Thereader，however，willreadilyconceivethattheymusthaveaprodigioussuperiorityoverthepebblesandsand，whichwecallgoldandpreciousstones。
TwentybeautifulyoungvirginsinwaitingreceivedCandideandCacamboontheiralightingfromthecoach，conductedthemtothebathandcladtheminrobeswovenofthedownofhummingbirds;afterwhichtheywereintroducedbythegreatofficersofthecrownofbothsexestotheKing’sapartment，betweentwofilesofmusicians，eachfileconsistingofathousand，agreeabletothecustomofthecountry。
Whentheydrewneartothepresence-chamber，CacamboaskedoneoftheofficersinwhatmannertheyweretopaytheirobeisancetoHisMajesty;
whetheritwasthecustomtofallupontheirknees，ortoprostratethemselvesupontheground;whethertheyweretoputtheirhandsupontheirheads，orbehindtheirbacks;whethertheyweretolickthedustoffthefloor;inshort，whatwastheceremonyusualonsuchoccasions。
\"Thecustom\"，saidthegreatofficer，\"istoembracetheKingandkisshimoneachcheek。\"
CandideandCacamboaccordinglythrewtheirarmsroundHisMajesty’sneck，whoreceivedtheminthemostgraciousmannerimaginable，andverypolitelyaskedthemtosupwithhim。
Whilesupperwaspreparing，ordersweregiventoshowthemthecity，wheretheysawpublicstructuresthatrearedtheirloftyheadstotheclouds;
themarketplacesdecoratedwithathousandcolumns;fountainsofspringwater，besidesothersofrosewater，andofliquorsdrawnfromthesugarcane，incessantlyflowinginthegreatsquares，whichwerepavedwithakindofpreciousstonesthatemittedanodorlikethatofclovesandcinnamon。
CandideaskedtoseetheHighCourtofjustice，theParliament;
butwasansweredthattheyhadnoneinthatcountry，beingutterstrangerstolawsuits。Hetheninquirediftheyhadanyprisons;theyrepliednone。ButwhatgavehimatoncethegreatestsurpriseandpleasurewasthePalaceofSciences，wherehesawagallerytwothousandfeetlong，filledwiththevariousapparatusinmathematicsandnaturalphilosophy。
Afterhavingspentthewholeafternooninseeingonlyaboutthethousandthpartofthecity，theywerebroughtbacktotheKing’spalace。CandidesatdownatthetablewithHisMajesty，hisvaletCacambo，andseveralladiesofthecourt。Neverwasentertainmentmoreelegant，norcouldanyonepossiblyshowmorewitthanHisMajestydisplayedwhiletheywereatsupper。CacamboexplainedalltheKing’sbonsmotstoCandide，and，althoughtheyweretranslated，theystillappearedtobebonsmots。OfallthethingsthatsurprisedCandide，thiswasnottheleast。
Theyspentawholemonthinthishospitableplace，duringwhichtimeCandidewascontinuallysayingtoCacambo，\"Iown，myfriend，oncemore，thatthecastlewhereIwasbornisamerenothingincomparisontotheplacewherewenoware;butstillMissCunegondeisnothere，andyouyourselfhavedoubtlesssomefaironeinEuropeforwhomyousigh。Ifweremainhereweshallonlybeasothersare;whereasifwereturntoourownworldwithonlyadozenofElDoradosheep，loadedwiththepebblesofthiscountry，weshallbericherthanallthekingsinEurope;
weshallnolongerneedtostandinaweoftheInquisitors;andwemayeasilyrecoverMissCunegonde。\"
ThisspeechwasperfectlyagreeabletoCacambo。Afondnessforroving，formakingafigureintheirowncountry，andforboastingofwhattheyhadseenintheirtravels，wassopowerfulinourtwowanderersthattheyresolvedtobenolongerhappy;anddemandedpermissionoftheKingtoquitthecountry。
\"Youareabouttodoarashandsillyaction\"，saidtheKing。\"Iamsensiblemykingdomisaninconsiderablespot;butwhenpeoplearetolerablyattheireaseinanyplace，Ishouldthinkitwouldbetotheirinteresttoremainthere。
Mostassuredly，Ihavenorighttodetainyou，oranystrangers，againstyourwills;thisisanactoftyrannytowhichourmannersandourlawsareequallyrepugnant。Allmenarebynaturefree;youhavethereforeanundoubtedlibertytodepartwheneveryouplease，butyouwillhavemanyandgreatdifficultiestoencounterinpassingthefrontiers。
Itisimpossibletoascendthatrapidriverwhichrunsunderhighandvaultedrocks，andbywhichyouwereconveyedhitherbyakindofmiracle。Themountainsbywhichmykingdomarehemmedinonallsides，aretenthousandfeethigh，andperfectlyperpendicular;theyareabovetenleaguesacross，andthedescentfromthemisonecontinuedprecipice。
\"However，sinceyouaredeterminedtoleaveus，Iwillimmediatelygiveorderstothesuperintendentofmycarriagestocauseonetobemadethatwillconveyyouverysafely。Whentheyhaveconductedyoutothebackofthemountains，nobodycanattendyoufarther;formysubjectshavemadeavownevertoquitthekingdom，andtheyaretooprudenttobreakit。Askmewhateverelseyouplease。\"
\"AllweshallaskofYourMajesty\"，saidCacambo，\"isonlyafewsheepladenwithprovisions，pebbles，andtheclayofyourcountry。\"
TheKingsmiledattherequestandsaid，\"IcannotimaginewhatpleasureyouEuropeansfindinouryellowclay;buttakeawayasmuchofitasyouwill，andmuchgoodmayitdoyou。\"
Heimmediatelygaveorderstohisengineerstomakeamachinetohoistthesetwoextraordinarymenoutofthekingdom。Threethousandgoodmachinistswenttoworkandfinisheditinaboutfifteendays，anditdidnotcostmorethantwentymillionssterlingofthatcountry’smoney。CandideandCacambowereplacedonthismachine，andtheytookwiththemtwolargeredsheep，bridledandsaddled，torideupon，whentheygotontheothersideofthemountains;twentyotherstoserveassumptersforcarryingprovisions;thirtyladenwithpresentsofwhateverwasmostcuriousinthecountry，andfiftywithgold，diamonds，andotherpreciousstones。TheKing，atpartingwithourtwoadventurers，embracedthemwiththegreatestcordiality。
Itwasacurioussighttobeholdthemanneroftheirsettingoff，andtheingeniousmethodbywhichtheyandtheirsheepwerehoistedtothetopofthemountains。Themachinistsandengineerstookleaveofthemassoonastheyhadconveyedthemtoaplaceofsafety，andCandidewaswhollyoccupiedwiththethoughtsofpresentinghissheeptoMissCunegonde。
\"Now\"，criedhe，\"thankstoHeaven，wehavemorethansufficienttopaytheGovernorofBuenosAyresforMissCunegonde，ifsheisredeemable。LetusmakethebestofourwaytoCayenne，wherewewilltakeshippingandthenwemayatleisurethinkofwhatkingdomweshallpurchasewithourriches。\"
chapter19CHAPTERXIX
WHATHAPPENEDTOTHEMATSURINAM，ANDHOW
CANDIDEBECAMEACQUAINTED
WITHMARTIN
Ourtravelers’firstday’sjourneywasverypleasant;
theywereelatedwiththeprospectofpossessingmorerichesthanweretobefoundinEurope，Asia，andAfricatogether。Candide，inamoroustransports，cutthenameofMissCunegondeonalmosteverytreehecameto。Theseconddaytwooftheirsheepsunkinamorass，andwereswallowedupwiththeirJading;twomorediedoffatigue;somefewdaysafterwardssevenoreightperishedwithhungerinadesert，andothers，atdifferenttimes，tumbleddownprecipices，orwereotherwiselost，sothat，aftertravelingaboutahundreddaystheyhadonlytwosheepleftofthehundredandtwotheybroughtwiththemfromElDorado。
SaidCandidetoCacambo，\"Yousee，mydearfriend，howperishabletherichesofthisworldare;thereisnothingsolidbutvirtue。\"
\"Verytrue\"，saidCacambo，\"butwehavestilltwosheepremaining，withmoretreasurethanevertheKingofSpainwillbepossessedof;andIespyatownatadistance，whichItaketobeSurinam，atownbelongingtotheDutch。Wearenowattheendofourtroubles，andatthebeginningofhappiness。\"
AstheydrewnearthetowntheysawaNegrostretchedonthegroundwithonlyonehalfofhishabit，whichwasakindoflinenfrock;forthepoormanhadlosthisleftlegandhisrighthand。
\"GoodGod\"，saidCandideinDutch，\"whatdostthouhere，friend，inthisdeplorablecondition？\"
\"Iamwaitingformymaster，MynheerVanderdendur，thefamoustrader\"，answeredtheNegro。
\"WasitMynheerVanderdendurthatusedyouinthiscruelmanner？\"
\"Yes，sir\"，saidtheNegro;\"itisthecustomhere。Theygivealinengarmenttwiceayear，andthatisallourcovering。Whenwelaborinthesugarworks，andthemillhappenstosnatchholdofafinger，theyinstantlychopoffourhand;andwhenweattempttorunaway，theycutoffaleg。Boththesecaseshavehappenedtome，anditisatthisexpensethatyoueatsugarinEurope;andyetwhenmymothersoldmefortenpatacoonsonthecoastofGuinea，shesaidtome，’Mydearchild，blessourfetishes;
adorethemforever;theywillmaketheelivehappy;thouhastthehonortobeaslavetoourlordsthewhites，bywhichthouwiltmakethefortuneofusthyparents。’
\"Alas！IknownotwhetherIhavemadetheirfortunes;buttheyhavenotmademine;dogs，monkeys，andparrotsareathousandtimeslesswretchedthanI。TheDutchfetisheswhoconvertedmetellmeeverySundaythattheblacksandwhitesareallchildrenofonefather，whomtheycallAdam。Asforme，Idonotunderstandanythingofgenealogies;
butifwhatthesepreacherssayistrue，weareallsecondcousins;
andyoumustallowthatitisimpossibletobeworsetreatedbyourrelationsthanweare。\"
\"OPangloss！\"criedoutCandide，\"suchhorriddoingsneverenteredthyimagination。Hereisanendofthematter。Ifindmyself，afterall，obligedtorenouncethyOptimism。\"
\"Optimism\"，saidCacambo，\"whatisthat？\"
\"Alas！\"repliedCandide，\"itistheobstinacyofmaintainingthateverythingisbestwhenitisworst。\"
AndsosayingheturnedhiseyestowardsthepoorNegro，andshedafloodoftears;andinthisweepingmoodheenteredthetownofSurinam。
ImmediatelyupontheirarrivalourtravelersinquirediftherewasanyvesselintheharborwhichtheymightsendtoBuenosAyres。ThepersontheyaddressedthemselvestohappenedtobethemasterofaSpanishbark，whoofferedtoagreewiththemonmoderateterms，andappointedthemameetingatapublichouse。ThitherCandideandhisfaithfulCacambowenttowaitforhim，takingwiththemtheirtwosheep。
Candide，whowasallfranknessandsincerity，madeaningenuousrecitalofhisadventurestotheSpaniard，declaringtohimatthesametimehisresolutionofcarryingoffMissCunegondefromtheGovernorofBuenosAyres。
\"Oh，ho！\"saidtheshipmaster，\"ifthatisthecase，getwhomyoupleasetocarryyoutoBuenosAyres;formypart，Iwashmyhandsoftheaffair。Itwouldproveahangingmattertousall。ThefairCunegondeistheGovernor’sfavoritemistress。\"
ThesewordswerelikeaclapofthundertoCandide;heweptbitterlyforalongtime，and，takingCacamboaside，hesaidtohim，\"I’lltellyou，mydearfriend，whatyoumustdo。Wehaveeachofusinourpocketstothevalueoffiveorsixmillionsindiamonds;youareclevereratthesemattersthanI;youmustgotoBuenosAyresandbringoffMissCunegonde。
IftheGovernormakesanydifficultygivehimamillion;ifheholdsout，givehimtwo;asyouhavenotkilledanInquisitor，theywillhavenosuspicionofyou。I’llfitoutanothershipandgotoVenice，whereIwillwaitforyou。
Veniceisafreecountry，whereweshallhavenothingtofearfromBulgarians，Abares，JewsorInquisitors。\"
Cacambogreatlyapplaudedthiswiseresolution。Hewasinconsolableatthethoughtsofpartingwithsogoodamaster，whotreatedhimmorelikeanintimatefriendthanaservant;butthepleasureofbeingabletodohimaservicesoongotthebetterofhissorrow。Theyembracedeachotherwithafloodoftears。Candidechargedhimnottoforgettheoldwoman。Cacambosetoutthesameday。ThisCacambowasaveryhonestfellow。
CandidecontinuedsomedayslongeratSurinam，waitingforanycaptaintocarryhimandhistworemainingsheeptoItaly。Hehireddomestics，andpurchasedmanythingsnecessaryforalongvoyage;atlengthMynheerVanderdendur，skipperofalargeDutchvessel，cameandofferedhisservice。
\"Whatwillyouhave\"，saidCandide，\"tocarryme，myservants，mybaggage，andthesetwosheepyouseehere，directlytoVenice？\"
Theskipperaskedtenthousandpiastres，andCandideagreedtohisdemandwithouthestitation。
\"Ho，ho！\"saidthecunningVanderdendurtohimself，\"thisstrangermustbeveryrich;heagreestogivemetenthousandpiastreswithouthesitation。\"
Returningalittlewhileafter，hetoldCandidethatuponsecondconsiderationhecouldnotundertakethevoyageforlessthantwentythousand。
\"Verywell;youshallhavethem\"，saidCandide。
\"Zounds！\"saidtheskippertohimself，\"thismanagreestopaytwentythousandpiastreswithasmucheaseasten。\"
Accordinglyhewentbackagain，andtoldhimroundlythathewouldnotcarryhimtoVeniceforlessthanthirtythousandpiastres。
\"Thenyoushallhavethirtythousand\"，saidCandide。
\"Odso！\"saidtheDutchmanoncemoretohimself，\"thirtythousandpiastresseematrifletothisman。Thosesheepmustcertainlybeladenwithanimmensetreasure。I’lle’enstophereandasknomore;
butmakehimpaydownthethirtythousandpiastres，andthenwemayseewhatistobedonefarther。\"
Candidesoldtwosmalldiamonds，theleastofwhichwasworthmorethanalltheskipperasked。Hepaidhimbeforehand，thetwosheepwereputonboard，andCandidefollowedinasmallboattojointhevesselintheroad。
Theskippertookadvantageofhisopportunity，hoistedsail，andputouttoseawithafavorablewind。Candide，confoundedandamazed，soonlostsightoftheship。
\"Alas！\"saidhe，\"thisisatricklikethoseinouroldworld！\"
Hereturnedbacktotheshoreoverwhelmedwithgrief;and，indeed，hehadlostwhatwouldhavemadethefortuneoftwentymonarchs。
StraightwayuponhislandingheappliedtotheDutchmagistrate;
beingtransportedwithpassionhethunderedatthedoor，whichbeingopened，hewentin，toldhiscase，andtalkedalittlelouderthanwasnecessary。Themagistratebeganwithfininghimtenthousandpiastresforhispetulance，andthenlistenedverypatientlytowhathehadtosay，promisedtoexamineintotheaffairontheskipper’sreturn，andorderedhimtopaytenthousandpiastresmoreforthefeesofthecourt。
ThistreatmentputCandideoutofallpatience;itistrue，hehadsufferedmisfortunesathousandtimesmoregrievous，butthecoolinsolenceofthejudge，andthevillainyoftheskipperraisedhischolerandthrewhimintoadeepmelancholy。Thevillainyofmankindpresenteditselftohismindinallitsdeformity，andhissoulwasapreytothemostgloomyideas。Aftersometime，hearingthatthecaptainofaFrenchshipwasreadytosetsailforBordeaux，ashehadnomoresheeploadedwithdiamondstoputonboard，hehiredthecabinattheusualprice;andmadeitknowninthetownthathewouldpaythepassageandboardofanyhonestmanwhowouldgivehimhiscompanyduringthevoyage;besidesmakinghimapresentoftenthousandpiastres，onconditionthatsuchpersonwasthemostdissatisfiedwithhiscondition，andthemostunfortunateinthewholeprovince。
Uponthisthereappearedsuchacrowdofcandidatesthatalargefleetcouldnothavecontainedthem。Candide，willingtochoosefromamongthosewhoappearedmostlikelytoanswerhisintention，selectedtwenty，whoseemedtohimthemostsociable，andwhoallpretendedtomeritthepreference。Heinvitedthemtohisinn，andpromisedtotreatthemwithasupper，onconditionthateverymanshouldbindhimselfbyanoathtorelatehisownhistory;declaringatthesametime，thathewouldmakechoiceofthatpersonwhoshouldappeartohimthemostdeservingofcompassion，andthemostjustlydissatisfiedwithhisconditioninlife;andthathewouldmakeapresenttotherest。
Thisextraordinaryassemblycontinuedsittingtillfourinthemorning。
Candide，whilehewaslisteningtotheiradventures，calledtomindwhattheoldwomanhadsaidtohimintheirvoyagetoBuenosAyres，andthewagershehadlaidthattherewasnotapersononboardtheshipbuthadmetwithgreatmisfortunes。EverystoryheheardputhiminmindofPangloss。
\"Myoldmaster\"，saidhe，\"wouldbeconfoundedlyputtoittodemonstratehisfavoritesystem。Wouldhewerehere！Certainlyifeverythingisforthebest，itisinElDorado，andnotintheotherpartsoftheworld。\"
Atlengthhedeterminedinfavorofapoorscholar，whohadlaboredtenyearsforthebooksellersatAmsterdam：beingofopinionthatnoemploymentcouldbemoredetestable。
Thisscholar，whowasinfactaveryhonestman，hadbeenrobbedbyhiswife，beatenbyhisson，andforsakenbyhisdaughter，whohadrunawaywithaPortuguese。Hehadbeenlikewisedeprivedofasmallemploymentonwhichhesubsisted，andhewaspersecutedbytheclergyofSurinam，whotookhimforaSocinian。Itmustbeacknowledgedthattheothercompetitorswere，atleast，aswretchedashe;butCandidewasinhopesthatthecompanyofamanofletterswouldrelievethetediousnessofthevoyage。AlltheothercandidatescomplainedthatCandidehaddonethemgreatinjustice，buthestoppedtheirmouthsbyapresentofahundredpiastrestoeach。
chapter20CHAPTERXX
WHATBEFELLCANDIDEANDMARTIN
ONTHEIR
PASSAGE
Theoldphilosopher，whosenamewasMartin，tookshippingwithCandideforBordeaux。Bothhadseenandsufferedagreatdeal，andhadtheshipbeengoingfromSurinamtoJapanroundtheCapeofGoodHope，theycouldhavefoundsufficiententertainmentforeachotherduringthewholevoyage，indiscoursinguponmoralandnaturalevil。
Candide，however，hadoneadvantageoverMartin：helivedinthepleasinghopesofseeingMissCunegondeoncemore;whereas，thepoorphilosopherhadnothingtohopefor。Besides，Candidehadmoneyandjewels，and，notwithstandinghehadlostahundredredsheepladenwiththegreatesttreasureoutsideofElDorado，andthoughhestillsmartedfromthereflectionoftheDutchskipper’sknavery，yetwhenheconsideredwhathehadstillleft，andrepeatedthenameofCunegonde，especiallyaftermealtimes，heinclinedtoPangloss’sdoctrine。
\"Andpray\"，saidhetoMartin，\"whatisyouropinionofthewholeofthissystem？Whatnotionhaveyouofmoralandnaturalevil？\"
\"Sir\"，repliedMartin，\"ourpriestaccusedmeofbeingaSocinian;buttherealtruthis，IamaManichaean。\"
\"Nay，nowyouarejesting\"，saidCandide;\"therearenoManichaeansexistingatpresentintheworld。\"
\"AndyetIamone\"，saidMartin;\"butIcannothelpit。
Icannotforthesoulofmethinkotherwise。\"
\"SurelytheDevilmustbeinyou\"，saidCandide。
\"Heconcernshimselfsomuch\"，repliedMartin，\"intheaffairsofthisworldthatitisveryprobablehemaybeinmeaswellaseverywhereelse;butI
mustconfess，whenIcastmyeyeonthisglobe，orratherglobule，IcannothelpthinkingthatGodhasabandonedittosomemalignantbeing。IalwaysexceptElDorado。Iscarceeverknewacitythatdidnotwishthedestructionofitsneighboringcity;norafamilythatdidnotdesiretoexterminatesomeotherfamily。Thepoorinallpartsoftheworldbearaninveteratehatredtotherich，evenwhiletheycreepandcringetothem;andtherichtreatthepoorlikesheep，whosewoolandfleshtheybarterformoney;amillionofregimentedassassinstraverseEuropefromoneendtotheother，togettheirbreadbyregulardepredationandmurder，becauseitisthemostgentlemanlikeprofession。Eveninthosecitieswhichseemtoenjoytheblessingsofpeace，andwheretheartsflourish，theinhabitantsaredevouredwithenvy，care，andinquietudes，whicharegreaterplaguesthananyexperiencedinatownbesieged。Privatechagrinsarestillmoredreadfulthanpubliccalamities。Inaword\"，concludedthephilosopher，\"IhaveseenandsufferedsomuchthatIamaManichaean。\"
\"Andyetthereissomegoodintheworld\"，repliedCandide。
\"Maybeso\"，saidMartin，\"butithasescapedmyknowledge。\"
Whiletheyweredeeplyengagedinthisdisputetheyheardthereportofcannon，whichredoubledeverymoment。Eachtookouthisglass，andtheyspiedtwoshipswarmlyengagedatthedistanceofaboutthreemiles。ThewindbroughtthembothsoneartheFrenchshipthatthoseonboardherhadthepleasureofseeingthefightwithgreatease。
Afterseveralsmartbroadsidestheonegavetheotherashotbetweenwindandwaterwhichsunkheroutright。ThencouldCandideandMartinplainlyperceiveahundredmenonthedeckofthevesselwhichwassinking，who，withhandsupliftedtoHeaven，sentforthpiercingcries，andwereinamomentswallowedupbythewaves。
\"Well\"，saidMartin，\"younowseeinwhatmannermankindtreatoneanother。\"
\"Itiscertain\"，saidCandide，\"thatthereissomethingdiabolicalinthisaffair。\"Ashewasspeakingthushespiedsomethingofashiningredhue，whichswamclosetothevessel。Theboatwashoistedouttoseewhatitmightbe，whenitprovedtobeoneofhissheep。Candidefeltmorejoyattherecoveryofthisoneanimalthanhedidgriefwhenhelosttheotherhundred，thoughladenwiththelargediamondsofElDorado。
TheFrenchcaptainquicklyperceivedthatthevictoriousshipbelongedtothecrownofSpain;thattheotherwasaDutchpirate，andtheverysamecaptainwhohadrobbedCandide。Theimmensericheswhichthisvillainhadamassed，wereburiedwithhiminthedeep，andonlythisonesheepsavedoutofthewhole。
\"Yousee\"，saidCandidetoMartin，\"thatviceissometimespunished。Thisvillain，theDutchskipper，hasmetwiththefatehedeserved。\"
\"Verytrue\"，saidMartin，\"butwhyshouldthepassengersbedoomedalsotodestruction？Godhaspunishedtheknave，andtheDevilhasdrownedtherest。\"
TheFrenchandSpanishshipscontinuedtheircruise，andCandideandMartintheirconversation。Theydisputedfourteendayssuccessively，attheendofwhichtheywerejustasfaradvancedasthefirstmomenttheybegan。However，theyhadthesatisfactionofdisputing，ofcommunicatingtheirideas，andofmutuallycomfortingeachother。Candideembracedhissheepwithtransport。
\"SinceIhavefoundtheeagain\"，saidhe，\"ImaypossiblyfindmyCunegondeoncemore。\"
chapter21CHAPTERXXI
CANDIDEANDMARTIN，WHILETHUSREASONINGWITH
EACHOTHER，DRAWNEARTOTHECOASTOFFRANCE
AtlengththeydescriedthecoastofFrance，whenCandidesaidtoMartin，\"PrayMonsieurMartin，wereyoueverinFrance？\"
\"Yes，sir\"，saidMartin，\"Ihavebeeninseveralprovincesofthatkingdom。Insome，onehalfofthepeoplearefoolsandmadmen;insome，theyaretooartful;inothers，again，theyare，ingeneral，eitherverygood-naturedorverybrutal;whileinothers，theyaffecttobewitty，andinall，theirrulingpassionislove，thenextisslander，andthelastistotalknonsense。\"
\"But，pray，MonsieurMartin，wereyoueverinParis？\"
\"Yes，sir，Ihavebeeninthatcity，anditisaplacethatcontainstheseveralspeciesjustdescribed;itisachaos，aconfusedmultitude，whereeveryoneseeksforpleasurewithoutbeingabletofindit;atleast，asfarasIhaveobservedduringmyshortstayinthatcity。AtmyarrivalIwasrobbedofallI
hadintheworldbypickpocketsandsharpers，atthefairofSaint-Germain。I
wastakenupmyselfforarobber，andconfinedinprisonawholeweek;
afterwhichIhiredmyselfascorrectortoapressinordertogetalittlemoneytowardsdefrayingmyexpensesbacktoHollandonfoot。Iknewthewholetribeofscribblers，malcontents，andfanatics。
Itissaidthepeopleofthatcityareverypolite;Ibelievetheymaybe。\"
\"Formypart，IhavenocuriositytoseeFrance\"，saidCandide。\"Youmayeasilyconceive，myfriend，thatafterspendingamonthinElDorado，IcandesiretobeholdnothinguponearthbutMissCunegonde。
IamgoingtowaitforheratVenice。IintendtopassthroughFrance，onmywaytoItaly。Willyounotbearmecompany？\"
\"Withallmyheart\"，saidMartin。\"TheysayVeniceisagreeabletononebutnobleVenetians，butthat，nevertheless，strangersarewellreceivedtherewhentheyhaveplentyofmoney;nowIhavenone，butyouhave，thereforeI
willattendyouwhereveryouplease。\"
\"Nowweareuponthissubject\"，saidCandide，\"doyouthinkthattheearthwasoriginallysea，aswereadinthatgreatbookwhichbelongstothecaptainoftheship？\"
\"Ibelievenothingofit\"，repliedMartin，\"anymorethanIdoofthemanyotherchimeraswhichhavebeenrelatedtousforsometimepast。\"
\"Butthen，towhatend\"，saidCandide，\"wastheworldformed？\"
\"Tomakeusmad\"，saidMartin。
\"Areyounotsurprised\"，continuedCandide，\"atthelovewhichthetwogirlsinthecountryoftheOreillonshadforthosetwomonkeys？-
YouknowI
havetoldyouthestory。\"
\"Surprised？\"repliedMartin，\"notintheleast。Iseenothingstrangeinthispassion。Ihaveseensomanyextraordinarythingsthatthereisnothingextraordinarytomenow。\"
\"Doyouthink\"，saidCandide，\"thatmankindalwaysmassacredoneanotherastheydonow？Weretheyalwaysguiltyoflies，fraud，treachery，ingratitude，inconstancy，envy，ambition，andcruelty？
Weretheyalwaysthieves，fools，cowards，gluttons，drunkards，misers，calumniators，debauchees，fanatics，andhypocrites？\"
\"Doyoubelieve\"，saidMartin，\"thathawkshavealwaysbeenaccustomedtoeatpigeonswhentheycameintheirway？\"
\"Doubtless\"，saidCandide。
\"Wellthen\"，repliedMartin，\"ifhawkshavealwayshadthesamenature，whyshouldyoupretendthatmankindchangetheirs？\"
\"Oh\"，saidCandide，\"thereisagreatdealofdifference;
forfreewill-\"andreasoningthustheyarrivedatBordeaux。
chapter22CHAPTERXXII
WHATHAPPENEDTOCANDIDE
ANDMARTININ
FRANCE
CandidestayednolongeratBordeauxthanwasnecessarytodisposeofafewofthepebbleshehadbroughtfromElDorado，andtoprovidehimselfwithapost-chaisefortwopersons，forhecouldnolongerstirastepwithouthisphilosopherMartin。Theonlythingthatgivehimconcernwasbeingobligedtoleavehissheepbehindhim，whichheintrustedtothecareoftheAcademyofSciencesatBordeaux，whoproposed，asaprizesubjectfortheyear，toprovewhythewoolofthissheepwasred;
andtheprizewasadjudgedtoanorthernsage，whodemonstratedbyAplusB，minusC，dividedbyZ，thatthesheepmustnecessarilybered，anddieofthemange。
Inthemeantime，alltravelerswhomCandidemetwithintheinns，orontheroad，toldhimtoaman，thattheyweregoingtoParis。
Thisgeneraleagernessgavehimlikewiseagreatdesiretoseethiscapital;anditwasnotmuchoutofhiswaytoVenice。
HeenteredthecitybythesuburbsofSaint-Marceau，andthoughthimselfinoneofthevilesthamletsinallWestphalia。
Candidehadnotbeenlongathisinn，beforehewasseizedwithaslightdisorder，owingtothefatiguehehadundergone。Asheworeadiamondofanenormoussizeonhisfingerandhadamongtherestofhisequipageastrongboxthatseemedveryweighty，hesoonfoundhimselfbetweentwophysicians，whomhehadnotsentfor，anumberofintimatefriendswhomhehadneverseen，andwhowouldnotquithisbedside，andtwowomendevotees，whowereverycarefulinprovidinghimhotbroths。
\"Iremember\"，saidMartintohim，\"thatthefirsttimeIcametoParisIwaslikewisetakenill。Iwasverypoor，andaccordinglyI
hadneitherfriends，nurses，norphysicians，andyetIdidverywell。\"
However，bydintofpurgingandbleeding，Candide’sdisorderbecameveryserious。Thepriestoftheparishcamewithallimaginablepolitenesstodesireanoteofhim，payabletothebearerintheotherworld。Candiderefusedtocomplywithhisrequest;butthetwodevoteesassuredhimthatitwasanewfashion。Candidereplied，thathewasnotonethatfollowedthefashion。Martinwasforthrowingthepriestoutofthewindow。TheclerksworeCandideshouldnothaveChristianburial。Martinsworeinhisturnthathewouldburytheclerkaliveifhecontinuedtoplaguethemanylonger。Thedisputegrewwarm;Martintookhimbytheshouldersandturnedhimoutoftheroom，whichgavegreatscandal，andoccasionedaproces-verbal。
Candiderecovered，andtillhewasinaconditiontogoabroadhadagreatdealofgoodcompanytopasstheeveningswithhiminhischamber。Theyplayeddeep。Candidewassurprisedtofindhecouldneverturnatrick;andMartinwasnotatallsurprisedatthematter。
AmongthosewhodidhimthehonorsoftheplacewasalittlespruceabbeofPerigord，oneofthoseinsinuating，busy，fawning，impudent，necessaryfellows，thatlaywaitforstrangersontheirarrival，tellthemallthescandalofthetown，andoffertoministertotheirpleasuresatvariousprices。ThismanconductedCandideandMartintotheplayhouse;theywereactinganewtragedy。Candidefoundhimselfplacednearaclusterofwits：this，however，didnotpreventhimfromsheddingtearsatsomepartsofthepiecewhichweremostaffecting，andbestacted。
Oneofthesetalkerssaidtohimbetweenacts，\"Youaregreatlytoblametoshedtears;thatactressplayshorribly，andthemanthatplayswithherstillworse，andthepieceitselfisstillmoreexecrablethantherepresentation。
TheauthordoesnotunderstandawordofArabic，andyethehaslaidhissceneinArabia，andwhatismore，heisafellowwhodoesnotbelieveininnateideas。TomorrowIwillbringyouascoreofpamphletsthathavebeenwrittenagainsthim。\"
\"Pray，sir\"，saidCandidetotheabbe，\"howmanytheatricalpieceshaveyouinFrance？\"
\"Fiveorsixthousand\"，repliedtheabbe。
\"Indeed！thatisagreatnumber\"，saidCandide，\"buthowmanygoodonesmaytherebe？\"
\"Aboutfifteenorsixteen。\"
\"Oh！thatisagreatnumber\"，saidMartin。
Candidewasgreatlytakenwithanactress，whoperformedthepartofQueenElizabethinadullkindoftragedythatisplayedsometimes。
\"Thatactress\"，saidhetoMartin，\"pleasesmegreatly;
shehassomesortofresemblancetoMissCunegonde。Ishouldbeverygladtopaymyrespectstoher。\"
TheabbeofPerigordofferedhisservicetointroducehimtoheratherownhouse。Candide，whowasbroughtupinGermany，desiredtoknowwhatmightbetheceremonialusedonthoseoccasions，andhowaqueenofEnglandwastreatedinFrance。
\"Thereisanecessarydistinctiontobeobservedinthesematters\"，saidtheabbe。\"Inacountrytownwetakethemtoatavern;hereinParis，theyaretreatedwithgreatrespectduringtheirlifetime，providedtheyarehandsome，andwhentheydiewethrowtheirbodiesuponadunghill。\"
\"How？\"saidCandide，\"throwaqueen’sbodyuponadunghill！\"
\"Thegentlemanisquiteright\"，saidMartin，\"hetellsyounothingbutthetruth。IhappenedtobeatPariswhenMissMonimiamadeherexit，asonemaysay，outofthisworldintoanother。Shewasrefusedwhattheycallheretheritesofsepulture;thatistosay，shewasdeniedtheprivilegeofrottinginachurchyardbythesideofallthebeggarsintheparish。
TheyburiedheratthecornerofBurgundyStreet，whichmustcertainlyhaveshockedherextremely，asshehadveryexaltednotionsofthings。\"
\"Thisisactingveryimpolitely\"，saidCandide。
\"Lord！\"saidMartin，\"whatcanbesaidtoit？Itisthewayofthesepeople。
Figuretoyourselfallthecontradictions，alltheinconsistenciespossible，andyoumaymeetwiththeminthegovernment，thecourtsofjustice，thechurches，andthepublicspectaclesofthisoddnation。\"
\"Isittrue\"，saidCandide，\"thatthepeopleofParisarealwayslaughing？\"
\"Yes\"，repliedtheabbe，\"butitiswithangerintheirhearts;theyexpressalltheircomplaintsbyloudburstsoflaughter，andcommitthemostdetestablecrimeswithasmileontheirfaces。\"
\"Whowasthatgreatovergrownbeast\"，saidCandide，\"whospokesoilltomeofthepiecewithwhichIwassomuchaffected，andoftheplayerswhogavemesomuchpleasure？\"
\"Averygood-for-nothingsortofamanIassureyou\"，answeredtheabbe，\"onewhogetshislivelihoodbyabusingeverynewbookandplaythatiswrittenorperformed;hedislikesmuchtoseeanyonemeetwithsuccess，likeeunuchs，whodetesteveryonethatpossessesthosepowerstheyaredeprivedof;heisoneofthosevipersinliteraturewhonourishthemselveswiththeirownvenom;apamphlet-monger。\"
\"Apamphlet-manger！\"saidCandide，\"whatisthat？\"
\"Why，apamphlet-manger\"，repliedtheabbe，\"isawriterofpamphlets-afool。\"
Candide，Martin，andtheabbeofPerigordarguedthusonthestaircase，whiletheystoodtoseethepeoplegooutoftheplayhouse。
\"ThoughIamveryanxioustoseeMissCunegondeagain\"，saidCandide，\"yetIhaveagreatinclinationtosupwithMissClairon，forIamreallymuchtakenwithher。\"
Theabbewasnotapersontoshowhisfaceatthislady’shouse，whichwasfrequentedbynonebutthebestcompany。
\"Sheisengagedthisevening\"，saidhe，\"butIwilldomyselfthehonortointroduceyoutoaladyofqualityofmyacquaintance，atwhosehouseyouwillseeasmuchofthemannersofParisasifyouhadlivedhereforfortyyears。\"
Candide，whowasnaturallycurious，sufferedhimselftobeconductedtothislady’shouse，whichwasinthesuburbsofSaint-Honore。
Thecompanywasengagedatbasser;twelvemelancholypuntersheldeachinhishandasmallpackofcards，thecornersofwhichweredoubleddown，andweresomanyregistersoftheirillfortune。Aprofoundsilencereignedthroughouttheassembly，apalliddreadhadtakenpossessionofthecountenancesofthepunters，andrestlessinquietudestretchedeverymuscleofthefaceofhimwhokeptthebank;andtheladyofthehouse，whowasseatednexttohim，observedwithlynx’seyeseveryplaymade，andnotedthosewhotallied，andmadethemundoubletheircardswithasevereexactness，thoughmixedwithapoliteness，whichshethoughtnecessarynottofrightenawayhercustomers。ThisladyassumedthetitleofMarchionessofParolignac。Herdaughter，agirlofaboutfifteenyearsofage，wasoneofthepunters，andtookcaretogivehermammaahint，bysigns，whenanyoneoftheplayersattemptedtorepairtherigoroftheirillfortunebyalittleinnocentdeception。
ThecompanywerethusoccupiedwhenCandide，Martin，andtheabbemadetheirentrance;notacreaturerosetosalutethem，orindeedtooktheleastnoticeofthem，beingwhollyintentuponthebusinessathand。
\"Ah！\"saidCandide，\"MyLadyBaronessofThunder-ten-tronckhwouldhavebehavedmorecivilly。\"
However，theabbewhisperedintheearoftheMarchioness，whohalfraisingherselffromherseat，honoredCandidewithagracioussmile，andgaveMartinanodofherhead，withanairofinexpressibledignity。ShethenorderedaseatforCandide，anddesiredhimtomakeoneoftheirpartyatplay;hedidso，andinafewdealslostnearathousandpieces;afterwhichtheysuppedveryelegantly，andeveryonewassurprisedatseeingCandidelosesomuchmoneywithoutappearingtobetheleastdisturbedatit。Theservantsinwaitingsaidtoeachother，\"ThisiscertainlysomeEnglishlord。\"
ThesupperwaslikemostothersofitskindinParis。Atfirsteveryonewassilent;thenfollowedafewconfusedmurmurs，andafterwardsseveralinsipidjokespassedandrepassed，withfalsereports，falsereasonings，alittlepolitics，andagreatdealofscandal。Theconversationthenturneduponthenewproductionsinliterature。
\"Pray\"，saidtheabbe，\"goodfolks，haveyouseentheromancewrittenbyacertainGauchat，DoctorofDivinity？\"
\"Yes\"，answeredoneofthecompany，\"butIhadnotpatiencetogothroughit。Thetownispesteredwithaswarmofimpertinentproductions，butthisofDr。Gauchat’soutdoesthemall。Inshort，IwassocursedlytiredofreadingthisvilestuffthatIevenresolvedtocomehere，andmakeapartyatbasset。\"
\"ButwhatsayyoutothearchdeaconT-’smiscellaneouscollection\"，saidtheabbe。
\"OhmyGod！\"criedtheMarchionessofParolignac，\"nevermentionthetediouscreature！Onlythinkwhatpainsheisattotellonethingsthatalltheworldknows;andhowhelaborsanargumentthatishardlyworththeslightestconsideration！howabsurdlyhemakesuseofotherpeople’swit！
howmiserablyhemangleswhathehaspilferedfromthem！
Themanmakesmequitesick！Afewpagesofthegoodarchdeaconareenoughinconsciencetosatisfyanyone。\"
Therewasatthetableapersonoflearningandtaste，whosupportedwhattheMarchionesshadadvanced。Theynextbegantotalkoftragedies。Theladydesiredtoknowhowitcameaboutthattherewereseveraltragedies，whichstillcontinuedtobeplayed，thoughtheywouldnotbearreading？Themanoftasteexplainedveryclearlyhowapiecemaybeinsomemannerinterestingwithouthavingagrainofmerit。Heshowed，inafewwords，thatitisnotsufficienttothrowtogetherafewincidentsthataretobemetwithineveryromance，andthattodazzlethespectatorthethoughtsshouldbenew，withoutbeingfarfetched;frequentlysublime，butalwaysnatural;theauthorshouldhaveathoroughknowledgeofthehumanheartandmakeitspeakproperly;heshouldbeacompletepoet，withoutshowinganaffectationofitinanyofthecharactersofhispiece;heshouldbeaperfectmasterofhislanguage，speakitwithallitspurity，andwiththeutmostharmony，andyetsoasnottomakethesenseaslavetotherhyme。
\"Whoever\"，addedhe，\"neglectsanyoneoftheserules，thoughhemaywritetwoorthreetragedieswithtolerablesuccess，willneverbereckonedinthenumberofgoodauthors。Thereareveryfewgoodtragedies;
someareidylls，inverywell-writtenandharmoniousdialogue;
andothersachainofpoliticalreasoningsthatsetoneasleep，orelsepompousandhigh-flownamplification，thatdisgustratherthanplease。Othersagainaretheravingsofamadman，inanuncouthstyle，unmeaningflights，orlongapostrophestothedeities，forwantofknowinghowtoaddressmankind;
inawordacollectionoffalsemaximsanddullcommonplace。\"
Candidelistenedtothisdiscoursewithgreatattention，andconceivedahighopinionofthepersonwhodeliveredit;andastheMarchionesshadtakencaretoplacehimnearherside，hetookthelibertytowhisperhersoftlyintheearandaskwhothispersonwasthatspokesowell。
\"Heisamanofletters\"，repliedHerLadyship，\"whoneverplays，andwhomtheabbebringswithhimtomyhousesometimestospendanevening。Heisagreatjudgeofwriting，especiallyintragedy;hehascomposedonehimself，whichwasdamned，andhaswrittenabookthatwasneverseenoutofhisbookseller’sshop，exceptingonlyonecopy，whichhesentmewithadedication，towhichhehadprefixedmyname。\"
\"Ohthegreatman\"，criedCandide，\"heisasecondPangloss。\"
Thenturningtowardshim，\"Sir\"，saidhe，\"youaredoubtlessofopinionthateverythingisforthebestinthephysicalandmoralworld，andthatnothingcouldbeotherwisethanitis？\"
\"I，sir！\"repliedthemanofletters，\"Ithinknosuchthing，Iassureyou;Ifindthatallinthisworldissetthewrongenduppermost。
Nooneknowswhatishisrank，hisoffice，norwhathedoes，norwhatheshoulddo。Withtheexceptionofourevenings，whichwegenerallypasstolerablymerrily，therestofourtimeisspentinidledisputesandquarrels，JansenistsagainstMolinists，theParliamentagainsttheChurch，andonearmedbodyofmenagainstanother;courtieragainstcourtier，husbandagainstwife，andrelationsagainstrelations。Inshort，thisworldisnothingbutonecontinuedsceneofcivilwar。\"
\"Yes\"，saidCandide，\"andIhaveseenworsethanallthat;
andyetalearnedman，whohadthemisfortunetobehanged，taughtmethateverythingwasmarvelouslywell，andthattheseevilsyouarespeakingofwereonlysomanyshadesinabeautifulpicture。\"
\"Yourhempensage\"，saidMartin，\"laughedatyou;theseshades，asyoucallthem，aremosthorribleblemishes。\"
\"Themenmaketheseblemishes\"，rejoinedCandide，\"andtheycannotdootherwise。\"
\"Thenitisnottheirfault\"，addedMartin。
Thegreatestpartofthegamesters，whodidnotunderstandasyllableofthisdiscourse，amusedthemselveswithdrinking，whileMartinreasonedwiththelearnedgentlemanandCandideentertainedtheladyofthehousewithapartofhisadventures。
AftersuppertheMarchionessconductedCandideintoherdressingroom，andmadehimsitdownunderacanopy。
\"Well\"，saidshe，\"areyoustillsoviolentlyfondofMissCunegondeofThunder-ten-tronckh？\"
\"Yes，madam\"，repliedCandide。
TheMarchionesssaidtohimwithatendersmile，\"YouanswermelikeayoungmanborninWestphalia;aFrenchmanwouldhavesaid，’Itistrue，madam，IhadagreatpassionforMissCunegonde;butsinceIhaveseenyou，IfearIcannolongerloveherasIdid。’\"
\"Alas！madam\"，repliedCandide，\"Iwillmakeyouwhatansweryouplease。\"
\"Youfellinlovewithher，Ifind，instoopingtopickupherhandkerchiefwhichshehaddropped;youshallpickupmygarter。\"
\"Withallmyheart，madam\"，saidCandide，andhepickeditup。
\"Butyoumusttieitonagain\"，saidthelady。
Candidetieditonagain。
\"Lookye，youngman\"，saidtheMarchioness，\"youareastranger;ImakesomeofmylovershereinParislanguishformeawholefortnight;butI
surrendertoyouatfirstsight，becauseIamwillingtodothehonorsofmycountrytoayoungWestphalian。\"
Thefaironehavingcasthereyeontwoverylargediamondsthatwereupontheyoungstranger’sfinger，praisedtheminsoearnestamannerthattheywereinaninstanttransferredfromhisfingertohers。
AsCandidewasgoinghomewiththeabbehefeltsomequalmsofconscienceforhavingbeenguiltyofinfidelitytoMissCunegonde。Theabbetookpartwithhiminhisuneasiness;hehadbutaninconsiderableshareinthethousandpiecesCandidehadlostatplay，andthetwodiamondswhichhadbeeninamannerextortedfromhim;andthereforeveryprudentlydesignedtomakethemosthecouldofhisnewacquaintance，whichchancehadthrowninhisway。HetalkedmuchofMissCunegonde，andCandideassuredhimthathewouldheartilyaskpardonofthatfaironeforhisinfidelitytoher，whenhesawheratVenice。
TheabberedoubledhiscivilitiesandseemedtointeresthimselfwarmlyineverythingthatCandidesaid，did，orseemedinclinedtodo。
\"Andso，sir，youhaveanengagementatVenice？\"
\"Yes，Monsieurl’Abbe\"，answeredCandide，\"ImustabsolutelywaituponMissCunegonde\"，andthenthepleasurehetookintalkingabouttheobjectheloved，ledhiminsensiblytorelate，accordingtocustom，partofhisadventureswiththatillustriousWestphalianbeauty。
\"Ifancy\"，saidtheabbe，\"MissCunegondehasagreatdealofwit，andthatherlettersmustbeveryentertaining。\"
\"Ineverreceivedanyfromher\"，saidCandide;\"foryouaretoconsiderthat，beingexpelledfromthecastleuponheraccount，Icouldnotwritetoher，especiallyassoonaftermydepartureIheardshewasdead;butthankGodIfoundafterwardsshewasliving。Ileftheragainafterthis，andnowIhavesentamessengertoherneartwothousandleaguesfromhere，andwaithereforhisreturnwithananswerfromher。\"
Theartfulabbeletnotawordofallthisescapehim，thoughheseemedtobemusinguponsomethingelse。Hesoontookhisleaveofthetwoadventurers，afterhavingembracedthemwiththegreatestcordiality。
Thenextmorning，almostassoonashiseyeswereopen，Candidereceivedthefollowingbillet：
\"MyDearestLover-Ihavebeenillinthiscitytheseeightdays。Ihaveheardofyourarrival，andshouldflytoyourarmswereIabletostir。IwasinformedofyourbeingonthewayhitheratBordeaux，whereIleftthefaithfulCacambo，andtheoldwoman，whowillsoonfollowme。TheGovernorofBuenosAyreshastakeneverythingfrommebutyourheart，whichIstillretain。Cometomeimmediatelyonthereceiptofthis。Yourpresencewilleithergivemenewlife，orkillmewiththepleasure。\"
Atthereceiptofthischarming，thisunexpectedletter，Candidefelttheutmosttransportsofjoy;though，ontheotherhand，theindispositionofhisbelovedMissCunegondeoverwhelmedhimwithgrief。Distractedbetweenthesetwopassionshetookhisgoldandhisdiamonds，andprocuredapersontoconducthimandMartintothehousewhereMissCunegondelodged。Uponenteringtheroomhefelthislimbstremble，hisheartflutter，histonguefalter;heattemptedtoundrawthecurtain，andcalledforalighttothebedside。
\"Lordsir\"，criedamaidservant，whowaswaitingintheroom，\"takecarewhatyoudo，Misscannotbeartheleastlight\"，andsosayingshepulledthecurtaincloseagain。
\"Cunegonde！mydearcriedCandide，bathedintears，\"howdoyoudo？Ifyoucannotbearthelight，speaktomeatleast。\"
\"Alas！shecannotspeak\"，saidthemaid。
ThesickladythenputaplumphandoutofthebedandCandidefirstbatheditwithtears，thenfilleditwithdiamonds，leavingapurseofgoldupontheeasychair。
Inthemidstofhistransportscameanofficerintotheroom，followedbytheabbe，andafileofmusketeers。
\"There\"，saidhe，\"arethetwosuspectedforeigners。\"Atthesametimeheorderedthemtobeseizedandcarriedtoprison。
\"TravelersarenottreatedinthismannerinthecountryofElDorado\"，saidCandide。
\"IammoreofaManichaeannowthanever\"，saidMartin。
\"Butpray，goodsir，whereareyougoingtocarryus？\"
saidCandide。
\"Toadungeon，mydearsir\"，repliedtheofficer。
WhenMartinhadalittlerecoveredhimself，soastoformacooljudgmentofwhathadpassed，heplainlyperceivedthatthepersonwhohadactedthepartofMissCunegondewasacheat;thattheabbeofPerigordwasasharperwhohadimposeduponthehonestsimplicityofCandide，andthattheofficerwasaknave，whomtheymighteasilygetridof。
CandidefollowingtheadviceofhisfriendMartin，andburningwithimpatiencetoseetherealMissCunegonde，ratherthanbeobligedtoappearatacourtofjustice，proposedtotheofficertomakehimapresentofthreesmalldiamonds，eachofthemworththreethousandpistoles。
\"Ah，sir\"，saidtheunderstrapperofjustice，\"hadyoucommitedeversomuchvillainy，thiswouldrenderyouthehonestestmanliving，inmyeyes。
Threediamondsworththreethousandpistoles！Why，mydearsir，sofarfromcarryingyoutojail，Iwouldlosemylifetoserveyou。Thereareordersforstoppingallstrangers;butleaveittome，IhaveabrotheratDieppe，inNormandy。Imyselfwillconductyouthither，andifyouhaveadiamondlefttogivehimhewilltakeasmuchcareofyouasImyselfshould。\"
\"Butwhy\"，saidCandide，\"dotheystopallstrangers？\"
TheabbeofPerigordmadeanswerthatitwasbecauseapoordevilofthecountryofAtrebataheardsomebodytellfoolishstories，andthisinducedhimtocommitaparricide;notsuchaoneasthatinthemonthofMay，1610，butsuchasthatinthemonthofDecemberintheyear1594，andsuchasmanythathavebeenperpetratedinothermonthsandyears，byotherpoordevilswhohadheardfoolishstories。
Theofficerthenexplainedtothemwhattheabbemeant。
\"Horridmonsters\"，exclaimedCandide，\"isitpossiblethatsuchscenesshouldpassamongapeoplewhoareperpetuallysinginganddancing？Istherenoflyingthisabominablecountryimmediately，thisexecrablekingdomwheremonkeysprovoketigers？Ihaveseenbearsinmycountry，butmenI
havebeheldnowherebutinElDorado。InthenameofGod，sir\"，saidhetotheofficer，\"domethekindnesstoconductmetoVenice，whereIamtowaitforMissCunegonde。\"
\"Really，sir\"，repliedtheofficer，\"IcannotpossiblywaitonyoufartherthanLowerNormandy。\"
Sosaying，heorderedCandide’sironstobestruckoff，acknowledgedhimselfmistaken，andsenthisfollowersabouttheirbusiness，afterwhichheconductedCandideandMartintoDieppe，andleftthemtothecareofhisbrother。
TherehappenedjustthentobeasmallDutchshipintheharbor。TheNorman，whomtheotherthreediamondshadconvertedintothemostobliging，serviceablebeingthateverbreathed，tookcaretoseeCandideandhisattendantssafeonboardthisvessel，thatwasjustreadytosailforPortsmouthinEngland。ThiswasnotthenearestwaytoVenice，indeed，butCandidethoughthimselfescapedoutofHell，anddidnot，intheleast，doubtbutheshouldquicklyfindanopportunityofresuminghisvoyagetoVenice。
chapter23CHAPTERXXIII
CANDIDEANDMARTINTOUCHUPONTHEENGLISH
COAST。WHATTHEYSEEHERE
AhPangloss！Pangloss！ahMartin！ahmydearMissCunegonde！
Whatsortofaworldisthis？\"ThusexclaimedCandideassoonashegotonboardtheDutchship。
\"Whysomethingveryfoolish，andveryabominable\"，saidMartin。
\"YouareacquaintedwithEngland\"，saidCandide;\"aretheyasgreatfoolsinthatcountryasinFrance？\"
\"Yes，butinadifferentmanner\"，answeredMartin。\"YouknowthatthesetwonationsareatwaraboutafewacresofbarrenlandintheneighborhoodofCanada，andthattheyhaveexpendedmuchgreatersumsinthecontestthanallCanadaisworth。Tosayexactlywhetherthereareagreaternumberfittobeinhabitantsofamadhouseintheonecountrythantheother，exceedsthelimitsofmyimperfectcapacity;Iknowingeneralthatthepeoplewearegoingtovisitareofaverydarkandgloomydisposition。\"
AstheywerechattingthustogethertheyarrivedatPortsmouth。
Theshoreoneachsidetheharborwaslinedwithamultitudeofpeople，whoseeyesweresteadfastlyfixedonalustymanwhowaskneelingdownonthedeckofoneofthemen-of-war，withsomethingtiedbeforehiseyes。Oppositetothispersonagestoodfoursoldiers，eachofwhomshotthreebulletsintohisskull，withallthecomposureimaginable;andwhenitwasdone，thewholecompanywentawayperfectlywellsatisfied。
\"Whatthedevilisallthisfor？\"saidCandide，\"andwhatdemon，orfoeofmankind，lordsitthustyrannicallyovertheworld？\"
Hethenaskedwhowasthatlustymanwhohadbeensentoutoftheworldwithsomuchceremony。Whenhereceivedforanswer，thatitwasanadmiral。
\"Andpraywhydoyouputyouradmiraltodeath？\"
\"Becausehedidnotputasufficientnumberofhisfellowcreaturestodeath。
Youmustknow，hehadanengagementwithaFrenchadmiral，andithasbeenprovedagainsthimthathewasnotnearenoughtohisantagonist。\"
\"But\"，repliedCandide，\"theFrenchadmiralmusthavebeenasfarfromhim。\"
\"Thereisnodoubtofthat;butinthiscountryitisfoundrequisite，nowandthen，toputanadmiraltodeath，inordertoencouragetheotherstofight。\"
Candidewassoshockedatwhathesawandheard，thathewouldnotsetfootonshore，butmadeabargainwiththeDutchskipper（wereheeventorobhimlikethecaptainofSurinam）tocarryhimdirectlytoVenice。
Theskipperwasreadyintwodays。TheysailedalongthecoastofFrance，andpassedwithinsightofLisbon，atwhichCandidetrembled。