ELLIE。Iamproudofhispoverty。
MRSHUSHABYE。Ofcourseyouare，pettikins。Whynotleavehiminit，andmarrysomeoneyoulove？
LADYUTTERWORD[risingsuddenlyandexplosively]。Hesione，areyougoingtokissmeorareyounot？
MRSHUSHABYE。Whatdoyouwanttobekissedfor？
LADYUTTERWORD。IDON’Twanttobekissed;butIdowantyoutobehaveproperlyanddecently。Wearesisters。Wehavebeenseparatedfortwenty—threeyears。YouOUGHTtokissme。
MRSHUSHABYE。To—morrowmorning，dear，beforeyoumakeup。Ihatethesmellofpowder。
LADYUTTERWORD。Oh！youunfeeling——[sheisinterruptedbythereturnofthecaptain]。
THECAPTAIN[toEllie]。Yourroomisready。[Ellierises]。Thesheetsweredamp;butIhavechangedthem[hemakesforthegardendoorontheportside]。
LADYUTTERWORD。Oh！Whataboutmysheets？
THECAPTAIN[haltingatthedoor]。Takemyadvice：airthem：ortakethemoffandsleepinblankets。YoushallsleepinAriadne’soldroom。
LADYUTTERWORD。IndeedIshalldonothingofthesort。Thatlittlehole！Iamentitledtothebestspareroom。
THECAPTAIN[continuingunmoved]。Shemarriedanumskull。Shetoldmeshewouldmarryanyonetogetawayfromhome。
LADTUTTERWORD。Youarepretendingnottoknowmeonpurpose。I
willleavethehouse。
MazziniDunnentersfromthehall。Heisalittleelderlymanwithbulgingcredulouseyesandearnestmanners。Heisdressedinabluesergejacketsuitwithanunbuttonedmackintoshoverit，andcarriesasoftblackhatofclericalcut。
ELLIE。Atlast！CaptainShotover，hereismyfather。
THECAPTAIN。This！Nonsense！notabitlikehim[hegoesawaythroughthegarden，shuttingthedoorsharplybehindhim]。
LADYUTTERWORD。Iwillnotbeignoredandpretendedtobesomebodyelse。IwillhaveitoutwithPapanow，thisinstant。
[ToMazzini]。Excuseme。[Shefollowsthecaptainout，makingahastybowtoMazzini，whoreturnsit]。
MRSHUSHABYE[hospitablyshakinghands]。Howgoodofyoutocome，MrDunn！Youdon’tmindPapa，doyou？Heisasmadasahatter，youknow，butquiteharmlessandextremelyclever。Youwillhavesomedelightfultalkswithhim。
MAZZINI。Ihopeso。[ToEllie]。Sohereyouare，Ellie，dear。[Hedrawsherarmaffectionatelythroughhis]。Imustthankyou，MrsHushabye，foryourkindnesstomydaughter。I’mafraidshewouldhavehadnoholidayifyouhadnotinvitedher。
MRSHUSHABYE。Notatall。Veryniceofhertocomeandattractyoungpeopletothehouseforus。
MAZZINI[smiling]。I’mafraidEllieisnotinterestedinyoungmen，MrsHushabye。Hertasteisonthegraver，soliderside。
MRSHUSHABYE[withasuddenratherhardbrightnessinhermanner]。Won’tyoutakeoffyourovercoat，MrDunn？Youwillfindacupboardforcoatsandhatsandthingsinthecornerofthehall。
MAZZINI[hastilyreleasingEllie]。Yes——thankyou——Ihadbetter——
[hegoesout]。
MRSHUSHABYE[emphatically]。Theoldbrute！
ELLIE。Who？
MRSHUSHABYE。Who！Him。He。It[pointingafterMazzini]。\"Graver，solidertastes，\"indeed！
ELLIE[aghast]。Youdon’tmeanthatyouwerespeakinglikethatofmyfather！
MRSHUSHABYE。Iwas。YouknowIwas。
ELLIE[withdignity]。Iwillleaveyourhouseatonce。[Sheturnstothedoor]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Ifyouattemptit，I’lltellyourfatherwhy。
ELLIE[turningagain]。Oh！Howcanyoutreatavisitorlikethis，MrsHushabye？
MRSHUSHABYE。IthoughtyouweregoingtocallmeHesione。
ELLIE。Certainlynotnow？
MRSHUSHABYE。Verywell：I’lltellyourfather。
ELLIE[distressed]。Oh！
MRSHUSHABYE。Ifyouturnahair——ifyoutakehispartagainstmeandagainstyourownheartforamoment，I’llgivethatbornsoldieroffreedomapieceofmymindthatwillstandhimonhisselfisholdheadforaweek。
ELLIE。Hesione！Myfatherselfish！Howlittleyouknow——
SheisinterruptedbyMazzini，whoreturns，excitedandperspiring。
MAZZINI。Ellie，Manganhascome：Ithoughtyou’dliketoknow。
Excuseme，MrsHushabye，thestrangeoldgentleman——
MRSHUSHABYE。Papa。Quiteso。
MAZZINI。Oh，Ibegyourpardon，ofcourse：Iwasalittleconfusedbyhismanner。HeismakingManganhelphimwithsomethinginthegarden;andhewantsmetoo——
Apowerfulwhistleisheard。
THECAPTAIN’SVOICE。Bosunahoy！[thewhistleisrepeated]。
MAZZINI[flustered]。Ohdear！Ibelieveheiswhistlingforme。
[Hehurriesout]。
MRSHUSHABYE。NowMYfatherisawonderfulmanifyoulike。
ELLIE。Hesione，listentome。Youdon’tunderstand。MyfatherandMrManganwereboystogether。MrMa——
MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’tcarewhattheywere：wemustsitdownifyouaregoingtobeginasfarbackasthat。[ShesnatchesatEllie’swaist，andmakeshersitdownonthesofabesideher]。
Now，pettikins，tellmeallaboutMrMangan。TheycallhimBossMangan，don’tthey？HeisaNapoleonofindustryanddisgustinglyrich，isn’the？Whyisn’tyourfatherrich？
ELLIE。Mypoorfathershouldneverhavebeeninbusiness。Hisparentswerepoets;andtheygavehimthenoblestideas;buttheycouldnotaffordtogivehimaprofession。
MRSHUSHABYE。Fancyyourgrandparents，withtheireyesinfinefrenzyrolling！Andsoyourpoorfatherhadtogointobusiness。
Hasn’thesucceededinit？
ELLIE。Healwaysusedtosayhecouldsucceedifheonlyhadsomecapital。Hefoughthiswayalong，tokeeparoofoverourheadsandbringusupwell;butitwasalwaysastruggle：alwaysthesamedifficultyofnothavingcapitalenough。Idon’tknowhowtodescribeittoyou。
MRSHUSHABYE。PoorEllie！Iknow。Pullingthedevilbythetail。
ELLIE[hurt]。Oh，no。Notlikethat。Itwasatleastdignified。
MRSHUSHABYE。Thatmadeitalltheharder，didn’tit？Ishouldn’thavepulledthedevilbythetailwithdignity。Ishouldhavepulledhard——[betweenherteeth]hard。Well？Goon。
ELLIE。Atlastitseemedthatallourtroubleswereatanend。MrMangandidanextraordinarilynoblethingoutofpurefriendshipformyfatherandrespectforhischaracter。Heaskedhimhowmuchcapitalhewanted，andgaveittohim。Idon’tmeanthathelentittohim，orthatheinvesteditinhisbusiness。Hejustsimplymadehimapresentofit。Wasn’tthatsplendidofhim？
MRSHUSHABYE。Onconditionthatyoumarriedhim？
ELLIE。Oh，no，no，no！ThiswaswhenIwasachild。Hehadneverevenseenme：henevercametoourhouse。Itwasabsolutelydisinterested。Puregenerosity。
MRSHUSHABYE。Oh！Ibegthegentleman’spardon。Well，whatbecameofthemoney？
ELLIE。Weallgotnewclothesandmovedintoanotherhouse。AndI
wenttoanotherschoolfortwoyears。
MRSHUSHABYE。Onlytwoyears？
ELLIE。Thatwasall：forattheendoftwoyearsmyfatherwasutterlyruined。
MRSHUSHABYE。How？
ELLIE。Idon’tknow。Inevercouldunderstand。Butitwasdreadful。Whenwewerepoormyfatherhadneverbeenindebt。Butwhenhelaunchedoutintobusinessonalargescale，hehadtoincurliabilities。WhenthebusinesswentintoliquidationheowedmoremoneythanMrManganhadgivenhim。
MRSHUSHABYE。Bitoffmorethanhecouldchew，Isuppose。
ELLIE。Ithinkyouarealittleunfeelingaboutit。
MRSHUSHABYE。Mypettikins，youmustn’tmindmywayoftalking。I
wasquiteassensitiveandparticularasyouonce;butIhavepickedupsomuchslangfromthechildrenthatIamreallyhardlypresentable。Isupposeyourfatherhadnoheadforbusiness，andmadeamessofit。
ELLIE。Oh，thatjustshowshowentirelyyouaremistakenabouthim。Thebusinessturnedoutagreatsuccess。Itnowpaysforty—fourpercentafterdeductingtheexcessprofitstax。
MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhyaren’tyourollinginmoney？
ELLIE。Idon’tknow。Itseemsveryunfairtome。Yousee，myfatherwasmadebankrupt。Itnearlybrokehisheart，becausehehadpersuadedseveralofhisfriendstoputmoneyintothebusiness。Hewassureitwouldsucceed;andeventsprovedthathewasquiteright。Buttheyalllosttheirmoney。Itwasdreadful。
Idon’tknowwhatweshouldhavedonebutforMrMangan。
MRSHUSHABYE。What！DidtheBosscometotherescueagain，afterallhismoneybeingthrownaway？
ELLIE。Hedidindeed，andneverutteredareproachtomyfather。
Heboughtwhatwasleftofthebusiness——thebuildingsandthemachineryandthings——fromtheofficialtrusteeforenoughmoneytoenablemyfathertopaysix—and—eight—penceinthepoundandgethisdischarge。EveryonepitiedPapasomuch，andsawsoplainlythathewasanhonorableman，thattheylethimoffatsix—and—eight—penceinsteadoftenshillings。ThenMr。Manganstartedacompanytotakeupthebusiness，andmademyfatheramanagerinittosaveusfromstarvation;forIwasn’tearninganythingthen。
MRS。HUSHABYE。Quitearomance。AndwhendidtheBossdevelopthetenderpassion？
ELLIE。Oh，thatwasyearsafter，quitelately。Hetookthechaironenightatasortofpeople’sconcert。Iwassingingthere。Asanamateur，youknow：halfaguineaforexpensesandthreesongswiththreeencores。Hewassopleasedwithmysingingthatheaskedmighthewalkhomewithme。IneversawanyonesotakenabackashewaswhenItookhimhomeandintroducedhimtomyfather，hisownmanager。Itwasthenthatmyfathertoldmehownoblyhehadbehaved。Ofcourseitwasconsideredagreatchanceforme，asheissorich。And——and——wedriftedintoasortofunderstanding——IsupposeIshouldcallitanengagement——[sheisdistressedandcannotgoon]。
MRSHUSHABYE[risingandmarchingabout]。Youmayhavedriftedintoit;butyouwillbounceoutofit，mypettikins，ifIamtohaveanythingtodowithit。
ELLIE[hopelessly]。No：it’snouse。Iamboundinhonorandgratitude。Iwillgothroughwithit。
MRSHUSHABYE[behindthesofa，scoldingdownather]。Youknow，ofcourse，thatit’snothonorableorgratefultomarryamanyoudon’tlove。DoyoulovethisManganman？
ELLIE。Yes。Atleast——
MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’twanttoknowabout\"atleast\"：Iwanttoknowtheworst。Girlsofyouragefallinlovewithallsortsofimpossiblepeople，especiallyoldpeople。
ELLIE。IlikeMrManganverymuch;andIshallalwaysbe——
MRSHUSHABYE[impatientlycompletingthesentenceandprancingawayintolerantlytostarboard]。——gratefultohimforhiskindnesstodearfather。Iknow。Anybodyelse？
ELLIE。Whatdoyoumean？
MRSHUSHABYE。Anybodyelse？Areyouinlovewithanybodyelse？
ELLIE。Ofcoursenot。
MRSHUSHABYE。Humph！[Thebookonthedrawing—tablecatcheshereye。Shepicksitup，andevidentlyfindsthetitleveryunexpected。ShelooksatEllie，andasks，quaintly]Quitesureyou’renotinlovewithanactor？
ELLIE。No，no。Why？Whatputsuchathingintoyourhead？
MRSHUSHABYE。Thisisyours，isn’tit？WhyelseshouldyoubereadingOthello？
ELLIE。MyfathertaughtmetoloveShakespeare。
MRSHUSHAYE[flingingthebookdownonthetable]。Really！yourfatherdoesseemtobeaboutthelimit。
ELLIE[naively]。DoyouneverreadShakespeare，Hesione？Thatseemstomesoextraordinary。IlikeOthello。
MRSHUSHABYE。Doyou，indeed？Hewasjealous，wasn’the？
ELLIE。Oh，notthat。Ithinkallthepartaboutjealousyishorrible。Butdon’tyouthinkitmusthavebeenawonderfulexperienceforDesdemona，broughtupsoquietlyathome，tomeetamanwhohadbeenoutintheworlddoingallsortsofbravethingsandhavingterribleadventures，andyetfindingsomethinginherthatmadehimlovetositandtalkwithherandtellheraboutthem？
MRSHUSHABYE。That’syourideaofromance，isit？
ELLIE。Notromance，exactly。Itmightreallyhappen。
Ellie’seyesshowthatsheisnotarguing，butinadaydream。MrsHushabye，watchingherinquisitively，goesdeliberatelybacktothesofaandresumesherseatbesideher。
MRSHUSHABYE。Elliedarling，haveyounoticedthatsomeofthosestoriesthatOthellotoldDesdemonacouldn’thavehappened——？
ELLIE。Oh，no。Shakespearethoughttheycouldhavehappened。
MRSHUSHABYE。Hm！Desdemonathoughttheycouldhavehappened。Buttheydidn’t。
ELLIE。Whydoyoulooksoenigmaticaboutit？Youaresuchasphinx：Ineverknowwhatyoumean。
MRSHUSHABYE。Desdemonawouldhavefoundhimoutifshehadlived，youknow。Iwonderwasthatwhyhestrangledher！
ELLIE。Othellowasnottellinglies。
MRSHUSHABYE。Howdoyouknow？
ELLIE。Shakespearewouldhavesaidifhewas。Hesione，therearemenwhohavedonewonderfulthings：menlikeOthello，only，ofcourse，white，andveryhandsome，and——
MRSHUSHABYE。Ah！Nowwe’recomingtoit。Tellmeallabouthim。
Iknewtheremustbesomebody，oryou’dneverhavebeensomiserableaboutMangan：you’dhavethoughtitquitealarktomarryhim。
ELLIE[blushingvividly]。Hesione，youaredreadful。ButIdon’twanttomakeasecretofit，thoughofcourseIdon’ttelleverybody。Besides，Idon’tknowhim。
MRSHUSHABYE。Don’tknowhim！Whatdoesthatmean？
ELLIE。Well，ofcourseIknowhimtospeakto。
MRSHUSHABYE。Butyouwanttoknowhimeversomuchmoreintimately，eh？
ELLIE。No，no：Iknowhimquite——almostintimately。
MRSHUSHABYE。Youdon’tknowhim;andyouknowhimalmostintimately。Howlucid！
ELLIE。Imeanthathedoesnotcallonus。I——Igotintoconversationwithhimbychanceataconcert。
MRSHUSHABYE。Youseemtohaveratheragaytimeatyourconcerts，Ellie。
ELLIE。Notatall：wetalktoeveryoneinthegreenroomwaitingforourturns。Ithoughthewasoneoftheartists：helookedsosplendid。Buthewasonlyoneofthecommittee。IhappenedtotellhimthatIwascopyingapictureattheNationalGallery。I
makealittlemoneythatway。Ican’tpaintmuch;butasit’salwaysthesamepictureIcandoitprettyquicklyandgettwoorthreepoundsforit。IthappenedthathecametotheNationalGalleryoneday。
MRSHUSHABYE。Onestudents’day。Paidsixpencetostumbleaboutthroughacrowdofeasels，whenhemighthavecomeinnextdayfornothingandfoundthefloorclear！Quitebyaccident？
ELLIE[triumphantly]。No。Onpurpose。Helikedtalkingtome。Heknowslotsofthemostsplendidpeople。Fashionablewomenwhoareallinlovewithhim。ButheranawayfromthemtoseemeattheNationalGalleryandpersuademetocomewithhimforadriveroundRichmondParkinataxi。
MRSHUSHABYE。Mypettikins，youhavebeengoingit。It’swonderfulwhatyougoodgirlscandowithoutanyonesayingaword。
ELLIE。Iamnotinsociety，Hesione。IfIdidn’tmakeacquaintancesinthatwayIshouldn’thaveanyatall。
MRSHUSHABYE。Well，noharmifyouknowhowtotakecareofyourself。MayIaskhisname？
ELLIE[slowlyandmusically]。MarcusDarnley。
MRSHUSHABYE[echoingthemusic]。MarcusDarnley！Whatasplendidname！
ELLIE。Oh，I’msogladyouthinkso。Ithinksotoo;butIwasafraiditwasonlyasillyfancyofmyown。
MRSHUSHABYE。Hm！IsheoneoftheAberdeenDarnleys？
ELLIE。Nobodyknows。Justfancy！Hewasfoundinanantiquechest——
MRSHUSHABYE。Awhat？
ELLIE。Anantiquechest，onesummermorninginarosegarden，afteranightofthemostterriblethunderstorm。
MRSHUSHABYE。Whatonearthwashedoinginthechest？Didhegetintoitbecausehewasafraidofthelightning？
ELLIE。Oh，no，no：hewasababy。ThenameMarcusDarnleywasembroideredonhisbabyclothes。Andfivehundredpoundsingold。
MRSHUSHABYE[Lookinghardather]。Ellie！
ELLIE。ThegardenoftheViscount——
MRSHUSHABYE。——deRougemont？
ELLIE[innocently]。No：deLarochejaquelin。AFrenchfamily。A
vicomte。Hislifehasbeenonelongromance。Atiger——
MRSHUSHABYE。Slainbyhisownhand？
ELLIE。Oh，no：nothingvulgarlikethat。Hesavedthelifeofthetigerfromahuntingparty：oneofKingEdward’shuntingpartiesinIndia。TheKingwasfurious：thatwaswhyheneverhadhismilitaryservicesproperlyrecognized。Buthedoesn’tcare。HeisaSocialistanddespisesrank，andhasbeeninthreerevolutionsfightingonthebarricades。
MRSHUSHABYE。Howcanyousittheretellingmesuchlies？You，Ellie，ofallpeople！AndIthoughtyouwereaperfectlysimple，straightforward，goodgirl。
ELLIE[rising，dignifiedbutveryangry]。Doyoumeanyoudon’tbelieveme？
MRSHUSHABYE。OfcourseIdon’tbelieveyou。You’reinventingeverywordofit。Doyoutakemeforafool？
Elliestaresather。HercandorissoobviousthatMrsHushabyeispuzzled。
ELLIE。Goodbye，Hesione。I’mverysorry。IseenowthatitsoundsveryimprobableasItellit。ButIcan’tstayifyouthinkthatwayaboutme。
MRSHUSHABYE[catchingherdress]。Youshan’tgo。Icouldn’tbesomistaken：Iknowtoowellwhatliarsarelike。Somebodyhasreallytoldyouallthis。
ELLIE[flushing]。Hesione，don’tsaythatyoudon’tbelievehim。
Icouldn’tbearthat。
MRSHUSHABYE[soothingher]。OfcourseIbelievehim，dearest。
Butyoushouldhavebrokenittomebydegrees。[Drawingherbacktoherseat]。Nowtellmeallabouthim。Areyouinlovewithhim？
ELLIE。Oh，no。I’mnotsofoolish。Idon’tfallinlovewithpeople。I’mnotsosillyasyouthink。
MRSHUSHABYE。Isee。Onlysomethingtothinkabout——togivesomeinterestandpleasuretolife。
ELLIE。Justso。That’sall，really。
MRSHUSHABYE。Itmakesthehoursgofast，doesn’tit？Notediouswaitingtogotosleepatnightsandwonderingwhetheryouwillhaveabadnight。Howdelightfulitmakeswakingupinthemorning！Howmuchbetterthanthehappiestdream！Alllifetransfigured！Nomorewishingonehadaninterestingbooktoread，becauselifeissomuchhappierthananybook！Nodesirebuttobealoneandnottohavetotalktoanyone：tobealoneandjustthinkaboutit。
ELLIE[embracingher]。Hesione，youareawitch。Howdoyouknow？
Oh，youarethemostsympatheticwomanintheworld！
MRSHUSHABYE[caressingher]。Pettikins，mypettikins，howIenvyyou！andhowIpityyou！
ELLIE。Pityme！Oh，why？
Averyhandsomemanoffifty，withmousquetairemoustaches，wearingaratherdandifiedcurlybrimmedhat，andcarryinganelaboratewalking—stick，comesintotheroomfromthehall，andstopsshortatsightofthewomenonthesofa。
ELLIE[seeinghimandrisingingladsurprise]。Oh！Hesione：thisisMrMarcusDarnley。
MRSHUSHABYE[rising]。Whatalark！Heismyhusband。
ELLIE。Butnow——[shestopssuddenly：thenturnspaleandsways]。
MRSHUSHABYE[catchingherandsittingdownwithheronthesofa]。Steady，mypettikins。
THEMAN[withamixtureofconfusionandeffrontery，depositinghishatandstickontheteaktable]。Myrealname，MissDunn，isHectorHushabye。Ileaveyoutojudgewhetherthatisanameanysensitivemanwouldcaretoconfessto。IneveruseitwhenIcanpossiblyhelpit。Ihavebeenawayfornearlyamonth;andIhadnoideayouknewmywife，orthatyouwerecominghere。Iamnonethelessdelightedtofindyouinourlittlehouse。
ELLIE[ingreatdistress]。Idon’tknowwhattodo。Please，mayI
speaktopapa？Doleaveme。Ican’tbearit。
MRSHUSHABYE。Beoff，Hector。
HECTOR。I——
MRSHUSHABYE。Quick，quick。Getout。
HECTOR。Ifyouthinkitbetter——[hegoesout，takinghishatwithhimbutleavingthestickonthetable]。
MRSHUSHABYE[layingElliedownattheendofthesofa]。Now，pettikins，heisgone。There’snobodybutme。Youcanletyourselfgo。Don’ttrytocontrolyourself。Haveagoodcry。
ELLIE[raisingherhead]。Damn！
MRSHUSHABYE。Splendid！Oh，whatarelief！Ithoughtyouweregoingtobebroken—hearted。Nevermindme。Damnhimagain。
ELLIE。Iamnotdamninghim。Iamdamningmyselfforbeingsuchafool。[Rising]。HowcouldIletmyselfbetakeninso？[Shebeginsprowlingtoandfro，herbloomgone，lookingcuriouslyolderandharder]。
MRSHUSHABYE[cheerfully]。Whynot，pettikins？VeryfewyoungwomencanresistHector。Icouldn’twhenIwasyourage。Heisreallyrathersplendid，youknow。
ELLIE[turningonher]。Splendid！Yes，splendidlooking，ofcourse。Buthowcanyoulovealiar？
MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’tknow。Butyoucan，fortunately。Otherwisetherewouldn’tbemuchloveintheworld。
ELLIE。Buttolielikethat！Tobeaboaster！acoward！
MRSHUSHABYE[risinginalarm]。Pettikins，noneofthat，ifyouplease。IfyouhinttheslightestdoubtofHector’scourage，hewillgostraightoffanddothemosthorriblydangerousthingstoconvincehimselfthatheisn’tacoward。Hehasadreadfultrickofgettingoutofonethird—floorwindowandcominginatanother，justtotesthisnerve。HehasawholedrawerfulofAlbertMedalsforsavingpeople’slives。
ELLIE。Henevertoldmethat。
MRSHUSHABYE。Heneverboastsofanythinghereallydid：hecan’tbearit;anditmakeshimshyifanyoneelsedoes。Allhisstoriesaremade—upstories。
ELLIE[comingtoher]。Doyoumeanthatheisreallybrave，andreallyhasadventures，andyettellsliesaboutthingsthatheneverdidandthatneverhappened？
MRSHUSHABYE。Yes，pettikins，Ido。Peopledon’thavetheirvirtuesandvicesinsets：theyhavethemanyhow：allmixed。
ELLIE[staringatherthoughtfully]。There’ssomethingoddaboutthishouse，Hesione，andevenaboutyou。Idon’tknowwhyI’mtalkingtoyousocalmly。Ihaveahorriblefearthatmyheartisbroken，butthatheartbreakisnotlikewhatIthoughtitmustbe。
MRSHUSHABYE[fondlingher]。It’sonlylifeeducatingyou，pettikins。HowdoyoufeelaboutBossMangannow？
ELLIE[disengagingherselfwithanexpressionofdistaste]。Oh，howcanyouremindmeofhim，Hesione？
MRSHUSHABYE。Sorry，dear。IthinkIhearHectorcomingback。Youdon’tmindnow，doyou，dear？
ELLIE。Notintheleast。Iamquitecured。
MazziniDunnandHectorcomeinfromthehall。
HECTOR[asheopensthedoorandallowsMazzinitopassin]。Onesecondmore，andshewouldhavebeenadeadwoman！
MAZZINI。Dear！dear！whatanescape！Ellie，mylove，MrHushabyehasjustbeentellingmethemostextraordinary——
ELLIE。Yes，I’veheardit[shecrossestotheothersideoftheroom]。
HECTOR[followingher]。Notthisone：I’lltellittoyouafterdinner。Ithinkyou’lllikeit。ThetruthisImadeitupforyou，andwaslookingforwardtothepleasureoftellingittoyou。Butinamomentofimpatienceatbeingturnedoutoftheroom，Ithrewitawayonyourfather。
ELLIE[turningatbaywithherbacktothecarpenter’sbench，scornfullyself—possessed]。Itwasnotthrownaway。Hebelievesit。Ishouldnothavebelievedit。
MAZZINI[benevolently]。Ellieisverynaughty，MrHushabye。Ofcourseshedoesnotreallythinkthat。[Hegoestothebookshelves，andinspectsthetitlesofthevolumes]。
BossMangancomesinfromthehall，followedbythecaptain。
Mangan，carefullyfrock—coatedasforchurchorforadiHECTORs’
meeting，isaboutfifty—five，withacareworn，mistrustfulexpression，standingalittleonanentirelyimaginarydignity，withadullcomplexion，straight，lustrelesshair，andfeaturessoentirelycommonplacethatitisimpossibletodescribethem。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[toMrsHushabye，introducingthenewcomer]。
SayshisnameisMangan。Notable—bodied。
MRSHUSHABYE[graciously]。Howdoyoudo，MrMangan？
MANGAN[shakinghands]。Verypleased。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Dunn’slosthismuscle，butrecoveredhisnerve。Menseldomdoafterthreeattacksofdeliriumtremens[hegoesintothepantry]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Icongratulateyou，MrDunn。
MAZZINI[dazed]。Iamalifelongteetotaler。
MRSHUSHABYE。Youwillfinditfarlesstroubletoletpapahavehisownwaythantrytoexplain。
MAZZINI。Butthreeattacksofdeliriumtremens，really！
MRSHUSHABYE[toMangan]。Doyouknowmyhusband，MrMangan[sheindicatesHector]。
MANGAN[goingtoHector，whomeetshimwithoutstretchedhand]。
Verypleased。[TurningtoEllie]。Ihope，MissEllie，youhavenotfoundthejourneydowntoofatiguing。[Theyshakehands]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Hector，showMrDunnhisroom。
HECTOR。Certainly。Comealong，MrDunn。[HetakesMazziniout]。
ELLIE。Youhaven’tshownmemyroomyet，Hesione。
MRSHUSHABYE。Howstupidofme！Comealong。Makeyourselfquiteathome，MrMangan。Papawillentertainyou。[Shecallstothecaptaininthepantry]。Papa，comeandexplainthehousetoMrMangan。
ShegoesoutwithEllie。Thecaptaincomesfromthepantry。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。You’regoingtomarryDunn’sdaughter。Don’t。
You’retooold。
MANGAN[staggered]。Well！That’sfairlyblunt，Captain。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。It’strue。
MANGAN。Shedoesn’tthinkso。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Shedoes。
MANGAN。OldermenthanIhave——
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[finishingthesentenceforhim]。——madefoolsofthemselves。That，also，istrue。
MANGAN[assertinghimself]。Idon’tseethatthisisanybusinessofyours。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itiseverybody’sbusiness。Thestarsintheircoursesareshakenwhensuchthingshappen。
MANGAN。I’mgoingtomarryherallthesame。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Howdoyouknow？
MANGAN[playingthestrongman]。Iintendto。Imeanto。See？I
nevermadeupmymindtodoathingyetthatIdidn’tbringitoff。That’sthesortofmanIam;andtherewillbeabetterunderstandingbetweenuswhenyoumakeupyourmindtothat，Captain。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youfrequentpicturepalaces。
MANGAN。PerhapsIdo。Whotoldyou？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Talklikeaman，notlikeamovie。Youmeanthatyoumakeahundredthousandayear。
MANGAN。Idon’tboast。ButwhenImeetamanthatmakesahundredthousandayear，Itakeoffmyhattothatman，andstretchoutmyhandtohimandcallhimbrother。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thenyoualsomakeahundredthousandayear，hey？
MANGAN。No。Ican’tsaythat。Fiftythousand，perhaps。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Hishalfbrotheronly[heturnsawayfromManganwithhisusualabruptness，andcollectstheemptytea—cupsontheChinesetray]。
MANGAN[irritated]。Seehere，CaptainShotover。Idon’tquiteunderstandmypositionhere。Icamehereonyourdaughter’sinvitation。AmIinherhouseorinyours？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youarebeneaththedomeofheaven，inthehouseofGod。Whatistruewithinthesewallsistrueoutsidethem。Gooutontheseas;climbthemountains;wanderthroughthevalleys。Sheisstilltooyoung。
MANGAN[weakening]。ButI’mverylittleoverfifty。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youarestilllessundersixty。BossMangan，youwillnotmarrythepirate’schild[hecarriesthetrayawayintothepantry]。
MANGAN[followinghimtothehalfdoor]。Whatpirate’schild？
Whatareyoutalkingabout？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[inthepantry]。EllieDunn。Youwillnotmarryher。
MANGAN。Whowillstopme？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[emerging]。Mydaughter[hemakesforthedoorleadingtothehall]。
MANGAN[followinghim]。MrsHushabye！Doyoumeantosayshebroughtmedownheretobreakitoff？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[stoppingandturningonhim]。IknownothingmorethanIhaveseeninhereye。Shewillbreakitoff。Takemyadvice：marryaWestIndiannegress：theymakeexcellentwives。I
wasmarriedtoonemyselffortwoyears。
MANGAN。Well，Iamdamned！
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ithoughtso。Iwas，too，formanyyears。Thenegressredeemedme。
MANGAN[feebly]。Thisisqueer。Ioughttowalkoutofthishouse。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Why？
MANGAN。Well，manymenwouldbeoffendedbyyourstyleoftalking。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Nonsense！It’stheothersortoftalkingthatmakesquarrels。Nobodyeverquarrelswithme。
Agentleman，whosefirst—ratetailoringandfrictionlessmannersproclaimthewellbredWestEnder，comesinfromthehall。Hehasanengagingairofbeingyoungandunmarried，butoncloseinspectionisfoundtobeatleastoverforty。
THEGENTLEMAN。Excusemyintrudinginthisfashion，butthereisnoknockeronthedoorandthebelldoesnotseemtoring。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whyshouldtherebeaknocker？Whyshouldthebellring？Thedoorisopen。
THEGENTLEMAN。Precisely。SoIventuredtocomein。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Quiteright。Iwillseeaboutaroomforyou[hemakesforthedoor]。
THEGENTLEMAN[stoppinghim]。ButI’mafraidyoudon’tknowwhoI
am。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。DOyousupposethatatmyageImakedistinctionsbetweenonefellowcreatureandanother？[Hegoesout。Manganandthenewcomerstareatoneanother]。
MANGAN。Strangecharacter，CaptainShotover，sir。
THEGENTLEMAN。Very。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[shoutingoutside]。Hesione，anotherpersonhasarrivedandwantsaroom。Manabouttown，welldressed，fifty。
THEGENTLEMAN。FancyHesione’sfeelings！MayIaskareyouamemberofthefamily？
MANGAN。No。
THEGENTLEMAN。Iam。Atleastaconnection。
MrsHushabyecomesback。
MRSHUSHABYE。Howdoyoudo？Howgoodofyoutocome！
THEGENTLEMAN。Iamverygladindeedtomakeyouracquaintance，Hesione。[Insteadoftakingherhandhekissesher。Atthesamemomentthecaptainappearsinthedoorway]。Youwillexcusemykissingyourdaughter，Captain，whenItellyouthat——
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Stuff！Everyonekissesmydaughter。Kissherasmuchasyoulike[hemakesforthepantry]。
THEGENTLEMAN。Thankyou。Onemoment，Captain。[Thecaptainhaltsandturns。Thegentlemangoestohimaffably]。Doyouhappentorememberbutprobablyyoudon’t，asitoccurredmanyyearsago——
thatyouryoungerdaughtermarriedanumskull？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Yes。Shesaidshe’dmarryanybodytogetawayfromthishouse。Ishouldnothaverecognizedyou：yourheadisnolongerlikeawalnut。Youraspectissoftened。Youhavebeenboiledinbreadandmilkforyearsandyears，likeothermarriedmen。Poordevil！[Hedisappearsintothepantry]。
MRSHUSHABYE[goingpastMangantothegentlemanandscrutinizinghim]。Idon’tbelieveyouareHastingsUtterword。
THEGENTLEMAN。Iamnot。
MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhatbusinesshadyoutokissme？
THEGENTLEMAN。IthoughtIwouldliketo。Thefactis，IamRandallUtterword，theunworthyyoungerbrotherofHastings。I
wasabroaddiplomatizingwhenhewasmarried。
LADYUTTERWORD[dashingin]。Hesione，whereisthekeyofthewardrobeinmyroom？Mydiamondsareinmydressing—bag：Imustlockitup——[recognizingthestrangerwithashock]Randall，howdareyou？[ShemarchesathimpastMrsHushabye，whoretreatsandjoinsMangannearthesofa]。
RANDALL。HowdareIwhat？Iamnotdoinganything。
LADYUTTERWORD。WhotoldyouIwashere？
RANDALL。Hastings。YouhadjustleftwhenIcalledonyouatClaridge’s;soIfollowedyoudownhere。Youarelookingextremelywell。
LADYUTTERWORD。Don’tpresumetotellmeso。
MRSHUSHABYE。WhatiswrongwithMrRandall，Addy？
LADYUTTERWORD[recollectingherself]。Oh，nothing。Buthehasnorighttocomebotheringyouandpapawithoutbeinginvited[shegoestothewindow—seatandsitsdown，turningawayfromthemill—humoredlyandlookingintothegarden，whereHectorandElliearenowseenstrollingtogether]。
MRSHUSHABYE。IthinkyouhavenotmetMrMangan，Addy。
LADYUTTERWORD[turningherheadandnoddingcoldlytoMangan]。I
begyourpardon。Randall，youhaveflusteredmeso：Imakeaperfectfoolofmyself。
MRSHUSHABYE。LadyUtterword。Mysister。Myyoungersister。
MANGAN[bowing]。Pleasedtomeetyou，LadyUtterword。
LADYUTTERWORD[withmarkedinterest]。WhoisthatgentlemanwalkinginthegardenwithMissDunn？
MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’tknow。Shequarrelledmortallywithmyhusbandonlytenminutesago;andIdidn’tknowanyoneelsehadcome。Itmustbeavisitor。[Shegoestothewindowtolook]。Oh，itisHector。They’vemadeitup。
LADYUTTERWORD。Yourhusband！Thathandsomeman？
MRSHUSHABYE。Well，whyshouldn’tmyhusbandbeahandsomeman？
RANDALL[joiningthematthewindow]。One’shusbandneveris，Ariadne[hesitsbyLadyUtterword，onherright]。
MRSHUSHABYE。One’ssister’shusbandalwaysis，MrRandall。
LADYUTTERWORD。Don’tbevulgar，Randall。Andyou，Hesione，arejustasbad。
EllieandHectorcomeinfromthegardenbythestarboarddoor。
Randallrises。Ellieretiresintothecornernearthepantry。
Hectorcomesforward;andLadyUtterwordriseslookingherverybest。
MRS。HUSHABYE。Hector，thisisAddy。
HECTOR[apparentlysurprised]。Notthislady。
LADYUTTERWORD[smiling]。Whynot？
HECTOR[lookingatherwithapiercingglanceofdeepbutrespectfuladmiration，hismoustachebristling]。Ithought——
[pullinghimselftogether]。Ibegyourpardon，LadyUtterword。I
amextremelygladtowelcomeyouatlastunderourroof[heoffershishandwithgravecourtesy]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Shewantstobekissed，Hector。
LADYUTTERWORD。Hesione！[Butshestillsmiles]。
MRSHUSHABYE。CallherAddy;andkissherlikeagoodbrother—in—law;andhavedonewithit。[Sheleavesthemtothemselves]。
HECTOR。Behaveyourself，Hesione。LadyUtterwordisentitlednotonlytohospitalitybuttocivilization。
LADYUTTERWORD[gratefully]。Thankyou，Hector。[Theyshakehandscordially]。
MazziniDunnisseencrossingthegardenfromstarboardtoport。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[comingfromthepantryandaddressingEllie]。
Yourfatherhaswashedhimself。
ELLIE[quiteself—possessed]。Heoftendoes，CaptainShotover。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Astrangeconversion！Isawhimthroughthepantrywindow。
MazziniDunnentersthroughtheportwindowdoor，newlywashedandbrushed，andstops，smilingbenevolently，betweenManganandMrsHushabye。
MRSHUSHABYE[introducing]。MrMazziniDunn，LadyUt——oh，I
forgot：you’vemet。[IndicatingEllie]MissDunn。
MAZZINI[walkingacrosstheroomtotakeEllie’shand，andbeamingathisownnaughtyirony]。IhavemetMissDunnalso。Sheismydaughter。[Hedrawsherarmthroughhiscaressingly]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Ofcourse：howstupid！MrUtterword，mysister’s——
er——
RANDALL[shakinghandsagreeably]。Herbrother—in—law，MrDunn。
Howdoyoudo？
MRSHUSHABYE。Thisismyhusband。
HECTOR。Wehavemet，dear。Don’tintroduceusanymore。[Hemovesawaytothebigchair，andadds]Won’tyousitdown，LadyUtterword？[Shedoessoverygraciously]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Sorry。Ihateit：it’slikemakingpeopleshowtheirtickets。
MAZZINI[sententiously]。Howlittleittellsus，afterall！Thegreatquestionis，notwhoweare，butwhatweare。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ha！Whatareyou？
MAZZINI[takenaback]。WhatamI？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Athief，apirate，andamurderer。
MAZZINI。Iassureyouyouaremistaken。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Anadventurouslife;butwhatdoesitendin？
Respectability。Aladylikedaughter。Thelanguageandappearanceofacitymissionary。Letitbeawarningtoallofyou[hegoesoutthroughthegarden]。
DUNN。IhopenobodyherebelievesthatIamathief，apirate，oramurderer。MrsHushabye，willyouexcusemeamoment？Imustreallygoandexplain。[Hefollowsthecaptain]。
MRSHUSHABYE[ashegoes]。It’snouse。You’dreallybetter——
[butDunnhasvanished]。Wehadbetterallgooutandlookforsometea。Weneverhaveregulartea;butyoucanalwaysgetsomewhenyouwant：theservantskeepitstewingallday。Thekitchenverandaisthebestplacetoask。MayIshowyou？[Shegoestothestarboarddoor]。
RANDALL[goingwithher]。Thankyou，Idon’tthinkI’lltakeanyteathisafternoon。Butifyouwillshowmethegarden——
MRSHUSHABYE。There’snothingtoseeinthegardenexceptpapa’sobservatory，andagravelpitwithacavewherehekeepsdynamiteandthingsofthatsort。However，it’spleasanteroutofdoors;
socomealong。
RANDALL。Dynamite！Isn’tthatratherrisky？
MRSHUSHABYE。Well，wedon’tsitinthegravelpitwhenthere’sathunderstorm。
LADYUTTERORRD。That’ssomethingnew。Whatisthedynamitefor？
HECTOR。Toblowupthehumanraceifitgoestoofar。HeistryingtodiscoverapsychicraythatwillexplodealltheexplosiveatthewellofaMahatma。
ELLIE。Thecaptain’steaisdelicious，MrUtterword。
MRSHUSHABYE[stoppinginthedoorway]。Doyoumeantosaythatyou’vehadsomeofmyfather’stea？thatyougotroundhimbeforeyouweretenminutesinthehouse？
ELLIE。Idid。
MRSHUSHABYE。Youlittledevil！[ShegoesoutwithRandall]。
MANGAN。Won’tyoucome，MissEllie？
ELLIE。I’mtootired。I’lltakeabookuptomyroomandrestalittle。[Shegoestothebookshelf]。
MANGAN。Right。Youcan’tdobetter。ButI’mdisappointed。[HefollowsRandallandMrsHushabye]。
Ellie，Hector，andLadyUtterwordareleft。HectorisclosetoLadyUtterword。TheylookatEllie，waitingforhertogo。
ELLIE[lookingatthetitleofabook]。Doyoulikestoriesofadventure，LadyUtterword？
LADYUTTERWORD[patronizingly]。Ofcourse，dear。
ELLIE。ThenI’llleaveyoutoMrHushabye。[Shegoesoutthroughthehall]。
HECTOR。Thatgirlismadabouttalesofadventure。TheliesI
havetotellher！
LADYUTTERWORD[notinterestedinEllie]。Whenyousawmewhatdidyoumeanbysayingthatyouthought，andthenstoppingshort？
Whatdidyouthink？
HECTOR[foldinghisarmsandlookingdownathermagnetically]。
MayItellyou？
LADYUTTERWORD。Ofcourse。
HECTOR。Itwillnotsoundverycivil。Iwasonthepointofsaying，\"Ithoughtyouwereaplainwoman。\"
LADYUTTERWORD。Oh，forshame，Hector！WhatrighthadyoutonoticewhetherIamplainornot？
HECTOR。Listentome，Ariadne。UntiltodayIhaveseenonlyphotographsofyou;andnophotographcangivethestrangefascinationofthedaughtersofthatsupernaturaloldman。Thereissomedamnablequalityinthemthatdestroysmen’smoralsense，andcarriesthembeyondhonoranddishonor。Youknowthat，don’tyou？
LADYUTTERWORD。PerhapsIdo，Hector。ButletmewarnyouonceforallthatIamarigidlyconventionalwoman。YoumaythinkbecauseI’maShotoverthatI’maBohemian，becauseweareallsohorriblyBohemian。ButI’mnot。IhateandloatheBohemianism。NochildbroughtupinastrictPuritanhouseholdeversufferedfromPuritanismasIsufferedfromourBohemianism。
HECTOR。Ourchildrenarelikethat。Theyspendtheirholidaysinthehousesoftheirrespectableschoolfellows。
LADYUTTERWORD。IshallinvitethemforChristmas。
HECTOR。Theirabsenceleavesusbothwithoutournaturalchaperones。
LADYUTTERWORD。Childrenarecertainlyveryinconvenientsometimes。Butintelligentpeoplecanalwaysmanage，unlesstheyareBohemians。
HECTOR。YouarenoBohemian;butyouarenoPuritaneither：yourattractionisaliveandpowerful。Whatsortofwomandoyoucountyourself？
LADYUTTERWORD。Iamawomanoftheworld，Hector;andIcanassureyouthatifyouwillonlytakethetroublealwaystodotheperfectlycorrectthing，andtosaytheperfectlycorrectthing，youcandojustwhatyoulike。Anill—conducted，carelesswomangetssimplynochance。Anill—conducted，carelessmanisneverallowedwithinarm’slengthofanywomanworthknowing。
HECTOR。Isee。YouareneitheraBohemianwomannoraPuritanwoman。Youareadangerouswoman。
LADYUTTERWORD。Onthecontrary，Iamasafewoman。
HECTOR。Youareamostaccursedlyattractivewoman。Mind，Iamnotmakinglovetoyou。Idonotlikebeingattracted。ButyouhadbetterknowhowIfeelifyouaregoingtostayhere。
LADYUTTERWORD。Youareanexceedinglycleverlady—killer，Hector。Andterriblyhandsome。Iamquiteagoodplayer，myself，atthatgame。Isitquiteunderstoodthatweareonlyplaying？
HECTOR。Quite。Iamdeliberatelyplayingthefool，outofsheerworthlessness。
LADYUTTERWORD[risingbrightly]。Well，youaremybrother—in—law，Hesioneaskedyoutokissme。[Heseizesherinhisarmsandkissesherstrenuously]。Oh！thatwasalittlemorethanplay，brother—in—law。[Shepusheshimsuddenlyaway]。Youshallnotdothatagain。
HECTOR。Ineffect，yougotyourclawsdeeperintomethanI
intended。
MRSHUBHABYE[cominginfromthegarden]。Don’tletmedisturbyou;Ionlywantacaptoputondaddiest。Thesunissetting;
andhe’llcatchcold[shemakesforthedoorleadingtothehall]。
LADYUTTERWORD。Yourhusbandisquitecharming，darling。Hehasactuallycondescendedtokissmeatlast。Ishallgointothegarden：it’scoolernow[shegoesoutbytheportdoor]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Takecare，dearchild。Idon’tbelieveanymancankissAddywithoutfallinginlovewithher。[Shegoesintothehall]。
HECTOR[strikinghimselfonthechest]。Fool！Goat！
MrsHushabyecomesbackwiththecaptain’scap。
HECTOR。Yoursisterisanextremelyenterprisingoldgirl。
Where’sMissDunn！
MRSHUSHABYE。Mangansaysshehasgoneuptoherroomforanap。
Addywon’tletyoutalktoEllie：shehasmarkedyouforherown。
HECTOR。Shehasthediabolicalfamilyfascination。Ibeganmakinglovetoherautomatically。WhatamItodo？Ican’tfallinlove;
andIcan’thurtawoman’sfeelingsbytellinghersowhenshefallsinlovewithme。AndaswomenarealwaysfallinginlovewithmymoustacheIgetlandedinallsortsoftediousandterrifyingflirtationsinwhichI’mnotabitinearnest。
MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，neitherisAddy。Shehasneverbeeninloveinherlife，thoughshehasalwaysbeentryingtofallinheadoverears。Sheisworsethanyou，becauseyouhadonerealgoatleast，withme。
HECTOR。Thatwasaconfoundedmadness。Ican’tbelievethatsuchanamazingexperienceiscommon。Ithasleftitsmarkonme。I
believethatiswhyIhaveneverbeenabletorepeatit。
MRSHUSHABYE[laughingandcaressinghisarm]。Wewerefrightfullyinlovewithoneanother，Hector。ItwassuchanenchantingdreamthatIhaveneverbeenabletogrudgeittoyouoranyoneelsesince。Ihaveinvitedallsortsofprettywomentothehouseonthechanceofgivingyouanotherturn。Butithasnevercomeoff。
HECTOR。Idon’tknowthatIwantittocomeoff。Itwasdamneddangerous。Youfascinatedme;butIlovedyou;soitwasheaven。
Thissisterofyoursfascinatesme;butIhateher;soitishell。Ishallkillherifshepersists。
MRS。HUSHABYE。NothingwillkillAddy;sheisasstrongasahorse。[Releasinghim]。NowIamgoingofftofascinatesomebody。
HECTOR。TheForeignOfficetoff？Randall？
MRSHUSHABYE。Goodnessgracious，no！WhyshouldIfascinatehim？
HECTOR。Ipresumeyoudon’tmeanthebloatedcapitalist，Mangan？
MRSHUSHABYE。Hm！IthinkhehadbetterbefascinatedbymethanbyEllie。[Sheisgoingintothegardenwhenthecaptaincomesinfromitwithsomesticksinhishand]。Whathaveyougotthere，daddiest？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Dynamite。
MRSHUSHABYE。You’vebeentothegravelpit。Don’tdropitaboutthehouse，there’sadear。[Shegoesintothegarden，wheretheeveninglightisnowveryred]。
HECTOR。Listen，Osage。Howlongdareyouconcentrateonafeelingwithoutriskinghavingitfixedinyourconsciousnessalltherestofyourlife？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ninetyminutes。Anhourandahalf。[Hegoesintothepantry]。
Hector，leftalone，contractshisbrows，andfallsintoaday—dream。Hedoesnotmoveforsometime。Thenhefoldshisarms。Then，throwinghishandsbehindhim，andgrippingonewiththeother，hestridestragicallyoncetoandfro。Suddenlyhesnatcheshiswalkingstickfromtheteaktable，anddrawsit;foritisaswordstick。Hefightsadesperateduelwithanimaginaryantagonist，andaftermanyvicissitudesrunshimthroughthebodyuptothehilt。Hesheatheshisswordandthrowsitonthesofa，fallingintoanotherreverieashedoesso。Helooksstraightintotheeyesofanimaginarywoman;seizesherbythearms;andsaysinadeepandthrillingtone，\"Doyouloveme！\"Thecaptaincomesoutofthepantryatthismoment;andHector，caughtwithhisarmsstretchedoutandhisfistsclenched，hastoaccountforhisattitudebygoingthroughaseriesofgymnasticexercises。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thatsortofstrengthisnogood。Youwillneverbeasstrongasagorilla。
HECTOR。Whatisthedynamitefor？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。TokillfellowslikeMangan。
HECTOR。Nouse。Theywillalwaysbeabletobuymoredynamitethanyou。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Iwillmakeadynamitethathecannotexplode。
HECTOR。Andthatyoucan，eh？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Yes：whenIhaveattainedtheseventhdegreeofconcentration。
HECTOR。What’stheuseofthat？Youneverdoattainit。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whatthenistobedone？Arewetobekeptforeverinthemudbythesehogstowhomtheuniverseisnothingbutamachineforgreasingtheirbristlesandfillingtheirsnouts？
HECTOR。AreMangan’sbristlesworsethanRandall’slovelocks？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER，。Wemustwinpowersoflifeanddeathoverthemboth。IrefusetodieuntilIhaveinventedthemeans。
HECTOR。Whoarewethatweshouldjudgethem？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whataretheythattheyshouldjudgeus？Yettheydo，unhesitatingly。Thereisenmitybetweenourseedandtheirseed。Theyknowitandactonit，stranglingoursouls。
Theybelieveinthemselves。Whenwebelieveinourselves，weshallkillthem。
HECTOR。Itisthesameseed。Youforgetthatyourpiratehasaverynicedaughter。Mangan’ssonmaybeaPlato：Randall’saShelley。Whatwasmyfather？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。ThedamnedstscoundrelIevermet。[Hereplacesthedrawing—board;sitsdownatthetable;andbeginstomixawashofcolor]。
HECTOR。Precisely。Well，dareyoukillhisinnocentgrandchildren？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Theyareminealso。
HECTOR。Justso——wearemembersoneofanother。[Hethrowshimselfcarelesslyonthesofa]。ItellyouIhaveoftenthoughtofthiskillingofhumanvermin。Manymenhavethoughtofit。
DecentmenarelikeDanielinthelion’sden：theirsurvivalisamiracle;andtheydonotalwayssurvive。WeliveamongtheMangansandRandallsandBillieDunnsasthey，poordevils，liveamongthediseasegermsandthedoctorsandthelawyersandtheparsonsandtherestaurantchefsandthetradesmenandtheservantsandalltherestoftheparasitesandblackmailers。Whatareourterrorstotheirs？Givemethepowertokillthem;andI’llsparetheminsheer——
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[cuttinginsharply]。Fellowfeeling？
HECTOR。No。IshouldkillmyselfifIbelievedthat。Imustbelievethatmyspark，smallasitis，isdivine，andthattheredlightovertheirdoorishellfire。Ishouldsparetheminsimplemagnanimouspity。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youcan’tsparethemuntilyouhavethepowertokillthem。Atpresenttheyhavethepowertokillyou。Therearemillionsofblacksoverthewaterforthemtotrainandletlooseonus。They’regoingtodoit。They’redoingitalready。
HECTOR。Theyaretoostupidtousetheirpower。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[throwingdownhisbrushandcomingtotheendofthesofa]。Donotdeceiveyourself：theydouseit。Wekillthebetterhalfofourselveseverydaytopropitiatethem。Theknowledgethatthesepeoplearetheretorenderallouraspirationsbarrenpreventsushavingtheaspirations。Andwhenwearetemptedtoseektheirdestructiontheybringforthdemonstodeludeus，disguisedasprettydaughters，andsingersandpoetsandthelike，forwhosesakewesparethem。
HECTOR[sittingupandleaningtowardshim]。MaynotHesionebesuchademon，broughtforthbyyoulestIshouldslayyou？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thatispossible。Shehasusedyouup，andleftyounothingbutdreams，assomewomendo。
HECTOR。Vampirewomen，demonwomen。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Menthinktheworldwelllostforthem，andloseitaccordingly。Whoarethementhatdothings？Thehusbandsoftheshrewandofthedrunkard，themenwiththethornintheflesh。[Walkingdistractedlyawaytowardsthepantry]。Imustthinkthesethingsout。[Turningsuddenly]。ButIgoonwiththedynamitenonetheless。IwilldiscoveraraymightierthananyX—ray：amindraythatwillexplodetheammunitioninthebeltofmyadversarybeforehecanpointhisgunatme。AndImusthurry。
Iamold：Ihavenotimetowasteintalk[heisabouttogointothepantry，andHectorismakingforthehall，whenHesionecomesback]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Daddiest，youandHectormustcomeandhelpmetoentertainallthesepeople。Whatonearthwereyoushoutingabout？
HECTOR[stoppingintheactofturningthedoorhandle]。Heismadderthanusual。
MRSHUSHABYE。Weallare。
HECTOR。Imustchange[heresumeshisdooropening]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Stop，stop。Comeback，bothofyou。Comeback。
[Theyreturn，reluctantly]。Moneyisrunningshort。
HECTOR。Money！WherearemyAprildividends？
MRSHUSHABYE。Whereisthesnowthatfelllastyear？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。WhereisallthemoneyyouhadforthatpatentlifeboatIinvented？
MRSHUSHABYE。Fivehundredpounds;andIhavemadeitlastsinceEaster！
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。SinceEaster！Barelyfourmonths！Monstrousextravagance！Icouldliveforsevenyearson500pounds。
MRSHUSHABYE。Notkeepingopenhouseaswedohere，daddiest。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Only500poundsforthatlifeboat！Igottwelvethousandfortheinventionbeforethat。
MRSHUSHABYE。Yes，dear;butthatwasfortheshipwiththemagnetickeelthatsuckedupsubmarines。Livingattheratewedo，youcannotaffordlife—savinginventions。Can’tyouthinkofsomethingthatwillmurderhalfEuropeatonebang？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No。Iamageingfast。MyminddoesnotdwellonslaughterasitdidwhenIwasaboy。Whydoesn’tyourhusbandinventsomething？Hedoesnothingbuttellliestowomen。
HECTOR。Well，thatisaformofinvention，isitnot？However，youareright：Ioughttosupportmywife。
MRSHUSHABYE。Indeedyoushalldonothingofthesort：Ishouldneverseeyoufrombreakfasttodinner。Iwantmyhusband。
HECTOR[bitterly]。Imightaswellbeyourlapdog。
MRSHUSHABYE。Doyouwanttobemybreadwinner，liketheotherpoorhusbands？
HECTOR。No，bythunder！Whatadamnedcreatureahusbandisanyhow！
MRSHUSHABYE[tothecaptain]。Whataboutthatharpooncannon？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Nouse。Itkillswhales，notmen。
MRSHUSHABYE。Whynot？Youfiretheharpoonoutofacannon。Itsticksintheenemy’sgeneral;youwindhimin;andthereyouare。
HECTOR。Youareyourfather’sdaughter，Hesione。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thereissomethinginit。Nottowindingenerals：theyarenotdangerous。Butonecouldfireagrapnelandwindinamachinegunorevenatank。Iwillthinkitout。
MRSHUSHABYE[squeezingthecaptain’sarmaffectionately]。Saved！
Youareadarling，daddiest。Nowwemustgobacktothesedreadfulpeopleandentertainthem。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Theyhavehadnodinner。Don’tforgetthat。
HECTOR。NeitherhaveI。Anditisdark：itmustbeallhours。
MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，Guinnesswillproducesomesortofdinnerforthem。Theservantsalwaystakejollygoodcarethatthereisfoodinthehouse。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[raisingastrangewailinthedarkness]。Whatahouse！Whatadaughter！
MRSHUSHABYE[raving]。Whatafather！
HECTOR[followingsuit]。Whatahusband！
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Istherenothunderinheaven？
HECTOR。Istherenobeauty，nobravery，onearth？
MRSHUSHABYE。Whatdomenwant？Theyhavetheirfood，theirfiresides，theirclothesmended，andourloveattheendoftheday。Whyaretheynotsatisfied？Whydotheyenvyusthepainwithwhichwebringthemintotheworld，andmakestrangedangersandtormentsforthemselvestobeevenwithus？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[weirdlychanting]。
Ibuildedahouseformydaughters，andopenedthedoorsthereof，Thatmenmightcomefortheirchoosing，andtheirbettersspringfromtheirlove;
Butoneofthemmarriedanumskull;
HECTOR[takinguptherhythm]。
Theotheraliarwed;
MRSHUSHABYE[completingthestanza]。
Andnowmustsheliebesidehim，evenasshemadeherbed。
LADYUTTERWORD[callingfromthegarden]。Hesione！Hesione！Whereareyou？
HECTOR。Thecatisonthetiles。
MRSHUSHABYE。Coming，darling，coming[shegoesquicklyintothegarden]。
Thecaptaingoesbacktohisplaceatthetable。
HECTOR[goingoutintothehall]。ShallIturnupthelightsforyou？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No。Givemedeeperdarkness。Moneyisnotmadeinthelight。
ACTII
Thesameroom，withthelightsturnedupandthecurtainsdrawn。
Elliecomesin，followedbyMangan。Botharedressedfordinner。
Shestrollstothedrawing—table。Hecomesbetweenthetableandthewickerchair。
MANGAN。Whatadinner！Idon’tcallitadinner：Icallitameal。
ELLIE。Iamaccustomedtomeals，MrMangan，andveryluckytogetthem。Besides，thecaptaincookedsomemaccaroniforme。
MANGAN[shudderingliverishly]。Toorich：Ican’teatsuchthings。Isupposeit’sbecauseIhavetoworksomuchwithmybrain。That’stheworstofbeingamanofbusiness：youarealwaysthinking，thinking，thinking。Bytheway，nowthatwearealone，mayItaketheopportunitytocometoalittleunderstandingwithyou？
ELLIE[settlingintothedraughtsman’sseat]。Certainly。Ishouldliketo。
MANGAN[takenaback]。Shouldyou？Thatsurprisesme;forI
thoughtInoticedthisafternoonthatyouavoidedmeallyoucould。Notforthefirsttimeeither。
ELLIE。Iwasverytiredandupset。Iwasn’tusedtothewaysofthisextraordinaryhouse。Pleaseforgiveme。
MANGAN。Oh，that’sallright：Idon’tmind。ButCaptainShotoverhasbeentalkingtomeaboutyou。Youandme，youknow。
ELLIE[interested]。Thecaptain！Whatdidhesay？
MANGAN。Well，henoticedthedifferencebetweenourages。
ELLIE。Henoticeseverything。
MANGAN。Youdon’tmind，then？
ELLIE。OfcourseIknowquitewellthatourengagement——
MANGAN。Oh！youcallitanengagement。
ELLIE。Well，isn’tit？
MANGAN。Oh，yes，yes：nodoubtitisifyouholdtoit。Thisisthefirsttimeyou’veusedtheword;andIdidn’tquiteknowwherewestood：that’sall。[Hesitsdowninthewickerchair;
andresignshimselftoallowhertoleadtheconversation]。Youweresaying——？
ELLIE。WasI？Iforget。Tellme。Doyoulikethispartofthecountry？IheardyouaskMrHushabyeatdinnerwhetherthereareanynicehousestoletdownhere。