\"Notintheleast，sofarasIamconcerned，\"repliedJackHerring。
\"Don’tleaveittoolateandmakeyourmotheranxious。\"
\"It’strueenough，\"theBaberecountedafterwards。\"Thedoorwasopenedbyamanservantandhewentstraightin。Wewalkedupanddownforhalfanhour，andunlesstheyputhimoutthebackway，he’stellingthetruth。\"
\"Didyouhearhimgivehisname？\"askedSomerville，whowasstrokinghismoustache。
\"No，weweretoofaroff，\"explainedtheBabe。\"But——I’llswearitwasJack——therecouldn’tbeanymistakeaboutthat。\"
\"Perhapsnot，\"agreedSomervilletheBriefless。
SomervilletheBrieflesscalledattheofficesofGoodHumour，inCraneCourt，thefollowingmorning，andhealsoborrowedMissRamsbotham’sDebrett。
\"What’sthemeaningofit？\"demandedthesub—editor。
\"Meaningofwhat？\"
\"ThissuddeninterestofallyoufellowsintheBritishPeerage。\"
\"Allofus？\"
\"Well，Herringwasherelastweek，poringoverthatbookforhalfanhour，withtheMorningPostspreadoutbeforehim。Nowyou’redoingthesamething。\"
\"Ah！JackHerring，washe？Ithoughtasmuch。Don’ttalkaboutit，Tommy。I’lltellyoulateron。\"
OnthefollowingMonday，theBrieflessoneannouncedtotheClubthathehadreceivedaninvitationtodineattheLoveredges’onthefollowingWednesday。OnTuesday，theBrieflessoneenteredtheClubwithaslowandstatelystep。HaltingoppositeoldGoslintheporter，whohademergedfromhisboxwiththeideaofdiscussingtheOxfordandCambridgeboatrace，Somerville，removinghishatwithasweepofthearm，helditoutinsilence。OldGoslin，muchastonished，tookitmechanically，whereupontheBrieflessone，shakinghimselffreefromhisInvernesscape，flungitlightlyafterthehat，andstrolledon，notnoticingthatoldGoslin，unaccustomedtocoatslightlyandelegantlythrownathim，droppingthehat，hadcaughtitonhishead，andhadbeen，inthelanguageoftheprompt—book，\"leftstruggling。\"TheBrieflessone，enteringthesmoking—room，liftedachairandletitfallagainwithacrash，andsittingdownuponit，crossedhislegsandrangthebell。
\"Ye’redoingitverraweel，\"remarkedapprovinglytheWeeLaddie。
\"Ye’rejustfittedforitbynature。\"
\"Fittedforwhat？\"demandedtheBrieflessone，wakingupapparentlyfromadream。
\"ForanAdelphiguestateighteenpencethenight，\"assuredhimtheWeeLaddie。\"Ye’rejustsplendidatit。\"
TheBrieflessone，mutteringthattheworstofmixingwithjournalistswasthatifyoudidnotwatchyourself，youfellintotheirways，drankhiswhiskyinsilence。Later，theBabesworeonacopyofSell’sAdvertisingGuidethat，crossingthePark，hehadseentheBrieflessoneleaningovertherailingsofRottenRow，cladinapairofnewkidgloves，swingingasilver—headedcane。
Onemorningtowardstheendoftheweek，JosephLoveredge，lookingtwentyyearsyoungerthanwhenPeterhadlastseenhim，droppedinattheeditorialofficeofGoodHumouranddemandedofPeterHopehowhefeltandwhathethoughtofthepresentpriceofEmmaMines。
PeterHope’sfearwasthatthegamblingfeverwasspreadingtoallclassesofsociety。
\"IwantyoutodinewithusonSunday，\"saidJosephLoveredge。
\"JackHerringwillbethere。YoumightbringTommywithyou。\"
PeterHopegulpeddownhisastonishmentandsaidheshouldbedelighted;hethoughtthatTommyalsowasdisengaged。\"Mrs。
Loveredgeoutoftown，Ipresume？\"questionedPeterHope。
\"Onthecontrary，\"repliedJosephLoveredge，\"Iwantyoutomeether。\"
JosephLoveredgeremovedapileofbooksfromonechairandplacedthemcarefullyuponanother，afterwhichhewentandstoodbeforethefire。
\"Don’tifyoudon’tlike，\"saidJosephLoveredge;\"butifyoudon’tmind，youmightcallyourself，justfortheevening——say，theDukeofWarrington。\"
\"Saythewhat？\"demandedPeterHope。
\"TheDukeofWarrington，\"repeatedJoey。\"Wearerathershortofdukes。TommycanbetheLadyAdelaide，yourdaughter。\"
\"Don’tbeanass！\"saidPeterHope。
\"I’mnotanass，\"assuredhimJosephLoveredge。\"HeiswinteringinEgypt。Youhaverunbackforaweektoattendtobusiness。
ThereisnoLadyAdelaide，sothat’squitesimple。\"
\"Butwhatinthenameof——\"beganPeterHope。
\"Don’tyouseewhatI’mdrivingat？\"persistedJoey。\"ItwasJack’sideaatthebeginning。Iwasfrightenedmyselfatfirst，butitisworkingtoperfection。Sheseesyou，andseesthatyouareagentleman。Whenthetruthcomesout——as，ofcourse，itmustlateron——thelaughwillbeagainsther。\"
\"Youthink——youthinkthat’llcomforther？\"suggestedPeterHope。
\"It’stheonlyway，anditisreallywonderfullysimple。Wenevermentionthearistocracynow——itwouldbeliketalkingshop。Wejustenjoyourselves。You，bytheway，Imetinconnectionwiththemovementforrationaldress。Youareabitofacrank，fondoffrequentingBohemiancircles。\"
\"Iamriskingsomething，Iknow，\"continuedJoey;\"butit’sworthit。Icouldn’thaveexistedmuchlonger。Wegoslowly，andareverycareful。JackisLordMount—Primrose，whohastakenupwithanti—vaccinationandwhonevergoesoutintoSociety。SomervilleisSirFrancisBaldwin，thegreatauthorityoncentipedes。TheWeeLaddieiscomingnextweekasLordGarrick，whomarriedthatdancing—girl，PrissySomething，andstartedafurnitureshopinBondStreet。Ihadsomedifficultyatfirst。Shewantedtosendoutparagraphs，butIexplainedthatwasonlydonebyvulgarpersons——thatwhenthenobilitycametoyouasfriends，itwasconsideredbadtaste。Sheisadeargirl，asIhavealwaystoldyou，withonlyonefault。Awomaneasiertodeceiveonecouldnotwishfor。Idon’tmyselfseewhythetrutheverneedcomeout——
providedwekeepourheads。\"
\"Seemstomeyou’velostthemalready，\"commentedPeter;\"you’reoverdoingit。\"
\"Themoreofusthebetter，\"explainedJoey;\"wehelpeachother。
Besides，Iparticularlywantyouinit。There’sasortofsuperiorPickwickianatmospheresurroundingyouthatdisarmssuspicion。\"
\"Youleavemeoutofit，\"growledPeter。
\"Seehere，\"laughedJoey;\"youcomeastheDukeofWarrington，andbringTommywithyou，andI’llwriteyourCityarticle。\"
\"Forhowlong？\"snappedPeter。IncorruptibleCityeditorsarenoteasilypickedup。
\"Oh，well，foraslongasyoulike。\"
\"Onthatunderstanding，\"agreedPeter，\"I’mwillingtomakeafoolofmyselfinyourcompany。\"
\"You’llsoongetusedtoit，\"Joeytoldhim;\"eighto’clock，then，onSunday;plaineveningdress。Ifyouliketowearabitofredribboninyourbuttonhole，why，doso。YoucangetitatEvans’，inCoventGarden。\"
\"AndTommyistheLady——\"
\"Adelaide。Letherhaveatasteforliterature，thensheneedn’tweargloves。Iknowshehatesthem。\"Joeyturnedtogo。
\"AmImarried？\"askedPeter。
Joeypaused。\"IshouldavoidallreferencetoyourmatrimonialaffairsifIwereyou，\"wasJoey’sadvice。\"Youdidn’tcomeoutofthatbusinesstoowell。\"
\"Oh！asbadasthat，wasI？Youdon’tthinkMrs。Loveredgewillobjecttome？\"
\"Ihaveaskedherthat。She’sadear，broad—mindedgirl。I’vepromisednottoleaveyoualonewithMissMontgomery，andWillishashadinstructionsnottoletyoumixyourdrinks。\"
\"I’dhavelikedtohavebeensomeoneatriflemorerespectable，\"
grumbledPeter。
\"Weratherwantedaduke，\"explainedJoey，\"andhewastheonlyonethatfittedinallround。\"
Thedinnerawasacompletesuccess。Tommy，enteringintothespiritofthething，boughtanewpairofopen—workstockingsandassumedalanguiddrawl。Peter，whowasgrowingforgetful，introducedherastheLadyAlexandra;itdidnotseemtomatter，bothbeginningwithanA。ShegreetedLordMount—Primroseas\"Billy，\"andaskedaffectionatelyafterhismother。Joeytoldhisracieststories。TheDukeofWarringtoncalledeverybodybytheirChristiannames，andseemedwellacquaintedwithBohemiansociety——
amoreamiablenoblemanitwouldhavebeenimpossibletodiscover。
TheladywhoserealnamewasnotMissMontgomerysatinspeechlessadmiration。Thehostesswasthepersonificationofgraciousdevotion。
Otherlittledinners，equallysuccessful，followed。Joey’sacquaintanceshipappearedtobeconfinedexclusivelytothehighercirclesoftheBritisharistocracy——withoneexception：thatofaGermanbaron，ashort，stoutgentleman，whotalkedEnglishwell，butwithanaccent，andwho，whenhedesiredtobeimpressive，laidhisrightforefingerontherightsideofhisnoseandthrusthiswholefaceforward。Mrs。Loveredgewonderedwhyherhusbandhadnotintroducedthemsooner，butwastooblissfultobesuspicious。
TheAutolycusClubwasgraduallychangingitstone。Friendscouldnolongerrecogniseoneanotherbythevoice。Everycornerhaditssolitarystudentpractisinghigh—classintonation。Membersdroppedintothehabitofaddressingoneanotheras\"dearchappie，\"and，discardingpipes，tooktocheapcigars。Manyoftheolderhabituesresigned。
AllmighthavegonewelltotheendoftimeifonlyMrs。Loveredgehadleftallsocialarrangementsinthehandsofherhusband——hadnotsoughttoaidhisefforts。Toacertainpoliticalgarden—
party，onedayintheheightoftheseason，wereinvitedJosephLoveredgeandMrs。JosephLoveredge，hiswife。Mr。JosephLoveredgeatthelastmomentfoundhimselfunabletoattend。Mrs。
JosephLoveredgewentalone，mettherevariousmembersoftheBritisharistocracy。Mrs。JosephLoveredge，accustomedtofriendshipwiththearistocracy，feltathereaseandwasnaturalandagreeable。Thewifeofaneminentpeertalkedtoherandlikedher。ItoccurredtoMrs。JosephLoveredgethatthisladymightbeinducedtovisitherhouseinRegent’sPark，theretominglewiththoseofherownclass。
\"LordMount—Primrose，theDukeofWarrington，andafewotherswillbediningwithusonSundaynext，\"suggestedMrs。Loveredge。\"Willnotyoudousthehonourofcoming？Weare，ofcourse，onlysimplefolkourselves，butsomehowpeopleseemtolikeus。\"
ThewifeoftheeminentpeerlookedatMrs。Loveredge，lookedroundthegrounds，lookedatMrs。Loveredgeagain，andsaidshewouldliketocome。Mrs。JosephLoveredgeintendedatfirsttotellherhusbandofhersuccess，butalittledevilenteringintoherheadandwhisperingtoherthatitwouldbeamusing，sheresolvedtokeepitasasurprise，tobesprunguponhimateighto’clockonSunday。Thesurpriseprovedallshecouldhavehopedfor。
TheDukeofWarrington，havingjournalisticmatterstodiscusswithJosephLoveredge，arrivedathalf—pastseven，wearingonhisshirt—
frontasilverstar，purchasedinEagleStreetthedaybeforeforeight—and—six。ThereaccompaniedhimtheLadyAlexandra，wearingtheidenticalrubynecklacethateverynightforthepastsixmonths，andtwiceonSaturdays，\"JohnStrongheart\"hadbeenfalselyaccusedofstealing。LordGarrick，havingpickeduphiswife（MissRamsbotham）outsidetheMotherRedcap，arrivedwithheronfootataquartertoeight。LordMount—Primrose，togetherwithSirFrancisBaldwin，dashedupinahansomatseven—fifty。HisLordship，havinglostthetoss，paidthefare。TheHon。HarrySykes（commonlycalled\"theBabe\"）wasusheredinfiveminuteslater。
Thenoblecompanyassembledinthedrawing—roomchattedblithelywhilewaitingfordinnertobeannounced。TheDukeofWarringtonwastellingananecdoteaboutacat，whichnobodyappearedtobelieve。LordMount—Primrosedesiredtoknowwhetherbyanychanceitmightbethesameanimalthateverynightathalf—pastninehadbeeninthehabitofclimbinguphisGrace’srailingsandknockingathisGrace’sdoor。TheHonourableHarrywassayingthat，speakingofcats，heoncehadasortofterrier——whenthedoorwasthrownopenandWillisannouncedtheLadyMarySutton。
Mr。JosephLoveredge，whowassittingnearthefire，roseup。LordMount—Primrose，whowasstandingnearthepiano，satdown。TheLadyMarySuttonpausedinthedoorway。Mrs。Loveredgecrossedtheroomtogreether。
\"Letmeintroduceyoutomyhusband，\"saidMrs。Loveredge。\"Joey，mydear，theLadyMarySutton。ImettheLadyMaryattheO’Meyers’theotherday，andshewasgoodenoughtoacceptmyinvitation。Iforgottotellyou。\"
Mr。Loveredgesaidhewasdelighted;afterwhich，althoughasaruleachattyman，heseemedtohavenothingelsetosay。Andasilencefell。
SomervilletheBriefless——tillthen。Thateveninghasalwaysbeenreckonedthestarting—pointofhiscareer。Uptillthennobodythoughthehadmuchinhim——walkedupandheldouthishand。
\"Youdon’trememberme，LadyMary，\"saidtheBrieflessone。\"Imetyousomeyearsago;wehadamostinterestingconversation——SirFrancisBaldwin。\"
TheLadyMarystoodforamomenttryingapparentlytorecollect。
Shewasahandsome，fresh—complexionedwomanofaboutforty，withfrank，agreeableeyes。TheLadyMaryglancedatLordGarrick，whowastalkingrapidlytoLordMount—Primrose，whowasnotlistening，andwhocouldnothaveunderstoodevenifhehadbeen，LordGarrick，withoutbeingawareofit，havingdroppedintobroadScotch。FromhimtheLadyMaryglancedatherhostess，andfromherhostesstoherhost。
TheLadyMarytookthehandheldouttoher。\"Ofcourse，\"saidtheLadyMary;\"howstupidofme！Itwasthedayofmyownwedding，too。Youreallymustforgiveme。Wetalkedofquitealotofthings。Iremembernow。\"
Mrs。Loveredge，whopridedherselfuponmaintainingold—fashionedcourtesies，proceededtointroducetheLadyMarytoherfellow—
guests，alittlesurprisedthatherladyshipappearedtoknowsofewofthem。Herladyship’sgreetingoftheDukeofWarringtonwasaccompanied，itwasremarked，byasomewhatcurioussmile。TotheDukeofWarrington’sdaughteralonedidtheLadyMaryaddressremark。
\"Mydear，\"saidtheLadyMary，\"howyouhavegrownsincelastwemet！\"
Theannouncementofdinner，aseverybodyfelt，camenonetoosoon。
Itwasnotamerryfeast。Joeytoldbutonestory;hetolditthreetimes，andtwiceleftoutthepoint。LordMount—Primrosetooksiftedsugarwithpatedefoiegrasandateitwithaspoon。
LordGarrick，talkingamixtureofScotchandEnglish，urgedhiswifetogiveuphousekeepingandtakeaflatinGowerStreet，which，ashepointedout，wascentral。Shecouldhavehermealssentintoherandsoavoidalltrouble。TheLadyAlexandra’sbehaviourappearedtoMrs。Loveredgenotaltogetherwell—bred。AneccentricyoungnoblewomanMrs。Loveredgehadalwaysfoundher，butwishedonthisoccasionthatshehadbeenalittlelesseccentric。
EveryfewminutestheLadyAlexandraburiedherfaceinherserviette，andshookandrocked，emittingstifledsounds，apparentlythoseofacutephysicalpain。Mrs。Loveredgehopedshewasnotfeelingill，buttheLadyAlexandraappearedincapableofcoherentreply。TwiceduringthemealtheDukeofWarringtonrosefromthetableandbeganwanderingroundtheroom;oneachoccasion，askedwhathewanted，hadrepliedmeeklythathewasmerelylookingforhissnuff—box，andhadsatdownagain。TheonlypersonwhoseemedtoenjoythedinnerwastheLadyMarySutton。
Theladiesretiredupstairsintothedrawing—room。Mrs。Loveredge，breakingalongsilence，remarkeditasunusualthatnosoundofmerrimentreachedthemfromthedining—room。Theexplanationwasthattheentiremaleportionoftheparty，onbeinglefttothemselves，hadimmediatelyandinabodycreptontiptoeintoJoey’sstudy，which，fortunately，happenedtobeonthegroundfloor。Joey，unlockingthebookcase，hadtakenouthisDebrett，butappearedincapableofunderstandingit。SirFrancisBaldwinhadtakenitfromhisunresistinghands;theremainingaristocracyhuddledthemselvesintoacornerandwaitedinsilence。
\"IthinkI’vegotitallclearly，\"announcedSirFrancisBaldwin，afterfiveminutes，whichtotheothershadbeenanhour。\"Yes，I
don’tthinkI’mmakinganymistake。She’sthedaughteroftheDukeofTruro，marriedin’53theDukeofWarrington，atSt。Peter’s，EatonSquare;gavebirthin’55toadaughter，theLadyGraceAlexandraWarbertonSutton，whichmakesthechildjustthirteen。
In’63divorcedtheDukeofWarrington。LordMount—Primrose，sofarasIcanmakeout，mustbehersecondcousin。Iappeartohavemarriedherin’66atHastings。Itdoesn’tseemtomethatwecouldhavegottogetherahomelierlittlepartytomeetherevenifwehadwantedto。\"
Nobodyspoke;nobodyhadanythingparticularlyworthsaying。Thedooropened，andtheLadyAlexandra（otherwiseTommy）enteredtheroom。
\"Isn’tittime，\"suggestedtheLadyAlexandra，\"thatsomeofyoucameupstairs？\"
\"Iwasthinkingmyself，\"explainedJoey，thehost，withagrimsmile，\"itwasabouttimethatIwentoutanddrownedmyself。Thecanalishandy。\"
\"Putitofftillto—morrow，\"Tommyadvisedhim。\"Ihaveaskedherladyshiptogivemealifthome，andshehaspromisedtodoso。
Sheisevidentlyawomanwithasenseofhumour。WaittillafterI
havehadatalkwithher。\"
Sixmen，whisperingatthesametime，werepreparedwithadvice;
butTommywasnottakingadvice。
\"Comeupstairs，allofyou，\"insistedTommy，\"andmakeyourselvesagreeable。She’sgoinginaquarterofanhour。\"
Sixsilentmen，thehostleading，thetwohusbandsbringinguptherear，ascendedthestairs，eachwiththesensationofbeingtwicehisusualweight。Sixsilentmenenteredthedrawing—roomandsatdownonchairs。Sixsilentmentriedtothinkofsomethinginterestingtosay。
MissRamsbotham——itwasthatorhysterics，assheafterwardsexplained——stiflingasob，openedthepiano。Buttheonlythingshecouldrememberwas\"ChampagneCharlieismyName，\"asongthenpopularinthehalls。Fivemen，whenshehadfinished，beggedhertogoon。MissRamsbotham，speakinginashrillfalsetto，explaineditwastheonlytunesheknew。Fourofthembeggedhertoplayitagain。MissRamsbothamplayeditasecondtimewithinvoluntaryvariations。
TheLadyMary’scarriagewasannouncedbytheimperturbableWillis。
Theparty，withtheexceptionoftheLadyMaryandthehostess，suppressedwithdifficultyaninclinationtoburstintoacheer。
TheLadyMarythankedMrs。Loveredgeforamostinterestingevening，andbeckonedTommytoaccompanyher。Withherdisappearance，awildhilarity，uncannyinitssuddenness，tookpossessionoftheremainingguests。
Afewdayslater，theLadyMary’scarriageagaindrewupbeforethelittlehouseinRegent’sPark。Mrs。Loveredge，fortunately，wasathome。Thecarriageremainedwaitingforquitealongtime。Mrs。
Loveredge，afteritwasgone，lockedherselfinherownroom。Theunder—housemaidreportedtothekitchenthat，passingthedoor，shehaddetectedsoundsindicativeofstrongemotion。
ThroughwhatordealJosephLoveredgepassedwasneverknown。ForafewweekstheAutolycusClubmissedhim。Thengradually，asaidedbyTimetheyhaveahabitofdoing，thingsrightedthemselves。
JosephLoveredgereceivedhisoldfriends;hisfriendsreceivedJosephLoveredge。Mrs。Loveredge，asahostess，cametohaveonlyonefailing——amarkedcoldnessofdemeanourtowardsallpeoplewithtitles，wheneverintroducedtoher。
STORYTHESIXTH：\"TheBabe\"appliesforSharesPeoplesaidofthenewjournal，GoodHumour——peopleoftasteandjudgment，thatitwasthebrightest，thecleverest，themostliterarypennyweeklythateverhadbeenofferedtothepublic。
ThismadePeterHope，editorandpart—proprietor，veryhappy。
WilliamClodd，businessmanager，andalsopart—proprietor，itleftlesselated。
\"Mustbecareful，\"saidWilliamClodd，\"thatwedon’tmakeittooclever。Happymedium，that’stheideal。\"
Peoplesaid——peopleoftasteandjudgment，thatGoodHumourwasmoreworthyofsupportthanalltheotherpennyweekliesputtogether。Peopleoftasteandjudgmentevenwentsofar，someofthem，astobuyit。PeterHope，lookingforward，sawfameandfortunecomingtohim。
WilliamClodd，lookingroundabouthim，said—
\"Doesn’titoccurtoyou，Guv’nor，thatwe’regettingthisthingjustatrifletoohighclass？\"
\"Whatmakesyouthinkthat？\"demandedPeterHope。
\"Ourcirculation，foronething，\"explainedClodd。\"Thereturnsforlastmonth——\"
\"I’dratheryoudidn’tmentionthem，ifyoudon’tmind，\"
interruptedPeterHope;\"somehow，hearingtheactualfiguresalwaysdepressesme。\"
\"Can’tsayIfeelinspiredbythemmyself，\"admittedClodd。
\"Itwillcome，\"saidPeterHope，\"itwillcomeintime。Wemusteducatethepublicuptoourlevel。\"
\"Ifthereisonething，sofarasIhavenoticed，\"saidWilliamClodd，\"thatthepublicareinclinedtopaylessforthananother，itisforbeingeducated。\"
\"Whatarewetodo？\"askedPeterHope。
\"Whatyouwant，\"answeredWilliamClodd，\"isanoffice—boy。\"
\"Howwillourhavinganoffice—boyincreaseourcirculation？\"
demandedPeterHope。\"Besides，itwasagreedthatwecoulddowithoutoneforthefirstyear。Whysuggestmoreexpense？\"
\"Idon’tmeananordinaryoffice—boy，\"explainedClodd。\"ImeanthesortofboythatIrodewithinthetraingoingdowntoStratfordyesterday。\"
\"Whatwasthereremarkableabouthim？\"
\"Nothing。HewasreadingthecurrentnumberofthePennyNovelist。
Overtwohundredthousandpeoplebuyit。Heisoneofthem。Hetoldmeso。Whenhehaddonewithit，hedrewfromhispocketacopyoftheHalfpennyJoker——theyguaranteeacirculationofseventythousand。HesatandchuckledoverituntilwegottoBow。\"
\"But——\"
\"Youwaitaminute。I’mcomingtotheexplanation。Thatboyrepresentsthereadingpublic。Italkedtohim。Thepapershelikesbestarethepapersthathavethelargestsales。Henevermadeasinglemistake。Theothers——thoseofthemhehadseen——hedismissedas’rot。’Whathelikesiswhatthegreatmassofthejournal—buyingpubliclikes。Pleasehim——Itookhisnameandaddress，andheiswillingtocometousforeightshillingsaweek——andyoupleasethepeoplethatbuy。Notthepeoplethatglancethroughapaperwhenitislyingonthesmoking—roomtable，andtellyouitisdamnedgood，butthepeoplethatplankdowntheirpenny。That’sthesortwewant。\"
PeterHope，ableeditor，withideals，wasshocked——indignant。
WilliamClodd，businessman，withoutideals，talkedfigures。
\"There’stheadvertisertobethoughtof，\"persistedClodd。\"I
don’tpretendtobeaGeorgeWashington，butwhat’stheuseoftellingliesthatsoundlikelies，eventoone’sselfwhileone’stellingthem？Givemeagenuinesaleoftwentythousand，andI’llundertake，withoutcommittingmyself，toconveyanimpressionofforty。Butwhentheactualfiguresareundereightthousand——well，ithampersyou，ifyouhappentohaveaconscience。
\"Givethemeveryweekadozencolumnsofgood，soundliterature，\"
continuedCloddinsinuatingly，\"butwrapitupintwenty—fourcolumnsofjam。It’stheonlywaythey’lltakeit，andyouwillbedoingthemgood——educatingthemwithouttheirknowingit。Allpowderandnojam！Well，theydon’topentheirmouths，that’sall。\"
Cloddwasamanwhoknewhowtogethisway。Flipp——spelledPhilip——Tweetelarrivedinduecourseoftimeat23，CraneCourt，ostensiblytotakeupthepositionofGoodHumour’soffice—boy;inreality，andwithouthisbeingawareofit，toactasitsliterarytaster。StoriesinwhichFlippbecameabsorbedwereaccepted。
Petergroaned，butcontentedhimselfwithcorrectingonlytheirgrossergrammaticalblunders;theexperimentshouldbetriedinallgoodfaith。HumouratwhichFlipplaughedwasprinted。Petertriedtoeasehisconsciencebyincreasinghissubscriptiontothefundfordestitutecompositors，butonlypartiallysucceeded。
PoetrythatbroughtateartotheeyeofFlippwasgivenleadedtype。PeopleoftasteandjudgmentsaidGoodHumourhaddisappointedthem。Itscirculation，slowlybutsteadily，increased。
\"See！\"criedthedelightedClodd;\"toldyouso！\"
\"It’ssadtothink——\"beganPeter。
\"Alwaysis，\"interruptedCloddcheerfully。\"Moral——don’tthinktoomuch。\"
\"Tellyouwhatwe’lldo，\"addedClodd。\"We’llmakeafortuneoutofthispaper。Thenwhenwecanaffordtolosealittlemoney，we’lllaunchapaperthatshallappealonlytotheintellectualportionofthepublic。Meanwhile——\"
Asquatblackbottlewithalabelattached，standingonthedesk，arrestedClodd’sattention。
\"Whendidthiscome？\"askedClodd。
\"Aboutanhourago，\"Petertoldhim。
\"Anyorderwithit？\"
\"Ithinkso。\"Petersearchedforandfoundaletteraddressedto\"WilliamClodd，Esq。，AdvertisingManager，GoodHumour。\"Cloddtoreitopen，hastilydevouredit。
\"Notclosedupyet，areyou？\"
\"No，nottilleighto’clock。\"
\"Good！Iwantyoutowritemeapar。Doitnow，thenyouwon’tforgetit。Forthe’WalnutsandWine’column。\"
Petersatdown，headedasheetofpaper：’ForW。andW。Col。’
\"Whatisit？\"questionedPeter——\"somethingtodrink？\"
\"It’sasortofport，\"explainedClodd，\"thatdoesn’tgetintoyourhead。\"
\"Youconsiderthatanadvantage？\"queriedPeter。
\"Ofcourse。Youcandrinkmoreofit。\"
Petercontinuedtowrite：’Possessesallthequalitiesofanoldvintageport，withoutthosedeleteriousproperties——’\"Ihaven’ttastedit，Clodd，\"hintedPeter。
\"That’sallright——Ihave。\"
\"Andwasitgood？\"
\"Splendidstuff。Sayit’s’deliciousandinvigorating。’They’llbesuretoquotethat。\"
Peterwroteon：’PersonallyIhavefounditdeliciousand——’Peterleftoffwriting。\"Ireallythink，Clodd，Ioughttotasteit。
Yousee，Iampersonallyrecommendingit。\"
\"Finishthatpar。Letmehaveittotakeroundtotheprinters。
Thenputthebottleinyourpocket。Takeithomeandmakeanightofit。\"
Cloddappearedtobeinamightyhurry。Now，thismadePeteronlythemoresuspicious。Thebottlewasclosetohishand。Cloddtriedtointercepthim，butwasnotquickenough。
\"You’renotusedtotemperancedrinks，\"urgedClodd。\"Yourpalateisnotaccustomedtothem。\"
\"Icantellwhetherit’s’delicious’ornot，surely？\"pleadedPeter，whohadpulledoutthecork。
\"It’saquarter—pageadvertisementforthirteenweeks。Putitdownanddon’tbeafool！\"urgedClodd。
\"I’mgoingtoputitdown，\"laughedPeter，whowasfondofhisjoke。Peterpouredouthalfatumblerful，anddrank——someofit。
\"Likeit？\"demandedClodd，withasavagegrin。
\"Youaresure——youaresureitwastherightbottle？\"gaspedPeter。
\"Bottle’sallright，\"Cloddassuredhim。\"Trysomemore。Judgeitfairly。\"
Peterventuredonanothersip。\"Youdon’tthinktheywouldbesatisfiedifIrecommendeditasamedicine？\"insinuatedPeter——
\"somethingtohaveaboutthehouseincaseofaccidentalpoisoning？\"
\"Bettergoroundandsuggesttheideatothemyourself。I’vedonewithit。\"Cloddtookuphishat。
\"I’msorry——I’mverysorry，\"sighedPeter。\"ButIcouldn’tconscientiously——\"
Cloddputdownhishatagainwithabang。\"Oh！confoundthatconscienceofyours！Don’titeverthinkofyourcreditors？
What’stheuseofmyworkingoutmylungsforyou，whenallyoudoistohampermeateverystep？\"
\"Wouldn’titbebetterpolicy，\"urgedPeter，\"togoforthebetterclassofadvertiser，whodoesn’taskyouforthissortofthing？\"
\"Goforhim！\"snortedClodd。\"DoyouthinkIdon’tgoforhim？
Theyarejustsheep。Getone，yougetthelot。Untilyou’vegottheone，theotherswon’tlistentoyou。\"
\"That’strue，\"musedPeter。\"IspoketoWilkinson，ofKingsley’s，myself。HeadvisedmetotryandgetLandor’s。HethoughtthatifIcouldgetanadvertisementoutofLandor，hemightpersuadehispeopletogiveustheirs。\"
\"AndifyouhadgonetoLandor，hewouldhavepromisedyoutheirsprovidedyougotKingsley’s。\"
\"Theywillcome，\"thoughthopefulPeter。\"Wearegoingupsteadily。Theywillcomewitharush。\"
\"Theyhadbettercomesoon，\"thoughtClodd。\"Theonlythingscomingwitharushjustnowarebills。\"
\"ThosearticlesofyoungMcTear’sattractedagooddealofattention，\"expoundedPeter。\"Hehaspromisedtowritemeanotherseries。\"
\"Jowettistheonetogetholdof，\"musedClodd。\"Jowett，alltheothersfollowlikeaflockofgeesewaddlingaftertheoldgander。
IfonlywecouldgetholdofJowett，therestwouldbeeasy。\"
JowettwastheproprietorofthefamousMarbleSoap。Jowettspentonadvertisingeveryyearaquarterofamillion，itwassaid。
Jowettwasthestayandpropofperiodicalliterature。NewpapersthatsecuredtheMarbleSoapadvertisementlivedandprospered;thenewpapertowhichitwasdeniedlanguishedanddied。Jowett，andhowtogetholdofhim;Jowett，andhowtogetroundhim，formedthechieftopicofdiscussionatthecouncil—boardofmostnewpapers，GoodHumouramongstthenumber。
\"Ihaveheard，\"saidMissRamsbotham，whowrotetheLettertoClorindathatfilledeachweekthelasttwopagesofGoodHumour，andthattoldClorinda，wholivedsecludedinthecountry，thedailyhistoryofthehighestclasssociety，amongwhomMissRamsbothamappearedtoliveandhaveherbeing;whotheywere，andwhattheywore，thewiseandotherwisethingstheydid——\"Ihaveheard，\"saidMissRamsbothamonemorning，Jowettbeingasusualthesubjectunderdebate，\"thattheoldmanissusceptibletofemaleinfluence。\"
\"WhatIhavealwaysthought，\"saidClodd。\"Aladyadvertising—
agentmightdowell。Atallevents，theycouldn’tkickherout。\"
\"Theymightintheend，\"thoughtPeter。\"Femaledoor—porterswouldbecomeaprofessionformuscularladiesifevertheideatookroot。\"
\"Thefirstonewouldgetagoodstart，anyhow，\"thoughtClodd。
Thesub—editorhadprickedupherears。Onceuponatime，longago，thesub—editorhadsucceeded，whenallotherLondonjournalistshadfailed，insecuringaninterviewwithacertaingreatstatesman。Thesub—editorhadneverforgottenthis——norallowedanyoneelsetoforgetit，\"IbelieveIcouldgetitforyou，\"saidthesub—editor。
Theeditorandthebusiness—managerbothspoketogether。Theyspokewithdecisionandwithemphasis。
\"Whynot？\"saidthesub—editor。\"Whennobodyelsecouldgetathim，itwasIwhointerviewedPrince——\"
\"We’veheardallaboutthat，\"interruptedthebusiness—manager。
\"IfIhadbeenyourfatheratthetime，youwouldneverhavedoneit。\"
\"HowcouldIhavestoppedher？\"retortedPeterHope。\"Sheneversaidawordtome。\"
\"Youcouldhavekeptaneyeonher。\"
\"Keptaneyeonher！Whenyou’vegotagirlofyourown，you’llknowmoreaboutthem。\"
\"WhenIhave，\"assertedClodd，\"I’llmanageher。\"
\"Weknowallaboutbachelor’schildren，\"sneeredPeterHope，theeditor。
\"Youleaveittome。I’llhaveitforyoubeforetheendoftheweek，\"crowedthesub—editor。
\"Ifyoudogetit，\"returnedClodd，\"Ishallthrowitout，that’sall。\"
\"Yousaidyourselfaladyadvertising—agentwouldbeagoodidea，\"
thesub—editorremindedhim。
\"Soshemightbe，\"returnedClodd;\"butsheisn’tgoingtobeyou。\"
\"Whynot？\"
\"Becausesheisn’t，that’swhy。\"
\"Butif——\"
\"Seeyouattheprinter’sattwelve，\"saidCloddtoPeter，andwentoutsuddenly。
\"Well，Ithinkhe’sanidiot，\"saidthesub—editor。
\"Idonotoften，\"saidtheeditor，\"butonthispointIagreewithhim。Cadgingforadvertisementsisn’tawoman’swork。\"
\"Butwhatisthedifferencebetween——\"
\"Allthedifferenceintheworld，\"thoughttheeditor。
\"Youdon’tknowwhatIwasgoingtosay，\"returnedhissub。
\"Iknowthedriftofit，\"assertedtheeditor。
\"Butyouletme——\"
\"IknowIdo——agooddealtoomuch。I’mgoingtoturnoveranewleaf。\"
\"AllIproposetodo——\"
\"Whateveritis，you’renotgoingtodoit，\"declaredthechief。
\"Shallbebackathalf—pasttwelve，ifanybodycomes。\"
\"Itseemstome——\"ButPeterwasgone。
\"Justlikethemall，\"wailedthesub—editor。\"Theycan’targue;
whenyouexplainthingstothem，theygoout。Itdoesmakemesomad！\"
MissRamsbothamlaughed。\"Youareadowntroddenlittlegirl，Tommy。\"
\"AsifIcouldn’ttakecareofmyself！\"Tommy’schinwashighupintheair。
\"Cheerup，\"suggestedMissRamsbotham。\"Nobodyevertellsmenottodoanything。IwouldchangewithyouifIcould。\"
\"I’dhavewalkedintothatofficeandhavehadthatadvertisementoutofoldJowettinfiveminutes，IknowIwould，\"braggedTommy。
\"Icanalwaysgetonwitholdmen。\"
\"Onlywiththeoldones？\"queriedMissRamsbotham。
Thedooropened。\"Anybodyin？\"askedthefaceofJohnnyBulstrode，appearinginthejar。
\"Can’tyouseetheyare？\"snappedTommy。
\"Figureofspeech，\"explainedJohnnyBulstrode，commonlycalled\"theBabe，\"enteringandclosingthedoorbehindhim。
\"Whatdoyouwant？\"demandedthesub—editor。
\"Nothinginparticular，\"repliedtheBabe。
\"Wrongtimeofthedaytocomeforit，half—pasteleveninthemorning，\"explainedthesub—editor。
\"What’sthematterwithyou？\"askedtheBabe。
\"Feelingverycross，\"confessedthesub—editor。
ThechildlikefaceoftheBabeexpressedsympatheticinquiry。
\"Weareveryindignant，\"explainedMissRamsbotham，\"becausewearenotallowedtorushofftoCannonStreetandcoaxanadvertisementoutofoldJowett，thesoapman。Wefeelsurethatifweonlyputonourbesthat，hecouldn’tpossiblyrefuseus。\"
\"Nocoaxingrequired，\"thoughtthesub—editor。\"Oncegetintoseetheoldfellowandputtheactualfiguresbeforehim，hewouldclamourtocomein。\"
\"Won’theseeClodd？\"askedtheBabe。
\"Won’tseeanybodyonbehalfofanythingnewjustatpresent，apparently，\"answeredMissRamsbotham。\"Itwasmyfault。IwasfoolishenoughtorepeatthatIhadheardhewassusceptibletofemalecharm。TheysayitwasMrs。SarkittthatgottheadvertisementforTheLampoutofhim。But，ofcourse，itmaynotbetrue。\"
\"WishIwasasoapmanandhadgotadvertisementstogiveaway，\"
sighedtheBabe。
\"Wishyouwere，\"agreedthesub—editor。
\"Youshouldhavethemall，Tommy。\"
\"Myname，\"correctedhimthesub—editor，\"isMissHope。\"
\"Ibegyourpardon，\"saidtheBabe。\"Idon’tknowhowitis，butonegetsintothewayofcallingyouTommy。\"
\"Iwillthankyou，\"saidthesub—editor，\"togetoutofit。\"
\"Iamsorry，\"saidtheBabe。
\"Don’tletitoccuragain，\"saidthesub—editor。
TheBabestoodfirstononelegandthenontheother，butnothingseemedtocomeofit。\"Well，\"saidtheBabe，\"Ijustlookedin，that’sall。NothingIcandoforyou？\"
\"Nothing，\"thankedhimthesub—editor。
\"Goodmorning，\"saidtheBabe。
\"Goodmorning，\"saidthesub—editor。
ThechildlikefaceoftheBabeworeachastenedexpressionasitslowlydescendedthestairs。MostofthemembersoftheAutolycusClublookedinaboutonceadaytoseeiftheycoulddoanythingforTommy。Someofthemhadluck。Onlythedaybefore，Porson——aheavy，mostuninterestingman——hadbeensentdownallthewaytoPlaistowtoinquireafterthewoundedhandofamachine—boy。YoungAlexander，whosepoetrysomepeoplecouldnotevenunderstand，hadbeencommissionedtosearchLondonforasecond—handeditionofMaitland’sArchitecture。Sinceafortnightnearlynow，whenhehadbeensentouttodriveawayanorganthatwouldnotgo，Johnnyhadbeengivennothing。
JohnnyturnedthecornerintoFleetStreetfeelingbitterwithhislot。Aboycarryingaparcelstumbledagainsthim。
\"Begyerpardon——\"thesmallboylookedupintoJohnny’sface，\"miss，\"addedthesmallboy，dodgingtheblowanddisappearingintothecrowd。
TheBabe，byreasonofhischildlikeface，wasaccustomedtoinsultsofthischaracter，butto—dayitespeciallyirritatedhim。
Whyattwenty—twocouldhenotgrowevenamoustache？Whywasheonlyfivefeetfiveandahalf？WhyhadFatecursedhimwithapink—and—whitecomplexion，sothatthemembersofhisownclubhadnicknamedhim\"theBabe，\"whilestreet—boysastheypassedpleadedwithhimforakiss？Whywashisveryvoice，aflute—likealto，moresuitable——Suddenlyanideasprangtolifewithinhisbrain。
Theideagrew。Passingabarber’sshop，Johnnywentin。
\"’Aircut，sir？\"remarkedthebarber，fittingasheetroundJohnny’sneck。
\"No，shave，\"correctedJohnny。
\"Begpardon，\"saidthebarber，substitutingatowelforthesheet。
\"Doyoushaveup，sir？\"laterdemandedthebarber。
\"Yes，\"answeredJohnny。
\"Pleasantweatherwearehaving，\"saidthebarber。
\"Very，\"assentedJohnny。
Fromthebarber’s，JohnnywenttoStinchcombe’s，thecostumier’s，inDruryLane。
\"Iamplayinginaburlesque，\"explainedtheBabe。\"Iwantyoutorigmeoutcompletelyasamoderngirl。\"
\"Peetho’luck！\"saidtheshopman。\"Goththeverybundleforyou。
Juthcomein。\"
\"Ishallwanteverything，\"explainedtheBabe，\"fromthebootstothehat;stays，petticoats——thewholebagoftricks。\"
\"Regulartroutheauthere，\"saidtheshopman，emptyingoutthecanvasbaguponthecounter。\"Thry’emon。\"
TheBabecontentedhimselfwithtryingonthecostumeandtheboots。
\"Juthmadeforyou！\"saidtheshopman。
Alittlelooseaboutthechest，suggestedtheBabe。
\"Thath’sallright，\"saidtheshopman。\"Coupleo’thmalltowelths，allthath’swanted。\"
\"Youdon’tthinkittooshowy？\"queriedtheBabe。
\"Thowy？Sthylish，thath’sall。\"
\"Youaresureeverything’shere？\"
\"Everythinkththere。’Theptthebito’meatinthide，\"assuredhimtheshopman。
TheBabeleftadeposit，andgavehisnameandaddress。Theshopmanpromisedthethingsshouldbesentroundwithinanhour。
TheBabe，whohadenteredintothespiritofthething，boughtapairofglovesandasmallreticule，andmadehiswaytoBowStreet。
\"Iwantawoman’slightbrownwig，\"saidtheBabetoMr。Cox，theperruquier。
Mr。Coxtriedontwo。ThedeceptiveappearanceofthesecondMr。
Coxpronouncedasperfect。
\"Looksmorenaturalonyouthanyourownhair，blessedifitdoesn’t！\"saidMr。Cox。
Thewigalsowaspromisedwithinthehour。ThespiritofcompletenessdescendedupontheBabe。OnhiswaybacktohislodgingsinGreatQueenStreet，hepurchasedaladylikeumbrellaandaveil。
Now，aquarterofanhourafterJohnnyBulstrodehadmadehisexitbythedoorofMr。Stinchcombe’sshop，one，HarryBennett，actorandmemberoftheAutolycusClub，pusheditopenandentered。Theshopwasempty。HarryBennetthammeredwithhisstickandwaited。
Apiled—upbundleofclotheslayuponthecounter;asheetofpaper，withanameandaddressscrawledacrossit，restedonthebundle。HarryBennett，giventoidlecuriosity，approachedandreadthesame。HarryBennett，withhisstick，pokedthebundle，scatteringitsitemsoverthecounter。
\"Donthdothath！\"saidtheshopman，comingup。\"Juthbeenputting’emtogether。\"
\"Whatthedevil，\"saidHarryBennett，\"isJohnnyBulstrodegoingtodowiththatrig—out？\"
\"HowthoudIknow？\"answeredtheshopman。\"Privatetheathricals，I
suppoth。Friendo’yourth？\"
\"Yes，\"repliedHarryBennett。\"ByJove！heoughttomakeagoodgirl。Shouldliketoseeit！\"
\"Wellarthkhimforaticket。Donthmake’emdirty，\"suggestedtheshopman。
\"Imust，\"saidHarryBennett，andtalkedabouthisownaffairs。
Therig—outandthewigdidnotarriveatJohnny’slodgingswithinthehouraspromised，butarrivedtherewithinthreehours，whichwasasmuchasJohnnyhadexpected。IttookJohnnynearlyanhourtodress，butatlasthestoodbeforetheplate—glasspanelofthewardrobetransformed。Johnnyhadreasontobepleasedwiththeresult。Atall，handsomegirllookedbackathimoutoftheglass—
—alittleshowilydressed，perhaps，butdecidedlychic。
\"WonderifIoughttohaveacloak，\"musedJohnny，asarayofsunshine，streamingthroughthewindow，fellupontheimageintheglass。\"Well，anyhow，Ihaven’t，\"thoughtJohnny，asthesunlightdiedawayagain，\"soit’snogoodthinkingaboutit。\"
Johnnyseizedhisreticuleandhisumbrellaandopenedcautiouslythedoor。Outsideallwassilent。Johnnystealthilydescended;inthepassagepausedagain。Voicessoundedfromthebasement。
Feelinglikeanescapedburglar，Johnnyslippedthelatchofthebigdoorandpeepedout。Apoliceman，pasting，turnedandlookedathim。Johnnyhastilydrewbackandclosedthedooragain。
Somebodywasascendingfromthekitchen。Johnny，caughtbetweentwoterrors，nearertothefrontdoorthantothestairs，havingnotime，chosethestreet。ItseemedtoJohnnythatthestreetwasmakingforhim。Awomancamehurriedlytowardshim。Whatwasshegoingtosaytohim？Whatshouldheanswerher？Tohissurpriseshepassedhim，hardlynoticinghim。Wonderingwhatmiraclehadsavedhim，hetookafewstepsforward。Acoupleofyoungclerkscomingupfrombehindturnedtolookathim，butonencounteringhisansweringstareofangryalarm，appearedconfusedandwenttheirway。Itbegantodawnuponhimthatmankindwaslessdiscerningthanhehadfeared。Gainingcourageasheproceeded，hereachedHolborn。Herethelargercrowdsweptaroundhimindifferent。
\"Ibegyourpardon，\"saidJohnny，comingintocollisionwithastoutgentleman。
\"Myfault，\"repliedthestoutgentleman，as，smiling，hepickeduphisdamagedhat。
\"Ibegyourpardon，\"repeatedJohnnyagaintwominuteslater，collidingwithatallyounglady。
\"Shouldadviseyoutotakesomethingforthatsquintofyours，\"
remarkedthetallyoungladywithseverity。
\"What’sthematterwithme？\"thoughtJohnny。\"Seemstobeasortofmist——\"Theexplanationflashedacrosshim。\"Ofcourse，\"saidJohnnytohimself，\"it’sthisconfoundedveil！\"
JohnnydecidedtowalktotheMarbleSoapoffices。\"I’llbemoreusedtothehangofthingsbythetimeIgetthereifIwalk，\"
thoughtJohnny。\"Hopetheoldbeggar’sin。\"
InNewgateStreet，Johnnypausedandpressedhishandsagainsthischest。\"FunnysortofpainI’vegot，\"thoughtJohnny。\"WonderifIshouldshockthemifIwentinsomewhereforadropofbrandy？\"
\"Itdon’tgetanybetter，\"reflectedJohnny，withsomealarm，onreachingthecornerofCheapside。\"HopeI’mnotgoingtobeill。
Whatever——\"Theexplanationcametohim。\"Ofcourse，it’sthesedamnedstays！Nowondergirlsareshort—tempered，attimes。\"
AttheofficesoftheMarbleSoap，Johnnywastreatedwithmarkedcourtesy。Mr。Jowettwasout，wasnotexpectedbacktillfiveo’clock。Wouldtheladywait，orwouldshecallagain？Theladydecided，nowshewasthere，towait。Wouldtheladytaketheeasy—
chair？Wouldtheladyhavethewindowopenorwouldshehaveitshut？HadtheladyseenTheTimes？
\"OrtheHa’pennyJoker？\"suggestedajuniorclerk，whothereuponwaspromptlysentbacktohiswork。
Manyoftheseniorclerkshadoccasiontopassthroughthewaiting—
room。Twooftheseniorclerksheldviewsabouttheweatherwhichtheyappearedwishfultoexpressatlength。Johnnybegantoenjoyhimself。Thisthingwasgoingtobegoodfun。Bythetimetheslammingofdoorsandthehurryingoffeetannouncedtheadventofthechief，Johnnywaslookingforwardtohisinterview。
Itwasbrieferandlesssatisfactorythanhehadanticipated。Mr。
Jowettwasverybusy——didnotasaruleseeanybodyintheafternoon;butofcourse，alady——WouldMiss——\"
\"Montgomery。\"
\"WouldMissMontgomeryinformMr。Jowettwhatitwashemighthavethepleasureofdoingforher？\"
MissMontgomeryexplained。
Mr。Jowettseemedhalfangry，halfamused。
\"Really，\"saidMr。Jowett，\"thisishardlyplayingthegame。