Buttheparoxysmpassed。Callinguponthecombinedforcesofheavenandhelltosustainhiminhistrouble，herequestedhissquad，asmantoman，toinformhimofthereasonwhytoallappearancetheyweredispensingwithhisservicesanddrillingthemselves。
Atthismoment\"Columbus\"barkedagain，andtheexplanationcametohim。
\"Pleasegoaway，sir，\"herequestedme。\"HowcanIexercisemymenwiththatdogofyoursinterferingeveryfiveminutes？\"
Itwasnotonlyonthatoccasion。Ithappenedatothertimes。Thedogseemedtounderstandandtakeapleasureinit。Sometimesmeetingasoldier，walkingwithhissweetheart，Columbus，frombehindmylegs，wouldbarksuddenly。Immediatelythemanwouldletgothegirlandproceed，involuntarily，toperformmilitarytricks。
TheWarOfficeauthoritiesaccusedmeofhavingtrainedthedog。I
hadnottrainedhim：thatwashisnaturalvoice。IsuggestedtotheWarOfficeauthoritiesthatinsteadofquarrellingwithmydogfortalkinghisownlanguage，theyshouldtraintheirsergeantstouseEnglish。
Theywouldnotseeit。Unpleasantnesswasintheair，and，livingwhereIdidatthetime，IthoughtitbesttopartwithColumbus。I
couldseewhattheWarOfficewasdrivingat，andIdidnotdesirethatresponsibilityfortheinefficiencyoftheBritishArmyshouldbelaidatmydoor。
Sometwentyyearsagowe，inLondon，werepassingthroughariotousperiod，andacallwasmadetolaw—abidingcitizenstoenrolthemselvesasspecialconstables。Iwasyoung，andthehopeoftroubleappealedtomemorethanitdoesnow。Incompanywithsomefiveorsixhundredothermoreorlessrespectablecitizens，IfoundmyselfoneSundaymorninginthedrillyardoftheAlbanyBarracks。
Itwastheopinionoftheauthoritiesthatwecouldguardourhomesandprotectourwivesandchildrenbetteriffirstofallwelearnedtorollour\"eyesright\"orleftatthegivenwordofcommand，andtowalkwithourthumbsstuckout。Accordinglyadrillsergeantwasappointedtoinstructusonthesepoints。Hecameoutofthecanteen，wipinghismouthandflickinghisleg，accordingtorule，withtheregulationcane。But，asheapproachedus，hisexpressionchanged。Wewerestout，pompous—lookinggentlemen，themajorityofus，infrockcoatsandsilkhats。Thesergeantwasamanwithasenseofthefitnessofthings。Theideaofshoutingandswearingatusfellfromhim：andthatgonethereseemedtobenohappymediumlefttohim。Thestiffnessdepartedfromhisback。Hemetuswithadefferentialattitude，andspoketousinthelanguageofsocialintercourse。
\"Goodmorning，gentlemen，\"saidthesergeant。
\"Goodmorning，\"wereplied：andtherewasapause。
Thesergeantfidgetteduponhisfeet。Wewaited。
\"Well，now，gentlemen，\"saidthesergeant，withapleasantsmile，\"whatdoyousaytofallingin？\"
Weagreedtofallin。Heshowedushowtodoit。Hecastacriticaleyealongthebackofourrearline。
\"Alittlefurtherforward，numberthree，ifyoudon’tmind，sir，\"hesuggested。
Numberthree，whowasanimportant—lookinggentleman，steppedforward。
Thesergeantcasthiscriticaleyealongthefrontofthefirstline。
\"Alittlefurtherback，ifyoudon’tmind，sir，\"hesuggested，addressingthethirdgentlemanfromtheend。
\"Can’t，\"explainedthethirdgentleman，\"muchasIcandotokeepwhereIam。\"
Thesergeantcasthiscriticaleyebetweenthelines。
\"Ah，\"saidthesergeant，\"alittlefull—chested，someofus。Wewillmakethedistanceanotherfoot，ifyouplease，gentlemen。\"
Inpleasantmanner，liketothis，thedrillproceeded。
\"Nowthen，gentlemen，shallwetryalittlewalk？Quickmarch！
Thankyou，gentlemen。Sorrytotroubleyou，butitmaybenecessarytorun——forwardImean，ofcourse……Soifyoureallydonotmind，wewillnowdothedoublequick。Halt！Andifnexttimeyoucankeepalittlemoreinline——ithasamoreimposingappearance，ifyouunderstandme。Thebreathingcomeswithpractice。\"
Ifthethingmustbedoneatall，whyshoulditnotbedoneinthisway？Whyshouldnotthesergeantaddressthenewrecruitspolitely：
\"Nowthen，youyoungchaps，areyouallready？Don’thurryyourselves：noneedtomakehardworkofwhatshouldbeapleasuretoallofus。That’sright，that’sverygoodindeed——consideringyouareonlynovices。Butthereisstillsomethingtobedesiredinyourattitude，PrivateBully—boy。Youwillexcusemybeingpersonal，butareyouknock—kneednaturally？Orcouldyou，withaneffort，doyouthink，contrivetogiveyourselflesstheappearanceofamarionettewhosestringshavebecomeloose？Thankyou，thatisbetter。Theselittlethingsappeartrivial，Iknow，but，afterall，wemayaswelltryandlookourbest—
\"Don’tyoulikeyourboots，PrivateMontmorency？Oh，Ibegyourpardon。Ithoughtfromthewayyouwerebendingdownandlookingatthemthatperhapstheirappearancewasdissatisfyingtoyou。Mymistake。
\"Areyousufferingfromindigestion，mypoorfellow？ShallIgetyoualittlebrandy？Itisn’tindigestion。Thenwhat’sthematterwithit？Whyareyoutryingtohideit？It’snothingtobeashamedof。
We’veallgotone。Letitcomeforwardman。Let’sseeit。\"
Havingsucceeded，withafewsuchkindlywords，ingettinghislineintoorder，hewouldproceedtorecommendhealthyexercise。
\"Shoulderarms！Good，gentlemen，verygoodforabeginning。Yetstill，ifImaybecritical，notperfect。Thereismoreinthisthingthanyoumightimagine，gentlemen。MayIpointouttoPrivateHenryThompsonthatamusketcarriedacrosstheshoulderatrightanglesisapttoinconveniencethegentlemanbehind。Evenfromthepointofviewofhisowncomfort，IfeelsurethatPrivateThompsonwoulddobettertofollowtheusualcustominthismatter。
\"IwouldalsosuggesttoPrivateSt。Leonardthatwearenotheretopracticetheartofbalancingaheavymusketontheoutstretchedpalmofthehand。PrivateSt。Leonard’sperformancewiththemusketisdecidedlyclever。Butitisnotwar。
\"Believeme，gentlemen，thisthinghasbeencarefullyworkedout，andnoimprovementislikelytoresultfromindividualeffort。Letourideabeuniformity。Itismonotonous，butitissafe。Now，then，gentlemen，onceagain。\"
Thedrillyardwouldbeconvertedintoasourceofinnocentdelighttothousands。\"Officerandgentleman\"wouldbecomeaphraseofmeaning。Ipresenttheidea，forwhatitmaybeworth，withmycompliments，toPallMall。
Thefaultofthemilitarymanisthathestudiestoomuch，readstoomuchhistory，isoverreflective。If，instead，hewouldlookabouthimmorehewouldnoticethatthingsarechanging。SomeonehastoldtheBritishmilitarymanthatWaterloowaswonupontheplayingfieldsofEton。SohegoestoEtonandplays。OneofthesedayshewillbecalledupontofightanotherWaterloo：andafterwards——whenitistoolate——theywillexplaintohimthatitwaswonnotupontheplayfieldbutintheclassroom。
FromthemoundontheoldWaterlooplainonecanformanotionofwhatbattles，underformerconditions，musthavebeen。TheotherbattlefieldsofEuropearerapidlydisappearing：usefulDutchcabbages，asCarlylewouldhavepointedoutwithjustifiablesatisfaction，hidingthetheatreofman’schildishfolly。Youfind，generallyspeaking，cobblershappilyemployedincobblingshoes，womengossippingcheerfullyoverthewashtubonthespotwhereahundredyearsago，accordingtotheguide—book，athousandmendressedinblueandathousandmendressedinredrushedtogetherlikequarrelsomefox—terriers，andworriedeachothertodeath。
ButthefieldofWaterlooislittlechanged。Theguide，whosegrandfatherwaspresentatthebattle——quiteanextraordinarynumberofgrandfathersmusthavefoughtatWaterloo：theremusthavebeenwholeregimentscomposedofgrandfathers——canpointouttoyouthegroundacrosswhicheverychargewasdelivered，canshowyoueveryridge，stillexisting，behindwhichtheinfantrycrouched。Thewholebusinesswasbeganandfinishedwithinaspacelittlelargerthanasquaremile。Onecanunderstandtheadvantagethentobederivedfromtheperfectmovingofthemilitarymachine;theusesoftheechelon，thepurposesofthelinkedbattalion，themanipulationofcentre，leftwingandrightwing。Thenitmayhavebeenworthwhile—
—ifwarbeeverworththewhile——whichgrownmenofsensearebeginningtodoubt——towastetwoyearsofasoldier’straining，teachinghimthegoose—step。Inthetwentiethcentury，teachingsoldierstheevolutionsoftheThirtyYears’Warisaboutassensibleasitwouldbeloadingouriron—cladswithcanvas。
IfollowedonceacompanyofVolunteersacrossBlackfriarsBridgeontheirwayfromSouthwarktotheTemple。AtthebottomofLudgateHillthecommandingofficer，ayoungbutconscientiousgentleman，ordered\"Leftwheel！\"Atoncethevanguardturneddownanarrowalley——Iforgetitsname——whichwouldhaveledthetroopintothepurlieusofWhitefriars，where，inallprobability，theywouldhavebeenlostforever。Thewholecompanyhadtobehalted，right—about—
faced，andretiredahundredyards。Thentheorder\"Quickmarch！\"
wasgiven。ThevanguardshotacrossLudgateCircus，andweremakingfortheMeatMarket。
Atthispointthatyoungcommandingofficergaveupbeingamilitarymanandtalkedsense。
\"Notthatway，\"heshouted：\"upFleetStreetandthroughMiddleTempleLane。\"
Thenwithoutfurthertroublethearmyofthefuturewentuponitsway。
OUGHTSTORIESTOBETRUE？
Therewasonceuponatimeacharmingyounglady，possessedofmuchtaste，whowasaskedbyheranxiousparent，theyearspassingandfamilyexpenditurenotdecreasing，whichofthenumerousandeligibleyoungmenthenpayingcourttohershelikedthebest。Shereplied，thatwasherdifficulty;shecouldnotmakeuphermindwhichshelikedthebest。Theywereallsonice。Shecouldnotpossiblyselectonetotheexclusionofalltheothers。Whatshewouldhavelikedwouldhavebeentomarrythelot;butthat，shepresumed，wasimpracticable。
IfeelIresemblethatyounglady，notsomuchincharmandbeautyasinindecisionofmind，whenthequestionisthatofmyfavouriteauthorormyfavouritebook。Itisasifonewereaskedone’sfavouritefood。Therearetimeswhenonefanciesaneggwithone’stea。Onotheroccasionsonedreamsofakipper。To—dayoneclamoursforlobsters。To—morrowonefeelsoneneverwishestoseealobsteragain。Onedeterminestosettledown，foratime，toadietofbreadandmilkandricepudding。AskedsuddenlytosaywhetherIpreferredicestosoup，orbeef—steaktocaviare，Ishouldbecompletelynonplussed。
Theremaybereaderswhocareforonlyoneliterarydiet。Iamapersonofgrossappetites，requiringmanyauthorstosatisfyme。
TherearemoodswhenthesavagestrengthoftheBrontesistersiscompanionabletome。Onerejoicesintheunrelievedgloomof\"WutheringHeights，\"asintheloweringskiesofastormyautumn。
Perhapspartofthemarvelofthebookcomesfromtheknowledgethattheauthoresswasaslight，delicateyounggirl。Onewonderswhatherfutureworkwouldhavebeen，hadshelivedtogainawiderexperienceoflife;orwasitwellforherfamethatnaturetookthepensosoonfromherhand？HersuppressedvehemencemayhavebeenbettersuitedtothosetangledYorkshirebywaysthantothemoreopen，cultivatedfieldsoflife。
Thereisnotmuchsimilaritybetweenthetwobooks，yetwhenrecallingEmilyBrontemythoughtsalwaysrunontoOliveSchreiner。
Here，again，wasayounggirlwiththevoiceofastrongman。OliveSchreiner，morefortunate，haslived;butIdoubtifshewilleverwriteabookthatwillremindusofherfirst。\"TheStoryofanAfricanFarm\"isnotaworktoberepeated。Wehaveadvancedinliteratureoflate。Icanwellrememberthestormofindignationwithwhichthe\"AfricanFarm\"wasreceivedbyMrs。Grundyandherthennumerous，butnowhappilydiminishing，school。Itwasabookthatwastobekeptfromthehandsofeveryyoungmanandwoman。Butthehandsoftheyoungmenandwomenstretchedoutandgraspedit，totheirhelp。Itisacuriousidea，thisofMrs。Grundy’s，thattheyoungmanandwomanmustneverthink——thatallliteraturethatdoesanythingmorethanechotheconventionsmustbehiddenaway。
ThentherearetimeswhenIlovetogallopthroughhistoryonSirWalter’sbroomstick。AtotherhoursitispleasanttositinconversewithwiseGeorgeEliot。FromhergardenterraceIlookdownonLoamshireanditscommonplacepeople;whileinherquiet，deepvoiceshetellsmeofthehiddenheartsthatbeatandthrobbeneaththesevelveteenjacketsandlacefalls。
WhocanhelplovingThackeray，wittiest，gentlestofmen，inspiteofthefaintsuspicionofsnobbishnessthatclingstohim？Thereissomethingpatheticinthegoodman’shorrorofthissnobbishness，towhichhehimselfwasavictim。Mayitnothavebeenanaffectation，bornunconsciouslyofself—consciousness？Hisheroesandheroinesmustneedsbeallfinefolk，fitcompanyforladyandgentlemenreaders。Tohimtheliverywastoooftentheman。UnderhisstuffedcalvesevenJeamesdelaPluchehimselfstooduponthelegsofaman，butThackeraycouldneverseedeeperthanthesilkstockings。
ThackeraylivedanddiedinClubland。OnefeelsthattheworldwasboundedforhimbyTempleBarontheeastandParkLaneonthewest;
butwhattherewasgoodinClublandheshowedus，andforthesakeofthegreatgentlemenandsweetladiesthathiskindlyeyesfoundinthatnarrowregion，nottoooverpeopledwithgreatgentlemenandsweetwomen，letushonourhim。
\"TomJones，\"\"PeregrinePickle，\"and\"TristramShandy\"arebooksamanisthebetterforreading，ifhereadthemwisely。Theyteachhimthatliterature，tobealivingforce，mustdealwithallsidesoflife，andthatlittlehelpcomestousfromthatsillypretenceofoursthatweareperfectinallthings，leadingperfectlives，thatonlythevillainofthestoryeverdeviatesfromthepathofrectitude。
Thisisapointthatneedstobeconsideredbyboththemakersandthebuyersofstories。Ifliteratureistoberegardedsolelyastheamusementofanidlehour，thenthelessrelationshipithastolifethebetter。Lookingintoatruthfulmirrorofnaturewearecompelledtothink;andwhenthoughtcomesinatthewindowself—
satisfactiongoesoutbythedoor。Shouldanovelorplaycallustoponderupontheproblemsofexistence，orlureusfromthedustyhighroadoftheworld，forawhile，intothepleasantmeadowsofdreamland？Ifonlythelatter，thenletourheroesandourheroinesbenotwhatmenandwomenare，butwhattheyshouldbe。LetAngelinabealwaysspotlessandEdwinalwaystrue。Letvirtueevertriumphovervillainyinthelastchapter;andletusassumethatthemarriageserviceanswersallthequestionsoftheSphinx。
Verypleasantarethesefairytaleswheretheprinceisalwaysbraveandhandsome;wheretheprincessisalwaysthebestandmostbeautifulprincessthateverlived;whereoneknowsthewickedpeopleataglancebytheiruglinessandill—temper，mistakesbeingthusrenderedimpossible;wherethegoodfairiesare，bynature，morepowerfulthanthebad;wheregloomypathsleadevertofairpalaces;
wherethedragonisevervanquished;andwherewell—behavedhusbandsandwivescanrelyuponlivinghappilyeverafterwards。\"Theworldistoomuchwithus，lateandsoon。\"Itiswisetoslipawayfromitattimestofairyland。But，alas，wecannotliveinfairyland，andknowledgeofitsgeographyisoflittlehelptousonourreturntotheruggedcountryofreality。
Arenotbothbranchesofliteratureneedful？Byallmeansletusdream，onmidsummernights，offondloversledthroughdeviouspathstohappinessbyPuck;ofvirtuousdukes——onefindssuchinfairyland;
offatesubduedbyfaithandgentleness。Butmaywenotalso，inourmoreserioushumours，findsatisfactioninthinkingwithHamletorCoriolanus？MaynotbothDickensandZolahavetheirboothsinVanityFair？Ifliteratureistobeahelptous，aswellasapastime，itmustdealwiththeuglyaswellaswiththebeautiful;itmustshowusourselves，notaswewishtoappear，butasweknowourselvestobe。ManhasbeendescribedasaanimalwithaspirationsreachinguptoHeavenandinstinctsrooted——elsewhere。Isliteraturetoflatterhim，orrevealhimtohimself？
Oflivingwritersitisnotsafe，Isuppose，tospeakexcept，perhaps，ofthosewhohavebeenwithussolongthatwehavecometoforgettheyarenotofthepast。HasjusticeeverbeendonetoOuida’sundoubtedgeniusbyourshallowschoolofcriticism，alwaysverycleverindiscoveringfaultsasobviousaspimplesonafineface？Herguardsmen\"toy\"withtheirfood。HerhorseswintheDerbythreeyearsrunning。HerwickedwomenthrowguineapeachesfromthewindowsoftheStarandGarterintotheThamesatRichmond。Thedistancebeingaboutthreehundredandfiftyyards，itisagoodthrow。Well，well，booksarenotmadeworthreadingbytheabsenceofabsurdities。Ouidapossessesstrength，tenderness，truth，passion;andthesebequalitiesinawritercapableofcarryingmanymorefaultsthanOuidaisburdenedwith。Butthatisthemethodofourlittlecriticism。ItviewsanartistasGulliversawtheBrobdingnagladies。Itistoosmalltoseethemintheirentirety：
amoleorawartabsorbsallitsvision。
WhywasnotGeorgeGissingmorewidelyread？Iffaithfulnesstolifewerethekeytoliterarysuccess，Gissing’ssaleswouldhavebeencountedbythemillioninsteadofbythehundred。
HaveMarkTwain’sliteraryqualities，apartaltogetherfromhishumour，beenrecognisedinliterarycirclesastheyoughttohavebeen？\"HuckFinn\"wouldbeagreatworkweretherenotalaughinitfromcovertocover。AmongtheIndiansandsomeothersavagetribesthefactthatamemberofthecommunityhaslostoneofhissensesmakesgreatlytohisadvantage;heisthenregardedasasuperiorperson。SoamongaschoolofAnglo—Saxonreaders，itisnecessarytoaman，ifhewouldgainliterarycredit，thatheshouldlackthesenseofhumour。Oneortwocuriousmodernexamplesoccurtomeofliterarysuccesssecuredchieflybythisfailing。
Alltheseauthorsaremyfavourites;butsuchcatholictasteisheldnowadaystobenotaste。OneistoldthatifonelovesShakespeare，onemustofnecessityhateIbsen;thatonecannotappreciateWagnerandtolerateBeethoven;thatifweadmitanymeritinDore，weareincapableofunderstandingWhistler。HowcanIsaywhichismyfavouritenovel？Icanonlyaskmyselfwhichlivesclearestinmymemory，whichisthebookIruntomoreoftenthantoanotherinthatpleasanthalfhourbeforethedinner—bell，when，withallapologiestogoodMr。Smiles，itisuselesstothinkofwork。
Ifind，onexamination，thatmy\"DavidCopperfield\"ismoredilapidatedthananyothernoveluponmyshelves。AsIturnitsdog—
earedpages，readingthefamiliarheadlines\"Mr。Micawberindifficulties，\"\"Mr。Micawberinprison，\"\"IfallinlovewithDora，\"
\"Mr。Barkisgoesoutwiththetide，\"\"Mychildwife，\"\"Traddlesinanestofroses\"——pagesofmyownliferecurtome;somanyofmysorrows，somanyofmyjoysarewoveninmymindwiththischapterortheother。Thatday——howwellIrememberitwhenIreadof\"David’s\"
wooing，butDora’sdeathIwascarefultoskip。Poor，prettylittleMrs。Copperfieldatthegate，holdingupherbabyinherarms，isalwaysassociatedinmymemorywithachild’scry，longlistenedfor。
Ifoundthebook，facedownwardsonachair，weeksafterwards，notmovedfromwhereIhadhastilylaidit。
Oldfriends，allofyou，howmanytimeshaveInotslippedawayfrommyworriesintoyourpleasantcompany！Peggotty，youdearsoul，thesightofyourkindeyesissogoodtome。Ourmutualfriend，Mr。
CharlesDickens，isprone，weknow，justeversoslightlytogush。
Goodfellowthatheis，hecanseenoflawinthoseheloves，butyou，dearlady，ifyouwillpermitmetocallyoubyanamemuchabused，hehasdrawnintruecolours。Iknowyouwell，withyourbigheart，yourquicktemper，yourhomely，humanwaysofthought。Youyourselfwillneverguessyourworth——howmuchtheworldisbetterforsuchasyou！Youthinkofyourselfasofacommonplaceperson，usefulonlyforthemakingofpastry，thedarningofstockings，andifaman——notayoungman，withonlydimhalf—openedeyes，butamanwhomlifehadmadekeentoseethebeautythatlieshiddenbeneathplainfaces——weretokneelandkissyourred，coarsehand，youwouldbemuchastonished。Buthewouldbeawiseman，Peggotty，knowingwhatthingsamanshouldtakecarelessly，andforwhatthingsheshouldthankGod，whohasfashionedfairnessinmanyforms。
Mr。WilkinsMicawber，andyou，mostexcellentoffaithfulwives，Mrs。
EmmaMicawber，toyouIalsoraisemyhat。Howoftenhastheexampleofyourphilosophysavedme，whenI，likewise，havesufferedunderthetemporarypressureofpecuniaryliabilities;whenthesunofmyprosperity，too，hassunkbeneaththedarkhorizonoftheworld——inshort，whenI，also，havefoundmyselfinatightcorner。IhaveaskedmyselfwhatwouldtheMicawbershavedoneinmyplace。AndI
haveansweredmyself。Theywouldhavesatdowntoadishoflamb’sfry，cookedandbreadedbythedefthandsofEmma，followedbyabrewofpunch，concoctedbythebeamingWilkins，andhaveforgottenalltheirtroubles，forthetimebeing。Whereupon，seeingfirstthatsufficientsmallchangewasinmypocket，Ihaveenteredthenearestrestaurant，andhavetreatedmyselftoarepastofsuchsumptuousnessastheaforesaidsmallchangewouldcommand，emergingfromthatrestaurantstrongerandmorefitforbattle。Andlo！thesunofmyprosperityhaspeepedatmefromoverthecloudswithaslywink，asiftosay\"Cheerup;Iamonlyroundthecorner。\"
Cheery，elasticMr。andMrs。Micawber，howwouldhalftheworldfacetheirfatebutbythehelpofakindly，shallownaturesuchasyours？
Ilovetothinkthatyoursorrowscanbedrownedinnothingmoreharmfulthanabowlofpunch。Here’stoyou，Emma，andtoyou，Wilkins，andtothetwins！
Mayyouandsuchchildlikefolktriplightlyoverthestonesuponyourpath！Maysomethingeverturnupforyou，mydears！MaytherainoflifeeverfallasAprilshowersuponyoursimplebaldhead，Micawber！
Andyou，sweetDora，letmeconfessIloveyou，thoughsensiblefriendsdeemyoufoolish。Ah，sillyDora，fashionedbywiseMotherNaturewhoknowsthatweaknessandhelplessnessareasatalismancallingforthstrengthandtendernessinman，troubleyourselfnotundulyabouttheoystersandtheunderdonemutton，littlewoman。
Goodplaincooksattwentypoundsayearwillseetothesethingsforus。Yourworkistoteachusgentlenessandkindness。Layyourfoolishcurlsjusthere，child。Itisfromsuchasyouwelearnwisdom。Foolishwisefolksneeratyou。Foolishwisefolkwouldpullupthelaughinglilies，theneedlessrosesfromthegarden，wouldplantintheirplacesonlyuseful，wholesomecabbage。Butthegardener，knowingbetter，plantsthesilly，short—livedflowers，foolishwisefolkaskingforwhatpurpose。
GallantTraddles，ofthestrongheartandtheunrulyhair;Sophy，dearestofgirls;BetsyTrotwood，withyourgentlemanlymannersandyourwoman’sheart，youhavecometomeinshabbyrooms，makingthedismalplaceseembright。Indarkhoursyourkindlyfaceshavelookedoutatmefromtheshadows，yourkindlyvoiceshavecheeredme。
LittleEm’lyandAgnes，itmaybemybadtaste，butIcannotsharemyfriendDickens’enthusiasmforthem。Dickens’goodwomenarealltoogoodforhumannature’sdailyfood。EstherSummerson，FlorenceDombey，LittleNell——youhavenofaultstoloveyouby。
Scott’swomenwerelikewisemereilluminatedtexts。Scottonlydrewoneliveheroine——CatherineSeton。Hisotherwomenweremerelytheprizestheherohadtowinintheend，likethesuckingpigorthelegofmuttonforwhichtheyokelclimbsthegreasypole。ThatDickenscoulddrawawomantosomelikenessheprovedbyBellaWilfer，andEstellain\"GreatExpectations。\"Butrealwomenhaveneverbeenpopularinfiction。Menreaderspreferthefalse，andwomenreadersobjecttothetruth。
Fromanartisticpointofview，\"DavidCopperfield\"isundoubtedlyDickens’bestwork。Itshumourislessboisterous;itspathoslesshighlycoloured。
OneofLeech’spicturesrepresentsacab—mancalmlysleepinginthegutter。
\"Oh，poordear，he’sill，\"saysatender—heartedladyinthecrowd。
\"Ill！\"retortsamalebystanderindignantly，\"Ill！’E’s’adtoomuchofwhatIain’t’adenoughof。\"
Dickenssufferedfromtoolittleofwhatsomeofushavetoomuchof—
—criticism。Hisworkmetwithtoolittleresistancetocallforthhispowers。Toooftenhispathossinkstobathos，andthisnotfromwantofskill，butfromwantofcare。Itisdifficulttobelievethatthepopularwriterwhoallowedhissentimentality——orratherthepublic’ssentimentality——torunawaywithhiminsuchscenesasthedeathofPaulDombeyandLittleNellwastheartistwhopaintedthedeathofSidneyCartonandofBarkis，thewilling。ThedeathofBarkis，nexttothepassingofColonelNewcome，is，tomythinking，oneofthemostperfectpiecesofpathosinEnglishliterature。Noverydeepemotionisconcerned。Heisacommonplaceoldman，clingingfoolishlytoacommonplacebox。Hissimplewifeandtheoldboatmenstandby，waitingcalmlyfortheend。Thereisnostrainingaftereffect。Onefeelsdeathenter，dignifyingallthings;andtouchedbythathand，foolisholdBarkisgrowsgreat。
InUriahHeapandMrs。Gummidge，Dickensdrawstypesratherthancharacters。Pecksniff，Podsnap，DollyVarden，Mr。Bumble，Mrs。Gamp，MarkTapley，Turveydrop，Mrs。Jellyby——thesearenotcharacters;theyarehumancharacteristicspersonified。
WehavetogobacktoShakespearetofindawriterwho，throughfiction，hassoenrichedthethoughtofthepeople。AdmitallDickens’faultstwiceover，westillhaveoneofthegreatestwritersofmoderntimes。SuchpeopleasthesecreationsofDickensneverlived，saysyourlittlecritic。NorwasPrometheus，typeofthespiritofman，norwasNiobe，motherofallmothers，atruthfulpictureofthecitizenonewaslikelytomeetoftenduringamorning’sstrollthroughAthens。NorgrewthereeverawoodliketotheForestofArden，thougheveryRosalindandOrlandoknowsthepathtogladeshavingmuchresemblancethereto。
Steerforth，uponwhomDickensevidentlypridedhimself，Imustconfess，neverlaidholdofme。Heisamelodramaticyoungman。TheworstIcouldhavewishedhimwouldhavebeenthatheshouldmarryRoseDartleandlivewithhismother。Itwouldhaveservedhimrightforbeingsoattractive。OldPeggottyandHamare，ofcourse，impossible。Onemustacceptthemalsoastypes。TheseBrothersCheeryble，theseKits，JoeGargeries，Boffins，Garlands，JohnPeerybingles，wewillacceptastypesofthegoodnessthatisinmen—
—thoughinreallifetheamountofvirtuethatDickensoftenwastesuponasingleindividualwouldbymoreeconomicallymindednature，bemadetoserveforfifty。
Tosumup，\"DavidCopperfield\"isaplaintale，simplytold;andsuchareallbooksthatlive。Eccentricitiesofstyle，artistictrickery，maypleasethecriticofaday，butliteratureisastorythatinterestsus，boysandgirls，menandwomen。Itisasadbook;andthat，again，givesitanaddedcharminthesesadlaterdays。
Humanityisnearingitsoldage，andwehavecometolovesadness，asthefriendwhohasbeenlongestwithus。Intheyoungdaysofourvigourweweremerry。WithUlysses’boatmen，wetookalikethesunshineandthethunderwithfrolicwelcome。Theredbloodflowedinourveins，andwelaughed，andourtaleswereofstrengthandhope。Nowwesitlikeoldmen，watchingfacesinthefire;andthestoriesthatwelovearesadstories——likethestoriesweourselveshavelived。
CREATURESTHATONEDAYSHALLBEMEN。
IoughttolikeRussiabetterthanIdo，ifonlyforthesakeofthemanygoodfriendsIamproudtopossessamongsttheRussians。A
largesquarephotographIkeepalwaysonmymantel—piece;ithelpsmetomaintainmyheadatthatdegreeofdistentionnecessaryfortheperformanceofallliterarywork。Itpresentsinthecentreaneatly—writtenaddressinexcellentEnglishthatIfranklyconfessI
amnevertiredofreading，aroundwhicharerangedsomehundredsofnamesIamquiteunabletoread，butwhich，inspiteoftheirstrangelettering，IknowtobethenamesofgoodRussianmenandwomentowhom，ayearortwoago，occurredthekindlyideaofsendingmeasaChristmascardthismessageofencouragement。TheindividualRussianisoneofthemostcharmingcreaturesliving。Ifhelikeyouhedoesnothesitatetoletyouknowit;notonlybyeveryactionpossible，but，bywhatperhapsisjustasusefulinthisgreyoldworld，bygenerous，impulsivespeech。
WeAnglo—Saxonsareapttoprideourselvesuponbeingundemonstrative。MaxAdelertellsthetaleofaboywhowassentoutbyhisfathertofetchwood。Theboytooktheopportunityofdisappearinganddidnotshowhisfaceagainbeneaththepaternalroofforovertwentyyears。Thenoneevening，asmiling，well—
dressedstrangerenteredtotheoldcouple，andannouncedhimselfastheirlong—lostchild，returnedatlast。
\"Well，youhaven’thurriedyourself，\"grumbledtheoldman，\"andblarmmeifnowyouhaven’tforgottenthewood。\"
IwaslunchingwithanEnglishmaninaLondonrestaurantoneday。A
manenteredandtookhisseatatatablenearby。Glancinground，andmeetingmyfriend’seyes，hesmiledandnodded。
\"Excusemeaminute，\"saidmyfriend，\"Imustjustspeaktomybrother——haven’tseenhimforoverfiveyears。\"
Hefinishedhissoupandleisurelywipedhismoustachebeforestrollingacrossandshakinghands。Theytalkedforawhile。Thenmyfriendreturnedtome。
\"Neverthoughttoseehimagain，\"observedmyfriend，\"hewasoneofthegarrisonofthatplaceinAfrica——what’sthenameofit？——thattheMahdiattacked。Onlythreeofthemescaped。Alwayswasaluckybeggar，Jim。\"
\"Butwouldn’tyouliketotalktohimsomemore？\"Isuggested;\"Icanseeyouanytimeaboutthislittlebusinessofours。\"
\"Oh，that’sallright，\"heanswered，\"wehavejustfixeditup——shallbeseeinghimagainto—morrow。\"
IthoughtofthissceneoneeveningwhilediningwithsomeRussianfriendsinaSt。PetersburgHotel。Oneofthepartyhadnotseenhissecondcousin，aminingengineer，fornearlyeighteenmonths。Theysatoppositetooneanother，andadozentimesatleastduringthecourseofthedinneroneofthemwouldjumpupfromhischair，andrunroundtoembracetheother。Theywouldthrowtheirarmsaboutoneanother，kissingoneanotheronbothcheeks，andthensitdownagain，withmoisteyes。Theirbehaviouramongtheirfellowcountrymenexcitednoastonishmentwhatever。
ButtheRussians’sangerisasquickandvehementashislove。OnanotheroccasionIwassuppingwithfriendsinoneofthechiefrestaurantsontheNevsky。Twogentlemenatanadjoiningtable，whouptillthepreviousmomenthadbeenengagedinamicableconversation，suddenlysprangtotheirfeet，and\"wentfor\"oneanother。Onemansecuredthewater—bottle，whichhepromptlybrokeovertheother’shead。Hisopponentchoseforhisweaponaheavymahoganychair，andleapingbackforthepurposeofsecuringagoodswing，lurchedagainstmyhostess。
\"Dopleasebecareful，\"saidthelady。
\"Athousandpardons，madame，\"returnedthestranger，fromwhombloodandwaterwerestreaminginequalcopiousness;andtakingtheutmostcaretoavoidinterferingwithourcomfort，hesucceededadroitlyinflooringhisantagonistbyawell—directedblow。
Apolicemanappeareduponthescene。Hedidnotattempttointerfere，butrunningoutintothestreetcommunicatedthegladtidingstoanotherpoliceman。
\"Thisisgoingtocostthemaprettypenny，\"observedmyhost，whowascalmlycontinuinghissupper;\"whycouldn’ttheywait？\"
Itdidcostthemaprettypenny。Somehalfadozenpolicemenwereroundaboutbeforeasmanyminuteshadelapsed，andeachoneclaimedhisbribe。Thentheywishedbothcombatantsgood—night，andtroopedoutevidentlyingreatgoodhumourandthetwogentlemen，withwetnapkinsroundtheirheads，satdownagain，andlaughterandamicableconversationflowedfreelyasbefore。
Theystrikethestrangerasachildlikepeople，butyouarepossessedwithahauntingsenseofuglytraitsbeneath。Theworkers——slavesitwouldbealmostmorecorrecttocallthem——allowthemselvestobeexploitedwiththeuncomplainingpatienceofintelligentanimals。
YeteveryeducatedRussianyoutalktoonthesubjectknowsthatrevolutioniscoming。
Buthetalkstoyouaboutitwiththedoorshut，fornomaninRussiacanbesurethathisownservantsarenotpolicespies。IwasdiscussingpoliticswithaRussianofficialoneeveninginhisstudywhenhisoldhousekeeperenteredtheroom——asoft—eyedgrey—hairedwomanwhohadbeeninhisserviceovereightyears，andwhosepositioninthehouseholdwasalmostthatofafriend。Hestoppedabruptlyandchangedtheconversation。Sosoonasthedoorwasclosedbehindheragain，heexplainedhimself。
\"Itisbettertochatuponsuchmatterswhenoneisquitealone，\"helaughed。
\"Butsurelyyoucantrusther，\"Isaid，\"Sheappearstobedevotedtoyouall。\"
\"Itissafertotrustnoone，\"heanswered。Andthenhecontinuedfromthepointwherewehadbeeninterrupted。
\"Itisgathering，\"hesaid;\"therearetimeswhenIalmostsmellbloodintheair。Iamanoldmanandmayescapeit，butmychildrenwillhavetosuffer——sufferaschildrenmustforthesinsoftheirfathers。Wehavemadebrutebeastsofthepeople，andasbrutebeaststheywillcomeuponus，cruel，andundiscriminating;rightandwrongindifferentlygoingdownbeforethem。Butithastobe。Itisneeded。\"
ItisamistaketospeakoftheRussianclassesopposingtoallprogressadeadwallofselfishness。ThehistoryofRussiawillbethehistoryoftheFrenchRevolutionoveragain，butwiththisdifference：thattheeducatedclasses，thethinkers，whoarepushingforwardthedumbmassesaredoingsowiththeireyesopen。TherewillbenoMaribeau，noDantontobeappalledatapeople’singratitude。Themenwhoareto—dayworkingforrevolutioninRussianumberamongtheirranksstatesmen，soldiers，delicately—nurturedwomen，richlandowners，prosperoustradesmen，studentsfamiliarwiththelessonsofhistory。TheyhavenomisconceptionsconcerningtheblindMonsterintowhichtheyarebreathinglife。Hewillcrushthem，theyknowit;butwiththemhewillcrushtheinjusticeandstupiditytheyhavegrowntohatemorethantheylovethemselves。
TheRussianpeasant，whenherises，willprovemoreterrible，morepitilessthanwerethemenof1790。Heislessintelligent，morebrutal。Theysingawild，sadsong，theseRussiancattle，thewhiletheywork。Theysingitinchorusonthequayswhilehaulingthecargo，theysingitinthefactory，theychantontheweary，endlesssteppes，reapingthecorntheymaynoteat。Itisofthegoodtimetheirmastersarehaving，ofthefeastingsandthemerrymakings，ofthelaughterofthechildren，ofthekissesofthelovers。
Butthelastlineofeveryverseisthesame。WhenyouaskaRussiantotranslateitforyouheshrugshisshoulders。
\"Oh，itmeans，\"hesays，\"thattheirtimewillalsocome——someday。\"
Itisapathetic，hauntingrefrain。Theysingitinthedrawing—
roomsofMoscowandSt。Petersburg，andsomehowthelighttalkandlaughterdieaway，andahush，likeachillbreath，entersbythecloseddoorandpassesthrough。Itisacurioussong，likethewailingofatiredwind，andonedayitwillsweepoverthelandheraldingterror。
AScotsmanImetinRussiatoldmethatwhenhefirstcameouttoactasmanagerofalargefactoryinSt。Petersburg，belongingtohisScottishemployers，heunwittinglymadeamistakethefirstweekwhenpayinghisworkpeople。ByamiscalculationoftheRussianmoneyhepaidthemen，eachone，nearlyaroubleshort。HediscoveredhiserrorbeforethefollowingSaturday，andthenputthematterright。
Themenacceptedhisexplanationwithperfectcomposureandwithoutanycommentwhatever。Thethingastonishedhim。
\"ButyoumusthaveknownIwaspayingyoushort，\"hesaidtooneofthem。\"Whydidn’tyoutellmeofit？\"
\"Oh，\"answeredtheman，\"wethoughtyouwereputtingitinyourownpocketandthenifwehadcomplaineditwouldhavemeantdismissalforus。Noonewouldhavetakenourwordagainstyours。\"
CorruptionappearstobesogeneralthroughoutthewholeofRussiathatallclasseshavecometoacceptitaspartoftheestablishedorderofthings。Afriendgavemealittledogtobringawaywithme。Itwasavaluableanimal，andIwishedtokeepitwithme。Itisstrictlyforbiddentotakedogsintorailwaycarriages。Thelistofthepainsandpenaltiesfordoingsofrightenedmeconsiderably。
\"Oh，thatwillbeallright，\"myfriendassuredme;\"haveafewroubleslooseinyourpocket。\"
ItippedthestationmasterandItippedtheguard，andstartedpleasedwithmyself。ButIhadnotanticipatedwhatwasinstoreforme。ThenewsthatanEnglishmanwithadoginabasketandroublesinhispocketwascomingmusthavebeentelegraphedalldowntheline。Atalmosteverystopping—placesomeenormousofficial，wearinggenerallyaswordandahelmet，boardedthetrain。Atfirstthesefellowsterrifiedme。Itookthemforfield—marshalsatleast。
VisionsofSiberiacrossedmymind。Anxiousandtrembling，Igavethefirstoneagoldpiece。Heshookmewarmlybythehand——I
thoughthewasgoingtokissme。IfIhadofferedhimmycheekIamsurehewouldhavedoneso。WiththenextoneIfeltlessapprehensive。Foracoupleofroublesheblessedme，soIgathered;
and，commendingmetothecareoftheAlmighty，departed。BeforeI
hadreachedtheGermanfrontier，IwasgivingawaytheequivalentofEnglishsixpencestomenwiththedressandcarriageofmajor—
generals;andtoseetheirfacesbrightenupandtoreceivetheirheartfeltbenedictionwaswellworththemoney。
Buttothemanwithoutroublesinhispocket，Russianofficialdomisnotsogracious。BytheexpenditureofafewmorecoinsIgotmydogthroughtheCustomswithouttrouble，andhadleisuretolookaboutme。Amiserableobjectwasbeingbadgeredbyhalfadozenmeninuniform，andhe——hisleanfacepuckeredupintoasnarl——wasreturningthemsnappishanswers;thewholescenesuggestedsomehalf—
starvedmongrelbeingworriedbyschool—boys。Aslightinformalityhadbeendiscoveredinhispassport，soafellowtravellerwithwhomIhadmadefriendsinformedme。Hehadnoroublesinhispocket，andinconsequencetheyweresendinghimbacktoSt。Petersburg——someeighteenhours’journey——inawagonthatinEnglandwouldnotbeemployedforthetransportofoxen。
ItseemedagoodjoketoRussianofficialdom;theywoulddropineverynowandthen，lookathimashesatcrouchedinacornerofthewaiting—room，andpassoutagain，laughing。Thesnarlhaddiedfromhisface;adull，listlessindifferencehadtakenitsplace——thelookoneseesonthefaceofabeatendog，afterthebeatingisover，whenitislyingverystill，itsgreateyesstaringintonothingness，andonewonderswhetheritisthinking。
TheRussianworkerreadsnonewspaper，hasnoclub，yetallthingsseemtobeknowntohim。ThereisaprisononthebanksoftheNeva，inSt。Petersburg。Theysaysuchthingsaredonewithnow，butuptillveryrecentlythereexistedasmallcelltherein，belowtheleveloftheice，andprisonersplacedtherewouldbefoundmissingadayortwoafterwards，nothingeveragainknownofthem，except，perhaps，tothefishesoftheBaltic。Theytalkofsuchlikethingsamongthemselves：thesleigh—driversroundtheircharcoalfire，thefield—workersgoingandcominginthegreydawn，thefactoryworkers，theirwhispersdeadenedbytherattleofthelooms。
IwassearchingforahouseinBrusselssomewintersago，andtherewasoneIwassenttoinasmallstreetleadingoutoftheAvenueLouise。Itwaspoorlyfurnished，butrichinpictures，largeandsmall。Theycoveredthewallsofeveryroom。
\"Thesepictures，\"explainedtomethelandlady，anold，haggard—
lookingwoman，\"willnotbeleft，IamtakingthemwithmetoLondon。
Theyarealltheworkofmyhusband。Heisarranginganexhibition。\"
Thefriendwhohadsentmehadtoldmethewomanwasawidow，whohadbeenlivinginBrusselsekingoutaprecariousexistenceasalodging—housekeeperforthelasttenyears。
\"Youhavemarriedagain？\"Iquestionedher。
Thewomansmiled。
\"Notagain。IwasmarriedeighteenyearsagoinRussia。MyhusbandwastransportedtoSiberiaafewdaysafterweweremarried，andI
haveneverseenhimsince。\"
\"Ishouldhavefollowedhim，\"sheadded，\"onlyeveryyearwethoughthewasgoingtobesetfree。\"
\"Heisreallyfreenow？\"Iasked。
\"Yes，\"sheanswered。\"Theysethimfreelastweek。HewilljoinmeinLondon。Weshallbeabletofinishourhoneymoon。\"
Shesmiled，revealingtomethatonceshehadbeenagirl。
IreadintheEnglishpapersoftheexhibitioninLondon。Itwassaidtheartistshowedmuchpromise。Sopossiblyacareermayatlastbeopeningoutforhim。
NaturehasmadelifehardtoRussianrichandpooralike。TothebanksoftheNeva，withitsagueandinfluenza—bestowingfogsandmists，oneimaginesthattheDevilhimselfmusthaveguidedPetertheGreat。
\"Showmeinallmydominionsthemosthopelesslyunattractivesiteonwhichtobuildacity，\"Petermusthaveprayed;andtheDevilhavingdiscoveredthesiteonwhichSt。Petersburgnowstands，musthavereturnedtohismasterinhighgoodfeather。
\"Ithink，mydearPeter，Ihavefoundyousomethingreallyunique。
Itisapestilentswamptowhichamightyriverbringsbitterblastsandmarrow—chillingfogs，whileduringthebriefsummertimethewindwillbringyousand。InthiswayyouwillcombinethedisadvantagesoftheNorthPolewiththoseofthedesertofSahara。\"
InthewintertimetheRussianslighttheirgreatstoves，anddoublybarricadetheirdoorsandwindows;andinthisatmosphere，liketothatofagreenhouse，manyoftheirwomenwillpasssixmonths，neverventuringoutofdoors。Eventhemenonlygooutatintervals。
Everyoffice，everyshopisanoven。Menoffortyhavewhitehairandparchmentfaces;andthewomenareoldatthirty。Thefarmlabourers，duringthefewsummermonths，workalmostentirelywithoutsleep。Theyleavethatforthewinter，whentheyshutthemselvesuplikedormiceintheirhovels，theirstoreoffoodandvodkaburiedunderneaththefloor。Fordaystogethertheysleep，thenwakeanddig，thensleepagain。
TheRussianpartylastsallnight。Inanadjoiningroomarebedsandcouches;halfadozenguestsarealwayssleeping。Anhourcontentsthem，thentheyrejointhecompany，andothergueststaketheirplaces。TheRussianeatswhenhefeelssodisposed;thetableisalwaysspread，theguestscomeandgo。OnceayearthereisagreatfeastinMoscow。TheRussianmerchantandhisfriendssitdownearlyintheday，andasortofthick，sweetpancakeisserveduphot。Thefeastcontinuesformanyhours，andtheambitionoftheRussianmerchantistoeatmorethanhisneighbour。Fiftyorsixtyofthesehotcakesamanwillconsumeatasitting，andadozenfuneralsinMoscowisoftentheresult。
Anuncivilisedpeople，wecalltheminourlordlyway，buttheyareyoung。Russianhistoryisnotyetthreehundredyearsold。Theywillseeusout，Iaminclinedtothink。Theirenergy，theirintelligence——whentheseshowabovethegroundwork——aremonstrous。I
haveknownaRussianlearnChinesewithinsixmonths。English！theylearnitwhileyouaretalkingtothem。Thechildrenplayatchessandstudytheviolinfortheirownamusement。
TheworldwillbegladofRussia——whenshehasputherhouseinorder。
HOWTOBEHAPPYTHOUGHLITTLE。
FolkssufferingfromJingoism，Spreadeagleism，Chauvinism——allsuchlikeisms，towhatevercountrytheybelong——wouldbewelladvisedtotakeatourinHolland。Itistheideaofthemomentthatsizespellshappiness。Thebiggerthecountrythebetteroneisforlivingthere。ThehappiestFrenchmancannotpossiblybeashappyasthemostwretchedBritisher，forthereasonthatBritainownsmanymorethousandsofsquaremilesthanFrancepossesses。TheSwisspeasant，comparedwiththeRussianserf，must，whenhelooksatthemapofEuropeandAsia，feelhimselftobeamiserablecreature。ThereasonthateverybodyinAmericaishappyandgoodistobeexplainedbythefactthatAmericahasanareaequaltothatoftheentiremoon。TheAmericancitizenwhohasbackedthewronghorse，missedhistrainandlosthisbag，remembersthisandfeelsbuckedupagain。
Accordingtothisargument，fishesshouldbethehappiestofmortals，theseaconsisting——atleast，sosaysmyatlas：Ihavenotmeasureditmyself——ofahundredandforty—fourmillionsofsquaremiles。
But，maybe，theseaisalsodividedinwayswewotnotof。PossiblythesardinewholivesneartheBrittainycoastissadanddiscontentedbecausetheNorwegiansardineistheproudinhabitantofalargersea。PerhapsthatiswhyhehaslefttheBrittainycoast。
AshamedofbeingaBrittainysardine，hehasemigratedtoNorway，hasbecomeanaturalizedNorwegiansardine，andishimselfagain。
ThehappyLondoneronfoggydayscanwarmhimselfwiththereflectionthatthesunneversetsontheBritishEmpire。Hedoesnotoftenseethesun，butthatisameredetail。Heregardshimselfastheownerofthesun;thesunbeginshislittledayintheBritishEmpire，endshislittledayintheBritishEmpire：forallpracticalpurposesthesunispartoftheBritishEmpire。Foolishpeopleinothercountriessitunderneathitandfeelwarm，butthatisonlytheirignorance。
TheydonotknowitisaBritishpossession;iftheydidtheywouldfeelcold。
Myviewsonthissubjectare，Iknow，heretical。Icannotgetitintomyunpatrioticheadthatsizeistheonlythingworthworryingabout。InEngland，whenIventuretoexpressmyout—of—dateopinions，IamcalledaLittleEnglander。Itfrettedmeatfirst;I
wasbecomingamereshadow。ButbynowIhavegotusedtoit。Itwouldbethesame，Ifeel，whereverIwent。InNewYorkIshouldbeaLittleAmerican;inConstantinopleaLittleTurk。ButIwantedtotalkaboutHolland。AholidayinHollandservesasacorrectivetoexaggeratedImperialisticnotions。
TherearenopoorinHolland。Theymaybeanunhappypeople，knowingwhatalittlecountryitistheylivein;but，ifso，theyhidethefact。Toallseeming，theDutchpeasant，smokinghisgreatpipe，isasmuchamanastheWhitechapelhawkerorthemoocheroftheParisboulevard。IsawabeggaronceinHolland——inthetownletofEnkhuisen。Crowdswerehurryingupfromthesidestreetstohavealookathim;theideaatfirstseemedtobethathewasdoingitforabet。HeturnedouttobeaPortuguese。Theyofferedhimworkinthedocks——untilhecouldgetsomethingbettertodo——atwagesequalinEnglishmoneytoabouttenshillingsaday。Iinquiredabouthimonmywayback，andwastoldhehadborrowedacoupleofformsfromtheforemanandhadleftbytheeveningtrain。Itisnotthecountryfortheloafer。
InHollandworkiseasilyfound;thistakesawaythecharmoflookingforit。AfarmlabourerinHollandlivesinabrick—builthouseofsixrooms，whichgenerallybelongstohim，withanacreorsoofground，andonlyeatsmeatonceaday。Therestofhistimehefillsuponeggsandchickenandcheeseandbeer。Butyourarelyhearhimgrumble。HiswifeanddaughtermaybeseenonSundayswearinggoldandsilverjewelleryworthfromfiftytoonehundredpounds，andthereisgenerallyenougholddelftandpewterinthehousetostartalocalmuseumanywhereoutsideHolland。Onhighdaysandholidays，ofwhichinHollandthereareplenty，theaverageDutchvrouwwouldbewellworthrunningawaywith。TheDutchpeasantgirlhasnoneedofanillustratedjournalonceaweektotellherwhatthefashionis;shehasitintheportraitofhermother，orofhergrandmother，hangingovertheglitteringchimney—piece。
WhentheDutchwomanbuildsadressshebuildsittolast;itdescendsfrommothertodaughter，butitismadeofsoundmaterialinthebeginning。AladyfriendofminethoughttheDutchcostumewouldservewellforafancy—dressball，sosetaboutbuyingone，butabandonedthenotiononlearningwhatitwouldcosther。ADutchgirlinherSundayclothesmustbeworthfiftypoundsbeforeyoucometoornaments。Incertainprovincesshewearsaclose—fittinghelmet，madeeitherofsolidsilverorofsolidgold。TheDutchgallant，beforemakinghimselfknown，walksontiptoealittlewhilebehindtheLovedOne，andlooksathimselfinherhead—dressjusttomakesurethathishatisonstraightandhisfrontcurljustwhereitoughttobe。
InmostotherEuropeancountriesnationalcostumeisdyingout。Theslop—shopisyearbyyearextendingitshideoustrade。ButthecountryofRubensandRembrandt，ofTeniersandGerardDow，remainsstilltruetoart。Thepicturepost—carddoesnotexaggerate。Themeninthosewondrousbaggyknickerbockers，fromthepocketsofwhichyousometimesseeacoupleofchicken’sheadsprotruding;ingaudycolouredshirts，inworstedhoseandmightysabots，smokingtheirgreatpipes——thewomenintheirpetticoatsofmanyhues，ingorgeouslyembroideredvest，inchemisetteofdazzlingwhite，crownedwithahaloofmanyfrills，glitteringingoldandsilver——arenotthecreaturesofanartist’sfancy。Youmeetthemintheirthousandsonholidayafternoons，walkinggravelyarminarm，flirtingwithsoberDutchstolidity。
Oncolderdaysthewomenwearbright—colouredcapesmadeoffinespunsilk，fromunderneaththeamplefoldsofwhichyousometimeshearalittlecry;andsometimesalittlehoodedheadpeepsout，regardswithpreternaturalthoughtfulnessthetoy—likeworldwithout，thendivesbackintoshelter。Asforthechildren——womeninminiature，thesingledifferenceindressbeingthegaypinafore——youcanonlysayofthemthattheylooklikeDutchdolls。Butsuchplump，contented，cheerfullittledolls！Yourememberthehollow—eyed，pale—faceddollsyouseeswarminginthegreat，bigandthereforeshouldbehappycountries，andwishthatmerelandsurfacewereoflessimportancetoourstatesmenandourableeditors，andthehappinessandwell—beingofthemerehumanitemsworthalittlemoreoftheirthought。
TheDutchpeasantlivessurroundedbycanals，andreacheshiscottageacrossadrawbridge。IsupposeitisinthebloodoftheDutchchildnottotumbleintoacanal，andtheDutchmotherneverappearstoanticipatesuchpossibility。OnecanimaginetheaverageEnglishmothertryingtobringupafamilyinahousesurroundedbycanals。
Shewouldneverhaveaminute’speaceuntilthechildrenwereinbed。
ButthenthemeresightofacanaltotheEnglishchildsuggeststhedelightsofasuddenandunexpectedbath。IputittoaDutchmanonce。DidtheDutchchildbyanychanceeverfallintoacanal？
\"Yes，\"hereplied，\"caseshavebeenknown。\"
\"Don’tyoudoanythingforit？\"Ienquired。
\"Oh，yes，\"heanswered，\"wehaulthemoutagain。\"
\"ButwhatImeanis，\"Iexplained，\"don’tyoudoanythingtopreventtheirfallingin——tosavethemfromfallinginagain？\"
\"Yes，\"heanswered，\"wespank’em。\"
ThereisalwaysawindinHolland;itcomesfromoverthesea。Thereisnothingtostayitsprogress。Itleapsthelowdykesandsweepswithashriekacrossthesad，softdunes，andthinksitisgoingtohaveagoodtimeandplayhavocintheland。ButtheDutchmanlaughsbehindhisgreatpipeasitcomestohimshoutingandroaring。
\"Welcome，myhearty，welcome，\"hechuckles，\"comeblusteringandbragging;thebiggeryouarethebetterIlikeyou。\"Andwhenitisonceintheland，behindthelong，straightdykes，behindthewavinglineofsandydunes，heseizesholdofit，andwillnotletitgotillithasdoneitstaleofwork。
ThewindistheDutchman’s;servantbeforeheletsitlooseagainithasturnedtenthousandmills，haspumpedthewaterandsawnthewood，haslightedthetownandworkedtheloom，andforgedtheiron，anddriventhegreat，slow，silentwherry，andplayedwiththechildreninthegarden。Itisasoberwindwhenitgetsbacktosea，wornandweary，leavingtheDutchmanlaughingbehindhiseverlastingpipe。TherearecanalsinHollanddownwhichyoupassasthoughafieldofwind—blowncorn;asoft，low，rustlingmurmureverinyourears。Itistheceaselesswhirlofthegreatmillsails。Faroutatseathewindsareasfoolishsavages，fighting，shrieking，tearing——
purposeless。Here，inthestreetofmills，itisacivilizedwind，crooningsoftlywhileitlabours。
WhatcharmsoneinHollandistheneatnessandcleanlinessofallaboutone。MaybetotheDutchmantherearedrawbacks。InaDutchhouseholdlifemustbeonelongspring—cleaning。Nomilk—pailisconsideredfitthatcannotjustaswellbeusedforalooking—glass。
Thegreatbrasspans，hangingunderthepenthouseroofoutsidethecottagedoor，flashlikeburnishedgold。Youcouldeatyourdinneroffthered—tiledfloor，butthatthedealtable，scrubbedtothecolourofcreamcheese，ismoreconvenient。Byeachthresholdstandsarowofemptysabots，andwoe—betidetheDutchmanwhowoulddreamofcrossingitinanythingbuthisstockingedfeet。
Thereisafashioninsabots。Everyspringtheyarefreshlypainted。
Onedistrictfanciesanorangeyellow，anotherared，athirdwhite，suggestingpurityandinnocence。MembersoftheSmartSetindulgeinornamentation;afriezeinpink，astaruponthetoe。Walkinginsabotsisnotaseasyasitlooks。AttemptingtoruninsabotsIdonotrecommendtothebeginner。
\"Howdoyouruninsabots？\"IaskedaDutchmanonce。Ihadbeenexperimenting，andhadhurtmyself。
\"Wedon’trun，\"answeredtheDutchman。
Andobservationhasprovedtomehewasright。TheDutchboy，whenheruns，putsthemforpreferenceonhishands，andhitsotherDutchboysovertheheadwiththemashepasses。
TheroadsinHolland，straightandlevel，andshadedallthewaywithtrees，look，fromtherailway—carriagewindow，asiftheywouldbegoodforcycling;butthisisadelusion。IcrossedintheboatfromHarwichonce，withawell—knownblackandwhiteartist，andanequallywell—knownandhighlyrespectedhumorist。Theyhadtheirbicycleswiththem，intendingtotourHolland。ImetthemafortnightlaterinDelft，or，rather，Imettheirremains。Iwashorrifiedatfirst。Ithoughtitwasdrink。Theycouldnotstandstill，theycouldnotsitstill，theytrembledandshookineverylimb，theirteethchatteredwhentheytriedtotalk。Thehumoristhadn’tajokeleftinhim。Theartistcouldnothavedrawnhisownsalary;hewouldhavedroppeditonthewaytohispocket。TheDutchroadsarepavedtheirentirelengthwithcobbles——big，roundcobbles，overwhichyourbicycleleapsandspringsandplunges。
IfyouwouldseeHollandoutsidethebigtownsasmatteringofDutchisnecessary。IfyouknowGermanthereisnotmuchdifficulty。
Dutch——Ispeakasanamateur——appearstobeverybadGermanmis—
pronounced。Myself，IfindmyGermangoeswellinHolland，evenbetterthaninGermany。TheAnglo—SaxonshouldnotattempttheDutchG。Itishopelesstothinkofsucceeding，andtheattempthasbeenknowntoproduceinternalrupture。TheDutchmanappearstokeephisGinhisstomach，andtohaulitupwhenwanted。Myself，IfindtheordinaryG，precededbyahiccoughandfollowedbyasob，thenearestIcangettoit。Buttheytellmeitisnotquiteright，yet。