematterwithhim？
FERRAND。Itisnothing，Monsieur;forthemomenthethinks’imselfa’orse。’Iljoue\"cache—cache，\"’’ideandseek，withwhatyoucall——
’isbitt。
WELLWYN。Butwhat’stobedonewithhim？Onecan’tturnhimoutinthisstate。
FERRAND。Ifyouwishtoleavehim’ere，Monsieur，havenofear。I
chargemyselfwithhim。
WELLWYN。Oh！[Dubiously。]You——er——Ireallydon’tknow，I——hadn’tcontemplated——YouthinkyoucouldmanageifI——ifIwenttobed？
FERRAND。Butcertainly，Monsieur。
WELLWYN。[Stilldubiously。]You——you’resureyou’veeverythingyouwant？
FERRAND。[Bowing。]’Maisoui，Monsieur’。
WELLWYN。Idon’tknowwhatIcandobystaying。
FERRAND。Thereisnothingyoucando，Monsieur。Haveconfidenceinme。
WELLWYN。Well—keepthefireupquietly——veryquietly。You’dbettertakethiscoatofmine，too。You’llfinditpreciouscold，Iexpect，aboutthreeo’clock。[HehandsFERRANDhisUlster。]
FERRAND。[Takingit。]Ishallsleepinprayingforyou，Monsieur。
WELLWYN。Ah！Yes！Thanks！Well—good—night！Bytheway，Ishallbedownratherearly。Havetothinkofmyhouseholdabit，youknow。
FERRAND。’Tresbien，Monsieur’。Icomprehend。Onemustwellberegularinthislife。
WELLWYN。[Withastart。]Lord！[Helooksatthedoorofthemodel’sroom。]I’dforgotten
FERRAND。CanIundertakeanything，Monsieur？
WELLWYN。No，no！[Hegoestotheelectriclightswitchbytheouterdoor。]Youwon’twantthis，willyou？
FERRAND。’Merci，Monsieur’。
[WELLWYNswitchesoffthelight。]
FERRAND。’Bonsoir，Monsieur’！
WELLWYN。Thedevil！Er——good—night！
[Hehesitates，rumpleshishair，andpassesrathersuddenlyaway。]
FERRAND。[Tohimself。]Poorpigeon！[LookinglongatoldTIMSON]
’Especedetypeanglais！’
[Hesitsdowninthefirelight，curlsupafootonhisknee，andtakingoutaknife，ripsthestitchingofaturned—upendoftrouser，pinchestheclothdouble，andputsinthepreliminarystitchofanewhem——allwiththeswiftnessofonewell—
accustomed。Then，asifhearingasoundbehindhim，hegetsupquicklyandslipsbehindthescreen。MRS。MEGAN，attractedbythecessationofvoices，hasopenedthedoor，andiscreepingfromthemodel’sroomtowardsthefire。ShehasalmostreacheditbeforeshetakesinthetorpidcrimsonfigureofoldTIMSON。
Shehaltsandputsherhandtoherchest——aqueerfigureinthefirelight，garbedinthecanary—colouredbathgownandrabbit’s—
woolslippers，herblackmattedhairstragglingdownonherneck。Havingquitedigestedthefactthattheoldmanisinasortofstupor，MRS。MEGANgoesclosetothefire，andsitsonthelittlestool，smilingsidewaysatoldTIMSON。FERRAND，comingquietlyupbehind，examinesherfromabove，droopinghislongnoseasifenquiringwithitastoherconditioninlife;
thenhestepsbackayardortwo。
FERRAND。[Gently。]’Pardon，Ma’moiselle’。
MRS。MEGAN。[Springingtoherfeet。]Oh！
FERRAND。Allright，allright！Wearebravegents！
TIMSON。[Faintlyroused。]’Oldup，there！
FERRAND。Trustinme，Ma’moiselle！
[MRS。MEGANrespondsbydrawingaway。]
FERRAND。[Gently。]Wemustbegoodcomrades。Thisasylum——itisbetterthanadoss—’ouse。
[Hepushesthestoolovertowardsher，andseatshimself。
Somewhatreassured，MRS。MEGANagainsitsdown。]
MRS。MEGAN。Youfrightenedme。
TIMSON。[Unexpectedly—inadrowsytone。]Purpleforeigners！
FERRAND。Paynoattention，Ma’moiselle。Heisaphilosopher。
MRS。MEGAN。Oh！Ithought’ewasboozed。
[TheybothlookatTIMSON]
FERRAND。Itisthesame—veree’armless。
MRS。MEGAN。What’sthathe’sgoton’im？
FERRAND。Itisacoronationrobe。Havenofear，Ma’moiselle。Vereedocilepotentate。
MRS。MEGAN。Iwouldn’tbeafraidofhim。[ChallengingFERRAND。]I’mafraido’you。
FERRAND。Itisbecauseyoudonotknowme，Ma’moiselle。Youarewrong，itisalwaystheunknownyoushouldlove。
MRS。MEGAN。Idon’tlikethewayyou—speakstome。
FERRAND。Ah！YouareaPrincessindisguise？
MRS。MEGAN。Nofear！
FERRAND。No？Whatisitthenyoudotomakefaceagainstthenecessitiesoflife？Aliving？
MRS。MEGAN。Sellsflowers。
FERRAND。[Rollinghiseyes。]Itisnotacareer。
MRS。MEGAN。[Withatouchofdevilry。]Youdon’tknowwhatIdo。
FERRAND。Ma’moiselle，whateveryoudoischarming。
[MRS。MEGANlooksathim，andslowlysmiles。]
MRS。MEGAN。You’reaforeigner。
FERRAND。Itistrue。
MRS。MEGAN。Whatdoyoudoforalivin’？
FERRAND。Iamaninterpreter。
MRS。MEGAN。Youain’tverybusy，areyou？
FERRAND。[Withdignity。]AtpresentIamresting。
MRS。MEGAN。[Lookingathimandsmiling。]Howdidyouand’imcomehere？
FERRAND。Ma’moiselle，wewouldaskyouthesamequestion。
MRS。MEGAN。Thegentlemanletme。’E’sfunny。
FERRAND。’C’estunange’[AtMRS。MEGAN’sblankstareheinterprets。]Anangel！
MRS。MEGAN。Meluck’sout—that’swhyIcome。
FERRAND。[Rising。]Ah！Ma’moiselle！Luck！ThereisthelittleGodwhodominatesusall。Lookatthisold！[HepointstoTIMSON。]
Heisfinished。Inhisdaythatoldwouldbedoinggoodbusiness。
Hecouldaffordhimself——[Hemakerasignofdrinking。]——Thencomethemotorcars。Allgoes——hehasnothingleft，only’is’abitsofa’cocher’！Luck！
TIMSON。[Withavaguegesture——drowsily。]Kicktheforeignbeggarsout。
FERRAND。ArealEnglishman……Andlookatme！MyfatherwasmerchantofostrichfeathersinBrussels。IfIhadbeencontenttogoinhisbusiness，Iwould’avebeenrich。ButIwasborntoroll——\"rollingstone\"tovoyageisstrongerthanmyself。Luck！……
Andyou，Ma’moiselle，shallItellyourfortune？[Helooksinherface。]Youwerebornfor’lajoiedevivre’——todrinkthewinesoflife。’Etvousvoila’！Luck！
[Thoughshedoesnotintheleastunderstandwhathehassaid，herexpressionchangestoasortofglee。]
FERRAND。Yes。Youwerebornlovingpleasure。Isitnot？Yousee，youcannotsay，No。Allofus，wehaveourfates。Givemeyourhand。[Hekneelsdownandtakesherhand。]Ineachofusthereisthatagainstwhichwecannotstruggle。Yes，yes！
[Heholdsherhand，andturnsitoverbetweenhisown。MRS。
MEGANremainsstolid，halffascinated，half—reluctant。
TIMSON。[Flickeringintoconsciousness。]Be’aveyourselves！Yercrimsoncanarybirds！
[MRS。MEGANwouldwithdrawherhand，butcannot。]
FERRAND。Paynoattention，Ma’moiselle。HeisaPuritan。
[TIMS0Nrelapsesintocomatosity，upsettinghisglass，whichfallswithacrash。]
MRS。MEGAN。Letgomyhand，please！
FERRAND。[Relinquishingit，andstaringintotheforegravely。]
ThereisonethingIhaveneverdone——’urtawoman——thatishardlyinmycharacter。[Then，drawingalittlecloser，helooksintoherface。]Tellme，Ma’moiselle，whatisityouthinkofalldaylong？
MRS。MEGAN。Idunno——lots，Ithinksof。
FERRAND。ShallItellyou？[Hereyesremainfixedonhis，thestrangenessofhimpreventingherfromtellinghimto\"getalong。\"]
Hegoesoninhisironicvoice。]Itisofthestreets——thelights——
thefaces——itisofallwhichmoves，andiswarm——itisofcolour——itis[hebringshisfacequiteclosetohers]ofLove。Thatisforyouwhattheroadisforme。Thatisforyouwhattherumisforthatold——[HejerkshisthumbbackatTIMSON。Thenbendingswiftlyforwardtothegirl。]See！Ikissyou——Ah！
[Hedrawsherforwardoffthestool。Thereisalittlestruggle，thensheresignsherlips。Thelittlestool，overturned，fallswithaclatter。Theyspringup，andmoveapart。ThedooropensandANNentersfromthehouseinabluedressing—gown，withherhairloose，andacandleheldhighaboveherhead。Takinginthestrangehalf—circleroundthestove，sherecoils。Then，standingherground，callsinavoicesharpenedbyfright:\"Daddy——Daddy！\"]
TIMSON。[Stirringuneasily，andstrugglingtohisfeet。）Allright！
I’mcomin’！
FERRAND。Havenofear，Madame！
[Inthesilencethatfollows，aclockbeginsloudlystrikingtwelve。ANNremains，asifcarvedinatone，hereyesfastenedonthestrangers。Thereisthesoundofsomeonefallingdownstairs，andWELLWYNappears，alsoholdingacandleabovehishead。
ANN。Look！
WELLWYN。Yes，yes，mydear！It——ithappened。
ANN。[Withasortofgroan。]Oh！Daddy！
[Intherenewedsilence，thechurchclockceasestochime。]
FERRAND。[Softly，inhisironicvoice。]HEiscome，Monsieur！’AppyChristmas！BonNoel！
[Thereisasuddenchimeofbells。TheStageisblotteddark。]
Curtain。
ACTII
Itisfouro’clockintheafternoonofNewYear’sDay。OntheraiseddaisMRS。MEGANisstanding，inherrags;withbarefeetandankles，herdarkhairasifblownabout，herlipsparted，holdingoutadishevelledbunchofviolets。Beforehiseasel，WELLWYNispaintingher。Behindhim，atatablebetweenthecupboardandthedoortothemodel’sroom，TIMSONiswashingbrushes，withthemovementsofoneemployeduponreliefworks。Thesamovarishissingonthetablebythestove，theteathingsaresetout。
WELLWYN。Openyourmouth。
[MRS。MEGANopenshermouth。]
ANN。[Inhatandcoat，enteringfromthehouse。]Daddy！
[WELLWYNgoestoher;and，releasedfromrestraint，MRS。MEGAN
looksroundatTIMSONandgrimaces。]
WELLWYN。Well，mydear？
[Theyspeakinlowvoices。
ANN。[Holdingoutanote。]ThisnotefromCanonBentley。He’sgoingtobringherhusbandherethisafternoon。[ShelooksatMRS。MEGAN。]
WELLWYN。Oh！[HealsolooksatMRS。MEGAN。]
ANN。AndImetSirThomasHoxtonatchurchthismorning，andspoketohimaboutTimson。
WELLWYN。Um！
[TheylookatTIMSON。ThenANNgoesbacktothedoor，andWELLWYNfollowsher。]
ANN。[Turning。]I’mgoingroundnow，Daddy，toaskProfessorCalwaywhatwe’retodowiththatFerrand。
WELLWYN。Oh！Oneeach！Iwonderifthey’lllikeit。
ANN。They’llhavetolumpit。
[Shegoesoutintothehouse。]
WELLWYN。[Backathiseasel。]Youcanshutyourmouthnow。
[MRS。MEGANshutshermouth，butopensitimmediatelytosmile。]
WELLWYN。[Spasmodically。]Ah！Nowthat’swhatIwant。[Hedabsfuriouslyatthecanvas。Thenstandingback，runshishandsthroughhishairandturnsapainter’sglancetowardstheskylight。]Dash！
Light’sgone！Offyouget，child——don’ttemptme！
[MRS。MEGANdescends。Passingtowardsthedoorofthemodel’sroomshestops，andstealthilylooksatthepicture。]
TIMSON。Ah！Wouldyer！
WELLWYN。[Wheelinground。]Wanttohavealook？Well——comeon！
[Hetakesherbythearm，andtheystandbeforethecanvas。
Afterastolidmoment，shegiggles。]
WELLWYN。Oh！Youthinkso？
MRS。MEGAN。[Whohaslostherhoarseness。]It’snotlikemypicturethatIhadonthepier。
WELLWYN。No—itwouldn’tbe。
MRS。MEGAN。[Timidly。]IfIhadan’aton，I’dlookbetter。
WELLWYN。Withfeathers？
MRS。MEGAN。Yes。
WELLWYN。Well，youcan’t！Idon’tlikehats，andIdon’tlikefeathers。
[MRS。MEGANtimidlytugshissleeve。TIMSON，screenedashethinksbythepicture，hasdrawnfromhisbulkypocketabottleandistakingastealthyswig。]
WELLWYN。[ToMRS。MEGAN，affectingnottonotice。]HowmuchdoIoweyou？
MRS。MEGAN。[Alittlesurprised。]Youpaidmeforto—day—all’ceptapenny。
WELLWYN。Well！Hereitis。[Hegivesheracoin。]Goandgetyourfeeton！
MRS。MEGAN。You’vegiveme’arfacrown。
WELLWYN。Cutawaynow！
[MRS。MEGAN，smilingatthecoin，goestowardsthemodel’sroom。
ShelooksbackatWELLWYN，asiftodrawhiseyestoher，butheisgazingatthepicture;then，catchingoldTIMSON’Ssourglance，shegrimacesathim，kickingupherfeetwithalittlesqueal。ButwhenWELLWYNturnstothesound，sheisdemurelypassingthroughthedoorway。]
TIMSON。[Inhisvoiceofdubioussobriety。]I’vefinishedtheseyerbrushes，sir。It’snotaman’swork。I’vebeenthinkin’ifyou’dkeepan’orse，Icouldgiveyersatisfaction。
WELLWYN。Wouldthehorse，Timson？
TIMSON。[Lookinghimupanddown。]Iknowsofonethatwouldjustsuityer。Reel’orse，you’dlike’im。
WELLWYN。[Shakinghishead。]Afraidnot，Timson！Awfullysorry，though，tohavenothingbetterforyouthanthis，atpresent。
TIMSON。[Faintlywavingthebrushes。]Ofcourse，ifyoucan’taffordit，Idon’tpressyou——it’sonlythatIfeelI’mnotdoingmeselfjustice。[Confidentially。]There’sjustonething，sir;I
can’tbeartoseeagen’lemanimposedon。Thatforeigner——’e’snotthesortto’aveabouttheplace。Talk？Oh！ah！But’e’llneverdoanygoodwith’imself。He’saalien。
WELLWYN。Terriblemisfortunetoafellow，Timson。
TIMSON。Don’tyoubelieveit，sir;it’shisfaultIsaystotheyoungladyyesterday:MissAnn，yourfather’sagen’leman[withasuddenaccentofhoarsesincerity]，andsoyouare——Idon’tmindsayin’it——but，Isaid，he’stooeasy—goin’。