FourotherOystersfollowedthem，Andyetanotherfour；
Andthickandfasttheycameatlast，Andmore，andmore，andmore——
Allhoppingthroughthefrothywaves，Andscramblingtotheshore。
TheWalrusandtheCarpenterWalkedonamileorso，AndthentheyrestedonarockConvenientlylow：
AndallthelittleOystersstoodAndwaitedinarow。
\"Thetimehascome，\"theWalrussaid，\"Totalkofmanythings：
Ofshoes——andships——andsealing—wax——
Ofcabbages——andkings——
Andwhytheseaisboilinghot——
Andwhetherpigshavewings。\"
\"Butwaitabit，\"theOysterscried，\"Beforewehaveourchat；
Forsomeofusareoutofbreath，Andallofusarefat!\"
\"Nohurry!\"saidtheCarpenter。
Theythankedhimmuchforthat。
\"Aloafofbread，\"theWalrussaid，\"Iswhatwechieflyneed：
PepperandvinegarbesidesAreverygoodindeed——
Nowifyou’rereadyOystersdear，Wecanbegintofeed。\"
\"Butnotonus!\"theOysterscried，Turningalittleblue，\"Aftersuchkindness，thatwouldbeAdismalthingtodo!\"
\"Thenightisfine，\"theWalrussaid\"Doyouadmiretheview？
\"Itwassokindofyoutocome!
Andyouareverynice!\"
TheCarpentersaidnothingbut\"Cutusanotherslice：
Iwishyouwerenotquitesodeaf——
I’vehadtoaskyoutwice!\"
\"Itseemsashame，\"theWalrussaid，\"Toplaythemsuchatrick，Afterwe’vebroughtthemoutsofar，Andmadethemtrotsoquick!\"
TheCarpentersaidnothingbut\"Thebutter’sspreadtoothick!\"
\"Iweepforyou，\"theWalrussaid。
\"Ideeplysympathize。\"
WithsobsandtearshesortedoutThoseofthelargestsize。
HoldinghispockethandkerchiefBeforehisstreamingeyes。
\"OOysters，\"saidtheCarpenter。
\"You’vehadapleasantrun!
Shallwebetrottinghomeagain？\"
Butanswercametherenone——
Andthatwasscarcelyodd，becauseThey’deateneveryone。’
`IliketheWalrusbest，’saidAlice：`becauseyouseehewasaLITTLEsorryforthepooroysters。’
`HeatemorethantheCarpenter，though，’saidTweedledee。
`Youseeheheldhishandkerchiefinfront，sothattheCarpentercouldn’tcounthowmanyhetook：contrariwise。’
`Thatwasmean!’Alicesaidindignantly。`ThenIliketheCarpenterbest——ifhedidn’teatsomanyastheWalrus。’
`Butheateasmanyashecouldget，’saidTweedledum。
Thiswasapuzzler。Afterapause，Alicebegan，`Well!TheywereBOTHveryunpleasantcharacters——’Hereshecheckedherselfinsomealarm，athearingsomethingthatsoundedtoherlikethepuffingofalargesteam—engineinthewoodnearthem，thoughshefeareditwasmorelikelytobeawildbeast。
`Arethereanylionsortigersabouthere？’sheaskedtimidly。
`It’sonlytheRedKingsnoring，’saidTweedledee。
`Comeandlookathim!’thebrotherscried，andtheyeachtookoneofAlice’shands，andledheruptowheretheKingwassleeping。
`Isn’theaLOVELYsight？’saidTweedledum。
Alicecouldn’tsayhonestlythathewas。Hehadatallrednight—capon，withatassel，andhewaslyingcrumpledupintoasortofuntidyheap，andsnoringloud——`fittosnorehisheadoff!’asTweedledumremarked。
`I’mafraidhe’llcatchcoldwithlyingonthedampgrass，’
saidAlice，whowasaverythoughtfullittlegirl。
`He’sdreamingnow，’saidTweedledee：`andwhatdoyouthinkhe’sdreamingabout？’
Alicesaid`Nobodycanguessthat。’
`Why，aboutYOU!’Tweedledeeexclaimed，clappinghishandstriumphantly。`Andifheleftoffdreamingaboutyou，wheredoyousupposeyou’dbe？’
`WhereIamnow，ofcourse，’saidAlice。
`Notyou!’Tweedledeeretortedcontemptuously。`You’dbenowhere。Why，you’reonlyasortofthinginhisdream!’
`IfthatthereKingwastowake，’addedTweedledum，`you’dgoout——bang!——justlikeacandle!’
`Ishouldn’t!’Aliceexclaimedindignantly。`Besides，ifI’M
onlyasortofthinginhisdream，whatareYOU，Ishouldliketoknow？’
`Ditto’saidTweedledum。
`Ditto，ditto’criedTweedledee。
HeshoutedthissoloudthatAlicecouldn’thelpsaying，`Hush!
You’llbewakinghim，I’mafraid，ifyoumakesomuchnoise。’
`Well，itnouseYOURtalkingaboutwakinghim，’saidTweedledum，`whenyou’reonlyoneofthethingsinhisdream。
Youknowverywellyou’renotreal。’
`IAMreal!’saidAliceandbegantocry。
`Youwon’tmakeyourselfabitreallerbycrying，’Tweedledeeremarked：`there’snothingtocryabout。’
`IfIwasn’treal，’Alicesaid——half—laughingthoughhertears，itallseemedsoridiculous——`Ishouldn’tbeabletocry。’
`Ihopeyoudon’tsupposethosearerealtears？’Tweedleduminterruptedinatoneofgreatcontempt。
`Iknowthey’retalkingnonsense，’Alicethoughttoherself：
`andit’sfoolishtocryaboutit。’Soshebrushedawayhertears，andwentonascheerfullyasshecould。`AtanyrateI’dbetterbegettingoutofthewood，forreallyit’scomingonverydark。Doyouthinkit’sgoingtorain？’
Tweedledumspreadalargeumbrellaoverhimselfandhisbrother，andlookedupintoit。`No，Idon’tthinkitis，’hesaid：`atleast——notunderHERE。Nohow。’
`ButitmayrainOUTSIDE？’
`Itmay——ifitchooses，’saidTweedledee：`we’venoobjection。Contrariwise。’
`Selfishthings!’thoughtAlice，andshewasjustgoingtosay`Good—night’andleavethem，whenTweedledumsprangoutfromundertheumbrellaandseizedherbythewrist。
`DoyouseeTHAT？’hesaid，inavoicechokingwithpassion，andhiseyesgrewlargeandyellowallinamoment，ashepointedwithatremblingfingeratasmallwhitethinglyingunderthetree。
`It’sonlyarattle，’Alicesaid，afteracarefulexaminationofthelittlewhitething。`NotarattleSNAKE，youknow，’sheaddedhastily，thinkingthathewasfrightened：onlyanoldrattle——quiteoldandbroken。’
`Iknewitwas!’criedTweedledum，beginningtostampaboutwildlyandtearhishair。`It’sspoilt，ofcourse!’HerehelookedatTweedledee，whoimmediatelysatdownontheground，andtriedtohidehimselfundertheumbrella。
Alicelaidherhanduponhisarm，andsaidinasoothingtone，`Youneedn’tbesoangryaboutanoldrattle。’
`Butitisn’told!’Tweedledumcried，inagreaterfurythanever。`It’snew，Itellyou——Iboughtityesterday——myniceNewRATTLE!’andhisvoicerosetoaperfectscream。
AllthistimeTweedledeewastryinghisbesttofolduptheumbrella，withhimselfinit：whichwassuchanextraordinarythingtodo，thatitquitetookoffAlice’sattentionfromtheangrybrother。Buthecouldn’tquitesucceed，anditendedinhisrollingover，bundledupintheumbrella，withonlyhisheadout：andtherehelay，openingandshuttinghismouthandhislargeeyes——’lookingmorelikeafishthananythingelse，’
Alicethought。
`Ofcourseyouagreetohaveabattle？’Tweedledumsaidinacalmertone。
`Isupposeso，’theothersulkilyreplied，ashecrawledoutoftheumbrella：`onlySHEmusthelpustodressup，youknow。’
Sothetwobrotherswentoffhand—in—handintothewood，andreturnedinaminutewiththeirarmsfullofthings——suchasbolsters，blankets，hearth—rugs，table—cloths，dish—coversandcoal—scuttles。`Ihopeyou’reagoodhandatpinningandtyingstrings？’Tweedledumremarked。`Everyoneofthesethingshasgottogoon，somehoworother。’
Alicesaidafterwardsshehadneverseensuchafussmadeaboutanythinginallherlife——thewaythosetwobustledabout——
andthequantityofthingstheyputon——andthetroubletheygaveherintyingstringsandfasteningbuttons——`Reallythey’llbemorelikebundlesofoldclothesthatanythingelse，bythetimethey’reready!’shesaidtoherself，asshearrangedabolsterroundtheneckofTweedledee，`tokeephisheadfrombeingcutoff，’ashesaid。
`Youknow，’headdedverygravely，`it’soneofthemostseriousthingsthatcanpossiblyhappentooneinabattle——togetone’sheadcutoff。’
Alicelaughedaloud：butshemanagedtoturnitintoacough，forfearofhurtinghisfeelings。
`DoIlookverypale？’saidTweedledum，cominguptohavehishelmettiedon。（HeCALLEDitahelmet，thoughitcertainlylookedmuchmorelikeasaucepan。）
`Well——yes——aLITTLE，’Alicerepliedgently。
`I’mverybravegenerally，’hewentoninalowvoice：`onlyto—dayIhappentohaveaheadache。’
`AndI’VEgotatoothache!’saidTweedledee，whohadoverheardtheremark。`I’mfarworseoffthanyou!’
`Thenyou’dbetternotfightto—day，’saidAlice，thinkingitagoodopportunitytomakepeace。
`WeMUSThaveabitofafight，butIdon’tcareaboutgoingonlong，’saidTweedledum。`What’sthetimenow？’
Tweedledeelookedathiswatch，andsaid`Half—pastfour。’
`Let’sfighttillsix，andthenhavedinner，’saidTweedledum。
`Verywell，’theothersaid，rathersadly：`andSHEcanwatchus——onlyyou’dbetternotcomeVERYclose，’headded：`I
generallyhiteverythingIcansee——whenIgetreallyexcited。’
`And_I_hiteverythingwithinreach，’criedTweedledum，`whetherIcanseeitornot!’
Alicelaughed。`YoumusthittheTREESprettyoften，Ishouldthink，’shesaid。
Tweedledumlookedroundhimwithasatisfiedsmile。`Idon’tsuppose，’
hesaid，`there’llbeatreeleftstanding，foreversofarround，bythetimewe’vefinished!’
`Andallaboutarattle!’saidAlice，stillhopingtomakethemaLITTLEashamedoffightingforsuchatrifle。
`Ishouldn’thavemindeditsomuch，’saidTweedledum，`ifithadn’tbeenanewone。’
`Iwishthemonstrouscrowwouldcome!’thoughAlice。
`There’sonlyonesword，youknow，’Tweedledumsaidtohisbrother：`butyoucanhavetheumbrella——it’squiteassharp。
Onlywemustbeginquick。It’sgettingasdarkasitcan。’
`Anddarker。’saidTweedledee。
ItwasgettingdarksosuddenlythatAlicethoughttheremustbeathunderstormcomingon。`Whatathickblackcloudthatis!’
shesaid。`Andhowfastitcomes!Why，Idobelieveit’sgotwings!’
`It’sthecrow!’Tweedledumcriedoutinashrillvoiceofalarm：andthetwobrotherstooktotheirheelsandwereoutofsightinamoment。
Aliceranalittlewayintothewood，andstoppedunderalargetree。`ItcannevergetatmeHERE，’shethought：`it’sfartoolargetosqueezeitselfinamongthetrees。ButIwishitwouldn’tflapitswingsso——itmakesquiteahurricaneinthewood——
here’ssomebody’sshawlbeingblownaway!’
CHAPTERV
WoolandWaterShecaughttheshawlasshespoke，andlookedaboutfortheowner：inanothermomenttheWhiteQueencamerunningwildlythroughthewood，withbotharmsstretchedoutwide，asifshewereflying，andAliceverycivillywenttomeetherwiththeshawl。
`I’mverygladIhappenedtobeintheway，’Alicesaid，asshehelpedhertoputonhershawlagain。
TheWhiteQueenonlylookedatherinahelplessfrightenedsortofway，andkeptrepeatingsomethinginawhispertoherselfthatsoundedlike`bread—and—butter，bread—and—butter，’
andAlicefeltthatiftherewastobeanyconversationatall，shemustmanageitherself。Soshebeganrathertimidly：`AmI
addressingtheWhiteQueen？’
`Well，yes，ifyoucallthata—dressing，’TheQueensaid。`Itisn’tMYnotionofthething，atall。’
Alicethoughtitwouldneverdotohaveanargumentattheverybeginningoftheirconversation，soshesmiledandsaid，`IfyourMajestywillonlytellmetherightwaytobegin，I’lldoitaswellasIcan。’
`ButIdon’twantitdoneatall!’groanedthepoorQueen。
`I’vebeena—dressingmyselfforthelasttwohours。’
Itwouldhavebeenallthebetter，asitseemedtoAlice，ifshehadgotsomeoneelsetodressher，shewassodreadfullyuntidy。`Everysinglething’scrooked，’Alicethoughttoherself，`andshe’salloverpins!——mayIputyourshawlstraightforyou？’sheaddedaloud。
`Idon’tknowwhat’sthematterwithit!’theQueensaid，inamelancholyvoice。`It’soutoftemper，Ithink。I’vepinnedithere，andI’vepinneditthere，butthere’snopleasingit!’
`ItCAN’Tgostraight，youknow，ifyoupinitallononeside，’Alicesaid，asshegentlyputitrightforher；
`and，dearme，whatastateyourhairisin!’
`Thebrushhasgotentangledinit!’theQueensaidwithasigh。`AndIlostthecombyesterday。’
Alicecarefullyreleasedthebrush，anddidherbesttogetthehairintoorder。`Come，youlookratherbetternow!’shesaid，afteralteringmostofthepins。`Butreallyyoushouldhavealady’smaid!’
`I’msureI’lltakeyouwithpleasure!’theQueensaid。
`Twopenceaweek，andjameveryotherday。’
Alicecouldn’thelplaughing，asshesaid，`Idon’twantyoutohireME——andIdon’tcareforjam。’
`It’sverygoodjam，’saidtheQueen。
`Well，Idon’twantanyTO—DAY，atanyrate。’
`Youcouldn’thaveitifyouDIDwantit，’theQueensaid。
`Theruleis，jamto—morrowandjamyesterday——butneverjamto—day。’
`ItMUSTcomesometimesto\"jamto—day，\"’Aliceobjected。
`No，itcan’t，’saidtheQueen。`It’sjameveryOTHERday：
to—dayisn’tanyOTHERday，youknow。’
`Idon’tunderstandyou，’saidAlice。`It’sdreadfullyconfusing!’
`That’stheeffectoflivingbackwards，’theQueensaidkindly：
`italwaysmakesonealittlegiddyatfirst——’
`Livingbackwards!’Alicerepeatedingreatastonishment。`I
neverheardofsuchathing!’
`——butthere’sonegreatadvantageinit，thatone’smemoryworksbothways。’
`I’msureMINEonlyworksoneway。’Aliceremarked。`Ican’trememberthingsbeforetheyhappen。’
`It’sapoorsortofmemorythatonlyworksbackwards，’theQueenremarked。
`WhatsortofthingsdoYOUrememberbest？’Aliceventuredtoask。
`Oh，thingsthathappenedtheweekafternext，’theQueenrepliedinacarelesstone。`Forinstance，now，’shewenton，stickingalargepieceofplaster[band—aid]onherfingerasshespoke，`there’stheKing’sMessenger。He’sinprisonnow，beingpunished：andthetrialdoesn’tevenbegintillnextWednesday：
andofcoursethecrimecomeslastofall。’
`Supposehenevercommitsthecrime？’saidAlice。
`Thatwouldbeallthebetter，wouldn’tit？’theQueensaid，assheboundtheplasterroundherfingerwithabitofribbon。
AlicefelttherewasnodenyingTHAT。`Ofcourseitwouldbeallthebetter，’shesaid：`butitwouldn’tbeallthebetterhisbeingpunished。’
`You’rewrongTHERE，atanyrate，’saidtheQueen：`wereYOU
everpunished？’
`Onlyforfaults，’saidAlice。
`Andyouwereallthebetterforit，Iknow!’theQueensaidtriumphantly。
`Yes，butthenIHADdonethethingsIwaspunishedfor，’saidAlice：`thatmakesallthedifference。’
`ButifyouHADN’Tdonethem，’theQueensaid，`thatwouldhavebeenbetterstill；better，andbetter，andbetter!’Hervoicewenthigherwitheach`better，’tillitgotquitetoasqueakatlast。
Alicewasjustbeginningtosay`There’samistakesomewhere——，’
whentheQueenbeganscreamingsoloudthatshehadtoleavethesentenceunfinished。`Oh，oh，oh!’shoutedtheQueen，shakingherhandaboutasifshewantedtoshakeitoff。
`Myfinger’sbleeding!Oh，oh，oh，oh!’
Herscreamsweresoexactlylikethewhistleofasteam—engine，thatAlicehadtoholdbothherhandsoverherears。
`WhatISthematter？’shesaid，assoonastherewasachanceofmakingherselfheard。`Haveyouprickedyourfinger？’
`Ihaven’tprickeditYET，’theQueensaid，`butIsoonshall——
oh，oh，oh!’
`Whendoyouexpecttodoit？’Aliceasked，feelingverymuchinclinedtolaugh。
`WhenIfastenmyshawlagain，’thepoorQueengroanedout：
`thebroochwillcomeundonedirectly。Oh，oh!’Asshesaidthewordsthebroochflewopen，andtheQueenclutchedwildlyatit，andtriedtoclaspitagain。
`Takecare!’criedAlice。`You’reholdingitallcrooked!’
Andshecaughtatthebrooch；butitwastoolate：thepinhadslipped，andtheQueenhadprickedherfinger。
`Thataccountsforthebleeding，yousee，’shesaidtoAlicewithasmile。`Nowyouunderstandthewaythingshappenhere。’
`Butwhydon’tyouscreamnow？’Aliceasked，holdingherhandsreadytoputoverherearsagain。
`Why，I’vedoneallthescreamingalready，’saidtheQueen。
`Whatwouldbethegoodofhavingitalloveragain？’
Bythistimeitwasgettinglight。`Thecrowmusthaveflownaway，Ithink，’saidAlice：`I’msogladit’sgone。Ithoughtitwasthenightcomingon。’
`Iwish_I_couldmanagetobeglad!’theQueensaid。`OnlyI
nevercanremembertherule。Youmustbeveryhappy，livinginthiswood，andbeinggladwheneveryoulike!’
`OnlyitissoVERYlonelyhere!’Alicesaidinamelancholyvoice；andatthethoughtofherlonelinesstwolargetearscamerollingdownhercheeks。
`Oh，don’tgoonlikethat!’criedthepoorQueen，wringingherhandsindespair。`Considerwhatagreatgirlyouare。Considerwhatalongwayyou’vecometo—day。Considerwhato’clockitis。
Consideranything，onlydon’tcry!’
Alicecouldnothelplaughingatthis，eveninthemidstofhertears。
`CanYOUkeepfromcryingbyconsideringthings？’sheasked。
`That’sthewayit’sdone，’theQueensaidwithgreatdecision：
`nobodycandotwothingsatonce，youknow。Let’sconsideryouragetobeginwith——howoldareyou？’
`I’msevenandahalfexactly。’
`Youneedn’tsay\"exactually，\"’theQueenremarked：`Icanbelieveitwithoutthat。NowI’llgiveYOUsomethingtobelieve。
I’mjustonehundredandone，fivemonthsandaday。’
`Ican’tbelieveTHAT!’saidAlice。
`Can’tyou？’theQueensaidinapityingtone。`Tryagain：
drawalongbreath，andshutyoureyes。’
Alicelaughed。`There’snousetrying，’shesaid：`oneCAN’T
believeimpossiblethings。’
`Idaresayyouhaven’thadmuchpractice，’saidtheQueen。
`WhenIwasyourage，Ialwaysdiditforhalf—an—houraday。
Why，sometimesI’vebelievedasmanyassiximpossiblethingsbeforebreakfast。Theregoestheshawlagain!’
Thebroochhadcomeundoneasshespoke，andasuddengustofwindblewtheQueen’sshawlacrossalittlebrook。TheQueenspreadoutherarmsagain，andwentflyingafterit，andthistimeshesucceededincatchingitforherself。`I’vegotit!’
shecriedinatriumphanttone。`Nowyoushallseemepinitonagain，allbymyself!’
`ThenIhopeyourfingerisbetternow？’Alicesaidverypolitely，asshecrossedthelittlebrookaftertheQueen。
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`Oh，muchbetter!’criedtheQueen，hervoicerisingtoasqueakasshewenton。`Muchbe—etter!Be—etter!Be—e—e—etter!
Be—e—ehh!’Thelastwordendedinalongbleat，solikeasheepthatAlicequitestarted。
ShelookedattheQueen，whoseemedtohavesuddenlywrappedherselfupinwool。Alicerubbedhereyes，andlookedagain。
Shecouldn’tmakeoutwhathadhappenedatall。Wassheinashop？Andwasthatreally——wasitreallyaSHEEPthatwassittingontheothersideofthecounter？Rubasshecould，shecouldmakenothingmoreofit：shewasinalittledarkshop，leaningwithherelbowsonthecounter，andoppositetoherwasanoldSheep，sittinginanarm—chairknitting，andeverynowandthenleavingofftolookatherthroughagreatpairofspectacles。
`Whatisityouwanttobuy？’theSheepsaidatlast，lookingupforamomentfromherknitting。
`Idon’tQUITEknowyet，’Alicesaid，verygently。`Ishouldliketolookallroundmefirst，ifImight。’
`Youmaylookinfrontofyou，andonbothsides，ifyoulike，’
saidtheSheep：`butyoucan’tlookALLroundyou——unlessyou’vegoteyesatthebackofyourhead。’
Butthese，asithappened，AlicehadNOTgot：soshecontentedherselfwithturninground，lookingattheshelvesasshecametothem。
Theshopseemedtobefullofallmannerofcuriousthings——
buttheoddestpartofitallwas，thatwhenevershelookedhardatanyshelf，tomakeoutexactlywhatithadonit，thatparticularshelfwasalwaysquiteempty：thoughtheothersrounditwerecrowdedasfullastheycouldhold。
`Thingsflowaboutsohere!’shesaidatlastinaplaintivetone，aftershehadspentaminuteorsoinvainlypursuingalargebrightthing，thatlookedsometimeslikeadollandsometimeslikeawork—box，andwasalwaysintheshelfnextabovetheoneshewaslookingat。`Andthisoneisthemostprovokingofall——butI’lltellyouwhat——’sheadded，asasuddenthoughtstruckher，`I’llfollowituptotheverytopshelfofall。It’llpuzzleittogothroughtheceiling，Iexpect!’
Buteventhisplanfailed：the`thing’wentthroughtheceilingasquietlyaspossible，asifitwerequiteusedtoit。
`Areyouachildorateetotum？’theSheepsaid，asshetookupanotherpairofneedles。`You’llmakemegiddysoon，ifyougoonturningroundlikethat。’Shewasnowworkingwithfourteenpairsatonce，andAlicecouldn’thelplookingatheringreatastonishment。
`HowCANsheknitwithsomany？’thepuzzledchildthoughttoherself。`Shegetsmoreandmorelikeaporcupineeveryminute!’
`Canyourow？’theSheepasked，handingherapairofknitting—
needlesasshespoke。
`Yes，alittle——butnotonland——andnotwithneedles——’
Alicewasbeginningtosay，whensuddenlytheneedlesturnedintooarsinherhands，andshefoundtheywereinalittleboat，glidingalongbetweenbanks：sotherewasnothingforitbuttodoherbest。
`Feather!’criedtheSheep，asshetookupanotherpairofneedles。
Thisdidn’tsoundlikearemarkthatneededanyanswer，soAlicesaidnothing，butpulledaway。Therewassomethingveryqueeraboutthewater，shethought，aseverynowandthentheoarsgotfastinit，andwouldhardlycomeoutagain。
`Feather!Feather!’theSheepcriedagain，takingmoreneedles。`You’llbecatchingacrabdirectly。’
`Adearlittlecrab!’thoughtAlice。`Ishouldlikethat。’
`Didn’tyouhearmesay\"Feather\"？’theSheepcriedangrily，takingupquiteabunchofneedles。
`IndeedIdid，’saidAlice：`you’vesaiditveryoften——andveryloud。Please，whereAREthecrabs？’
`Inthewater，ofcourse!’saidtheSheep，stickingsomeoftheneedlesintoherhair，asherhandswerefull。`Feather，Isay!’
`WHYdoyousay\"feather\"sooften？’Aliceaskedatlast，rathervexed。’I’mnotabird!’
`Youare，’saidtheSheet：`you’realittlegoose。’
ThisoffendedAlicealittle，sotherewasnomoreconversationforaminuteortwo，whiletheboatglidedgentlyon，sometimesamongbedsofweeds（whichmadetheoarsstickfastinthewater，worsethenever），andsometimesundertrees，butalwayswiththesametallriver—banksfrowningovertheirheads。
`Oh，please!Therearesomescentedrushes!’Alicecriedinasuddentransportofdelight。`Therereallyare——andSUCH
beauties!’
`Youneedn’tsay\"please\"toMEabout`em’theSheepsaid，withoutlookingupfromherknitting：`Ididn’tput`emthere，andI’mnotgoingtotake`emaway。’
`No，butImeant——please，maywewaitandpicksome？’Alicepleaded。`Ifyoudon’tmindstoppingtheboatforaminute。’
`Howam_I_tostopit？’saidtheSheep。`Ifyouleaveoffrowing，it’llstopofitself。’
Sotheboatwaslefttodriftdownthestreamasitwould，tillitglidedgentlyinamongthewavingrushes。Andthenthelittlesleeveswerecarefullyrolledup，andthelittlearmswereplungedinelbow—deeptogettherushesagoodlongwaydownbeforebreakingthemoff——andforawhileAliceforgotallabouttheSheepandtheknitting，asshebentoverthesideoftheboat，withjusttheendsofhertangledhairdippingintothewater——whilewithbrighteagereyesshecaughtatonebunchafteranotherofthedarlingscentedrushes。
`Ionlyhopetheboatwon’ttippleover!’shesaidtoherself。
Oh，WHATalovelyone!OnlyIcouldn’tquitereachit。’`AnditcertainlyDIDseemalittleprovoking（`almostasifithappenedonpurpose，’shethought）that，thoughshemanagedtopickplentyofbeautifulrushesastheboatglidedby，therewasalwaysamorelovelyonethatshecouldn’treach。
`Theprettiestarealwaysfurther!’shesaidatlast，withasighattheobstinacyoftherushesingrowingsofaroff，as，withflushedcheeksanddrippinghairandhands，shescrambledbackintoherplace，andbegantoarrangehernew—foundtreasures。
Whatmatteredittoherjustthanthattherusheshadbeguntofade，andtolosealltheirscentandbeauty，fromtheverymomentthatshepickedthem？Evenrealscentedrushes，youknow，lastonlyaverylittlewhile——andthese，beingdream—rushes，meltedawayalmostlikesnow，astheylayinheapsatherfeet——
butAlicehardlynoticedthis，thereweresomanyothercuriousthingstothinkabout。
Theyhadn’tgonemuchfartherbeforethebladeofoneoftheoarsgotfastinthewaterandWOULDN’Tcomeoutagain（soAliceexplaineditafterwards），andtheconsequencewasthatthehandleofitcaughtherunderthechin，and，inspiteofaseriesoflittleshrieksof`Oh，oh，oh!’frompoorAlice，itsweptherstraightofftheseat，anddownamongtheheapofrushes。
However，shewasn’thurt，andwassoonupagain：theSheepwentonwithherknittingallthewhile，justasifnothinghadhappened。`Thatwasanicecrabyoucaught!’sheremarked，asAlicegotbackintoherplace，verymuchrelievedtofindherselfstillintheboat。
`Wasit？Ididn’tseeit，’SaidAlice，peepingcautiouslyoverthesideoftheboatintothedarkwater。`Iwishithadn’tletgo——Ishouldsoliketoseealittlecrabtotakehomewithme!’ButtheSheeponlylaughedscornfully，andwentonwithherknitting。
`Aretheremanycrabshere？’saidAlice。
`Crabs，andallsortsofthings，’saidtheSheep：`plentyofchoice，onlymakeupyourmind。Now，whatDOyouwanttobuy？’
`Tobuy!’Aliceechoedinatonethatwashalfastonishedandhalffrightened——fortheoars，andtheboat，andtheriver，hadvanishedallinamoment，andshewasbackagaininthelittledarkshop。
`Ishouldliketobuyanegg，please，’shesaidtimidly。`Howdoyousellthem？’
`Fivepencefarthingforone——Twopencefortwo，’theSheepreplied。
`Thentwoarecheaperthanone？’Alicesaidinasurprisedtone，takingoutherpurse。
`OnlyyouMUSTeatthemboth，ifyoubuytwo，’saidtheSheep。
`ThenI’llhaveONE，please，’saidAlice，assheputthemoneydownonthecounter。Forshethoughttoherself，`Theymightn’tbeatallnice，youknow。’
TheSheeptookthemoney，andputitawayinabox：thenshesaid`Ineverputthingsintopeople’shands——thatwouldneverdo——youmustgetitforyourself。’Andsosaying，shewentofftotheotherendoftheshop，andsettheegguprightonashelf。
`IwonderWHYitwouldn’tdo？’thoughtAlice，asshegropedherwayamongthetablesandchairs，fortheshopwasverydarktowardstheend。`TheeggseemstogetfurtherawaythemoreI
walktowardsit。Letmesee，isthisachair？Why，it’sgotbranches，Ideclare!Howveryoddtofindtreesgrowinghere!
Andactuallyhere’salittlebrook!Well，thisistheveryqueerestshopIeversaw!’
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Soshewenton，wonderingmoreandmoreateverystep，aseverythingturnedintoatreethemomentshecameuptoit，andshequiteexpectedtheeggtodothesame。
CHAPTERVI
HumptyDumptyHowever，theeggonlygotlargerandlarger，andmoreandmorehuman：whenshehadcomewithinafewyardsofit，shesawthatithadeyesandanoseandmouth；andwhenshehadcomeclosetoit，shesawclearlythatitwasHUMPTYDUMPTYhimself。`Itcan’tbeanybodyelse!’shesaidtoherself。`I’mascertainofit，asifhisnamewerewrittenalloverhisface。’
Itmighthavebeenwrittenahundredtimes，easily，onthatenormousface。HumptyDumptywassittingwithhislegscrossed，likeaTurk，onthetopofahighwall——suchanarrowonethatAlicequitewonderedhowhecouldkeephisbalance——and，ashiseyesweresteadilyfixedintheoppositedirection，andhedidn’ttaketheleastnoticeofher，shethoughthemustbeastuffedfigureafterall。
`Andhowexactlylikeaneggheis!’shesaidaloud，standingwithherhandsreadytocatchhim，forshewaseverymomentexpectinghimtofall。
`It’sVERYprovoking，’HumptyDumptysaidafteralongsilence，lookingawayfromAliceashespoke，`tobecalledanegg——
VERY!’
`IsaidyouLOOKEDlikeanegg，Sir，’Alicegentlyexplained。
`Andsomeeggsareverypretty，youknow’sheadded，hopingtoturnherremarkintoasortofacompliment。
`Somepeople，’saidHumptyDumpty，lookingawayfromherasusual，`havenomoresensethanababy!’
Alicedidn’tknowwhattosaytothis：itwasn’tatalllikeconversation，shethought，asheneversaidanythingtoHER；infact，hislastremarkwasevidentlyaddressedtoatree——soshestoodandsoftlyrepeatedtoherself：——
`HumptyDumptysatonawall：
HumptyDumptyhadagreatfall。
AlltheKing’shorsesandalltheKing’smenCouldn’tputHumptyDumptyinhisplaceagain。’
`Thatlastlineismuchtoolongforthepoetry，’sheadded，almostoutloud，forgettingthatHumptyDumptywouldhearher。
`Don’tstandtherechatteringtoyourselflikethat，’HumptyDumptysaid，lookingatherforthefirsttime，`buttellmeyournameandyourbusiness。’
`MyNAMEisAlice，but——’
`It’sastupidenoughname!’HumptyDumptyinterruptedimpatiently。
`Whatdoesitmean？’
`MUSTanamemeansomething？’Aliceaskeddoubtfully。
`Ofcourseitmust，’HumptyDumptysaidwithashortlaugh：
`MYnamemeanstheshapeIam——andagoodhandsomeshapeitis，too。Withanamelikeyours，youmightbeanyshape，almost。’
`Whydoyousitouthereallalone？’saidAlice，notwishingtobeginanargument。
`Why，becausethere’snobodywithme!’criedHumptyDumpty。
`DidyouthinkIdidn’tknowtheanswertoTHAT？Askanother。’
`Don’tyouthinkyou’dbesaferdownontheground？’Alicewenton，notwithanyideaofmakinganotherriddle，butsimplyinhergood—naturedanxietyforthequeercreature。`ThatwallissoVERYnarrow!’
`Whattremendouslyeasyriddlesyouask!’HumptyDumptygrowledout。`OfcourseIdon’tthinkso!Why，ifeverIDIDfalloff——
whichthere’snochanceof——butIFIdid——’HerehepursedhislipsandlookedsosolemnandgrandthatAlicecouldhardlyhelplaughing。`IFIdidfall，’hewenton，`THEKINGHAS
PROMISEDME——WITHHISVERYOWNMOUTH——to——to——’
`Tosendallhishorsesandallhismen，’Aliceinterrupted，ratherunwisely。
`NowIdeclarethat’stoobad!’HumptyDumptycried，breakingintoasuddenpassion。`You’vebeenlisteningatdoors——andbehindtrees——
anddownchimneys——oryoucouldn’thaveknownit!’
`Ihaven’t，indeed!’Alicesaidverygently。`It’sinabook。’
`Ah，well!TheymaywritesuchthingsinaBOOK，’HumptyDumptysaidinacalmertone。`That’swhatyoucallaHistoryofEngland，thatis。Now，takeagoodlookatme!I’monethathasspokentoaKing，_I_am：mayhapyou’llneverseesuchanother：
andtoshowyouI’mnotproud，youmayshakehandswithme!’Andhegrinnedalmostfromeartoear，asheleantforwards（andasnearlyaspossiblefellofthewallindoingso）andofferedAlicehishand。Shewatchedhimalittleanxiouslyasshetookit。`Ifhesmiledmuchmore，theendsofhismouthmightmeetbehind，’shethought：`andthenIdon’tknowwhatwouldhappentohishead!I’mafraiditwouldcomeoff!’
`Yes，allhishorsesandallhismen，’HumptyDumptywenton。
`They’dpickmeupagaininaminute，THEYwould!However，thisconversationisgoingonalittletoofast：let’sgobacktothelastremarkbutone。’
`I’mafraidIcan’tquiterememberit，’Alicesaidverypolitely。
`Inthatcasewestartfresh，’saidHumptyDumpty，`andit’smyturntochooseasubject——’（`Hetalksaboutitjustasifitwasagame!’thoughtAlice。）`Sohere’saquestionforyou。Howolddidyousayyouwere？’
Alicemadeashortcalculation，andsaid`Sevenyearsandsixmonths。’
`Wrong!’HumptyDumptyexclaimedtriumphantly。`Youneversaidawordlikeit!’
`Ithoughyoumeant\"HowoldAREyou？\"’Aliceexplained。
`IfI’dmeantthat，I’dhavesaidit，’saidHumptyDumpty。
Alicedidn’twanttobeginanotherargument，soshesaidnothing。
`Sevenyearsandsixmonths!’HumptyDumptyrepeatedthoughtfully。`Anuncomfortablesortofage。Nowifyou’daskedMYadvice，I’dhavesaid\"Leaveoffatseven\"——butit’stoolatenow。’
`Ineveraskadviceaboutgrowing，’Alicesaidindignantly。
`Tooproud？’theotherinquired。
Alicefeltevenmoreindignantatthissuggestion。`Imean，’
shesaid，`thatonecan’thelpgrowingolder。’
`ONEcan’t，perhaps，’saidHumptyDumpty，`butTWOcan。Withproperassistance，youmighthaveleftoffatseven。’
`Whatabeautifulbeltyou’vegoton!’Alicesuddenlyremarked。
（Theyhadhadquiteenoughofthesubjectofage，shethought：
andiftheyreallyweretotaketurnsinchoosingsubjects，itwasherturnnow。）`Atleast，’shecorrectedherselfonsecondthoughts，`abeautifulcravat，Ishouldhavesaid——no，abelt，Imean——Ibegyourpardon!’sheaddedindismay，forHumptyDumptylookedthoroughlyoffended，andshebegantowishshehadn’tchosenthatsubject。`IfIonlyknew，’thethoughttoherself，’whichwasneckandwhichwaswaist!’
EvidentlyHumptyDumptywasveryangry，thoughhesaidnothingforaminuteortwo。WhenheDIDspeakagain，itwasinadeepgrowl。
`Itisa——MOST——PROVOKING——thing，’hesaidatlast，`whenapersondoesn’tknowacravatfromabelt!’
`Iknowit’sveryignorantofme，’Alicesaid，insohumbleatonethatHumptyDumptyrelented。
`It’sacravat，child，andabeautifulone，asyousay。It’sapresentfromtheWhiteKingandQueen。Therenow!’
`Isitreally？’saidAlice，quitepleasedtofindthatsheHAD
chosenagoodsubject，afterall。
`Theygaveitme，’HumptyDumptycontinuedthoughtfully，ashecrossedonekneeovertheotherandclaspedhishandsroundit，`theygaveitme——foranun—birthdaypresent。’
`Ibegyourpardon？’Alicesaidwithapuzzledair。
`I’mnotoffended，’saidHumptyDumpty。
`Imean，whatISanun—birthdaypresent？’
`Apresentgivenwhenitisn’tyourbirthday，ofcourse。’
Aliceconsideredalittle。`Ilikebirthdaypresentsbest，’
shesaidatlast。
`Youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout!’criedHumptyDumpty。`Howmanydaysarethereinayear？’
`Threehundredandsixty—five，’saidAlice。
`Andhowmanybirthdayshaveyou？’
`One。’
`Andifyoutakeonefromthreehundredandsixty—five，whatremains？’
`Threehundredandsixty—four，ofcourse。’
HumptyDumptylookeddoubtful。`I’dratherseethatdoneonpaper，’hesaid。
Alicecouldn’thelpsmilingasshetookouthermemorandum—
book，andworkedthesumforhim：
365
1
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364
___
HumptyDumptytookthebook，andlookedatitcarefully。`Thatseemstobedoneright——’hebegan。
`You’reholdingitupsidedown!’Aliceinterrupted。
`TobesureIwas!’HumptyDumptysaidgaily，assheturneditroundforhim。`Ithoughtitlookedalittlequeer。AsIwassaying，thatSEEMStobedoneright——thoughIhaven’ttimetolookitoverthoroughlyjustnow——andthatshowsthattherearethreehundredandsixty—fourdayswhenyoumightgetun—birthdaypresents——’
`Certainly，’saidAlice。
`AndonlyONEforbirthdaypresents，youknow。There’sgloryforyou!’
`Idon’tknowwhatyoumeanby\"glory，\"’Alicesaid。
HumptyDumptysmiledcontemptuously。`Ofcourseyoudon’t——
tillItellyou。Imeant\"there’saniceknock—downargumentforyou!\"’
`But\"glory\"doesn’tmean\"aniceknock—downargument，\"’Aliceobjected。
`When_I_useaword，’HumptyDumptysaidinratherascornfultone，`itmeansjustwhatIchooseittomean——neithermorenorless。’
`Thequestionis，’saidAlice，`whetheryouCANmakewordsmeansomanydifferentthings。’
`Thequestionis，’saidHumptyDumpty，`whichistobemaster——
that’sall。’
Alicewastoomuchpuzzledtosayanything，soafteraminuteHumptyDumptybeganagain。`They’veatemper，someofthem——
particularlyverbs，they’retheproudest——adjectivesyoucandoanythingwith，butnotverbs——however，_I_canmanagethewholelotofthem!Impenetrability!That’swhat_I_say!’
`Wouldyoutellme，please，’saidAlice`whatthatmeans？’
`Nowyoutalklikeareasonablechild，’saidHumptyDumpty，lookingverymuchpleased。`Imeantby\"impenetrability\"thatwe’vehadenoughofthatsubject，anditwouldbejustaswellifyou’dmentionwhatyoumeantodonext，asIsupposeyoudon’tmeantostopherealltherestofyourlife。’
`That’sagreatdealtomakeonewordmean，’Alicesaidinathoughtfultone。
`WhenImakeaworddoalotofworklikethat，’saidHumptyDumpty，`Ialwayspayitextra。’
`Oh!’saidAlice。Shewastoomuchpuzzledtomakeanyotherremark。
`Ah，youshouldsee’emcomeroundmeofaSaturdaynight，’
HumptyDumptywenton，wagginghisheadgravelyfromsidetoside：`fortogettheirwages，youknow。’
（Alicedidn’tventuretoaskwhathepaidthemwith；andsoyouseeIcan’ttellYOU。）
`Youseemverycleveratexplainingwords，Sir，’saidAlice。
`Wouldyoukindlytellmethemeaningofthepoemcalled\"Jabberwocky\"？’
`Let’shearit，’saidHumptyDumpty。`Icanexplainallthepoemsthatwereeverinvented——andagoodmanythathaven’tbeeninventedjustyet。’
Thissoundedveryhopeful，soAlicerepeatedthefirstverse：
’Twasbrillig，andtheslithytovesDidgyreandgimbleinthewabe；
Allmimsyweretheborogoves，Andthemomerathsoutgrabe。
`That’senoughtobeginwith，’HumptyDumptyinterrupted：
`thereareplentyofhardwordsthere。\"BRILLIG\"meansfouro’clockintheafternoon——thetimewhenyoubeginBROILING
thingsfordinner。’
`That’lldoverywell，’saidAlice：and\"SLITHY\"？’
`Well，\"SLITHY\"means\"litheandslimy。\"\"Lithe\"isthesameas\"active。\"Youseeit’slikeaportmanteau——therearetwomeaningspackedupintooneword。’
`Iseeitnow，’Aliceremarkedthoughtfully：`andwhatare\"TOVES\"？’
`Well，\"TOVES\"aresomethinglikebadgers——they’resomethinglikelizards——andthey’resomethinglikecorkscrews。’
`Theymustbeverycuriouslookingcreatures。’
`Theyarethat，’saidHumptyDumpty：`alsotheymaketheirnestsundersun—dials——alsotheyliveoncheese。’
`Andywhat’sthe\"GYRE\"andto\"GIMBLE\"？’
`To\"GYRE\"istogoroundandroundlikeagyroscope。To\"GIMBLE\"istomakeholeslikeagimlet。’
`And\"THEWABE\"isthegrass—plotroundasun—dial，Isuppose？’
saidAlice，surprisedatherowningenuity。
`Ofcourseitis。It’scalled\"WABE，\"youknow，becauseitgoesalongwaybeforeit，andalongwaybehindit——’
`Andalongwaybeyonditoneachside，’Aliceadded。
`Exactlyso。Well，then，\"MIMSY\"is\"flimsyandmiserable\"
（there’sanotherportmanteauforyou）。Anda\"BOROGOVE\"isathinshabby—lookingbirdwithitsfeathersstickingoutallround——
somethinglikealivemop。’
`Andthen\"MOMERATHS\"？’saidAlice。`I’mafraidI’mgivingyouagreatdealoftrouble。’
`Well，a\"RATH\"isasortofgreenpig：but\"MOME\"I’mnotcertainabout。Ithinkit’sshortfor\"fromhome\"——meaningthatthey’dlosttheirway，youknow。’
`Andwhatdoes\"OUTGRABE\"mean？’
`Well，\"OUTGRABING\"issomethingbetweenbellowingandwhistling，withakindofsneezeinthemiddle：however，you’llhearitdone，maybe——downinthewoodyonder——andwhenyou’veonceheardityou’llbeQUITEcontent。Who’sbeenrepeatingallthathardstufftoyou？’
`Ireaditinabook，’saidAlice。`ButIhadsomepoetryrepeatedtome，mucheasierthanthat，by——Tweedledee，Ithinkitwas。’
`Astopoetry，youknow，’saidHumptyDumpty，stretchingoutoneofhisgreathands，`_I_canrepeatpoetryaswellasotherfolk，ifitcomestothat——’
`Oh，itneedn’tcometothat!’Alicehastilysaid，hopingtokeephimfrombeginning。
`ThepieceI’mgoingtorepeat，’hewentonwithoutnoticingherremark，’waswrittenentirelyforyouramusement。’
AlicefeltthatinthatcaseshereallyOUGHTtolistentoit，soshesatdown，andsaid`Thankyou’rathersadly。
`Inwinter，whenthefieldsarewhite，Isingthissongforyourdelight——
onlyIdon’tsingit，’headded，asanexplanation。
`Iseeyoudon’t，’saidAlice。
`IfyoucanSEEwhetherI’msingingornot，you’vesharpereyesthanmost。’HumptyDumptyremarkedseverely。Alicewassilent。
`Inspring，whenwoodsaregettinggreen，I’lltryandtellyouwhatImean。’
`Thankyouverymuch，’saidAlice。
`Insummer，whenthedaysarelong，Perhapsyou’llunderstandthesong：
Inautumn，whentheleavesarebrown，Takepenandink，andwriteitdown。’
`Iwill，ifIcanrememberitsolong，’saidAlice。
`Youneedn’tgoonmakingremarkslikethat，’HumptyDumptysaid：`they’renotsensible，andtheyputmeout。’
`Isentamessagetothefish：
Itoldthem\"ThisiswhatIwish。\"
Thelittlefishesofthesea，Theysentananswerbacktome。
Thelittlefishes’answerwas\"Wecannotdoit，Sir，because——\"’
`I’mafraidIdon’tquiteunderstand，’saidAlice。
`Itgetseasierfurtheron，’HumptyDumptyreplied。
`Isenttothemagaintosay\"Itwillbebettertoobey。\"
Thefishesansweredwithagrin，\"Why，whatatemperyouarein!\"
Itoldthemonce，Itoldthemtwice：
Theywouldnotlistentoadvice。
Itookakettlelargeandnew，FitforthedeedIhadtodo。
Myheartwenthop，myheartwentthump；
Ifilledthekettleatthepump。
Thensomeonecametomeandsaid，\"Thelittlefishesareinbed。\"
Isaidtohim，Isaiditplain，\"Thenyoumustwakethemupagain。\"
Isaiditveryloudandclear；
Iwentandshoutedinhisear。’
HumptyDumptyraisedhisvoicealmosttoascreamasherepeatedthisverse，andAlicethoughtwithashudder，`I
wouldn’thavebeenthemessengerforANYTHING!’
`Buthewasverystiffandproud；
Hesaid\"Youneedn’tshoutsoloud!\"
Andhewasveryproudandstiff；
Hesaid\"I’dgoandwakethem，if——\"
Itookacorkscrewfromtheshelf：
Iwenttowakethemupmyself。
AndwhenIfoundthedoorwaslocked，Ipulledandpushedandkickedandknocked。
AndwhenIfoundthedoorwasshut，Itriedtoturnthehandle，but——’
Therewasalongpause。
`Isthatall？’Alicetimidlyasked。
`That’sall，’saidHumptyDumpty。`Good—bye。’
Thiswasrathersudden，Alicethought：but，aftersuchaVERY
stronghintthatsheoughttobegoing，shefeltthatitwouldhardlybeciviltostay。Soshegotup，andheldoutherhand。
`Good—bye，tillwemeetagain!’shesaidascheerfullyasshecould。
`Ishouldn’tknowyouagainifweDIDmeet，’HumptyDumptyrepliedinadiscontentedtone，givingheroneofhisfingerstoshake；`you’resoexactlylikeotherpeople。’
`Thefaceiswhatonegoesby，generally，’Aliceremarkedinathoughtfultone。
`That’sjustwhatIcomplainof，’saidHumptyDumpty。`Yourfaceisthesameaseverybodyhas——thetwoeyes，so——’
（markingtheirplacesintheairwiththisthumb）`noseinthemiddle，mouthunder。It’salwaysthesame。Nowifyouhadthetwoeyesonthesamesideofthenose，forinstance——orthemouthatthetop——thatwouldbeSOMEhelp。’
`Itwouldn’tlooknice，’Aliceobjected。ButHumptyDumptyonlyshuthiseyesandsaid`Waittillyou’vetried。’
Alicewaitedaminutetoseeifhewouldspeakagain，butasheneveropenedhiseyesortookanyfurthernoticeofher，shesaid`Good—bye!’oncemore，and，gettingnoanswertothis，shequietlywalkedaway：butshecouldn’thelpsayingtoherselfasshewent，`Ofalltheunsatisfactory——’（sherepeatedthisaloud，asitwasagreatcomforttohavesuchalongwordtosay）
`ofalltheunsatisfactorypeopleIEVERmet——’Sheneverfinishedthesentence，foratthismomentaheavycrashshooktheforestfromendtoend。
CHAPTERVII
TheLionandtheUnicornThenextmomentsoldierscamerunningthroughthewood，atfirstintwosandthrees，thentenortwentytogether，andatlastinsuchcrowdsthattheyseemedtofillthewholeforest。Alicegotbehindatree，forfearofbeingrunover，andwatchedthemgoby。
Shethoughtthatinallherlifeshehadneverseensoldierssouncertainontheirfeet：theywerealwaystrippingoversomethingorother，andwheneveronewentdown，severalmorealwaysfelloverhim，sothatthegroundwassooncoveredwithlittleheapsofmen。
Thencamethehorses。Havingfourfeet，thesemanagedratherbetterthanthefoot—soldiers：butevenTHEYstumblednowandthen；anditseemedtobearegularrulethat，wheneverahorsestumbledtheriderfelloffinstantly。Theconfusiongotworseeverymoment，andAlicewasverygladtogetoutofthewoodintoanopenplace，whereshefoundtheWhiteKingseatedontheground，busilywritinginhismemorandum—book。
`I’vesentthemall!’theKingcriedinatoneofdelight，onseeingAlice。`Didyouhappentomeetanysoldiers，mydear，asyoucamethroughthewood？’
`Yes，Idid，’saidAlice：`severalthousand，Ishouldthink。’
`Fourthousandtwohundredandseven，that’stheexactnumber，’
theKingsaid，referringtohisbook。`Icouldn’tsendallthehorses，youknow，becausetwoofthemarewantedinthegame。
AndIhaven’tsentthetwoMessengers，either。They’rebothgonetothetown。Justlookalongtheroad，andtellmeifyoucanseeeitherofthem。’
`Iseenobodyontheroad，’saidAlice。
`Ionlywish_I_hadsucheyes，’theKingremarkedinafretfultone。`TobeabletoseeNobody!Andatthatdistance，too!
Why，it’sasmuchas_I_candotoseerealpeople，bythislight!’
AllthiswaslostonAlice，whowasstilllookingintentlyalongtheroad，shadinghereyeswithonehand。`Iseesomebodynow!’sheexclaimedatlast。`Buthe’scomingveryslowly——andwhatcuriousattitudeshegoesinto!’（Forthemessengerkeptskippingupanddown，andwrigglinglikeaneel，ashecamealong，withhisgreathandsspreadoutlikefansoneachside。）
`Notatall，’saidtheKing。`He’sanAnglo—SaxonMessenger——
andthoseareAnglo—Saxonattitudes。Heonlydoesthemwhenhe’shappy。HisnameisHaigha。’（Hepronounceditsoastorhymewith`mayor。’）
`IlovemylovewithanH，’Alicecouldn’thelpbeginning，`becauseheisHappy。IhatehimwithanH，becauseheisHideous。
Ifedhimwith——with——withHam—sandwichesandHay。
HisnameisHaigha，andhelives——’
`HelivesontheHill，’theKingremarkedsimply，withouttheleastideathathewasjoininginthegame，whileAlicewasstillhesitatingforthenameofatownbeginningwithH。`TheotherMessenger’scalledHatta。ImusthaveTWO，youknow——tocomeandgo。Oncetocome，andonetogo。’
`Ibegyourpardon？’saidAlice。
`Itisn’trespectabletobeg，’saidtheKing。
`IonlymeantthatIdidn’tunderstand，’saidAlice。`Whyonetocomeandonetogo？’
`Didn’tItellyou？’theKingrepeatedimpatiently。`ImusthaveTwo——tofetchandcarry。Onetofetch，andonetocarry。’
AtthismomenttheMessengerarrived：hewasfartoomuchoutofbreathtosayaword，andcouldonlywavehishandsabout，andmakethemostfearfulfacesatthepoorKing。
`ThisyoungladylovesyouwithanH，’theKingsaid，introducingAliceinthehopeofturningofftheMessenger’sattentionfromhimself——butitwasnouse——theAnglo—Saxonattitudesonlygotmoreextraordinaryeverymoment，whilethegreateyesrolledwildlyfromsidetoside。
`Youalarmme!’saidtheKing。`Ifeelfaint——Givemeahamsandwich!’
OnwhichtheMessenger，toAlice’sgreatamusement，openedabagthathungroundhisneck，andhandedasandwichtotheKing，whodevoureditgreedily。
`Anothersandwich!’saidtheKing。
`There’snothingbuthayleftnow，’theMessengersaid，peepingintothebag。
`Hay，then，’theKingmurmuredinafaintwhisper。
Alicewasgladtoseethatitrevivedhimagooddeal。
`There’snothinglikeeatinghaywhenyou’refaint，’heremarkedtoher，ashemunchedaway。
`Ishouldthinkthrowingcoldwateroveryouwouldbebetter，’
Alicesuggested：`orsomesal—volatile。’
`Ididn’tsaytherewasnothingBETTER，’theKingreplied。`IsaidtherewasnothingLIKEit。’WhichAlicedidnotventuretodeny。
`Whodidyoupassontheroad？’theKingwenton，holdingouthishandtotheMessengerforsomemorehay。
`Nobody，’saidtheMessenger。
`Quiteright，’saidtheKing：`thisyoungladysawhimtoo。
SoofcourseNobodywalksslowerthanyou。’
`Idomybest，’theMessengersaidinasulkytone。`I’msurenobodywalksmuchfasterthanIdo!’
`Hecan’tdothat，’saidtheKing，`orelsehe’dhavebeenherefirst。However，nowyou’vegotyourbreath，youmaytelluswhat’shappenedinthetown。’
`I’llwhisperit，’saidtheMessenger，puttinghishandstohismouthintheshapeofatrumpet，andstoopingsoastogetclosetotheKing’sear。Alicewassorryforthis，asshewantedtohearthenewstoo。However，insteadofwhispering，hesimplyshoutedatthetopofhisvoice`They’reatitagain!’
`DoyoucallTHATawhisper？’criedthepoorKing，jumpingupandshakinghimself。`Ifyoudosuchathingagain，I’llhaveyoubuttered!Itwentthroughandthroughmyheadlikeanearthquake!’
`Itwouldhavetobeaverytinyearthquake!’thoughtAlice。
`Whoareatitagain？’sheventuredtoask。
`WhytheLionandtheUnicorn，ofcourse，’saidtheKing。
`Fightingforthecrown？’
`Yes，tobesure，’saidtheKing：`andthebestofthejokeis，thatit’sMYcrownallthewhile!Let’srunandseethem。’
Andtheytrottedoff，Alicerepeatingtoherself，assheran，thewordsoftheoldsong：——
`TheLionandtheUnicornwerefightingforthecrown：
TheLionbeattheUnicornallroundthetown。
Somegavethemwhitebread，somegavethembrown；
Somegavethemplum—cakeanddrummedthemoutoftown。’
`Does——theone——thatwins——getthecrown？’sheasked，aswellasshecould，fortherunwasputtingherquiteoutofbreath。
`Dearme，no!’saidtheKing。`Whatanidea!’
`Wouldyou——begoodenough，’Alicepantedout，afterrunningalittlefurther，`tostopaminute——justtoget——one’sbreathagain？’
`I’mGOODenough，’theKingsaid，`onlyI’mnotstrongenough。
Yousee，aminutegoesbysofearfullyquick。YoumightaswelltrytostopaBandersnatch!’
Alicehadnomorebreathfortalking，sotheytrottedoninsilence，tilltheycameinsightofagreatcrowd，inthemiddleofwhichtheLionandUnicornwerefighting。Theywereinsuchacloudofdust，thatatfirstAlicecouldnotmakeoutwhichwaswhich：butshesoonmanagedtodistinguishtheUnicornbyhishorn。
TheyplacedthemselvesclosetowhereHatta，theothermessenger，wasstandingwatchingthefight，withacupofteainonehandandapieceofbread—and—butterintheother。
`He’sonlyjustoutofprison，andhehadn’tfinishedhisteawhenhewassentin，’HaighawhisperedtoAlice：`andtheyonlygivethemoyster—shellsinthere——soyouseehe’sveryhungryandthirsty。Howareyou，dearchild？’hewenton，puttinghisarmaffectionatelyroundHatta’sneck。
Hattalookedroundandnodded，andwentonwithhisbreadandbutter。
`Wereyouhappyinprison，dearchild？’saidHaigha。
Hattalookedroundoncemore，andthistimeatearortwotrickleddownhischeek：butnotawordwouldhesay。
`Speak，can’tyou!’Haighacriedimpatiently。ButHattaonlymunchedaway，anddranksomemoretea。
`Speak，won’tyou!’criedtheKing。’Howaretheygettingonwiththefight？’
Hattamadeadesperateeffort，andswallowedalargepieceofbread—and—butter。`They’regettingonverywell，’hesaidinachokingvoice：`eachofthemhasbeendownabouteighty—seventimes。’
`ThenIsupposethey’llsoonbringthewhitebreadandthebrown？’Aliceventuredtoremark。
`It’swaitingfor’emnow，’saidHatta：`thisisabitofitasI’meating。’
Therewasapauseinthefightjustthen，andtheLionandtheUnicornsatdown，panting，whiletheKingcalledout`Tenminutesallowedforrefreshments!’HaighaandHattasettoworkatonce，carryingroughtraysofwhiteandbrownbread。Alicetookapiecetotaste，butitwasVERYdry。
`Idon’tthinkthey’llfightanymoreto—day，’theKingsaidtoHatta：`goandorderthedrumstobegin。’AndHattawentboundingawaylikeagrasshopper。
ForaminuteortwoAlicestoodsilent，watchinghim。Suddenlyshebrightenedup。`Look，look!’shecried，pointingeagerly。
`There’stheWhiteQueenrunningacrossthecountry!Shecameflyingoutofthewoodoveryonder——HowfastthoseQueensCAN
run!’
`There’ssomeenemyafterher，nodoubt，’theKingsaid，withoutevenlookinground。`Thatwood’sfullofthem。’
`Butaren’tyougoingtorunandhelpher？’Aliceasked，verymuchsurprisedathistakingitsoquietly。
`Nouse，nouse!’saidtheKing。`Sherunssofearfullyquick。
YoumightaswelltrytocatchaBandersnatch!ButI’llmakeamemorandumabouther，ifyoulike——She’sadeargoodcreature，’
herepeatedsoftlytohimself，asheopenedhismemorandum—book。
`Doyouspell\"creature\"withadouble\"e\"？’
AtthismomenttheUnicornsaunteredbythem，withhishandsinhispockets。`Ihadthebestofitthistime？’hesaidtotheKing，justglancingathimashepassed。
`Alittle——alittle，’theKingreplied，rathernervously。
`Youshouldn’thaverunhimthroughwithyourhorn，youknow。’
`Itdidn’thurthim，’theUnicornsaidcarelessly，andhewasgoingon，whenhiseyehappenedtofalluponAlice：heturnedroundratherinstantly，andstoodforsometimelookingatherwithanairofthedeepestdisgust。
`What——is——this？’hesaidatlast。
`Thisisachild!’Haigharepliedeagerly，cominginfrontofAlicetointroduceher，andspreadingoutbothhishandstowardsherinanAnglo—Saxonattitude。`Weonlyfounditto—day。It’saslargeaslife，andtwiceasnatural!’
`Ialwaysthoughttheywerefabulousmonsters!’saidtheUnicorn。`Isitalive？’
`Itcantalk，’saidHaigha，solemnly。
TheUnicornlookeddreamilyatAlice，andsaid`Talk，child。’
Alicecouldnothelpherlipscurlingupintoasmileasshebegan：
`Doyouknow，IalwaysthoughtUnicornswerefabulousmonsters，too!
Ineversawonealivebefore!’
`Well，nowthatweHAVEseeneachother，’saidtheUnicorn，`ifyou’llbelieveinme，I’llbelieveinyou。Isthatabargain？’
`Yes，ifyoulike，’saidAlice。
`Come，fetchouttheplum—cake，oldman!’theUnicornwenton，turningfromhertotheKing。`Noneofyourbrownbreadforme!’
`Certainly——certainly!’theKingmuttered，andbeckonedtoHaigha。`Openthebag!’hewhispered。`Quick!Notthatone——
that’sfullofhay!’
Haighatookalargecakeoutofthebag，andgaveittoAlicetohold，whilehegotoutadishandcarving—knife。HowtheyallcameoutofitAlicecouldn’tguess。Itwasjustlikeaconjuring—trick，shethought。
TheLionhadjoinedthemwhilethiswasgoingon：helookedverytiredandsleepy，andhiseyeswerehalfshut。`What’sthis!’hesaid，blinkinglazilyatAlice，andspeakinginadeephollowtonethatsoundedlikethetollingofagreatbell。
`Ah，whatISit，now？’theUnicorncriedeagerly。`You’llneverguess!_I_couldn’t。’
TheLionlookedatAlicewearily。`Areyouanimal——vegetable——ormineral？’hesaid，yawningateveryotherword。
`It’safabulousmonster!’theUnicorncriedout，beforeAlicecouldreply。
`Thenhandroundtheplum—cake，Monster，’theLionsaid，lyingdownandputtinghischinonthispaws。`Andsitdown，bothofyou，’（totheKingandtheUnicorn）：`fairplaywiththecake，youknow!’
TheKingwasevidentlyveryuncomfortableathavingtositdownbetweenthetwogreatcreatures；buttherewasnootherplaceforhim。
`Whatafightwemighthaveforthecrown，NOW!’theUnicornsaid，lookingslylyupatthecrown，whichthepoorKingwasnearlyshakingoffhishead，hetrembledsomuch。
`Ishouldwineasy，’saidtheLion。
`I’mnotsosureofthat，’saidtheUnicorn。
`Why，Ibeatyouallroundthetown，youchicken!’theLionrepliedangrily，halfgettingupashespoke。
HeretheKinginterrupted，topreventthequarrelgoingon：hewasverynervous，andhisvoicequitequivered。`Allroundthetown？’hesaid。`That’sagoodlongway。Didyougobytheoldbridge，orthemarket—place？Yougetthebestviewbytheoldbridge。’
`I’msureIdon’tknow，’theLiongrowledoutashelaydownagain。`Therewastoomuchdusttoseeanything。WhatatimetheMonsteris，cuttingupthatcake!’
Alicehadseatedherselfonthebankofalittlebrook，withthegreatdishonherknees，andwassawingawaydiligentlywiththeknife。`It’sveryprovoking!’shesaid，inreplytotheLion（shewasgettingquiteusedtobeingcalled`theMonster’）。
`I’vecutseveralslicesalready，buttheyalwaysjoinonagain!’
`Youdon’tknowhowtomanageLooking—glasscakes，’theUnicornremarked。`Handitroundfirst，andcutitafterwards。’
Thissoundednonsense，butAliceveryobedientlygotup，andcarriedthedishround，andthecakedivideditselfintothreepiecesasshedidso。`NOWcutitup，’saidtheLion，asshereturnedtoherplacewiththeemptydish。
`Isay，thisisn’tfair!’criedtheUnicorn，asAlicesatwiththeknifeinherhand，verymuchpuzzledhowtobegin。`TheMonsterhasgiventheLiontwiceasmuchasme!’
`She’skeptnoneforherself，anyhow，’saidtheLion。`Doyoulikeplum—cake，Monster？’
ButbeforeAlicecouldanswerhim，thedrumsbegan。
Wherethenoisecamefrom，shecouldn’tmakeout：theairseemedfullofit，anditrangthroughandthroughherheadtillshefeltquitedeafened。Shestartedtoherfeetandsprangacrossthelittlebrookinherterror，*******
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andhadjusttimetoseetheLionandtheUnicornrisetotheirfeet，withangrylooksatbeinginterruptedintheirfeast，beforeshedroppedtoherknees，andputherhandsoverherears，vainlytryingtoshutoutthedreadfuluproar。