MANGAN。Iliketheplace。Theairsuitsme。Ishouldn’tbesurprisedifIsettleddownhere。
ELLIE。Nothingwouldpleasemebetter。Theairsuitsmetoo。AndIwanttobenearHesione。
MANGAN[withgrowinguneasiness]。Theairmaysuitus;butthequestionis，shouldwesuitoneanother？Haveyouthoughtaboutthat？
ELLIE。MrMangan，wemustbesensible，mustn’twe？It’snousepretendingthatweareRomeoandJuliet。Butwecangetonverywelltogetherifwechoosetomakethebestofit。Yourkindnessofheartwillmakeiteasyforme。
MANGAN[leaningforward，withthebeginningofsomethinglikedeliberateunpleasantnessinhisvoice]。Kindnessofheart，eh？I
ruinedyourfather，didn’tI？
ELLIE。Oh，notintentionally。
MANGAN。YesIdid。Ruinedhimonpurpose。
ELLIE。Onpurpose！
MANGAN。Notoutofill—nature，youknow。Andyou’lladmitthatI
keptajobforhimwhenIhadfinishedwithhim。Butbusinessisbusiness;andIruinedhimasamatterofbusiness。
ELLIE。Idon’tunderstandhowthatcanbe。AreyoutryingtomakemefeelthatIneednotbegratefultoyou，sothatImaychoosefreely？
MANGAN[risingaggressively]。No。ImeanwhatIsay。
ELLIE。Buthowcoulditpossiblydoyouanygoodtoruinmyfather？Themoneyhelostwasyours。
MANGAN[withasourlaugh]。Wasmine！Itismine，MissEllie，andallthemoneytheotherfellowslosttoo。[Heshoveshishandsintohispocketsandshowshisteeth]。Ijustsmokedthemoutlikeahiveofbees。Whatdoyousaytothat？Abitofshock，eh？
ELLIE。Itwouldhavebeen，thismorning。Now！youcan’tthinkhowlittleitmatters。Butit’squiteinteresting。Only，youmustexplainittome。Idon’tunderstandit。[Proppingherelbowsonthedrawingboardandherchinonherhands，shecomposesherselftolistenwithacombinationofconsciouscuriositywithunconsciouscontemptwhichprovokeshimtomoreandmoreunpleasantness，andanattemptatpatronageofherignorance]。
MANGAN。Ofcourseyoudon’tunderstand：whatdoyouknowaboutbusiness？Youjustlistenandlearn。Yourfather’sbusinesswasanewbusiness;andIdon’tstartnewbusinesses：Iletotherfellowsstartthem。Theyputalltheirmoneyandtheirfriends’
moneyintostartingthem。Theywearouttheirsoulsandbodiestryingtomakeasuccessofthem。They’rewhatyoucallenthusiasts。Butthefirstdeadliftofthethingistoomuchforthem;andtheyhaven’tenoughfinancialexperience。Inayearorsotheyhaveeithertoletthewholeshowgobust，orsellouttoanewlotoffellowsforafewdeferredordinaryshares：thatis，ifthey’reluckyenoughtogetanythingatall。Aslikelyasnottheverysamethinghappenstothenewlot。Theyputinmoremoneyandacoupleofyears’morework;andthenperhapstheyhavetosellouttoathirdlot。Ifit’sreallyabigthingthethirdlotwillhavetosellouttoo，andleavetheirworkandtheirmoneybehindthem。Andthat’swheretherealbusinessmancomesin：whereIcomein。ButI’mclevererthansome：Idon’tminddroppingalittlemoneytostarttheprocess。Itookyourfather’smeasure。Isawthathehadasoundidea，andthathewouldworkhimselfsillyforitifhegotthechance。Isawthathewasachildinbusiness，andwasdeadcertaintooutrunhisexpensesandbeintoogreatahurrytowaitforhismarket。I
knewthatthesurestwaytoruinamanwhodoesn’tknowhowtohandlemoneyistogivehimsome。Iexplainedmyideatosomefriendsinthecity，andtheyfoundthemoney;forItakenorisksinideas，evenwhenthey’remyown。Yourfatherandthefriendsthatventuredtheirmoneywithhimwerenomoretomethanaheapofsqueezedlemons。You’vebeenwastingyourgratitude：mykindheartisallrot。I’msickofit。WhenIseeyourfatherbeamingatmewithhismoist，gratefuleyes，regularlywallowingingratitude，IsometimesfeelImusttellhimthetruthorburst。WhatstopsmeisthatIknowhewouldn’tbelieveme。He’dthinkitwasmymodesty，asyoudidjustnow。
He’dthinkanythingratherthanthetruth，whichisthathe’sablamedfool，andIamamanthatknowshowtotakecareofhimself。[Hethrowshimselfbackintothebigchairwithlargeselfapproval]。Nowwhatdoyouthinkofme，MissEllie？
ELLIE[droppingherhands]。Howstrange！thatmymother，whoknewnothingatallaboutbusiness，shouldhavebeenquiterightaboutyou！Shealwayssaidnotbeforepapa，ofcourse，buttouschildren——thatyouwerejustthatsortofman。
MANGAN[sittingup，muchhurt]。Oh！didshe？Andyetshe’dhaveletyoumarryme。
ELLIE。Well，yousee，MrMangan，mymothermarriedaverygoodman——forwhateveryoumaythinkofmyfatherasamanofbusiness，heisthesoulofgoodness——andsheisnotatallkeenonmydoingthesame。
MANGAN。Anyhow，youdon’twanttomarrymenow，doyou？
ELLIE。[verycalmly]。Oh，Ithinkso。Whynot？
MANGAN。[risingaghast]。Whynot！
ELLIE。Idon’tseewhyweshouldn’tgetonverywelltogether。
MANGAN。Well，butlookhere，youknow——[hestops，quiteataloss]。
ELLIE。[patiently]。Well？
MANGAN。Well，Ithoughtyouwereratherparticularaboutpeople’scharacters。
ELLIE。Ifwewomenwereparticularaboutmen’scharacters，weshouldnevergetmarriedatall，MrMangan。
MANGAN。Achildlikeyoutalkingof\"wewomen\"！Whatnext！You’renotinearnest？
ELLIE。Yes，Iam。Aren’tyou？
MANGAN。Youmeantoholdmetoit？
ELLIE。Doyouwishtobackoutofit？
MANGAN。Oh，no。Notexactlybackoutofit。
ELLIE。Well？
Hehasnothingtosay。Withalongwhisperedwhistle，hedropsintothewickerchairandstaresbeforehimlikeabeggaredgambler。Butacunninglooksooncomesintohisface。Heleansovertowardsheronhisrightelbow，andspeaksinalowsteadyvoice。
MANGAN。SupposeItoldyouIwasinlovewithanotherwoman！
ELLIE[echoinghim]。SupposeItoldyouIwasinlovewithanotherman！
MANGAN[bouncingangrilyoutofhischair]。I’mnotjoking。
ELLIE。WhotoldyouIwas？
MANGAN。ItellyouI’mserious。You’retooyoungtobeserious;
butyou’llhavetobelieveme。IwanttobenearyourfriendMrsHushabye。I’minlovewithher。Nowthemurder’sout。
ELLIE。IwanttobenearyourfriendMrHushabye。I’minlovewithhim。[Sherisesandaddswithafrankair]Nowweareinoneanother’sconfidence，weshallberealfriends。Thankyoufortellingme。
MANGAN[almostbesidehimself]。DoyouthinkI’llbemadeaconvenienceoflikethis？
ELLIE。Come，MrMangan！youmadeabusinessconvenienceofmyfather。Well，awoman’sbusinessismarriage。Whyshouldn’tI
makeadomesticconvenienceofyou？
MANGAN。BecauseIdon’tchoose，see？BecauseI’mnotasillygulllikeyourfather。That’swhy。
ELLIE[withserenecontempt]。Youarenotgoodenoughtocleanmyfather’sboots，MrMangan;andIampayingyouagreatcomplimentincondescendingtomakeaconvenienceofyou，asyoucallit。Ofcourseyouarefreetothrowoverourengagementifyoulike;
but，ifyoudo，you’llneverenterHesione’shouseagain：Iwilltakecareofthat。
MANGAN[gasping]。Youlittledevil，you’vedoneme。[Onthepointofcollapsingintothebigchairagainherecovershimself]。Waitabit，though：you’renotsocuteasyouthink。Youcan’tbeatBossManganaseasyasthat。SupposeIgostraighttoMrsHushabyeandtellherthatyou’reinlovewithherhusband。
ELLIE。Sheknowsit。
MANGAN。Youtoldher！！！
ELLIE。Shetoldme。
MANGAN[clutchingathisburstingtemples]。Oh，thisisacrazyhouse。OrelseI’mgoingcleanoffmychump。Isshemakingaswopwithyou——shetohaveyourhusbandandyoutohavehers？
ELLIE。Well，youdon’twantusboth，doyou？
MANGAN[throwinghimselfintothechairdistractedly]。Mybrainwon’tstandit。Myhead’sgoingtosplit。Help！Helpmetoholdit。Quick：holdit：squeezeit。Saveme。[Elliecomesbehindhischair;claspshisheadhardforamoment;thenbeginstodrawherhandsfromhisforeheadbacktohisears]。Thankyou。[Drowsily]。
That’sveryrefreshing。[Wakingalittle]。Don’tyouhypnotizeme，though。I’veseenmenmadefoolsofbyhypnotism。
ELLIE[steadily]。Bequiet。I’veseenmenmadefoolsofwithouthypnotism。
MANGAN[humbly]。Youdon’tdisliketouchingme，Ihope。Younevertouchedmebefore，Inoticed。
ELLIE。Notsinceyoufellinlovenaturallywithagrown—upnicewoman，whowillneverexpectyoutomakelovetoher。AndIwillneverexpecthimtomakelovetome。
MANGAN。Hemay，though。
ELLIE[makingherpassesrhythmically]。Hush。Gotosleep。Doyouhear？Youaretogotosleep，gotosleep，gotosleep;bequiet，deeplydeeplyquiet;sleep，sleep，sleep，sleep，sleep。
Hefallsasleep。Elliestealsaway;turnsthelightout;andgoesintothegarden。
NurseGuinnessopensthedoorandisseeninthelightwhichcomesinfromthehall。
GUINNESS[speakingtosomeoneoutside]。MrMangan’snothere，duckie：there’snoonehere。It’salldark。
MRSHUSHABYE[without]。Trythegarden。MrDunnandIwillbeinmyboudoir。Showhimtheway。
GUINNESS。Yes，ducky。[Shemakesforthegardendoorinthedark;
stumblesoverthesleepingManganandscreams]。Ahoo！OLord，Sir！Ibegyourpardon，I’msure：Ididn’tseeyouinthedark。
Whoisit？[Shegoesbacktothedoorandturnsonthelight]。
Oh，MrMangan，sir，IhopeIhaven’thurtyouplumpingintoyourlaplikethat。[Comingtohim]。Iwaslookingforyou，sir。MrsHushabyesayswillyouplease[noticingthatheremainsquiteinsensible]。Oh，mygoodLord，IhopeIhaven’tkilledhim。Sir！
MrMangan！Sir！[Sheshakeshim;andheisrollinginertlyoffthechaironthefloorwhensheholdshimupandpropshimagainstthecushion]。MissHessy！MissHessy！[quick，dotydarling。MissHessy！[MrsHushabyecomesinfromthehall，followedbyMazziniDunn]。Oh，MissHessy，I’vebeenandkilledhim。
MazzinirunsroundthebackofthechairtoMangan’srighthand，andseesthatthenurse’swordsareapparentlyonlytootrue。
MAZZINI。Whattemptedyoutocommitsuchacrime，woman？
MRSHUSHABYE[tryingnottolaugh]。Doyoumean，youdiditonpurpose？
GUINNESS。NowisitlikelyI’dkillanymanonpurpose？Ifelloverhiminthedark;andI’maprettytidyweight。HeneverspokenormoveduntilIshookhim;andthenhewouldhavedroppeddeadonthefloor。Isn’tittiresome？
MRSHUSHABYE[goingpastthenursetoMangan’sside，andinspectinghimlesscredulouslythanMazzini]。Nonsense！heisnotdead：heisonlyasleep。Icanseehimbreathing。
GUINNESS。Butwhywon’thewake？
MAZZINI[speakingverypolitelyintoMangan’sear]。Mangan！MydearMangan！[heblowsintoMangan’sear]。
MRSHUSHABYE。That’snogood[sheshakeshimvigorously]。MrMangan，wakeup。Doyouhear？[Hebeginstorollover]。Oh！
Nurse，nurse：he’sfalling：helpme。
NurseGuinnessrushestotherescue。WithMazzini’sassistance，Manganisproppedsafelyupagain。
GUINNESS[behindthechair;bendingovertotestthecasewithhernose]。Wouldhebedrunk，doyouthink，pet？
MRSHUSHABYE。Hadheanyofpapa’srum？
MAZZINI。Itcan’tbethat：heismostabstemious。Iamafraidhedranktoomuchformerly，andhastodrinktoolittlenow。Youknow，MrsHushabye，Ireallythinkhehasbeenhypnotized。
GUINNESS。Hipnowhat，sir？
MAZZINI。Oneeveningathome，afterwehadseenahypnotizingperformance，thechildrenbeganplayingatit;andElliestrokedmyhead。IassureyouIwentoffdeadasleep;andtheyhadtosendforaprofessionaltowakemeupafterIhadslepteighteenhours。Theyhadtocarrymeupstairs;andasthepoorchildrenwerenotverystrong，theyletmeslip;andIrolledrightdownthewholeflightandneverwokeup。[MrsHushabyesplutters]。Oh，youmaylaugh，MrsHushabye;butImighthavebeenkilled。
MRSHUSHABYE。Icouldn’thavehelpedlaughingevenifyouhadbeen，MrDunn。SoElliehashypnotizedhim。Whatfun！
MAZZINI。Ohno，no，no。Itwassuchaterriblelessontoher：
nothingwouldinducehertotrysuchathingagain。
MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhodidit？Ididn’t。
MAZZINI。Ithoughtperhapsthecaptainmighthavedoneitunintentionally。Heissofearfullymagnetic：Ifeelvibrationswheneverhecomesclosetome。
GUINNESS。Thecaptainwillgethimoutofitanyhow，sir：I’llbackhimforthat。I’llgofetchhim[shemakesforthepantry]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Waitabit。[ToMazzini]。Yousayheisallrightforeighteenhours？
MAZZINI。Well，Iwasasleepforeighteenhours。
MRSHUSHABYE。Wereyouanytheworseforit？
MAZZINI。Idon’tquiteremember。Theyhadpouredbrandydownmythroat，yousee;and——
MRSHUSHABYE。Quite。Anyhow，yousurvived。Nurse，darling：goandaskMissDunntocometoushere。SayIwanttospeaktoherparticularly。YouwillfindherwithMrHushabyeprobably。
GUINNESS。Ithinknot，ducky：MissAddyiswithhim。ButI’llfindherandsendhertoyou。[Shegoesoutintothegarden]。
MRSHUSHABYE[callingMazzini’sattentiontothefigureonthechair]。Now，MrDunn，look。Justlook。Lookhard。Doyoustillintendtosacrificeyourdaughtertothatthing？
MAZZINI[troubled]。Youhavecompletelyupsetme，MrsHushabye，byallyouhavesaidtome。ThatanyonecouldimaginethatI——I，aconsecratedsoldieroffreedom，ifImaysayso——couldsacrificeEllietoanybodyoranyone，orthatIshouldeverhavedreamedofforcingherinclinationsinanyway，isamostpainfulblowtomy——well，Isupposeyouwouldsaytomygoodopinionofmyself。
MRSHUSHABYE[ratherstolidly]。Sorry。
MAZZINI[lookingforlornlyatthebody]。WhatisyourobjectiontopoorMangan，MrsHushabye？Helooksallrighttome。ButthenIamsoaccustomedtohim。
MRSHUSHABYE。Haveyounoheart？Haveyounosense？Lookatthebrute！ThinkofpoorweakinnocentEllieintheclutchesofthisslavedriver，whospendshislifemakingthousandsofroughviolentworkmenbendtohiswillandsweatforhim：amanaccustomedtohavegreatmassesofironbeatenintoshapeforhimbysteam—hammers！tofightwithwomenandgirlsoverahalfpennyanhourruthlessly！acaptainofindustry，Ithinkyoucallhim，don’tyou？Areyougoingtoflingyourdelicate，sweet，helplesschildintosuchabeast’sclawsjustbecausehewillkeepherinanexpensivehouseandmakeherweardiamondstoshowhowrichheis？
MAZZINI[staringatherinwide—eyedamazement]。Blessyou，dearMrsHushabye，whatromanticideasofbusinessyouhave！PoordearManganisn’tabitlikethat。
MRSHUSHABYE[scornfully]。PoordearManganindeed！
MAZZINI。Buthedoesn’tknowanythingaboutmachinery。Henevergoesnearthemen：hecouldn’tmanagethem：heisafraidofthem。
Inevercangethimtotaketheleastinterestintheworks：hehardlyknowsmoreaboutthemthanyoudo。PeoplearecruellyunjusttoMangan：theythinkheisallruggedstrengthjustbecausehismannersarebad。
MRSHUSHABYE。Doyoumeantotellmeheisn’tstrongenoughtocrushpoorlittleEllie？
MAZZINI。Ofcourseit’sveryhardtosayhowanymarriagewillturnout;butspeakingformyself，Ishouldsaythathewon’thaveadog’schanceagainstEllie。Youknow，Elliehasremarkablestrengthofcharacter。IthinkitisbecauseItaughthertolikeShakespearewhenshewasveryyoung。
MRSHUSHABYE[contemptuously]。Shakespeare！ThenextthingyouwilltellmeisthatyoucouldhavemadeagreatdealmoremoneythanMangan。[Sheretirestothesofa，andsitsdownattheportendofitintheworstofhumors]。
MAZZINI[followingherandtakingtheotherend]。No：I’mnogoodatmakingmoney。Idon’tcareenoughforit，somehow。I’mnotambitious！thatmustbeit。Manganiswonderfulaboutmoney：hethinksofnothingelse。Heissodreadfullyafraidofbeingpoor。
Iamalwaysthinkingofotherthings：evenattheworksIthinkofthethingswearedoingandnotofwhattheycost。Andtheworstofitis，poorMangandoesn’tknowwhattodowithhismoneywhenhegetsit。Heissuchababythathedoesn’tknowevenwhattoeatanddrink：hehasruinedhislivereatinganddrinkingthewrongthings;andnowhecanhardlyeatatall。
Elliewilldiethimsplendidly。Youwillbesurprisedwhenyoucometoknowhimbetter：heisreallythemosthelplessofmortals。Yougetquiteaprotectivefeelingtowardshim。
MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhomanageshisbusiness，pray？
MAZZINI。Ido。Andofcourseotherpeoplelikeme。
MRSHUSHABYE。Footlingpeople，youmean。
MAZZINI。Isupposeyou’dthinkusso。
MRSHUSHABYE。Andpraywhydon’tyoudowithouthimifyou’reallsomuchcleverer？
MAZZINI。Oh，wecouldn’t：weshouldruinthebusinessinayear。
I’vetried;andIknow。Weshouldspendtoomuchoneverything。
Weshouldimprovethequalityofthegoodsandmakethemtoodear。Weshouldbesentimentalaboutthehardcasesamongtheworkpeople。ButMangankeepsusinorder。Heisdownonusabouteveryextrahalfpenny。Wecouldneverdowithouthim。Yousee，hewillsitupallnightthinkingofhowtosavesixpence。Won’tElliemakehimjump，though，whenshetakeshishouseinhand！
MRSHUSHABYE。Thenthecreatureisafraudevenasacaptainofindustry！
MAZZINI。Iamafraidallthecaptainsofindustryarewhatyoucallfrauds，MrsHushabye。Ofcoursetherearesomemanufacturerswhoreallydounderstandtheirownworks;buttheydon’tmakeashigharateofprofitasMangandoes。IassureyouManganisquiteagoodfellowinhisway。Hemeanswell。
MRSHUSHABYE。Hedoesn’tlookwell。Heisnotinhisfirstyouth，ishe？
MAZZINI。Afterall，nohusbandisinhisfirstyouthforverylong，MrsHushabye。Andmencan’taffordtomarryintheirfirstyouthnowadays。
MRSHUSHABYE。NowifIsaidthat，itwouldsoundwitty。Whycan’tyousayitwittily？Whatonearthisthematterwithyou？Whydon’tyouinspireeverybodywithconfidence？withrespect？
MAZZINI[humbly]。IthinkthatwhatisthematterwithmeisthatIampoor。Youdon’tknowwhatthatmeansathome。Mind：Idon’tsaytheyhaveevercomplained。They’veallbeenwonderful：
they’vebeenproudofmypoverty。They’veevenjokedaboutitquiteoften。Butmywifehashadaverypoortimeofit。Shehasbeenquiteresigned——
MRSHUSHABYE[shudderinginvoluntarily！！
MAZZINI。There！Yousee，MrsHushabye。Idon’twantEllietoliveonresignation。
MRSHUSHABYE。Doyouwanthertohavetoresignherselftolivingwithamanshedoesn’tlove？
MAZZINI[wistfully]。Areyousurethatwouldbeworsethanlivingwithamanshedidlove，ifhewasafootlingperson？
MRSHUSHABYE[relaxinghercontemptuousattitude，quiteinterestedinMazzininow]。Youknow，IreallythinkyoumustloveEllieverymuch;foryoubecomequitecleverwhenyoutalkabouther。
MAZZINI。Ididn’tknowIwassoverystupidonothersubjects。
MRSHUSHABYE。Youare，sometimes。
MAZZINI[turninghisheadaway;forhiseyesarewet]。Ihavelearntagooddealaboutmyselffromyou，MrsHushabye;andI’mafraidIshallnotbethehappierforyourplainspeaking。ButifyouthoughtIneededittomakemethinkofEllie’shappinessyouwereverymuchmistaken。
MRSHUSHABYE[leaningtowardshimkindly]。HaveIbeenabeast？
MAZZINI[pullinghimselftogether]。Itdoesn’tmatteraboutme，MrsHushabye。IthinkyoulikeEllie;andthatisenoughforme。
MRSHUSHABYE。I’mbeginningtolikeyoualittle。Iperfectlyloathedyouatfirst。Ithoughtyouthemostodious，self—satisfied，boresomeelderlyprigIevermet。
MAZZINI[resigned，andnowquitecheerful]。IdaresayIamallthat。Ineverhavebeenafavoritewithgorgeouswomenlikeyou。
Theyalwaysfrightenme。
MRSHUSHABYE[pleased]。AmIagorgeouswoman，Mazzini？Ishallfallinlovewithyoupresently。
MAZZINI[withplacidgallantry]。No，youwon’t，Hesione。Butyouwouldbequitesafe。WouldyoubelieveitthatquitealotofwomenhaveflirtedwithmebecauseIamquitesafe？Buttheygettiredofmeforthesamereason。
MRSHUSHABYE[mischievously]。Takecare。Youmaynotbesosafeasyouthink。
MAZZINI。Ohyes，quitesafe。Yousee，Ihavebeeninlovereally：
thesortoflovethatonlyhappensonce。[Softly]。That’swhyEllieissuchalovelygirl。
MRSHUSHABYE。Well，really，youarecomingout。Areyouquitesureyouwon’tletmetemptyouintoasecondgrandpassion？
MAZZINI。Quite。Itwouldn’tbenatural。Thefactis，youdon’tstrikeonmybox，MrsHushabye;andIcertainlydon’tstrikeonyours。
MRSHUSHABYE。Isee。Yourmarriagewasasafetymatch。
MAZZINI。WhataverywittyapplicationoftheexpressionIused！
Ishouldneverhavethoughtofit。
Elliecomesinfromthegarden，lookinganythingbuthappy。
MRSHUSHABYE[rising]。Oh！hereisEllieatlast。[Shegoesbehindthesofa]。
ELLIE[onthethresholdofthestarboarddoor]。Guinnesssaidyouwantedme：youandpapa。
MRSHUSHABYE。Youhavekeptuswaitingsolongthatitalmostcameto——well，nevermind。Yourfatherisaverywonderfulman[sheruffleshishairaffectionately]：theonlyoneIevermetwhocouldresistmewhenImademyselfreallyagreeable。[Shecomestothebigchair，onMangan’sleft]。Comehere。Ihavesomethingtoshowyou。[Elliestrollslistlesslytotheothersideofthechair]。Look。
ELLIE[contemplatingManganwithoutinterest]。Iknow。Heisonlyasleep。Wehadatalkafterdinner;andhefellasleepinthemiddleofit。
MRSHUSHABYE。Youdidit，Ellie。Youputhimasleep。
MAZZINI[risingquicklyandcomingtothebackofthechair]。Oh，Ihopenot。Didyou，Ellie？
ELLIE[wearily]。Heaskedmeto。
MAZZINI。Butit’sdangerous。Youknowwhathappenedtome。
ELLIE[utterlyindifferent]。Oh，IdaresayIcanwakehim。Ifnot，somebodyelsecan。
MRSHUSHABYE。Itdoesn’tmatter，anyhow，becauseIhaveatlastpersuadedyourfatherthatyoudon’twanttomarryhim。
ELLIE[suddenlycomingoutofherlistlessness，muchvexed]。Butwhydidyoudothat，Hesione？Idowanttomarryhim。Ifullyintendtomarryhim。
MAZZINI。Areyouquitesure，Ellie？MrsHushabyehasmademefeelthatImayhavebeenthoughtlessandselfishaboutit。
ELLIE[veryclearlyandsteadily]。Papa。WhenMrs。HushabyetakesitonherselftoexplaintoyouwhatIthinkordon’tthink，shutyourearstight;andshutyoureyestoo。Hesioneknowsnothingaboutme：shehasn’ttheleastnotionofthesortofpersonIam，andneverwill。IpromiseyouIwon’tdoanythingIdon’twanttodoandmeantodoformyownsake。
MAZZINI。Youarequite，quitesure？
ELLIE。Quite，quitesure。NowyoumustgoawayandleavemetotalktoMrsHushabye。
MAZZINI。ButIshouldliketohear。ShallIbeintheway？
ELLIE[inexorable]。Ihadrathertalktoheralone。
MAZZINI[affectionately]。Oh，well，Iknowwhatanuisanceparentsare，dear。Iwillbegoodandgo。[Hegoestothegardendoor]。Bytheway，doyouremembertheaddressofthatprofessionalwhowokemeup？Don’tyouthinkIhadbettertelegraphtohim？
MRSHUSHABYE[movingtowardsthesofa]。It’stoolatetotelegraphtonight。
MAZZINI。Isupposeso。Idohopehe’llwakeupinthecourseofthenight。[Hegoesoutintothegarden]。
ELLIE[turningvigorouslyonHesionethemomentherfatherisoutoftheroom]。Hesione，whatthedevildoyoumeanbymakingmischiefwithmyfatheraboutMangan？
MRSHUSHABYE[promptlylosinghertemper]。Don’tyoudarespeaktomelikethat，youlittleminx。Rememberthatyouareinmyhouse。
ELLIE。Stuff！Whydon’tyoumindyourownbusiness？WhatisittoyouwhetherIchoosetomarryManganornot？
MRSHUSHABYE。Doyousupposeyoucanbullyme，youmiserablelittlematrimonialadventurer？
ELLIE。Everywomanwhohasn’tanymoneyisamatrimonialadventurer。It’seasyforyoutotalk：youhaveneverknownwhatitistowantmoney;andyoucanpickupmenasiftheyweredaisies。Iampoorandrespectable——
MRSHUSHABYE[interrupting]。Ho！respectable！HowdidyoupickupMangan？Howdidyoupickupmyhusband？YouhavetheaudacitytotellmethatIama——a——a——
ELLIE。Asiren。Soyouare。Youwereborntoleadmenbythenose：ifyouweren’t，Marcuswouldhavewaitedforme，perhaps。
MRSHUSHABYE[suddenlymeltingandhalflaughing]。Oh，mypoorEllie，mypettikins，myunhappydarling！IamsosorryaboutHector。ButwhatcanIdo？It’snotmyfault：I’dgivehimtoyouifIcould。
ELLIE。Idon’tblameyouforthat。
MRSHUSHABYE。WhatabruteIwastoquarrelwithyouandcallyounames！Dokissmeandsayyou’renotangrywithme。
ELLIE[fiercely]。Oh，don’tslopandgushandbesentimental。
Don’tyouseethatunlessIcanbehard——ashardasnails——I
shallgomad？Idon’tcareadamnaboutyourcallingmenames：doyouthinkawomaninmysituationcanfeelafewhardwords？
MRSHUSHABYE。Poorlittlewoman！Poorlittlesituation！
ELLIE。Isupposeyouthinkyou’rebeingsympathetic。Youarejustfoolishandstupidandselfish。Youseemegettingasmasherrightinthefacethatkillsawholepartofmylife：thebestpartthatcannevercomeagain;andyouthinkyoucanhelpmeoveritbyalittlecoaxingandkissing。WhenIwantallthestrengthIcangettoleanon：somethingiron，somethingstony，I
don’tcarehowcruelitis，yougoallmushyandwanttoslobberoverme。I’mnotangry;I’mnotunfriendly;butforGod’ssakedopullyourselftogether;anddon’tthinkthatbecauseyou’reonvelvetandalwayshavebeen，womenwhoareinhellcantakeitaseasilyasyou。
MRSHUSHABYE[shrugginghershoulders]。Verywell。[Shesitsdownonthesofainheroldplace。ButIwarnyouthatwhenIamneithercoaxingandkissingnorlaughing，IamjustwonderinghowmuchlongerIcanstandlivinginthiscruel，damnableworld。Youobjecttothesiren：well，Idropthesiren。Youwanttorestyourwoundedbosomagainstagrindstone。Well[foldingherarms]
hereisthegrindstone。
ELLIE[sittingdownbesideher，appeased]。That’sbetter：youreallyhavethetrickoffallinginwitheveryone’smood;butyoudon’tunderstand，becauseyouarenotthesortofwomanforwhomthereisonlyonemanandonlyonechance。
MRSHUSHABYE。Icertainlydon’tunderstandhowyourmarryingthatobject[indicatingMangan]willconsoleyoufornotbeingabletomarryHector。
ELLIE。Perhapsyoudon’tunderstandwhyIwasquiteanicegirlthismorning，andamnowneitheragirlnorparticularlynice。
MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，yes，Ido。It’sbecauseyouhavemadeupyourmindtodosomethingdespicableandwicked。
ELLIE。Idon’tthinkso，Hesione。Imustmakethebestofmyruinedhouse。
MRSHUSHABYE。Pooh！You’llgetoverit。Yourhouseisn’truined。
ELLIE。OfcourseIshallgetoverit。Youdon’tsupposeI’mgoingtositdownanddieofabrokenheart，Ihope，orbeanoldmaidlivingonapittancefromtheSickandIndigentRoomkeepers’
Association。Butmyheartisbroken，allthesame。WhatImeanbythatisthatIknowthatwhathashappenedtomewithMarcuswillnothappentomeeveragain。IntheworldformethereisMarcusandalotofothermenofwhomoneisjustthesameasanother。
Well，ifIcan’thavelove，that’snoreasonwhyIshouldhavepoverty。IfManganhasnothingelse，hehasmoney。
MRSHUSHABYE。AndaretherenoYOUNGmenwithmoney？
ELLIE。Notwithinmyreach。Besides，ayoungmanwouldhavetherighttoexpectlovefromme，andwouldperhapsleavemewhenhefoundIcouldnotgiveittohim。Richyoungmencangetridoftheirwives，youknow，prettycheaply。Butthisobject，asyoucallhim，canexpectnothingmorefrommethanIampreparedtogivehim。
MRSHUSHABYE。Hewillbeyourowner，remember。Ifhebuysyou，hewillmakethebargainpayhimandnotyou。Askyourfather。
ELLIE[risingandstrollingtothechairtocontemplatetheirsubject]。Youneednottroubleonthatscore，Hesione。IhavemoretogiveBossManganthanhehastogiveme：itisIwhoambuyinghim，andataprettygoodpricetoo，Ithink。Womenarebetteratthatsortofbargainthanmen。IhavetakentheBoss’smeasure;andtenBossMangansshallnotpreventmedoingfarmoreasIpleaseashiswifethanIhaveeverbeenabletodoasapoorgirl。[Stoopingtotherecumbentfigure]。Shallthey，Boss？
Ithinknot。[Shepassesontothedrawing—table，andleansagainsttheendofit，facingthewindows]。Ishallnothavetospendmostofmytimewonderinghowlongmygloveswilllast，anyhow。
MRSHUSHABYE[risingsuperbly]。Ellie，youareawicked，sordidlittlebeast。AndtothinkthatIactuallycondescendedtofascinatethatcreaturetheretosaveyoufromhim！Well，letmetellyouthis：ifyoumakethisdisgustingmatch，youwillneverseeHectoragainifIcanhelpit。
ELLIE[unmoved]。InailedManganbytellinghimthatifhedidnotmarrymeheshouldneverseeyouagain[sheliftsherselfonherwristsandseatsherselfontheendofthetable]。
MRSHUSHABYE[recoiling]。Oh！
ELLIE。SoyouseeIamnotunpreparedforyourplayingthattrumpagainstme。Well，youjusttryit：that’sall。IshouldhavemadeamanofMarcus，notahouseholdpet。
MRSHUSHABYE[flaming]。Youdare！
ELLIE[lookingalmostdangerous]。Sethimthinkingaboutmeifyoudare。
MRSHUSHABYE。Well，ofalltheimpudentlittlefiendsIevermet！
Hectorsaysthereisacertainpointatwhichtheonlyansweryoucangivetoamanwhobreaksalltherulesistoknockhimdown。
WhatwouldyousayifIweretoboxyourears？
ELLIE[calmly]。Ishouldpullyourhair。
MRSHUSHABYE[mischievously]。Thatwouldn’thurtme。Perhapsitcomesoffatnight。
ELLIE[sotakenabackthatshedropsoffthetableandrunstoher]。Oh，youdon’tmeantosay，Hesione，thatyourbeautifulblackhairisfalse？
MRSHUSHABYE[pattingit]。Don’ttellHector。Hebelievesinit。
ELLIE[groaning]。Oh！Eventhehairthatensnaredhimfalse！
Everythingfalse！
MRSHUSHABYE。Pullitandtry。Otherwomencansnaremenintheirhair;butIcanswingababyonmine。Aha！youcan’tdothat，Goldylocks。
ELLIE[heartbroken]。No。Youhavestolenmybabies。
MRSHUSHABYE。Pettikins，don’tmakemecry。Youknowwhatyousaidaboutmymakingahouseholdpetofhimisalittletrue。
Perhapsheoughttohavewaitedforyou。Wouldanyotherwomanonearthforgiveyou？
ELLIE。Oh，whatrighthadyoutotakehimallforyourself！
[Pullingherselftogether]。There！Youcouldn’thelpit：neitherofuscouldhelpit。Hecouldn’thelpit。No，don’tsayanythingmore：Ican’tbearit。Letuswaketheobject。[ShebeginsstrokingMangan’shead，reversingthemovementwithwhichsheputhimtosleep]。Wakeup，doyouhear？Youaretowakeupatonce。
Wakeup，wakeup，wake——
MANGAN[bouncingoutofthechairinafuryandturningonthem]。
Wakeup！SoyouthinkI’vebeenasleep，doyou？[Hekicksthechairviolentlybackoutofhisway，andgetsbetweenthem]。YouthrowmeintoatrancesothatIcan’tmovehandorfoot——Imighthavebeenburiedalive！it’samercyIwasn’t——andthenyouthinkIwasonlyasleep。Ifyou’dletmedropthetwotimesyourolledmeabout，mynosewouldhavebeenflattenedforlifeagainstthefloor。ButI’vefoundyouallout，anyhow。IknowthesortofpeopleI’mamongnow。I’veheardeverywordyou’vesaid，youandyourpreciousfather，and[toMrsHushabye]youtoo。SoI’manobject，amI？I’mathing，amI？I’mafoolthathasn’tsenseenoughtofeedmyselfproperly，amI？I’mafraidofthementhatwouldstarveifitweren’tforthewagesIgivethem，amI？I’mnothingbutadisgustingoldskinflinttobemadeaconvenienceofbydesigningwomenandfoolmanagersofmyworks，amI？I’m——
MRSHUSHABYE[withthemostelegantaplomb]。Sh—sh—sh—sh—sh！MrMangan，youareboundinhonortoobliteratefromyourmindallyouheardwhileyouwerepretendingtobeasleep。Itwasnotmeantforyoutohear。
MANGAN。Pretendingtobeasleep！DoyouthinkifIwasonlypretendingthatI’dhavesprawledtherehelpless，andlistenedtosuchunfairness，suchlies，suchinjusticeandplottingandbackbitingandslanderingofme，ifIcouldhaveupandtoldyouwhatIthoughtofyou！IwonderIdidn’tburst。
MRSHUSHABYE[sweetly]。Youdreamtitall，MrMangan。Wewereonlysayinghowbeautifullypeacefulyoulookedinyoursleep。
Thatwasall，wasn’tit，Ellie？Believeme，MrMangan，allthoseunpleasantthingscameintoyourmindinthelasthalfsecondbeforeyouwoke。Ellierubbedyourhairthewrongway;andthedisagreeablesensationsuggestedadisagreeabledream。
MANGAN[doggedly]。Ibelieveindreams。
MRSHUSHABYE。SodoI。Buttheygobycontraries，don’tthey？
MANGAN[depthsofemotionsuddenlywellingupinhim]。Ishan’tforget，tomydyingday，thatwhenyougavemethegladeyethattimeinthegarden，youweremakingafoolofme。Thatwasadirtylowmeanthingtodo。YouhadnorighttoletmecomenearyouifIdisgustedyou。Itisn’tmyfaultifI’moldandhaven’tamoustachelikeabronzecandlestickasyourhusbandhas。Therearethingsnodecentwomanwoulddotoaman——likeamanhittingawomaninthebreast。
Hesione，utterlyshamed，sitsdownonthesofaandcoversherfacewithherhands。Mangansitsdownalsoonhischairandbeginstocrylikeachild。Elliestaresatthem。MrsHushabye，atthedistressingsoundhemakes，takesdownherhandsandlooksathim。Sherisesandrunstohim。
MRSHUSHABYE。Don’tcry：Ican’tbearit。HaveIbrokenyourheart？Ididn’tknowyouhadone。HowcouldI？
MANGAN。I’maman，ain’tI？
MRSHUSHABYE[halfcoaxing，halfrallying，altogethertenderly]。
Ohno：notwhatIcallaman。OnlyaBoss：justthatandnothingelse。WhatbusinesshasaBosswithaheart？
MANGAN。Thenyou’renotabitsorryforwhatyoudid，norashamed？
MRSHUSHABYE。Iwasashamedforthefirsttimeinmylifewhenyousaidthatabouthittingawomaninthebreast，andIfoundoutwhatI’ddone。Myverybonesblushedred。You’vehadyourrevenge，Boss。Aren’tyousatisfied？
MANGAN。Serveyouright！Doyouhear？Serveyouright！You’rejustcruel。Cruel。
MRSHUSHABYE。Yes：crueltywouldbedeliciousifonecouldonlyfindsomesortofcrueltythatdidn’treallyhurt。Bytheway[sittingdownbesidehimonthearmofthechair]，what’syourname？It’snotreallyBoss，isit？
MANGAN[shortly]。Ifyouwanttoknow，myname’sAlfred。
MRSHUSHABYE[springsup]。Alfred！！Ellie，hewaschristenedafterTennyson！！！
MANGAN[rising]。Iwaschristenedaftermyuncle，andneverhadapennyfromhim，damnhim！Whatofit？
MRSHUSHABYE。Itcomestomesuddenlythatyouarearealperson：
thatyouhadamother，likeanyoneelse。[Puttingherhandsonhisshouldersandsurveyinghim]。LittleAlf！
MANGAN。Well，youhaveanerve。
MRSHUSHABYE。Andyouhaveaheart，Alfy，awhimperinglittleheart，butarealone。[Releasinghimsuddenly]。NowrunandmakeitupwithEllie。Shehashadtimetothinkwhattosaytoyou，whichismorethanIhad[shegoesoutquicklyintothegardenbytheportdoor]。
MANGAN。Thatwomanhasapairofhandsthatgorightthroughyou。
ELLIE。Stillinlovewithher，inspiteofallwesaidaboutyou？
MANGAN。Areallwomenlikeyoutwo？Dotheyneverthinkofanythingaboutamanexceptwhattheycangetoutofhim？Youweren’teventhinkingthataboutme。Youwereonlythinkingwhetheryourgloveswouldlast。
ELLIE。Ishallnothavetothinkaboutthatwhenwearemarried。
MANGAN。AndyouthinkIamgoingtomarryyouafterwhatIheardthere！
ELLIE。YouheardnothingfrommethatIdidnottellyoubefore。
MANGAN。PerhapsyouthinkIcan’tdowithoutyou。
ELLIE。Ithinkyouwouldfeellonelywithoutusall，now，aftercomingtoknowussowell。
MANGAN[withsomethinglikeayellofdespair]。AmInevertohavethelastword？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[appearingatthestarboardgardendoor]。Thereisasoulintormenthere。Whatisthematter？
MANGAN。Thisgirldoesn’twanttospendherlifewonderinghowlonghergloveswilllast。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[passingthrough]。Don’twearany。Ineverdo[hegoesintothepantry]。
LADYUTTERWORD[appearingattheportgardendoor，inahandsomedinnerdress]。Isanythingthematter？
ELLIE。Thisgentlemanwantstoknowishenevertohavethelastword？
LADYUTTERWORD[comingforwardtothesofa]。Ishouldlethimhaveit，mydear。Theimportantthingisnottohavethelastword，buttohaveyourownway。
MANGAN。Shewantsboth。
LADYUTTERWORD。Shewon’tgetthem，MrMangan。Providencealwayshasthelastword。
MANGAN[desperately]。Nowyouaregoingtocomereligionoverme。
Inthishouseaman’smindmightaswellbeafootball。I’mgoing。[Hemakesforthehall，butisstoppedbyahailfromtheCaptain，whohasjustemergedfromhispantry]。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whitheraway，BossMangan？
MANGAN。Tohelloutofthishouse：letthatbeenoughforyouandallhere。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youwerewelcometocome：youarefreetogo。
Thewideearth，thehighseas，thespaciousskiesarewaitingforyououtside。
LADYUTTERWORD。Butyourthings，MrMangan。Yourbag，yourcombandbrushes，yourpyjamas——
HECTOR[whohasjustappearedintheportdoorwayinahandsomeArabcostume]。Whyshouldtheescapingslavetakehischainswithhim？
MANGAN。That’sright，Hushabye。Keepthepyjamas，mylady，andmuchgoodmaytheydoyou。
HECTOR[advancingtoLadyUtterword’slefthand]。Letusallgooutintothenightandleaveeverythingbehindus。
MANGAN。Youstaywhereyouare，thelotofyou。Iwantnocompany，especiallyfemalecompany。
ELLIE。Lethimgo。Heisunhappyhere。Heisangrywithus。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Go，BossMangan;andwhenyouhavefoundthelandwherethereishappinessandwheretherearenowomen，sendmeitslatitudeandlongitude;andIwilljoinyouthere。
LADYUTTERWORD。Youwillcertainlynotbecomfortablewithoutyourluggage，MrMangan。
ELLIE[impatient]。Go，go：whydon’tyougo？Itisaheavenlynight：youcansleepontheheath。Takemywaterprooftolieon：
itishangingupinthehall。
HECTOR。Breakfastatnine，unlessyouprefertobreakfastwiththecaptainatsix。
ELLIE。Goodnight，Alfred。
HECTOR。Alfred！[Herunsbacktothedoorandcallsintothegarden]。Randall，Mangan’sChristiannameisAlfred。
RANDALL[appearinginthestarboarddoorwayineveningdress]。
ThenHesionewinsherbet。
MrsHushabyeappearsintheportdoorway。ShethrowsherleftarmroundHector’sneck：drawshimwithhertothebackofthesofa：
andthrowsherrightarmroundLadyUtterword’sneck。
MRSHUSHABYE。Theywouldn’tbelieveme，Alf。
Theycontemplatehim。
MANGAN。Isthereanymoreofyoucomingintolookatme，asifI
wasthelatestthinginamenagerie？
MRSHUSHABYE。Youarethelatestthinginthismenagerie。
BeforeMangancanretort，afalloffurnitureisheardfromupstairs：thenapistolshot，andayellofpain。Thestaringgroupbreaksupinconsternation。
MAZZINI’SVOICE[fromabove]。Help！Aburglar！Help！
HECTOR[hiseyesblazing]。Aburglar！！！
MRSHUSHABYE。No，Hector：you’llbeshot[butitistoolate;hehasdashedoutpastMangan，whohastilymovestowardsthebookshelvesoutofhisway]。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[blowinghiswhistle]。Allhandsaloft！[HestridesoutafterHector]。
LADYUTTERWORD。Mydiamonds！[Shefollowsthecaptain]。
RANDALL[rushingafterher]。No。Ariadne。Letme。
ELLIE。Oh，ispapashot？[Sherunsout]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Areyoufrightened，Alf？
MANGAN。No。Itain’tmyhouse，thankGod。
MRSHUSHABYE。Iftheycatchaburglar，shallwehavetogointocourtaswitnesses，andbeaskedallsortsofquestionsaboutourprivatelives？
MANGAN。Youwon’tbebelievedifyoutellthetruth。
Mazzini，terriblyupset，withaduellingpistolinhishand，comesfromthehall，andmakeshiswaytothedrawing—table。
MAZZINI。Oh，mydearMrsHushabye，Imighthavekilledhim。[Hethrowsthepistolonthetableandstaggersroundtothechair]。
Ihopeyouwon’tbelieveIreallyintendedto。
Hectorcomesin，marchinganoldandvillainouslookingmanbeforehimbythecollar。Heplantshiminthemiddleoftheroomandreleaseshim。
Elliefollows，andimmediatelyrunsacrosstothebackofherfather’schairandpatshisshoulders。
RANDALL[enteringwithapoker]。Keepyoureyeonthisdoor，Mangan。I’lllookaftertheother[hegoestothestarboarddoorandstandsonguardthere]。
LadyUtterwordcomesinafterRandall，andgoesbetweenMrsHushabyeandMangan。
NurseGuinnessbringsuptherear，andwaitsnearthedoor，onMangan’sleft。
MRSHUSHABYE。Whathashappened？
MAZZINI。Yourhousekeepertoldmetherewassomebodyupstairs，andgavemeapistolthatMrHushabyehadbeenpractisingwith。I
thoughtitwouldfrightenhim;butitwentoffatatouch。
THEBURGLAR。Yes，andtooktheskinoffmyear。Preciousneartookthetopoffmyhead。Whydon’tyouhaveaproperrevolverinsteadofathinglikethat，thatgoesoffifyouasmuchasblowonit？
HECTOR。Oneofmyduellingpistols。Sorry。
MAZZINI。Heputhishandsupandsaiditwasafaircop。
THEBURGLAR。Soitwas。Sendforthepolice。
HECTOR。No，bythunder！Itwasnotafaircop。Wewerefourtoone。
MRSHUSHABYE。Whatwilltheydotohim？
THEBURGLAR。Tenyears。Beginningwithsolitary。Tenyearsoffmylife。Ishan’tserveitall：I’mtooold。Itwillseemeout。
LADYUTTERWORD。Youshouldhavethoughtofthatbeforeyoustolemydiamonds。
THEBURGLAR。Well，you’vegotthemback，lady，haven’tyou？Canyougivemebacktheyearsofmylifeyouaregoingtotakefromme？
MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，wecan’tburyamanalivefortenyearsforafewdiamonds。
THEBURGLAR。Tenlittleshiningdiamonds！Tenlongblackyears！
LADYUTTERWORD。Thinkofwhatitisforustobedraggedthroughthehorrorsofacriminalcourt，andhaveallourfamilyaffairsinthepapers！Ifyouwereanative，andHastingscouldorderyouagoodbeatingandsendyouaway，Ishouldn’tmind;buthereinEnglandthereisnorealprotectionforanyrespectableperson。
THEBURGLAR。I’mtoooldtobegivahiding，lady。Sendforthepoliceandhavedonewithit。It’sonlyjustandrightyoushould。
RANDALL[whohasrelaxedhisvigilanceonseeingtheburglarsopacificallydisposed，andcomesforwardswingingthepokerbetweenhisfingerslikeawellfoldedumbrella]。Itisneitherjustnorrightthatweshouldbeputtoalotofinconveniencetogratifyyourmoralenthusiasm，myfriend。Youhadbettergetout，whileyouhavethechance。
THEBURGLAR[inexorably]。No。Imustworkmysinoffmyconscience。Thishascomeasasortofcalltome。Letmespendtherestofmyliferepentinginacell。Ishallhavemyrewardabove。
MANGAN[exasperated]。Theveryburglarscan’tbehavenaturallyinthishouse。
HECTOR。Mygoodsir，youmustworkoutyoursalvationatsomebodyelse’sexpense。Nobodyhereisgoingtochargeyou。
THEBURGLAR。Oh，youwon’tchargeme，won’tyou？
HECTOR。No。I’msorrytobeinhospitable;butwillyoukindlyleavethehouse？
THEBURGLAR。Right。I’llgotothepolicestationandgivemyselfup。[Heturnsresolutelytothedoor：butHectorstopshim]。
HECTOR。{Oh，no。Youmustn’tdothat。
RANDALL。[speaking{Nono。Clearoutman，can’tyou;andtogether]don’tbeafool。
MRS。HUSHABYE{Don’tbesosilly。Can’tyourepentathome？
LADYUTTERWORD。Youwillhavetodoasyouaretold。
THEBURGLAR。It’scompoundingafelony，youknow。
MRSHUSHABYE。Thisisutterlyridiculous。Arewetobeforcedtoprosecutethismanwhenwedon’twantto？
THEBURGLAR。AmItoberobbedofmysalvationtosaveyouthetroubleofspendingadayatthesessions？Isthatjustice？Isitright？Isitfairtome？
MAZZINI[risingandleaningacrossthetablepersuasivelyasifitwereapulpitdeskorashopcounter]。Come，come！letmeshowyouhowyoucanturnyourverycrimestoaccount。Whynotsetupasalocksmith？Youmustknowmoreaboutlocksthanmosthonestmen？
THEBURGLAR。That’strue，sir。ButIcouldn’tsetupasalocksmithundertwentypounds。
RANDALL。Well，youcaneasilystealtwentypounds。Youwillfinditinthenearestbank。
THEBURGLAR[horrified]。Oh，whatathingforagentlemantoputintotheheadofapoorcriminalscramblingoutofthebottomlesspitasitwere！Oh，shameonyou，sir！Oh，Godforgiveyou！[Hethrowshimselfintothebigchairandcovershisfaceasifinprayer]。
LADYUTTERWORD。Really，Randall！
HECTOR。Itseemstomethatweshallhavetotakeupacollectionforthisinopportunelycontritesinner。
LADYUTTERWORD。Buttwentypoundsisridiculous。
THEBURGLAR[lookingupquickly]。Ishallhavetobuyalotoftools，lady。
LADYUTTERWORD。Nonsense：youhaveyourburglingkit。
THEBURGLAR。What’sajimmyandacentrebitandanacetyleneweldingplantandabunchofskeletonkeys？Ishallwantaforge，andasmithy，andashop，andfittings。Ican’thardlydoitfortwenty。
HECTOR。Myworthyfriend，wehaven’tgottwentypounds。
THEBURGLAR[nowmasterofthesituation]。Youcanraiseitamongyou，can’tyou？
MRSHUSHABYE。Givehimasovereign，Hector，andgetridofhim。
HECTOR[givinghimapound]。There！Offwithyou。
THEBURGLAR[risingandtakingthemoneyveryungratefully]。I
won’tpromisenothing。Youhavemoreonyouthanaquid：allthelotofyou，Imean。
LADYUTTERWORD[vigorously]。Oh，letusprosecutehimandhavedonewithit。Ihaveaconsciencetoo，Ihope;andIdonotfeelatallsurethatwehaveanyrighttolethimgo，especiallyifheisgoingtobegreedyandimpertinent。
THEBURGLAR[quickly]。Allright，lady，allright。I’venowishtobeanythingbutagreeable。Goodevening，ladiesandgentlemen;
andthankyoukindly。
HeishurryingoutwhenheisconfrontedinthedoorwaybyCaptainShotover。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[fixingtheburglarwithapiercingregard]。
What’sthis？Aretheretwoofyou？
THEBURGLAR[fallingonhiskneesbeforethecaptaininabjectterror]。Oh，mygoodLord，whathaveIdone？Don’ttellmeit’syourhouseI’vebrokeninto，CaptainShotover。
Thecaptainseizeshimbythecollar：dragshimtohisfeet：andleadshimtothemiddleofthegroup，Hectorfallingbackbesidehiswifetomakewayforthem。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[turninghimtowardsEllie]。Isthatyourdaughter？[Hereleaseshim]。
THEBURGLAR。Well，howdoIknow，Captain？Youknowthesortoflifeyouandmehasled。Anyyoungladyofthatagemightbemydaughteranywhereinthewideworld，asyoumightsay。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[toMazzini]。YouarenotBillyDunn。ThisisBillyDunn。Whyhaveyouimposedonme？
THEBURGLAR[indignantlytoMazzini]。Haveyoubeengivingyourselfouttobeme？You，thatnighblewmyheadoff！Shootingyourself，inamannerofspeaking！
MAZZINI。MydearCaptainShotover，eversinceIcameintothishouseIhavedonehardlyanythingelsebutassureyouthatIamnotMrWilliamDunn，butMazziniDunn，averydifferentperson。
THEBURGLAR。Hedon’tbelongtomybranch，Captain。There’stwosetsinthefamily：thethinkingDunnsandthedrinkingDunns，eachgoingtheirownways。I’madrinkingDunn：he’sathinkingDunn。Butthatdidn’tgivehimanyrighttoshootme。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Soyou’veturnedburglar，haveyou？
THEBURGLAR。No，Captain：Iwouldn’tdisgraceouroldseacallingbysuchathing。Iamnoburglar。
LADYUTTERWORD。Whatwereyoudoingwithmydiamonds？
GUINNESS。Whatdidyoubreakintothehouseforifyou’renoburglar？
RANDALL。Mistookthehouseforyourownandcameinbythewrongwindow，eh？
THEBURGLAR。Well，it’snousemytellingyoualie：Icantakeinmostcaptains，butnotCaptainShotover，becausehesoldhimselftothedevilinZanzibar，andcandivinewater，spotgold，explodeacartridgeinyourpocketwithaglanceofhiseye，andseethetruthhiddenintheheartofman。ButI’mnoburglar。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Areyouanhonestman？
THEBURGLAR。Idon’tsetuptobebetterthanmyfellow—creatures，andneverdid，asyouwellknow，Captain。ButwhatIdoisinnocentandpious。Ienquireaboutforhouseswheretherightsortofpeoplelive。IworkitonthemsameasIworkedithere。Ibreakintothehouse;putafewspoonsordiamondsinmypocket;makeanoise;getcaught;andtakeupacollection。
Andyouwouldn’tbelievehowharditistogetcaughtwhenyou’reactuallytryingto。Ihaveknockedoverallthechairsinaroomwithoutasoulpayinganyattentiontome。IntheendIhavehadtowalkoutandleavethejob。
RANDALL。Whenthathappens，doyouputbackthespoonsanddiamonds？
THEBURGLAR。Well，Idon’tflyinthefaceofProvidence，ifthat’swhatyouwanttoknow。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Guinness，yourememberthisman？
GUINNESS。IshouldthinkIdo，seeingIwasmarriedtohim，theblackguard！
HESIONE}[exclaiming{Marriedtohim！
LADYUTTERWORD}together]{Guinness！！
THEBURGLAR。Itwasn’tlegal。I’vebeenmarriedtonoendofwomen。Nousecomingthatoverme。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Takehimtotheforecastle[heflingshimtothedoorwithastrengthbeyondhisyears]。
GUINNESS。Isupposeyoumeanthekitchen。Theywon’thavehimthere。Doyouexpectservantstokeepcompanywiththievesandallsorts？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Land—thievesandwater—thievesarethesamefleshandblood。I’llhavenoboatswainonmyquarter—deck。Offwithyouboth。
THEBURGLAR。Yes，Captain。[Hegoesouthumbly]。
MAZZINI。Willitbesafetohavehiminthehouselikethat？
GUINNESS。Whydidn’tyoushoothim，sir？IfI’dknownwhohewas，I’dhaveshothimmyself。[Shegoesout]。
MRSHUSHABYE。Dositdown，everybody。[Shesitsdownonthesofa]。
TheyallmoveexceptEllie。Mazziniresumeshisseat。Randallsitsdowninthewindow—seatnearthestarboarddoor，againmakingapendulumofhispoker，andstudyingitasGalileomighthavedone。Hectorsitsonhisleft，inthemiddle。Mangan，forgotten，sitsintheportcorner。LadyUtterwordtakesthebigchair。CaptainShotovergoesintothepantryindeepabstraction。
Theyalllookafterhim：andLadyUtterwordcoughsconsciously。
MRSHUSHABYE。SoBillyDunnwaspoornurse’slittleromance。I
knewtherehadbeensomebody。
RANDALL。Theywillfighttheirbattlesoveragainandenjoythemselvesimmensely。
LADYUTTERWORD[irritably]。Youarenotmarried;andyouknownothingaboutit，Randall。Holdyourtongue。
RANDALL。Tyrant！
MRSHUSHABYE。Well，wehavehadaveryexcitingevening。
Everythingwillbeananticlimaxafterit。We’dbetterallgotobed。
RANDALL。Anotherburglarmayturnup。
MAZZINI。Oh，impossible！Ihopenot。
RANDALL。Whynot？ThereismorethanoneburglarinEngland。
MRSHUSHABYE。Whatdoyousay，Alf？
MANGAN[huffily]。Oh，Idon’tmatter。I’mforgotten。Theburglarhasputmynoseoutofjoint。Shovemeintoacornerandhavedonewithme。
MRSHUSHABYE[jumpingupmischievously，andgoingtohim]。Wouldyoulikeawalkontheheath，Alfred？Withme？
ELLIE。Go，MrMangan。Itwilldoyougood。Hesionewillsootheyou。
MRSHUSHABYE[slippingherarmunderhisandpullinghimupright]。Come，Alfred。Thereisamoon：it’slikethenightinTristanandIsolde。[Shecaresseshisarmanddrawshimtotheportgardendoor]。
MANGAN[writhingbutyielding]。Howyoucanhavetheface—theheart—[hebreaksdownandisheardsobbingasshetakeshimout]。
LADYUTTERWORD。Whatanextraordinarywaytobehave！Whatisthematterwiththeman？
ELLIE[inastrangelycalmvoice，staringintoanimaginarydistance]。Hisheartisbreaking：thatisall。[Thecaptainappearsatthepantrydoor，listening]。Itisacurioussensation：thesortofpainthatgoesmercifullybeyondourpowersoffeeling。Whenyourheartisbroken，yourboatsareburned：nothingmattersanymore。Itistheendofhappinessandthebeginningofpeace。
LADYUTTERWORD[suddenlyrisinginarage，totheastonishmentoftherest]。Howdareyou？
HECTOR。Goodheavens！What’sthematter？
RANDALL[inawarningwhisper]。Tch——tch—tch！Steady。
ELLIE[surprisedandhaughty]。Iwasnotaddressingyouparticularly，LadyUtterword。AndIamnotaccustomedtobeingaskedhowdareI。
LADYUTTERWORD。Ofcoursenot。Anyonecanseehowbadlyyouhavebeenbroughtup。
MAZZINI。Oh，Ihopenot，LadyUtterword。Really！
LADYUTTERWORD。Iknowverywellwhatyoumeant。Theimpudence！
ELLIE。Whatonearthdoyoumean？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[advancingtothetable]。Shemeansthatherheartwillnotbreak。Shehasbeenlongingallherlifeforsomeonetobreakit。Atlastshehasbecomeafraidshehasnonetobreak。
LADYUTTERWORD[flingingherselfonherkneesandthrowingherarmsroundhim]。Papa，don’tsayyouthinkI’venoheart。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[raisingherwithgrimtenderness]。Ifyouhadnohearthowcouldyouwanttohaveitbroken，child？
HECTOR[risingwithabound]。LadyUtterword，youarenottobetrusted。Youhavemadeascene[herunsoutintothegardenthroughthestarboarddoor]。
LADYUTTERWORD。Oh！Hector，Hector！[sherunsoutafterhim]。
RANDALL。Onlynerves，Iassureyou。[Herisesandfollowsher，wavingthepokerinhisagitation]。Ariadne！Ariadne！ForGod’ssake，becareful。Youwill——[heisgone]。
MAZZINI[rising]。Howdistressing！CanIdoanything，Iwonder？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[promptlytakinghischairandsettingtoworkatthedrawing—board]。No。Gotobed。Good—night。
MAZZINI[bewildered]。Oh！Perhapsyouareright。
ELLIE。Good—night，dearest。[Shekisseshim]。
MAZZINI。Good—night，love。[Hemakesforthedoor，butturnsasidetothebookshelves]。I’lljusttakeabook[hetakesone]。
Good—night。[Hegoesout，leavingElliealonewiththecaptain]。
Thecaptainisintentonhisdrawing。Ellie，standingsentryoverhischair，contemplateshimforamoment。
ELLIE。Doesnothingeverdisturbyou，CaptainShotover？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。I’vestoodonthebridgeforeighteenhoursinatyphoon。Lifehereisstormier;butIcanstandit。
ELLIE。DoyouthinkIoughttomarryMrMangan？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER[neverlookingup]。Onerockisasgoodasanothertobewreckedon。
ELLIE。Iamnotinlovewithhim。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whosaidyouwere？
ELLIE。Youarenotsurprised？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Surprised！Atmyage！
ELLIE。Itseemstomequitefair。Hewantsmeforonething：I
wanthimforanother。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Money？
ELLIE。Yes。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Well，oneturnsthecheek：theotherkissesit。
Oneprovidesthecash：theotherspendsit。
ELLIE。Whowillhavethebestofthebargain，Iwonder？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。You。Thesefellowsliveinanofficeallday。
Youwillhavetoputupwithhimfromdinnertobreakfast;butyouwillbothbeasleepmostofthattime。Alldayyouwillbequitofhim;andyouwillbeshoppingwithhismoney。Ifthatistoomuchforyou，marryaseafaringman：youwillbebotheredwithhimonlythreeweeksintheyear，perhaps。
ELLIE。Thatwouldbebestofall，Isuppose。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。It’sadangerousthingtobemarriedrightuptothehilt，likemydaughter’shusband。Themanisathomeallday，likeadamnedsoulinhell。
ELLIE。Ineverthoughtofthatbefore。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ifyou’remarryingforbusiness，youcan’tbetoobusinesslike。
ELLIE。Whydowomenalwayswantotherwomen’shusbands？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whydohorse—thievespreferahorsethatisbroken—intoonethatiswild？
ELLIE[withashortlaugh]。Isupposeso。Whatavileworlditis！
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itdoesn’tconcernme。I’mnearlyoutofit。
ELLIE。AndI’monlyjustbeginning。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Yes;solookahead。
ELLIE。Well，IthinkIambeingveryprudent。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ididn’tsayprudent。Isaidlookahead。
ELLIE。What’sthedifference？
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。It’sprudenttogainthewholeworldandloseyourownsoul。Butdon’tforgetthatyoursoulstickstoyouifyousticktoit;buttheworldhasawayofslippingthroughyourfingers。
ELLIE[wearily，leavinghimandbeginningtowanderrestlesslyabouttheroom]。I’msorry，CaptainShotover;butit’snousetalkinglikethattome。Old—fashionedpeoplearenousetome。
Old—fashionedpeoplethinkyoucanhaveasoulwithoutmoney。
Theythinkthelessmoneyyouhave，themoresoulyouhave。Youngpeoplenowadaysknowbetter。Asoulisaveryexpensivethingtokeep：muchmoresothanamotorcar。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Isit？Howmuchdoesyoursouleat？
ELLIE。Oh，alot。Iteatsmusicandpicturesandbooksandmountainsandlakesandbeautifulthingstowearandnicepeopletobewith。Inthiscountryyoucan’thavethemwithoutlotsofmoney：thatiswhyoursoulsaresohorriblystarved。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Mangan’ssoullivesonpig’sfood。
ELLIE。Yes：moneyisthrownawayonhim。Isupposehissoulwasstarvedwhenhewasyoung。Butitwillnotbethrownawayonme。
ItisjustbecauseIwanttosavemysoulthatIammarryingformoney。Allthewomenwhoarenotfoolsdo。
CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thereareotherwaysofgettingmoney。Whydon’tyoustealit？
ELLIE。BecauseIdon’twanttogotoprison。