Againstourfellow—menwecanprotectourselves,butiftheladiesaregoingtoattackus——reallyitisn’tfair。\"
MissMontgomerypleaded。
\"I’llthinkitover,\"wasallthatMr。Jowettcouldbemadetopromise。\"Lookmeupagain。\"
\"When?\"askedMissMontgomery。
\"What’sto—day?——Thursday。SayMonday。\"Mr。Jowettrangthebell。
\"Takemyadvice,\"saidtheoldgentleman,layingafatherlyhandonJohnny’sshoulder,\"leavebusinesstousmen。Youareahandsomegirl。Youcandobetterforyourselfthanthis。\"
Aclerkentered,Johnnyrose。
\"OnMondaynext,then,\"Johnnyremindedhim。
\"Atfouro’clock,\"agreedMr。Jowett。\"Goodafternoon。\"
Johnnywentoutfeelingdisappointed,andyet,ashetoldhimself,hehadn’tdonesobadly。Anyhow,therewasnothingforitbuttowaittillMonday。Nowhewouldgohome,changehisclothes,andgetsomedinner。Hehailedahansom。
\"Numbertwenty—eight——no。StopattheQueen’sStreetcornerofLincoln’sInnFields,\"Johnnydirectedtheman。
\"Quiteright,miss,\"commentedthecabmanpleasantly。\"Corner’sbest——savesalltalk。\"
\"Whatdoyoumean?\"demandedJohnny。
\"Nooffence,miss,\"answeredtheman。\"Wewasallyoungonce。\"
Johnnyclimbedin。AtthecornerofQueenStreetandLincoln’sInnFields,Johnnygotout。Johnny,whohadbeenponderingothermatters,puthishandinstinctivelytowhere,speakinggenerally,hispocketshouldhavebeen;thenrecollectedhimself。
\"Letmesee,didIthinktobringanymoneyoutwithme,ordidI
not?\"musedJohnny,ashestooduponthekerb。
\"Lookintheridicule,miss,\"suggestedthecabman。
Johnnylooked。Itwasempty。
\"PerhapsIputitinmypocket,\"thoughtJohnny。
Thecabmanhitchedhisreinstothewhip—socketandleantback。
\"It’ssomewhereabouthere,Iknow,Isawit,\"Johnnytoldhimself。
\"Sorrytokeepyouwaiting,\"Johnnyaddedaloudtothecabman。
\"Don’tyouworryaboutthat,miss,\"repliedthecabmancivilly;\"weareusedtoit。Ashillingaquarterofanhouriswhatwecharge。\"
\"Ofallthedamnedsillytricks!\"mutteredJohnnytohimself。
Twosmallboysandagirlcarryingababypaused,interested。
\"Goaway,\"toldthemthecabman。\"You’llhavetroublesofyourownoneday。\"
Theurchinsmovedafewstepsfurther,thenhaltedagainandwerejoinedbyaslatternlywomanandanotherboy。
\"Gotit!\"criedJohnny,unabletosuppresshisdelightashishandslippedthroughafold。Theladywiththebaby,withoutpreciselyknowingwhy,setupashrillcheer。Johnny’sdelightdiedaway;itwasn’tthepocket—hole。Shortoftakingtheskirtoffandturningitinsideout,itdidn’tseemtoJohnnythatheeverwouldfindthatpocket。
Theninthatmomentofdespairhecameacrossitaccidentally。Itwasasemptyasthereticule!
\"Iamsorry,\"saidJohnnytothecabman,\"butIappeartohavecomeoutwithoutmypurse。\"
Thecabmansaidhehadheardthattalebefore,andwasmakingpreparationstodescend。Thecrowd,nownumberingeleven,lookedhopeful。ItoccurredtoJohnnylaterthathemighthaveofferedhisumbrellatothecabman;atleastitwouldhavefetchedtheeighteenpence。Onethinksofthesethingsafterwards。Theonlyideathatoccurredtohimatthemomentwasthatofgettinghome。
\"’Ere,’oldmy’orseaminute,oneofyer,\"shoutedthecabman。
Halfadozenwillinghandsseizedthedozingsteedandrouseditintomadness。
\"Hi!stop’er!\"roaredthecabman。
\"She’sdown!\"shoutedtheexcitedcrowd。
\"Trippedover’erskirt,\"explainedtheslatternlywoman。\"Theydo’amperyou。\"
\"No,she’snot。She’supagain!\"vociferatedadelightedplumber,withasoundingslaponhisownleg。\"Gorblimy,ifsheain’tagood’un!\"
FortunatelytheSquarewastolerablyclearandJohnnyagoodrunner。Holdingnowhisskirtandpetticoathighinhislefthand,JohnnymovedacrosstheSquareattherateoffifteenmilesanhour。Abutcher’sboyspranginfrontofhimwitharmsheldouttostophim。Thethingthatforthenextthreemonthsannoyedthatbutcherboymostwashearingshoutedoutafterhim\"Yah!whowasknockeddownandrunoverbyalidy?\"BythetimeJohnnyreachedtheStrand,viaClement’sInn,thehueandcrywasfarbehind。
Johnnydroppedhisskirtsandassumedamoregirlishpace。ThroughBowStreetandLongAcrehereachedGreatQueenStreetinsafety。
Uponhisowndoorstephebegantolaugh。Hisafternoon’sexperiencehadbeenamusing;still,onthewhole,hewasn’tsorryitwasover。Onecanhavetoomuchevenofthebestofjokes。
Johnnyrangthebell。
Thedooropened。Johnnywouldhavewalkedinhadnotabig,raw—
bonedwomanbarredhisprogress。
\"Whatdoyouwant?\"demandedtheraw—bonedwoman。
\"Wanttocomein,\"explainedJohnny。
\"Whatdoyouwanttocomeinfor?\"
ThisappearedtoJohnnyafoolishquestion。Onreflectionhesawthesenseofit。Thisraw—bonedwomanwasnotMrs。Pegg,hislandlady。Somefriendofhers,hesupposed。
\"It’sallright,\"saidJohnny,\"Ilivehere。Leftmylatchkeyathome,that’sall。\"
\"There’snofemaleslodginghere,\"declaredtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Andwhat’smore,there’sgoingtobenone。\"
Allthiswasveryvexing。Johnny,inhisjoyatreachinghisowndoorstep,hadnotforeseenthesecomplications。Nowitwouldbenecessarytoexplainthings。Heonlyhopedthestorywouldnotgetroundtothefellowsattheclub。
\"AskMrs。Peggtostepupforaminute,\"requestedJohnny。
\"Notat’ome,\"explainedtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Not——notathome?\"
\"GonetoRomford,ifyouwishtoknow,toseehermother。\"
\"GonetoRomford?\"
\"IsaidRomford,didn’tI?\"retortedtheraw—bonedlady,tartly。
\"What——whattimedoyouexpectherin?\"
\"Sundayevening,sixo’clock,\"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。
Johnnylookedattheraw—bonedlady,imaginedhimselftellingtheraw—bonedladythesimple,unvarnishedtruth,andtheraw—bonedlady’sutterdisbeliefofeverywordofit。Aninspirationcametohisaid。
\"IamMr。Bulstrode’ssister,\"saidJohnnymeekly;\"he’sexpectingme。\"
\"Thoughtyousaidyoulivedhere?\"remindedhimtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Imeantthathelivedhere,\"repliedpoorJohnnystillmoremeekly。\"Hehasthesecondfloor,youknow。\"
\"Iknow,\"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。\"Notinjustatpresent。\"
\"Notin?\"
\"Wentoutatthreeo’clock。\"
\"I’llgouptohisroomandwaitforhim,\"saidJohnny。
\"No,youwon’t,\"saidtheraw—bonedlady。
ForaninstantitoccurredtoJohnnytomakeadashforit,buttheraw—bonedladylookedbothformidableanddetermined。Therewouldbeabigdisturbance——perhapsthepolicecalledin。Johnnyhadoftenwantedtoseehisnameinprint:inconnectionwiththisaffairhesomehowfelthedidn’t。
\"Doletmein,\"Johnnypleaded;\"Ihavenowhereelsetogo。\"
\"Youhaveawalkandcoolyourself,\"suggestedtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Don’texpecthewillbelong。\"
\"But,yousee——\"
Theraw—bonedladyslammedthedoor。
OutsidearestaurantinWellingtonStreet,fromwhichproceededsavouryodours,Johnnypausedandtriedtothink。
\"WhatthedevildidIdowiththatumbrella?Ihadit——no,I
didn’t。Musthavedroppedit,Isuppose,whenthatsillyasstriedtostopme。ByJove!Iamhavingluck!\"
OutsideanotherrestaurantintheStrandJohnnypausedagain。\"HowamItolivetillSundaynight?WhereamItosleep?IfI
telegraphhome——damnit!howcanItelegraph?Ihaven’tgotapenny。Thisisfunny,\"saidJohnny,unconsciouslyspeakingaloud;
\"uponmyword,thisisfunny!Oh!yougoto——。\"
Johnnyhurledthislastattheheadofanovergrownerrand—boywhoseintentionhadbeentooffersympathy。
\"Well,Inever!\"commentedapassingflower—girl。\"Calls’erselfalidy,Isuppose。\"
\"Nowadays,\"observedthestudandbuttonmerchantatthecornerofExeterStreet,\"theymake’emoutofanything。\"
Drawnbyanotionthatwasforminginhismind,JohnnyturnedhisstepsupBedfordStreet。\"Whynot?\"musedJohnny。\"Nobodyelseseemstohaveasuspicion。Whyshouldthey?I’llneverhearthelastofitiftheyfindmeout。Butwhyshouldtheyfindmeout?
Well,something’sgottobedone。\"
Johnnywalkedonquickly。AtthedooroftheAutolycusClubhewasundecidedforamoment,thentookhiscourageinbothhandsandplungedthroughtheswingdoors。
\"IsMr。Herring——Mr。JackHerring——here?\"
\"Findhiminthesmoking—room,Mr。Bulstrode,\"answeredoldGoslin,whowasreadingtheeveningpaper。
\"Oh,wouldyoumindaskinghimtostepoutamoment?\"
OldGoslinlookedup,tookoffhisspectacles,rubbedthem,putthemonagain。
\"PleasesayMissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。\"
OldGoslinfoundJackHerringthecentreofanearnestargumentonHamlet——washereallymad?
\"Aladytoseeyou,Mr。Herring,\"announcedoldGoslin。
\"Awhat?\"
\"MissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。She’swaitinginthehall。\"
\"Neverknewhehadasister,\"saidJackHerring,rising。
\"Waitaminute,\"saidHarryBennett。\"Shutthatdoor。Don’tgo。\"
ThistooldGoslin,whoclosedthedoorandreturned。\"Ladyinaheliotropedresswithalacecollar,threeflouncesontheskirt?\"
\"That’sright,Mr。Bennett,\"agreedoldGoslin。
\"It’stheBabehimself!\"assertedHarryBennett。
ThequestionofHamlet’smadnesswasforgotten。
\"WasinatStinchcombe’sthismorning,\"explainedHarryBennett;
\"sawtheclothesonthecounteraddressedtohim。That’stheidenticalfrock。Thisisjusta’tryon’——thinkshe’sgoingtohavealarkwithus。\"
TheAutolycusClublookedroundatitself。
\"Icanseeverrapromisingpossibilitiesinthis,providedthethingisproperlymanaged,\"saidtheWeeLaddie,afterapause。
\"SocanI,\"agreedJackHerring。\"Keepwhereyouare,allofyou。
’Twouldbeapitytofoolit,\"
TheAutolycusClubwaited。JackHerringre—enteredtheroom。
\"OneofthesaddeststoriesIhaveeverheardinallmylife,\"
explainedJackHerringinawhisper。\"PoorgirlleftDerbyshirethismorningtocomeandseeherbrother;foundhimout——hasn’tbeenseenathislodgingssincethreeo’clock;fearssomethingmayhavehappenedtohim。LandladygonetoRomfordtoseehermother;
strangewomanincharge,won’tletherintowaitforhim。\"
\"Howsaditiswhentroubleovertakestheinnocentandhelpless!\"
murmuredSomervilletheBriefless。
\"That’snottheworstofit,\"continuedJack。\"Thedeargirlhasbeenrobbedofeverythingshepossesses,evenofherumbrella,andhasn’tgotasou;hasn’thadanydinner,anddoesn’tknowwheretosleep。\"
\"Soundsabitelaborate,\"thoughtPorson。
\"IthinkIcanunderstandit,\"saidtheBrieflessone。\"Whathashappenedisthis。He’sdressedupthinkingtohaveabitoffunwithus,andhascomeout,forgettingtoputanymoneyorhislatchkeyinhispocket。HislandladymayhavegonetoRomfordormaynot。Inanycase,hewouldhavetoknockatthedoorandenterintoexplanations。Whatdoeshesuggest——theloanofasovereign?\"
\"Theloanoftwo,\"repliedJackHerring。
\"Tobuyhimselfasuitofclothes。Don’tyoudoit,Jack。
Providencehasimposedthisuponus。Ourdutyistoshowhimthefollyofindulginginsenselessescapades。\"
\"Ithinkwemightgivehimadinner,\"thoughtthestoutandsympatheticPorson。
\"WhatIproposetodo,\"grinnedJack,\"istotakehimroundtoMrs。
Postwhistle’s。She’sunderasortofobligationtome。ItwasI
whogotherthepostoffice。We’llleavehimthereforanight,withinstructionstoMrs。P。tokeepamotherlyeyeonhim。To—
morrowheshallhavehis’bitoffun,’andIguesshe’llbethefirsttogettiredofthejoke。\"
Itlookedapromisingplot。SevenmembersoftheAutolycusClubgallantlyundertooktoaccompany\"MissBulstrode\"toherlodgings。
JackHerringexcitedjealousybysecuringtheprivilegeofcarryingherreticule。\"MissBulstrode\"wasgiventounderstandthatanythinganyofthesevencoulddoforher,eachandeverywouldbedelightedtodo,ifonlyforthesakeofherbrother,oneofthedearestboysthateverbreathed——abitofanass,thoughthat,ofcourse,hecouldnothelp。\"MissBulstrode\"wasnotasgratefulasperhapssheshouldhavebeen。Herideastillwasthatifoneofthemwouldlendheracoupleofsovereigns,therestneednotworrythemselvesfurther。This,purelyinherowninterests,theydeclinedtodo。Shehadsufferedoneextensiverobberythatdayalready,asJackremindedher。Londonwasacityofdangertotheyoungandinexperienced。Farbetterthattheyshouldwatchoverherandprovideforhersimplewants。Painfulasitwastorefusealady,abelovedcompanion’ssister’swelfarewasyetdearertothem。\"MissBulstrode’s\"onlydesirewasnottowastetheirtime。
JackHerring’sopinionwasthatthereexistednotrueEnglishmanwhowouldgrudgetimespentuponsuccouringabeautifulmaidenindistress。
Arrivedatthelittlegrocer’sshopinRollsCourt,JackHerringdrewMrs。Postwhistleaside。
\"She’sthesisterofaverydearfriendofours,\"explainedJackHerring。
\"Afine—lookinggirl,\"commentedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"Ishallberoundagaininthemorning。Don’tletheroutofyoursight,and,aboveall,don’tlendheranymoney,\"directedJackHerring。
\"Iunderstand,\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"MissBulstrode\"havingdespatchedanexcellentsupperofcoldmuttonandbottledbeer,leantbackinherchairandcrossedherlegs。
\"Ihaveoftenwondered,\"remarkedMissBulstrode,hereyesfixedupontheceiling,\"whatacigarettewouldtastelike。\"
\"Tastenasty,Ishouldsay,thefirsttime,\"thoughtMrs。
Postwhistle,whowasknitting。
\"Somegirls,soIhaveheard,\"remarkedMissBulstrode,\"smokecigarettes。\"
\"Notnicegirls,\"thoughtMrs。Postwhistle。
\"OneofthenicestgirlsIeverknew,\"remarkedMissBulstrode,\"alwayssmokedacigaretteaftersupper。Saiditsoothedhernerves。\"
\"Wouldn’t’avethoughtsoifI’d’adchargeof’er,\"saidMrs。
Postwhistle。
\"Ithink,\"saidMissBulstrode,whoseemedrestless,\"IthinkI
shallgoforalittlewalkbeforeturningin。\"
\"Perhapsitwoulddousgood,\"agreedMrs。Postwhistle,layingdownherknitting。
\"Don’tyoutroubletocome,\"urgedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode。
\"Youlooktired。\"
\"Notatall,\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。\"FeelIshouldlikeit。\"
InsomerespectsMrs。Postwhistleprovedanadmirablecompanion。
Sheaskednoquestions,andonlyspokewhenspokento,which,duringthatwalk,wasnotoften。Attheendofhalfanhour,MissBulstrodepleadedaheadacheandthoughtshewouldreturnhomeandgotobed。Mrs。Postwhistlethoughtitareasonableidea。
\"Well,it’sbetterthantrampingthestreets,\"mutteredJohnny,asthebedroomdoorwasclosedbehindhim,\"andthat’sallonecansayforit。Mustgetholdofasmoketo—morrow,ifIhavetorobthetill。What’sthat?\"Johnnystoleacrosson,tiptoe。\"Confoundit!\"saidJohnny,\"ifshehasn’tlockedthedoor!\"
Johnnysatdownuponthebedandtookstockofhisposition。\"Itdoesn’tseemtome,\"thoughtJohnny,\"thatI’mevergoingtogetoutofthismess。\"Johnny,stillmuttering,unfastenedhisstays。
\"ThankGod,that’soff!\"ejaculatedJohnnypiously,ashewatchedhisformslowlyexpanding。\"SupposeI’llbeusedtothembeforeI’vefinishedwiththem。\"
Johnnyhadanightofdreams。
Forthewholeofnextday,whichwasFriday,Johnnyremained\"MissBulstrode,\"hopingagainsthopetofindanopportunitytoescapefromhispredicamentwithoutconfession。TheentireAutolycusClubappearedtohavefalleninlovewithhim。
\"ThoughtIwasabitofafoolmyself,\"musedJohnny,\"whereapetticoatwasconcerned。Don’tbelievetheseblitheringidiotshaveeverseenagirlbefore。\"
Theycameinones,theycameinlittleparties,andtenderedhimdevotion。EvenMrs。Postwhistle,accustomedtoregardhumanphenomenawithoutcomment,remarkeduponit。
\"Whenyouarealltiredofit,\"saidMrs。PostwhistletoJackHerring,\"letmeknow。\"
\"Themomentwefindherbrother,\"explainedJackHerring,\"ofcourseweshalltakehertohim。\"
\"Nothinglikelookingintherightplaceforathingwhenyou’vefinishedlookingintheothers,\"observedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"Whatdoyoumean?\"demandedJack。
\"JustwhatIsay,\"answeredMrs。Postwhistle。
JackHerringlookedatMrs。Postwhistle。ButMrs。Postwhistle’sfacewasnotoftheexpressiveorder。
\"Postofficestillgoingstrong?\"askedJackHerring。
\"Thepostoffice’asbeenagreat’elptome,\"admittedMrs。
Postwhistle;\"andI’mnotforgettingthatIoweittoyou。\"
\"Don’tmentionit,\"murmuredJackHerring。
Theybroughtherpresents——nothingveryexpensive,moreastokensofregard:daintypacketsofsweets,nosegaysofsimpleflowers,bottlesofscent。ToSomerville\"MissBulstrode\"hintedthatifhereallydiddesiretopleaseher,andwasn’tmerelytalkingthroughhishat——MissBulstrodeapologisedfortheslang,which,shefeared,shemusthavepickedupfromherbrother——hemightgiveheraboxofMessani’scigarettes,sizeNo。2。Thesuggestionpainedhim。SomervilletheBrieflesswasperhapsold—fashioned。MissBulstrodecuthimshortbyagreeingthathewas,andseemeddisinclinedforfurtherconversation。
TheytookhertoMadameTussaud’s。TheytookheruptheMonument。
TheytookhertotheTowerofLondon。IntheeveningtheytookhertothePolytechnictoseePepper’sGhost。Theymadeamerrypartywherevertheywent。
\"Seemtobeenjoyingthemselves!\"remarkedothersightseers,surprisedandenvious。
\"Girlseemstobeabitoutofit,\"remarkedothers,moreobservant。
\"Sulky—lookingbito’goods,Icallher,\"remarkedsomeoftheladies。
ThefortitudewithwhichMissBulstrodeborethemysteriousdisappearanceofherbrotherexcitedadmiration。
\"Hadn’twebettertelegraphtoyourpeopleinDerbyshire?\"
suggestedJackHerring。
\"Don’tdoit,\"vehementlyprotestedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode;
\"itmightalarmthem。Thebestplanisforyoutolendmeacoupleofsovereignsandletmereturnhomequietly。\"
\"Youmightberobbedagain,\"fearedJackHerring。\"I’llgodownwithyou。\"
\"Perhapshe’llturnupto—morrow,\"thoughtMissBulstrode。\"Expecthe’sgoneonavisit。\"
\"Heoughtnottohavedoneit,\"thoughtJackHerring,\"knowingyouwerecoming。\"
\"Oh!he’slikethat,\"explainedMissBulstrode。
\"IfIhadayoungandbeautifulsister——\"saidJackHerring。
\"Oh!let’stalkofsomethingelse,\"suggestedMissBulstrode。\"Youmakemetired。\"
WithJackHerring,inparticular,Johnnywasbeginningtolosepatience。That\"MissBulstrode’s\"charmshadevidentlystruckJackHerringallofaheap,asthesayingis,hadinthebeginningamusedMasterJohnny。Indeed——asintheseclusionofhisbedchamberoverthelittlegrocer’sshophetoldhimselfwithbitterself—reproach——hehadundoubtedlyencouragedtheman。FromadmirationJackhadrapidlypassedtoinfatuation,frominfatuationtoapparentimbecility。HadJohnny’smindbeenlessintentuponhisowntroubles,hemighthavebeensuspicious。Asitwas,andafterallthathadhappened,nothingnowcouldastonishJohnny。
\"ThankHeaven,\"murmuredJohnny,asheblewoutthelight,\"thisMrs。Postwhistleappearstobeareliablewoman。\"
Now,aboutthesametimethatJohnny’sheadwasfallingthusuponhispillow,theAutolycusClubsatdiscussingplansfortheirnextday’sentertainment。
\"Ithink,\"saidJackHerring,\"theCrystalPalaceinthemorningwhenit’sniceandquiet。\"
\"TobefollowedbyGreenwichHospitalintheafternoon,\"suggestedSomerville。
\"WindingupwiththeMooreandBurgessMinstrelsintheevening,\"
thoughtPorson。
\"Hardlytheplacefortheyoungperson,\"fearedJackHerring。
\"Someofthejokes——\"
\"Mr。BrandramgivesareadingofJuliusCaesaratSt。George’sHall,\"theWeeLaddieinformedthemfortheirguidance。
\"Hallo!\"saidAlexanderthePoet,enteringatthemoment。\"Whatareyoualltalkingabout?\"
\"WewerediscussingwheretotakeMissBulstrodeto—morrowevening,\"informedhimJackHerring。
\"MissBulstrode,\"repeatedthePoetinatoneofsomesurprise。
\"DoyoumeanJohnnyBulstrode’ssister?\"
\"That’sthelady,\"answeredJack。\"Buthowdoyoucometoknowabouther?ThoughtyouwereinYorkshire。\"
\"Cameupyesterday,\"explainedthePoet。\"Travelledupwithher。\"
\"Travelledupwithher?\"
\"FromMatlockBath。What’sthematterwithyouall?\"demandedthePoet。\"Youallofyoulook——\"
\"Sitdown,\"saidtheBrieflessonetothePoet。\"Let’stalkthismatteroverquietly。\"
AlexanderthePoet,mystified,satdown。
\"YousayyoutravelleduptoLondonyesterdaywithMissBulstrode。
YouaresureitwasMissBulstrode?\"
\"Sure!\"retortedthePoet。\"Why,I’veknownhereversinceshewasababy。\"
\"AboutwhattimedidyoureachLondon?\"
\"Three—thirty。\"
\"Andwhatbecameofher?Wheredidshesayshewasgoing?\"
\"Ineveraskedher。ThelastIsawofhershewasgettingintoacab。Ihadanappointmentmyself,andwas——Isay,what’sthematterwithHerring?\"
Herringhadrisenandwaswalkingaboutwithhisheadbetweenhishands。
\"Nevermindhim。MissBulstrodeisaladyofabout——howold?\"
\"Eighteen——no,nineteenlastbirthday。\"
\"Atall,handsomesortofgirl?\"
\"Yes。Isay,hasanythinghappenedtoher?\"
\"Nothinghashappenedtoher,\"assuredhimSomerville。\"SHE’Sallright。Beenhavingratheragoodtime,onthewhole。\"
ThePoetwasrelievedtohearit。
\"Iaskedheranhourago,\"saidJackHerring,whowasstillholdinghisheadbetweenhishandsasiftomakesureitwasthere,\"ifshethoughtshecouldeverlearntoloveme。Wouldyousaythatcouldbeconstruedintoanofferofmarriage?\"
TheremainderoftheClubwasunanimouslyofopinionthat,practicallyspeaking,itwasaproposal。
\"Idon’tseeit,\"arguedJackHerring。\"Itwasmerelyinthenatureofaremark。\"
TheClubwasofopinionthatsuchquibblingwasunworthyofagentleman。
Itappearedtobeacaseforpromptaction。JackHerringsatdownandthenandtherebeganalettertoMissBulstrode,careofMrs。
Postwhistle。
\"ButwhatIdon’tunderstand——\"saidAlexanderthePoet。
\"Oh!takehimawaysomewhereandtellhim,someone,\"moanedJackHerring。\"HowcanIthinkwithallthischattergoingon?\"
\"ButwhydidBennett——\"whisperedPorson。
\"WhereisBennett?\"demandedhalfadozenfiercevoices。
HarryBennetthadnotbeenseenallday。
Jack’sletterwasdeliveredto\"MissBulstrode\"thenextmorningatbreakfast—time。Havingperusedit,MissBulstroderoseandrequestedofMrs。Postwhistletheloanofhalfacrown。
\"Mr。Herring’sparticularinstructionswere,\"explainedMrs。
Postwhistle,\"that,aboveallthings,Iwasnottolendyouanymoney。\"
\"Whenyouhavereadthat,\"repliedMissBulstrode,handinghertheletter,\"perhapsyouwillagreewithmethatHerringis——anass。\"
Mrs。Postwhistlereadtheletterandproducedthehalf—crown。
\"Bettergetashavewithpartofit,\"suggestedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"Thatis,ifyouaregoingtoplaythefoolmuchlonger。\"
\"MissBulstrode\"openedhiseyes。Mrs。Postwhistlewentonwithherbreakfast。
\"Don’ttellthem,\"saidJohnny;\"notjustforalittlewhile,atallevents。\"
\"Nothingtodowithme,\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
Twentyminuteslater,therealMissBulstrode,onavisittoherauntinKensington,wassurprisedatreceiving,enclosedinanenvelope,thefollowinghastilyscrawlednote:—
\"Wanttospeaktoyouatonce——ALONE。Don’tyellwhenyouseeme。
It’sallright。Canexplainintwoticks。——Yourlovingbrother,JOHNNY。\"
Ittooklongerthantwoticks;butatlasttheBabecametoanendofit。
\"Whenyouhavedonelaughing,\"saidtheBabe。
\"Butyoulooksoridiculous,\"saidhissister。
\"THEYdidn’tthinkso,\"retortedtheBabe。\"Itooktheminallright。Guessyou’veneverhadasmuchattention,allinoneday。\"
\"Areyousureyoutookthemin?\"queriedhissister。
\"IfyouwillcometotheClubateighto’clockthisevening,\"saidtheBabe,\"I’llproveittoyou。PerhapsI’lltakeyouontoatheatreafterwards——ifyou’regood。\"
TheBabehimselfwalkedintotheAutolycusClubafewminutesbeforeeightandencounteredanatmosphereofrestraint。
\"Thoughtyouwerelost,\"remarkedSomervillecoldly。
\"Calledawaysuddenly——veryimportantbusiness,\"explainedtheBabe。\"Awfullymuchobligedtoallyoufellowsforallyouhavebeendoingformysister。She’sjustbeentellingme。\"
\"Don’tmentionit,\"saidtwoorthree。
\"Awfullygoodofyou,I’msure,\"persistedtheBabe。\"Don’tknowwhatshewouldhavedonewithoutyou。\"
Amerenothing,theClubassuredhim。TheblushingmodestyoftheAutolycusClubathearingoftheirowngooddeedswastouching。
Lefttothemselves,theywouldhavetalkedofquiteotherthings。
Asamatteroffact,theytriedto。
\"Neverheardherspeaksoenthusiasticallyofanyoneasshedoesofyou,Jack,\"saidtheBabe,turningtoJackHerring。
\"Ofcourse,youknow,dearboy,\"explainedJackHerring,\"anythingIcoulddoforasisterofyours——\"
\"Iknow,dearboy,\"repliedtheBabe;\"Ialwaysfeltit。\"
\"Saynomoreaboutit,\"urgedJackHerring。
\"Shecouldn’tquitemakeoutthatletterofyoursthismorning,\"
continuedtheBabe,ignoringJack’srequest。\"She’safraidyouthinkherungrateful。\"
\"Itseemedtome,onreflection,\"explainedJackHerring,\"thatononeortwolittlemattersshemayhavemisunderstoodme。AsI
wroteher,therearedayswhenIdon’tseemaltogethertoquiteknowwhatI’mdoing。\"
\"Ratherawkward,\"thoughttheBabe。
\"Itis,\"agreedJackHerring。\"Yesterdaywasoneofthem。\"
\"Shetellsmeyouweremostkindtoher,\"theBabereassuredhim。
\"Shethoughtatfirstitwasalittleuncivil,yourrefusingtolendheranymoney。ButasIputittoher——\"
\"Itwassillyofme,\"interruptedJack。\"Iseethatnow。Iwentroundthismorningmeaningtomakeitallright。Butshewasgone,andMrs。PostwhistleseemedtothinkIhadbetterleavethingsastheywere。Iblamemyselfexceedingly。\"
\"Mydearboy,don’tblameyourselfforanything。Youactednobly,\"
theBabetoldhim。\"She’scomingheretocallformethiseveningonpurposetothankyou。\"
\"I’drathernot,\"saidJackHerring。
\"Nonsense,\"saidtheBabe。
\"Youmustexcuseme,\"insistedJackHerring。\"Idon’tmeanitrudely,butreallyI’drathernotseeher。\"
\"Butheresheis,\"saidtheBabe,takingatthatmomentthecardfromoldGoslin’shand。\"Shewillthinkitsostrange。\"
\"I’dreallyrathernot,\"repeatedpoorJack。
\"Itseemsdiscourteous,\"suggestedSomerville。
\"Yougo,\"suggestedJack。
\"Shedoesn’twanttoseeme,\"explainedSomerville。
\"Yesshedoes,\"correctedhimtheBabe。
\"I’dforgotten,shewantstoseeyouboth。\"
\"IfIgo,\"saidJack,\"Ishalltellhertheplaintruth。\"
\"Doyouknow,\"saidSomerville,\"I’mthinkingthatwillbetheshortestway。\"
MissBulstrodewasseatedinthehall。JackHerringandSomervilleboththoughtherpresentquieterstyleofdresssuitedhermuchbetter。
\"Hereheis,\"announcedtheBabe,intriumph。\"Here’sJackHerringandhere’sSomerville。Doyouknow,Icouldhardlypersuadethemtocomeoutandseeyou。DearoldJack,healwayswassoshy。\"
MissBulstroderose。Shesaidshecouldneverthankthemsufficientlyforalltheirgoodnesstoher。MissBulstrodeseemedquiteovercome。Hervoicetrembledwithemotion。
\"Beforewegofurther,MissBulstrode,\"saidJackHerring,\"itwillbebesttotellyouthatallalongwethoughtyouwereyourbrother,dressedupasagirl。\"
\"Oh!\"saidtheBabe,\"sothat’stheexplanation,isit?IfIhadonlyknown——\"ThentheBabestopped,andwishedhehadn’tspoken。
Somervilleseizedhimbytheshouldersand,withasuddenjerk,stoodhimbesidehissisterunderthegas—jet。
\"Youlittlebrute!\"saidSomerville。\"Itwasyouallalong。\"AndtheBabe,seeingthegamewasup,andgladthatthejokehadnotbeenentirelyononeside,confessed。
JackHerringandSomervilletheBrieflesswentthatnightwithJohnnyandhissistertothetheatre——andonothernights。MissBulstrodethoughtJackHerringverynice,andtoldherbrotherso。
ButshethoughtSomervilletheBrieflessevennicer,andlater,undercross—examination,whenSomervillewasnolongerbriefless,toldSomervillesohimself。
Butthathasnothingtodowiththisparticularstory,theendofwhichisthatMissBulstrodekepttheappointmentmadeforMondayafternoonbetween\"MissMontgomery\"andMr。Jowett,andsecuredtherebytheMarbleSoapadvertisementforthebackpageofGoodHumourforsixmonths,attwenty—fivepoundsaweek。
STORYTHESEVENTH:DickDanverspresentshisPetitionWilliamClodd,moppinghisbrow,laiddownthescrewdriver,andsteppingback,regardedtheresultofhislabourswithevidentsatisfaction。
\"Itlookslikeabookcase,\"saidWilliamClodd。\"Youmightsitintheroomforhalfanhourandneverknowitwasn’tabookcase。\"
WhatWilliamCloddhadaccomplishedwasthis:hehadhadprepared,afterhisowndesign,whatappearedtobefourshelvesladenwithworkssuggestiveofthoughtanderudition。Asamatteroffact,itwasnotabookcase,butmerelyaflatboard,thebooksmerelythebacksofvolumesthathadlongsincefoundtheirwayintothepaper—mill。ThisartfuldeceptionWilliamCloddhadscreweduponacottagepianostandinginthecorneroftheeditorialofficeofGoodHumour。Halfadozenrealvolumespileduponthetopofthepianocompletedtheillusion。AsWilliamCloddhadproudlyremarked,acasualvisitormighteasilyhavebeendeceived。
\"Ifyouhadtositintheroomwhileshewaspractisingmixedscales,you’dbequicklyundeceived,\"saidtheeditorofGoodHumour,onePeterHope。Hespokebitterly。
\"Youarenotalwaysin,\"explainedClodd。\"Theremustbehourswhensheisherealone,withnothingelsetodo。Besides,youwillgetusedtoitafterawhile。\"
\"You,Inotice,don’ttrytogetusedtoit,\"snarledPeterHope。
\"Youalwaysgooutthemomentshecommences。\"
\"Afriendofmine,\"continuedWilliamClodd,\"workedinanofficeoverapiano—shopforsevenyears,andwhentheshopclosed,itnearlyruinedhisbusiness;couldn’tsettledowntoworkforwantofit。\"
\"Whydoesn’thecomehere?\"askedPeterHope。\"Theflooraboveisvacant。\"
\"Can’t,\"explainedWilliamClodd。\"He’sdead。\"
\"Icanquitebelieveit,\"commentedPeterHope。
\"Itwasashopwherepeoplecameandpractised,payingsixpenceanhour,andhehadgottolikeit——saiditmadeacheerfulbackgroundtohisthoughts。Wonderfulwhatyoucangetaccustomedto。\"
\"What’sthegoodofit?\"demandedPeterHope。
\"What’sthegoodofit!\"retortedWilliamCloddindignantly。
\"Everygirloughttoknowhowtoplaythepiano。Anicethingifwhenherloveraskshertoplaysomethingtohim——\"
\"Iwonderyoudon’tstartamatrimonialagency,\"sneeredPeterHope。\"Loveandmarriage——youthinkofnothingelse。\"
\"Whenyouarebringingupayounggirl——\"arguedClodd。
\"Butyou’renot,\"interruptedPeter;\"that’sjustwhatI’mtryingtogetoutofyourhead。ItisIwhoambringingherup。Andbetweenourselves,Iwishyouwouldn’tinterferesomuch。\"
\"Youarenotfittobringupagirl。\"
\"I’vebroughtherupforsevenyearswithoutyourhelp。She’smyadopteddaughter,notyours。Idowishpeoplewouldlearntomindtheirownbusiness。\"
\"You’vedoneverywell——\"
\"Thankyou,\"saidPeterHopesarcastically。\"It’sverykindofyou。Perhapswhenyou’vetime,you’llwritemeoutatestimonial。\"
\"——uptillnow,\"concludedtheimperturbableClodd。\"Agirlofeighteenwantstoknowsomethingelsebesidesmathematicsandtheclassics。Youdon’tunderstandthem。\"
\"Idounderstandthem,\"assertedPeterHope。\"Whatdoyouknowaboutthem?You’renotafather。\"
\"You’vedoneyourbest,\"admittedWilliamCloddinatoneofpatronagethatirritatedPetergreatly;\"butyou’readreamer;youdon’tknowtheworld。Thetimeiscomingwhenthegirlwillhavetothinkofahusband。\"
\"There’snoneedforhertothinkofahusband,notforyears,\"
retortedPeterHope。\"Andevenwhenshedoes,isstrummingonthepianogoingtohelpher?\"
\"Itink——Itink,\"saidDr。Smith,whohadhithertoremainedasilentlistener,\"ouryoungfrentCloddisright。Youhafneverquitegotoveryourideadatshewasgoingtobeaboy。Youhaftaughtherdetingsaboyshouldknow。\"
\"Youcutherhair,\"addedClodd。
\"Idon’t,\"snappedPeter。
\"Youletherhaveitcut——it’sthesamething。AteighteensheknowsmoreabouttheancientGreeksandRomansthanshedoesaboutherownfrocks。\"
\"Deyounggirl,\"arguedthedoctor,\"whatisshe?Deflowerdatmakesbrightforusdegardenoflife,degurglingbrookdatmurmursbydedustyhighway,decheerfulfire——\"
\"Shecan’tbeallofthem,\"snappedPeter,whowasasticklerforstyle。\"Dokeeptoonesimileatatime。\"
\"Nowyoulistentoplainsense,\"saidWilliamClodd。\"Youwant——weallwant——thegirltobeasuccessallround。\"
\"Iwanther——\"PeterHopewasrummagingamongthelitteronthedesk。Itcertainlywasnotthere。Peterpulledoutadrawer—twodrawers。\"Iwish,\"saidPeterHope,\"Iwishsometimesshewasn’tquitesoclever。\"
Theolddoctorrummagedamongdustyfilesofpapersinacorner。
Cloddfounditonthemantelpiececoncealedbeneaththehollowfootofabigbrasscandlestick,andhandedittoPeter。
Peterhadonevice——thetakinginincreasingquantitiesofsnuff,whichwasharmfulforhim,ashehimselfadmitted。Tommy,sympathetictomostmasculinefrailties,wassevere,however,uponthisone。
\"Youspillituponyourshirtandonyourcoat,\"hadarguedTommy。
\"Iliketoseeyoualwaysneat。Besides,itisn’tanicehabit。I
dowish,dad,you’dgiveitup。\"
\"Imust,\"Peterhadagreed。\"I’llbreakmyselfofit。Butnotallatonce——itwouldbeawrench;bydegrees,Tommy,bydegrees。\"
Soacompromisehadbeencompounded。Tommywastohidethesnuff—
box。Itwastobesomewhereintheroomandtobeaccessible,butthatwasall。Peter,whenself—controlhadreachedthebreaking—
point,mighttryandfindit。Occasionally,luckhelpingPeter,hewouldfinditearlyintheday,whenhewouldearnhisownbitterself—reproachesbyindulginginquiteanorgie。ButmoreoftenTommy’sartfulnesswassuchthathewouldbecompelled,bywantoftime,toabandonthesearch。Tommyalwaysknewwhenhehadfailedbytheairofindignantresignationwithwhichhewouldgreetheronherreturn。Thenperhapstowardsevening,Peter,lookingup,wouldseetheboxopenbeforehisnose,aboveit,apairofreprovingblackeyes,theirseveritycounterbalancedbyapairoffullredlipstryingnottosmile。AndPeter,knowingthatonlyonepinchwouldbepermitted,woulddipdeeply。
\"Iwanther,\"saidPeterHope,feelingwithhissnuff—boxinhishandmoreconfidenceinhisownjudgment,\"tobeasensible,cleverwoman,capableofearningherownlivingandofbeingindependent;
notamerehelplessdoll,cryingforsomemantocomeandtakecareofher。\"
\"Awoman’sbusiness,\"assertedClodd,\"istobetakencareof。\"
\"Somewomen,perhaps,\"admittedPeter;\"butTommy,youknowverywell,isnotgoingtobetheordinarytypeofwoman。Shehasbrains;shewillmakeherwayintheworld。\"
\"Itdoesn’tdependuponbrains,\"saidClodd。\"Shehasn’tgottheelbows。\"
\"Theelbows?\"
\"Theyarenotsharpenough。Thelast’bushomeonawetnighttellsyouwhetherawomaniscapableofpushingherownwayintheworld。Tommy’sthesorttogetleftonthekerb。\"
\"She’sthesort,\"retortedPeter,\"tomakeanameforherselfandtobeabletoaffordacab。Don’tyoubullyme!\"Petersniffedself—assertivenessfrombetweenhisthumbandfinger。
\"Yes,Ishall,\"Cloddtoldhim,\"onthisparticularpoint。Thepoorgirl’sgotnomother。\"
Fortunatelyforthegeneralharmonythedooropenedatthemomenttoadmitthesubjectofdiscussion。
\"GotthatDaisyBlossomadvertisementoutofoldBlatchley,\"
announcedTommy,wavingtriumphantlyapieceofpaperoverherhead。
\"No!\"exclaimedPeter。\"Howdidyoumanageit?\"
\"Askedhimforit,\"wasTommy’sexplanation。
\"Veryodd,\"musedPeter;\"askedtheoldidiotforitmyselfonlylastweek。Herefuseditpoint—blank。\"
Cloddsnortedreproof。\"YouknowIdon’tlikeyourdoingthatsortofthing。Itisn’tproperforayounggirl——\"
\"It’sallright,\"assuredhimTommy;\"he’sbald!\"
\"Thatmakesnodifference,\"wasClodd’sopinion。
\"Yesitdoes,\"wasTommy’s。\"Ilikethembald。\"
TommytookPeter’sheadbetweenherhandsandkissedit,andindoingsonoticedthetell—talespecksofsnuff。
\"Justapinch,mydear,\"explainedPeter,\"themerestpinch。\"
Tommytookupthesnuff—boxfromthedesk。\"I’llshowyouwhereI’mgoingtoputitthistime。\"Sheputitinherpocket。Peter’sfacefell。
\"Whatdoyouthinkofit?\"saidClodd。Heledhertothecorner。
\"Goodidea,ain’tit?\"
\"Why,where’sthepiano?\"demandedTommy。
Cloddturnedindelightedtriumphtotheothers。
\"Humbug!\"growledPeter。
\"Itisn’thumbug,\"criedCloddindignantly。\"Shethoughtitwasabookcase——anybodywould。You’llbeabletositthereandpractisebythehour,\"explainedCloddtoTommy。\"Whenyouhearanybodycomingupthestairs,youcanleaveoff。\"
\"Howcanshehearanythingwhenshe——\"AbrightideaoccurredtoPeter。\"Don’tyouthink,Clodd,asapracticalman,\"suggestedPeterinsinuatingly,adoptingtheSocraticmethod,\"thatifwegotheroneofthosedummypianos——youknowwhatImean;it’sjustlikeanordinarypiano,onlyyoudon’thearit?\"
Cloddshookhishead。\"Nogoodatall。Can’ttelltheeffectsheisproducing。\"
\"Quiteso。Then,ontheotherhand,Clodd,don’tyouthinkthathearingtheeffecttheyareproducingmaysometimesdiscouragethebeginner?\"
Clodd’sopinionwasthatsuchdiscouragementwasathingtobebattledwith。
Tommy,whohadseatedherself,commencedascaleincontrarymotion。
\"Well,I’mgoingacrosstotheprinter’snow,\"explainedClodd,takinguphishat。\"GotanappointmentwithyoungGrindleyatthree。Yousticktoit。Asparehalf—hournowandthenthatyounevermissdoeswonders。You’vegotitinyou。\"WiththeseencouragingremarkstoTommy,Clodddisappeared。